The two countries stand at the brink of war!
Remember last year when the Brazilian Super Mario Brother Adriano de Souza and the Australian Mutant Ninja Turtle Mick Fanning were locked in deadly battle for first place in the surf world? Oh how ADS furiously hopped up and down on his board! Oh how Mick zoomed down the line slightly hunched as if wearing a shell!
It was very exciting and sent both Australians and Brazilians toward message boards, cursing each other’s countries and instincts.
Well, it seems as if the bad blood has continued and reached the Olympic Games.
The Australian contingent tried to move in to their rooms in Rio de Janeiro’s athlete village yesterday but were met with shoddy electrical wiring and plumbing blockages.
“We felt that our building was not safe, because of a combination of plumbing and electrical issues,” the Australian Chef de Mission Kitty Chiller told journalists. “I have never experienced, this is my fifth Olympic games, a village in this state or lack of state of readiness in that point and time.”
Rio’s Mayor, Eduardo Paes thought it was very funny and figured the problem was not with bad construction but that there was no kangaroo. “We want them to feel at home here…” he said “…I almost feel like putting a kangaroo to jump up and down in front of their building.”
Australian committee spokesman Mike Tancred did not think a kangaroo was going to fix things and told a Brazilian newspaper, “We do not need kangaroos, we need plumbers to account for the many puddles found in the apartments.”
Negatron? Is this accurate? Do kangaroos not make very good plumbers? Do they do good drywall or something else?
And speaking of our dear Negs, a New Zealand jiu-jitsu roller was kidnapped yesterday in Rio and driven to two cash machines where he had to withdraw all of his money. He said, “I’m not sure what’s more depressing, the fact this stuff is happening to foreigners so close to the Olympic Games or the fact that Brazilians have to live in a society that enables this … on a daily basis.”
Nothing like a multi-pronged international blood feud right before Game time!
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You guys should write an article about the stab article on Wiggoly – it’s that amazing!
They share the same name but he’s not “that” Caveria… Impressive detective work to get a photo and name but Im going to have to remove it… Even though no one gives a shit, Im sure you didnt ask permission to make his details public.
What? I have a permission slip and everything!
He made the exact same comment on a BG article and a FB post and then deleted his initial comments when I called him on it. Not exactly the Brazzo D.B. Cooper. Hopefully just the fact that we know who he really is will keep the faeces-eating to a minimum.
That said, I’m accepting new clients for my stoner detective agency! Reach out if you need any basic googling done!
He’s just to well behaved to be the real Cavy… I’ve given the real Cavy multiple chances to stay on here but within minutes he turns next level retard.
Hehe; like whack-o-mole. Maybe Rory could do a pod cast with the real Cavy?
NEgatron, Caveira means skull in portuguese, that guy is a total retarded, my nick name means that Caveira is(é) a faggot (baitola).
foda-se…
Caveira, sua bicha, vc voltou, tem dado muito esse cu frouxo pra gringo?
youre right, caveira would never say he was carioca… #freecaveira
@disqus_RDGJOLl7rr:disqus good question!!! The Mayor is homosexual, he is supporting his boyfriend as his successor, the election will be after the Olympics and it’s terrible for anyone, regardless of social class, living a lie, in his case, marriage and children …
If you can’t rock and roll don’t fucking come… I think I heard some shit like that from an Oz surf brand
Cold pussy sucks.
But where do you get the good coke in Rio?
any corner of any hill…
You go way for a week and miss so much!!!
Monkeys make good plumbers and apparently good builders – because that accommodation was built by monkeys!!
As long as they give the apartments to all the favela dwellers who had their homes bulldozed then that’s ok – otherwise FUCK RIO
In other news, I can’t believe I missed this.
http://www.theinertia.com/h…
I, too, know of no surfer who has ever said “I don’t need to do yoga.”
Getting express kidnapped in Brazil is just their way of welcoming foreigners. Just set aside 2 bills in your budget before you go and think of it as an entry tax.
It’s a good thing Australians only have like two athletes in the Winter Olympics, you should of seen some of that Sochi, Russia work. Real shoddy stuff, two toilets in one stall?
Kinky
I love Scott Hulet and the Journal more than I can even say….
I can confirm 4 things.
Kangaroo’s do not make good plumbers.
Australian athletes are worshipped prima donna’s.
Chas should leave the tradesmen banter to the tradesmen.
Kidnapping a “professional” New Zealand athlete for financial gain was a very very poor choice.
Can you believe I worked a summer as a constructioneer once?
No?
A month ago I would have penned some lame comeback like “Is an Constructioneer the guy who works the ticket booth at the Mickey Mouse roller coaster at Disneyland”
But since the wild boar hunting and MMA sparring Chas has reared his head, I have every belief you have worked in construction also.
On a side note that Kiwi was kidnapped by Military Police! Poor Rio…
Fuck Australians like to whine. I’ve had some fucking cunt bag lawyer telling me his client won’t settle on the purchase of an apartment because the wardrobe is 9mm off. Do these fuckers realise they used to live in caves and live life bleeding all over their legs before tampons were invented? I don’t give a fuck if our athletes are electrocuted in the shower. I also don’t know why the government pays for these losers to travel internationally to throw sticks and jump over things. No one pays them the rest of the year because their sports are shit as. Get a real job like me you cunts.
Fuck you can rant.
Him chas and me get the same pow. Makes it easy.
I’m one step away from being the homeless hippie that actually has skills. I made a guy a set of twin fins from scrap marine ply and the asshole said ” your pretty good you ever sell these?” Now I have a pile of fins nobody wants. My dumb ass bought 2 sheets of 200$ wood. Back to scraping yaughts in toxic water. Fuck!
‘Olympians perform acts of no benefit to anybody more capably than anyone else’
Brilliantly apt.
i can only confirm 3 things.
no hanky on the head, no good plumbing.
no good Olympians since peaches – mango – peaches
smoko is everyday, not all day
yes, Australian committee spokesman Mike Tancred is damn right, Rio de Janeiro mayor is a clown and a fag
Well that IS heartening news!
i’m brazilian, I live in Rio and Eduardo Paes, our actual mayor, made our lives a nightmare and loves to make jokes in a situation like that, when no reasonable person would make a joke. The ozzie gave the perfect answer
as both a part time party clown and a raging homosexual i take offense to your comment but agree with your sentiment. good on ya boy, burn those corrupt bastards to the ground.
I’m going to sit safely on the sidelines of this feud, incendiary materials in hand, and add fuel to the flames as the opportunities present themselves.
BG needs to send chas to rio. It will have nothing to do with surfing but who cares, this shit is way more entertaining than 8,000 words on the length of JJ’s shaft
There is much to recommend this. Chas’s incisive eyewitness reporting could not fail to be both informative and amusing.
Brazil is going to be mind-bogglingly amazing. I would almost pay to go. But was also too overworked to try and get someone to pay me.
yes, this is the article Beach Grit was destined to write. We’re counting on you, Chas! We love Rory, but he’s too soft for this assignment!