Oh it’s not for sure but what does that do for
you? Me? I live in the neighborhood and it does absolutely
nothing. Zero. Zip. No-thang. San Diego county is basically one
giant wave pool. Not the barreling type. But, you know, there’s
almost always waves somewhere.
The tank is included in one of five proposals for a re-imagined
downtown San Diego and let’s read the bit from KS Wave Co.’s
general manager!
Kelly Slater Wave Company is very pleased to exclusively be
part of the McWhinney + DJM team’s vision for the redevelopment of
the Seaport Village site in San Diego. As surfers, we are aware of
San Diego and its long rich history with the sport of
surfing.
Kelly Slater Wave Company is an innovative wave technology
company, the first company to develop a formula that combines
cutting edge science, engineering and design. KSWC has created the
longest, open-barrel wave that mimics the sought after surfing
experiences found in nature. These high-performance training
centers can host top athletes, where they can perfect their talent
on the best man-made wave. KSWC also partners with developers to
create a unique experience for amateur surfers, adventure
enthusiasts and families to discover the joy of board sports in a
recreational destination that embodies an active outdoor lifestyle
that emphasizes exercise and play.
We look forward to participating in a project that engages
the community and creates an environment where people can interact
and better understand waves and the ocean.
Sincerely,
Noah Grimmet
General Manager
Yawn etc. but you know what this news does? Proves my point is
what. If you’ve been around me at any point over the last few
months you’ll know my line is that the WSL World Tour is a loss
leader to sell these pools to municipalities using taxpayer
dollars. I bet Mr. Noah Grimmet has crafted hundreds of these
letters for every town with a redevelopment project in the works
from Saint Louis to Port Lucie. He points to the tour and says,
“See? Surfing. Want surfing to come to Des Moines? Tourism.
(ShhhhhhhhhhhhhhCocaine).”
Genius? Yes. Both Kelly Slater and me. Are.
Will you surf it, though, or will you stick with Windansea?
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Movie: Mason Ho’s Dry Reef Hula!
By Rory Parker
Episode 5, License to Chill… Rock Lobsters!
More Mason! Yes! More shallow hell to the right
of Rockpiles.
Wonder if it’ll get crowded next Winter? Shouldn’t. Too gnarly.
Probably will. Kids are gonna show up, living the NS dream on
Daddy’s dime.
I’m sure the lifeguards are gonna enjoy scraping wannabe Rick
Kanes off the reef. Patch up some boo-boos.
I have a buddy who played drums for Guttermouth. Lived the punk
rock dream. Toured the world, made a little money.
Great guy, love him to death. Sold out out hard though. Does SEO
stuff these days. Makes a killer living helping to ruin the
internet.
I’m spending my day learning about the 24 hours of Le Mans. Some
crazy car race where dudes drive 200 mph for an entire day. Batshit
stuff.
A website is paying me to write about it. They like my rambling
nonsense contest coverage. Want me to do something similar about
cars. I told ’em, “I don’t know shit about cars, much less
racing.”
They said, “That’s fine. Here’s some money.”
I said, “Right on. Are you sure you want stories about my wife
sucking me off? Because that’s what you’re gonna get.”
They said, “That’s probably a bit much.”
Fine by me. I’ll just write about butt stuff instead.
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Dear WSL…….Fuck off! I hate you!
By Chas Smith
Wait, wait! I didn’t mean it…I’m soooo sorry. Just
come home.
Hey babee…
its been a long time, huh. Yah ive been fine. Juss doin
m’thang.
What?
Hav I bin drinking?
Psssht. No.
Jus havin one thats all.
It’s alwyas lik that with you now that your WSL tho. Your so
judgy! Back when you were ASSP you were cool. You partied. Now your
all like, “Your drunk! Blab blah blah. And mean!”
Well, you now what? FUCK YOU! I never loved you anywyas an
agreed with bobby martinez when he called u a tennis tour!
Baby, oh bayby! I didn’t mean that! Are you still ther? I swear
I dint mean any of that. I just miss you thats all.
I misss you so much. I remember when I used to log on and there
you were havin a contest an I’d watch and be so entertainment. Jus
lovin those waves. Listining to Joe Purple talk about off the tops
and closing my eyes when Pots starts droning
about…about…whatthehell does he even say? But it don matter. I miss
him. I miss you. I miss us.
R u ever gonna cum back from Fiji?
Did you meet someone there or something? Someoen else? WELL FUCK
YOU! YOUR FAT LIKE BELLS AND MARGART RIVER COMBINED!
Wait! Sweety! Sweety that wasnt me talking. That was just my
jealousy becuz I love you so so so much.
And miss you.
I miss Ron Burgandy and the way he talks Australin. He’s so
handsome. HE’S SO FUCKING HANDSOME! And Ross…Ross….Ross….whas his
last name? Ross Geller? Ross….? Perot? Wahtever. HE knows his shit
and his voice is so tender…I can picture him talking to me late at
night. Telling me storiesa bout when he n Kelly Slater used to
slumber party and…
What?
Am I havin another rdrink?
Pssssssssssht. No.
Ive only had six.
Vodkas
But why do you care? You don’t fucken care. You don’t even call
anymore. Your just there in Fiji having fun and playing with pool
toys and getting a mohawk and forgetting about all the peope who
really love you. So you know what? You know what?
FUCK YOU! JUST STAY THERE FOREVER! JUST STAY THERE WITH YOUR
MOHAWK BECAUSE I”VE MET SOMEONE ELSE AND HER NAME IS RED
BULL!
Oh honey! Wait wait wait wait wait. Honey! I didn’t mean it. I
dint even DO anything with Red Bull. I just logged on a couple days
ago just to see if you were there and you werent but she was in
Australia on this big slab and…and…and….It meant nothing. Ok. It
was jus becuz I’m loney
and miss you.
Come home. Well work it out.
I promise.
Paul Speaker + Chas Smith 4 eva.
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Nostalgia: The Mighty Surf Club!
By Chas Smith
Are you part of one? Do you wish you were?
You have surf clubs in Australia, do you not?
Lifesaving clubs? Are those the same thing? In the United States we
have neither (I think). We have ourselves alone and maybe our
friends. Maybe but probably not.
Surfing is a solitary experience here, or it is for me. I
rarely/never surf with others. If I happen to run into someone in
the water it is a pleasant surprise and I think to myself, “I
should surf with X more often…” But I never do. I never call and
set up surf dates.
And so it is with great jealousy that I look at this extended
surf date footage that historian Matt Warshaw of the
Encyclopedia of Surfing cobbled together of
the Windansea Surf Club circa 1960something. How much fun does it
look like they’re having in those red jackets? It looks like they
are having the monster time of their young lives!
They surf, travel, waterski, tire roll, laugh and drink all
together! It looks very enjoyable and stylish too but maybe that is
only the gauze of nostalgia. It looks fun enough, in any case, to
make me want to be part of a surf club. I would embroider my
nickname on a red jacket. I would be a joiner for once in my life
as opposed to a cranky naysayer!
But you have them in Australia, no? Or Lifesaving clubs? Can you
tell me, before I start searching for belonging, if they are super
lame?
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Deaf Jew Charges Monster Fiji!
By Derek Rielly
Ido Dar-el is the most precious thing alive!
Last year I wrote about a deaf Jewish big-wave
stud called Ido Dar-el.
Oh this infinitely precious
object could squeeze every last ounce of sympathy out
of you: his ancestors were shovelled into ovens by the German war
machine (and enthusiastic French, Ukrainians and Poles), his
little country has been besieged by genocidal foes since its
birth, and both of Ido’s ear-drums were wiped out by a virus when
he was a baby.
But does Ido weep? No! He charges!
And that May swell at Cloudbreak that nearly stole Aaron Gold?
Ido was there!
And not just having a punter’s swing but lacing tubes. Ido
didn’t exactly plan on landing in Fiji right when the cauldron was
bubbling but when you compile your quiver (6’3″, 6’8″, 7’6″) a year
before and buy your plane ticket six months in advance (it
ain’t cheap flying from Israel) you ride what you get.
Let’s talk (via email for obvious reasons), big, then
bigger.
First,
“We scored the perfect swell with Reef McIntosh, Balaram Stack
and Ryan Burch. There were so many sudden-death outside sets
that would mow anyone off guard, snapping leashes and boards. Jon
Roseman got the best, biggest, deepest bowl from first section
standing tall all the way to the channel with his classic red
board and leash on front leg. No one photographed it but it is
embedded on my brain cells.”
Then, says Ido, “the forecast map began to turn … and my
eyes began to bulge.”
Ido begged an old pal for a nine-six, who refused, and ended up
with a couple of eight-foot plus boards he found under a house on
the Fijian mainland where he was staying.
That night Ido was struck by the realisation that he was going
to “surf this fucking outer ledge. I took a deep breath to clear my
mind and went to the village church. I didn’t care being
Jewish. A holy place is a holy place. It was also the birthday
night of my deceased brother so I asked him for a safe
session. At midnight I went back to my bure, took off my
hearing aids and switched off my mind and body.”
Ido describes the view at Cloudbreak on the big Monday.
“In the morning, when I loaded the boards in the boat, I was
told that a Hawaiian surfer from Maui had drowned and was getting
his chest pumped on the Tavarua boat. A Maui guy? Peahi expert? How
big is it? On the way to Cloudbreak you could see foam
explosions above the judges tower but not the
waves, justifying the name. The whole sea was moving even
in the protected lagoon. The moment we arrived to the line up
I could see Coconut Willy hell-drop into a wave so big it looked
like a cliff suicide jump. Willy disappeared in the foam blast
behind him. He came to the boat with a torn MCL. Was I afraid after
Aaron’s drowning and Willy’s ruined knee? Well, my brain lit up,
analysing every detail.”
“Mark Healey got some absolutely insane bombs and and Damien
too. Both risked going inside the sweet spot where the growers
were. The whole reef to the judge’s tower was covered in a thick
layer of gurgling foam that wouldn’t let you out till the other
side. It didn’t feel right or clean enough to even paddle but
after few hours the line-up cleared a bit and there were less
surfers.”
The whole channel, says Ido, was “a rodeo competition. No boat
could anchor or stay put in one place. The water moved so
violently. The lineup was wonky with huge foamy outside sets with
in-between, barfing, gigantic bowls. People see perfect waves
on video but being there it was like reverse super-maxed out
Sunset. The outer ledge was evil, more lip than wave and bowling so
fast on the reef that guys with big boards barely paddled em. The
mid-section was so fat and heavy you needed a little spot to catch
just before it bowled. Many sections were chandeliering in the
middle or end section before draining all the water to shishkebabs.
It meant getting a tube was a real life-and-death gamble because
you never knew if you were going to exit cleanly.”
Ido watched and studied the movements of Koa Rothman, the
McNamara brothers, Alex Gray, Mark Healey, Jamie Sterling and
Damien Hobgood.
“Mark Healey got some absolutely insane bombs and and Damien
too. Both risked going inside the sweet spot where the growers
were. The whole reef to the judge’s tower was covered in a thick
layer of gurgling foam that wouldn’t let you out till the other
side. It didn’t feel right or clean enough to even paddle but
after few hours the line-up cleared a bit and there were less
surfers.”
And, so, with his dirty eight-two that he’d recovered from under
a house, and a vest, Ido jumped off the boat.
“I took 30 minutes in the boat seeing my whole surfing life
30 years ago as a kid in little stormy waves at Israel promising
myself to get real ones someday. Then I looked at Cloudbreak, said
‘I love you, please don’t kill me.’
“I drifted, sitting on my board, closer to Alex Gray and
between sets I told him I’d lost a brother too and it’s his
birthday so it was really special for me to sit with him (Alex
lost a brother too). Alex looked at me, trying to understand, then
smiled and told me that it was his brother’s
birthday. I got teary eyes and I was laughing at the same
time. Crazy! Our brothers gave us a big gift to love
and live life fully. We shaked hands and hugged a bit. Then I
left him alone to concentrate on the waves. I tried position
up there at the middle section but… man… seeing those mega
outerledges was hypmotic. Both me and Alex were shouting
and saluting those easily 20-feet plus spitting faces with
others.”
Were the big-wave stars kind to our precious Deaf Jewish
Big-Wave Stud?
“On big Monday all of them were dead on serious mode.
It was incredible an experience for me to actually sit
shoulder to shoulder and read their lips trying to follow Mark
Healy and Greg Long recall Aaron Gold’s CPR. Damien Hobgood
was like a kid, double hand-stalls to stay deeper. Mark Healey
impressed me with his bullet speed runs all the way to the
channel.”
Best moment?
“A funny moment hit me when the one-legged Brazilian
charger, one-handed Bethany Hamilton and m, the deaf Israeli
guy,
were sharing the same line up. I laughed and asked Dane
Gudang, ‘Goddamn, is it International Handicapped Surfers
Day?'”
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Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by
@theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros