Who is Richie Collins? Let's ask the custodian of surf history, Matt Warshaw: "Emotional and eccentric regularfoot pro surfer from Newport Beach, California; world-ranked #8 in 1989 and 1990; as famous in the surf world for his oversize, trash-talking personality as for his inventive high-speed floater maneuvers."

Surf star’s sexual violence threat!

And you thought being a judge at a women's QS event would be…safe?

Richie Collins is a complicated individual. Devoted Christian, hateful bigot, Trump supporter, anti-immigrant, loving father who doesn’t hesitate to get violent.

Lifelong resident of Orange County, the Arizona of California.

His daughter, Meah, is an up-and-coming ripper. Sixteen years old, one of OCWeekly’s People of the Year. Solid big-wave game, good contest ability. Enough skill to compete with the lower ranked women on the ‘CT.

Still not at that Carissa/ Defay/ Wright/ Etc. level. But very good. Very young, plenty of time to tighten her game.

Meah’s down in Cabo competing. In the Junior event as well as the Pro. Doing well. Semis, so far, in the juniors. Knocked out in round five against the pros. Edged out by Malia Manuel, lost by .3. Solid result for a teenager.

Close heat, but I didn’t see it. Slow event, small surf. Running in the background at the moment and the commentators are playing rock/paper/scissors to decide where they’re going drinking tonight. Background noises sound suspiciously like cracking beers.

No heat analyzer for the non-CT comps, can’t watch Meah lose. Don’t know how close it really was.

But Papa Bear ain’t having it. His little girl got burned. He’s an unhappy daddy. Makes sense. Tensions run high in youth sports.

Just learned that you can see the edit history of Facebook posts. Excited at first, couldn’t wait to see how he’d toned down the comment. Lo and behold, Richie ramped it up.

richie collins facebook
…Richie gives his FB post a little tweak, a little extra colour…

A homophobic Christian threatening sexual violence may seem odd at first glance. But it’s not a gay thing, really. It’s about power. About establishing dominance.

And maybe it’ll help Meah in the future. When it’s too close to call, when the judges are agonizing over who deserves the win, they’ll hesitate for a second.

“Oh man, we’d better let Meah through.”

“Why? It’s super close.”

“If she doesn’t make the heat her dad’s gonna jam his cock down our throats. He’s willing to go to prison for it.”

“Really? That’s fucking crazy.”

“I know. But, jeez, I tried that shit back in college. It really ain’t for me.”

SurfStitch shares
A real nice spike in December, 2015, followed by the cliff of 2016… 

SurfStitch: “Don’t shred the heavies!”

Surf retailer seen as "cautionary tale!"

Online retailer SurfStitch has become a business cautionary tale, having lost over 500 million dollars in a matter of months. Businessmen and business experts are sifting through the wreckage of a once sprawling empire trying to piece together exactly what happened.

And what did happen?

CelebrityNetWorth.com, the website future billionaires read everyday, tell us, maybe, in today’s piece “How surfing retailer SurfStitch lost $500 in just months.” Let’s read!

SurfStitch, an online market for surfers, action sports enthusiasts, and people who just want to look the part, is wiping out BIG time. The e-commerce company that was once “ripping it” on the stock market, has become a cautionary tale, by losing over $500 million in value, since November of last year.

When Australian surfer Lex Pedersen and investment banker Justin Cameron launched SurfStitch in 2008, they hoped to become the online hub for surfer products and culture. According to thecompany’s website, local shops lacked in range, style, and size of surfing equipment and clothes and there were only a handful of pure-play online retailers. SurfStitch aimed to become the pure-play online retailer of the surfing world.

The company grew quickly, expanding from Australia to Europe in 2011 and to North America in 2014. At the time of its IPO on the Australian Stock Exchange in 2014, the company was valued at $186 million.

In 2015, SurfStitch began amassing a series of businesses, retailers, and surfing content. It raised $37.5 million in new capital to buy Stab, a leading online surf content platform, and Magicseaweeed, a user-generated surf forecasting network, for $21 million. In November, it paid $15 million for a video production company and raised another $50 million to buy Surf Hardware International, a leading surfboard and accessories manufacturer.

In November 2015, SurfStitch was valued at around $580 million.

The quick growth and diversification of Surfstitch was a surprise to many shareholders, and that surprise quickly turned to concern. In early 2016, the online retailer backed away from its full-year earnings guidance, saying it wanted to invest in content to drive more expansion. In response to the risky move, the company’s shares dropped by almost 40 percent in February 2016.


Then, in early March, Cameron suddenly announced he was abandoning his position with the company and was considering a potential acquisition of the company, backed by private investors. The company’s shares shot up about 18 percent to $1.40, prompting investors to declare the private equity would need to pay $2 a share. But Cameron and his would-be investors seemingly vanished.


Although shares of SurfStitch stayed steady between $1.30 and $1.40 for a few months, the ride now seems to be over. In May, the company announced its profit for the 2016 financial year would plunge by about 60 percent, to about $2 million to $3 million. Shares responded, dropping by 61 percent. In June, shares took another hit, after SurfStitch’s new chief executive, Mike Sonand, announced another $18 million loss.


“The business has just tried to do too much,” Sonand said on Thursday. “Fundamentally it’s a great business, it just hasn’t been executed well and under my leadership it will do a lot better.”


While shareholders have expressed agreement with Sonand’s assessment, the company’s value continues to depreciate. Shares fell by 30 percent in June, plunging from $0.40 to $0.26. Last Thursday morning, SurfStitch’s value had dropped as low as $74 million – an over $500 million drop, since last November.

Although it’s always possible Sonand will help the online retailer get back on its board and paddle out, the last few months have left it pretty bruised and banged up. Right now, the company seems to be another chapter in the book of cautionary tales, that includes one-time tech giant Yahoo and revolutionary blood-testing company Theranos. They’ve taught us it rarely pays to shred the heavies.

But, wait, what on earth does “shredding the heavies” mean in business terms? I am so lost!

WSL CT seen here in happier times.
WSL CT seen here in happier times.

Missing: World Surf League Tour!

Worry begins to set in as loved ones pray for any clue.

A missing persons report has been filed for Santa Monica resident World Surf League Championship Tour, who disappeared sometime this month while traveling in Fiji.

Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Office Sgt. Graham Harris said police are looking for WSL CT’s 1997 Subaru Outback, which bears the bumper sticker “It’s only kinky the first time!” and a “Keep Country Country” license plate holder at John Wayne International Airport.

WSL CT, 50, has darkish hair and should have most of his belongings in his car. He has been a resident of Santa Monica for six years.

“We don’t have a good location to find him, but it sounds like he is depressed,” Harris said.

WSL CT’s daughter, Kelly Slater Wave Company, reported him missing after WSL CT took off after an argument. Wave Company said her father’s phone has been off for the entire month, and he could be suffering from emotional instability.

“I have no idea what he would do,” Wave Company said.

Harris said WSL CT has been entered into a national database of missing persons. Police will be on the lookout for his car or any tips that would help in locating him.

“As of today, there’s no new information,” he said.

Faherty Brand

Parker: “Elastic waists are back?”

Come see the artisanal surf brand you've been waiting your whole life for!

“I can tell you’re lame by the way you wear your shorts.”

Common observation in our little slice of tourist trap. People fly out for their taste of paradise, pop on the beach rig. Shorts, sandals, t-shirt. Somehow looks so wrong. Don’t know how you wear a pair of board shorts wrong, but people pull it off. Every bit of them screams, “awkward.” Their outfit says vacation, but their posture shouts pleated khakis.

Derek sent me some links to this Faherty brand. Terrible name for a clothing company. Not exactly sure how to pronounce it, but my natural inclination runs to farty. “Hella sweet Farty trunks, bro-ham!”

Faherty Brand Video from Faherty Brand on Vimeo.

To be fair, it seems a little odd that Derek would want me to address these guys. Their shorts are pretty damn similar to the fat shaming bulge flaunters he and Chas love so much. Size 30 and 31 only. Fuck that noise. God damn waifish little bastards.

BeachGrit brand boardies: as lame as fashion, at half the price.

Are elastic waistbands coming back? It was a big deal for me, the first time I got a pair of legit board shorts. Like getting your first set of long pants. I was a big boy. Almost a man! Just like all the cool older guys wore. Goodbye to the mesh net that’d reduce my hairless little balls to screaming nuggets of rash after a long day playing in the water.

Farty is sustainable and artisanal. All that stuff. Narrow cut shoulders in all their shirts. So I can’t wear them. Google says the average American male’s shoulder width is 18 1/4”. I just measured mine, come in at a grand 27”. From paddling and swimming, I assume. Getting broader as I creep ever closer to fitness.

So frustrating. My brother got married a while back, wanted me to wear some Ralph Lauren suit. Silver. $1200. Fucking madness.

Saved from the bill by my delicious body. Condescending little motherfucker behind the counter took one look at me, lisped out, “We don’t really cater to your body type.”

Well fuck you, I’m gonna try it on anyway. Largest size they had couldn’t fit over my calves. Wouldn’t let me try on the jacket because they thought I’d split the seams. I probably would’ve.

Ended up paying some Mexican lady in LA eighty five bucks to sew me a similar rig. Not a bad fit. Great price for something I wore once then threw away. I still owe my brother that $85. He’ll never see it.

Had to borrow a pair of leather sole dress shoes for the shindig. One of the dorks in the wedding party thought that was hilarious. “How do you not own any nice shoes? I’ve got, like, twenty pairs!”

He said it as though I were the lame one. Yeah, bro, sweet shiny shoes you can’t run in. Sister-in-law’s friends took issue with the fact I kicked the damn things off the moment the ceremony ended. Said it was disrespectful. Bullshit. I was very respectful. Never once pointed out the bride’s sparkling white dress was an odd choice with her son in attendance. I saved that observation for the reception.

Beach Boy: “Surfing is hell!”

Is playing good music and playing good surfing possible?

The Beach Boys are, of course, the most famous “surf band” of all time. Surfin’ USA, Surfin’ Safari, Surfer Girl etc. titillated 1960s audiences with images of a libertine mis en scene being staged on warm California sands.

Students of history will know that the Beach Boys didn’t actually surf. Brian Wilson, the genius behind the group, recently told the New York Post in an interview that, “I tried surfing once, and the board nearly hit me in the head. That was it for me.”

As good a reason as any to instantly give up and turn to acid.

Do you remember when Andy Irons posed with Metallica for his boardshort? I think one or two of them surfed, right? And look at the size of that shaka!


The Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Anthony Kiedis and Flea both surf but both look very bad doing it.


Jack Johnson surfs very well but plays very bad music. as_surf_jack_630

Which makes me wonder. Is there anyone who surfs passably and makes OK music or are the two pursuits mutually exclusive?