Porn use spikes in Cleveland as surf stays flat for third straight day!
Unfortunately, today at the Republican National Convention in Cleveland, Ohio, the surf remained flat for the third straight day, with nary a trace of swell and scattered rain showers plaguing the metro beaches.
According to official Convention forecaster, Surfline.com, predicted windswell never materialized, leaving Convention-goers to their own devices.
World Surf League CEO Paul Speaker, an intimate acquaintance of Quicken Loans Arena owner Dan Gilbert and closet Cleveland Browns fan, is rumored to be in attendance. At least one anonymous convention-goer reports that Speaker was spotted walking Lorain Avenue between W. 45 St. and W. 85 St. searching for a “surfboard rental.”
(BeachGrit’s lawyer: this is satire, goddamn it. There is no suggestion Speaker was in fact “searching for a ‘surfboard rental.'”)
The surf along the pristine beaches of Indiana, home to vice presidential nominee Mike Pence, was similarly flat today.
Forecasts for the final day of the waiting period, Thursday, July 21, look dapper, with hopes for rising windswell peaking at 0-1 feet in Cleveland on Friday the 22nd.
Given the lack of surf around this monumental event, the Ohio Division of Natural Resources, responsible for regulating fishing and hunting in the Buckeye State, would like to remind conference attendees that:
“The daily bag limit for walleye in Ohio waters of Lake Erie is 6 fish per angler. The minimum size limit for walleye is 15 inches.”
Head Republican National Convention Surf Forecaster,
Mariano Landa
ah but did you see Dirk Ziff there , who was having a billionaires conference with Ol Trumpy , to wait for it……discuss the possibility of having a moat on the USA side of the trump Wall , yes and wait …..so there could be a WSL right hander from Florida to San diego , and ….there would be Trump Towers Resorts every 10 miles , which would then pay for the wall , and potentially after the Mexican wall is a success , well build a wall between Canada and the USA and there ya cold water left!
this would help with employment and increase made in the USA all the way!
Insert obligatory “still better than Rio.”
good one…. didnt Dante squeeze Ohio somewhere between Flatterers and falsifiers around the 8th and 9th circles????? or was that limbo/purgatory?????
Depends on what you’d call Indiana and West Virginia.
haha,,,,,
ps. where does that leave Florida????? can you go lower than the Inferno????? i bet if Dante ever visited there he would have created another level after he met the locals,,,,,,,
Cabeza de Vaca actually called it “un infierno,” repeatedly.
Cleveland needs a tsunami. Followed by tornado.
But the beaches, world class! Practically Rio or South Beach!
I think they had a natural disaster. It was called “overseas manufacturing.”
Cleveland, home of the Dead Boys.
I got my devil machine, I got my electric dream…
And Rocket From The Tombs! DEVO is unfortunately from Akron.