Skate parks are a fun substitute, but they ain't
the same thing…
Dear Rory:
They recently built a free world-class skatepark near my
house, perfect five-foot-low, nine-foot-high kidney bowl with vert
extensions, a bunch of buttery quarters and corners in the six-foot
range, and all the basic street staples, everything executed with a
perfect pour that grips wheels and slides knee-pads magically.
There are never cops, they don’t enforce helmet rules, and it’s lit
into the wee hours. Other than the fact that it takes my old ass a
long time to warm up for morning sessions, I can’t find a single
downside to spending my AM playtime clicking airs at the skatepark
and I find myself surfing less and less in the adjacent beachfront
community where I spent my youth but can no longer afford to live.
I used to surf every day, but now my strongest connection to surf
is reading BeachGrit. What’s a beached surf rat to do?
Sincerely,
The Plaque on Andy Roy’s Missing Teeth
Dear Rory says: I know I’m getting old because
I don’t think helmets and pads are lame anymore. Now they seem like
a very reasonable precaution. I’m sure all the kids still think
they’re dorky, but I really couldn’t care less if some teen thinks
I’m cool.
I definitely don’t want to be the guy in his mid/late thirties
who all the kids think is awesome. That dude’s creepy. Like,
childless assistant AYSO coach creepy. Let the neighbor kids drink
beer in his garage creepy. Bring your bible to the skatepark
creepy.
A church near where I went to high school set up a shitty
skatepark in some derelict commercial space and let kids skate all
they wanted. They’d try to preach at you, suck you into their
faith.
As an adult it seems crazy. Setting up something to lure in
children, then indoctrinating them in your beliefs? How is that
allowed?
If I tried to do similar I think people would have a real
problem with it. And rightly so.
“Oh hello, come inside all you unattended minors! You can play
all you want, eat sweets until your bellies are fit to burst.”
Set up a sundae station, fire up the video games. Have a grand
old time. No adults allowed!
Then, when all the little ones are comfortable, their guards
down, I just slide in some of my own beliefs.
“Your parents have no idea what they’re doing and kind of wish
you were never born.”
“Drugs are great so long as you don’t take too many.”
“Spend your twenties fucking everything that moves.”
“Life is pointless. There’s no god, no afterlife.”
“Never cross a picket line.”
“You should suck at least one dick, just to see if you like
it.”
“If you earn below a living wage you have every right to rob
your employer blind.”
“You can’t get pregnant in the butt.”
After a while I’d single out the most easily manipulated, buy a
van, rent some office space. Put the kids in my van and drive
around the country recruiting more children!
It’s a good system. I can see why they do it.
What was the question again?
Skateparks are a fun substitute, but they ain’t the same thing.
Because they aren’t the ocean.
Which is really what makes surfing special. The fact that it
takes place in water and the ocean is just pure fun.
Swim, bob around like a potato, whatever. Being in the ocean is
always nice. Even when it’s cold.
There’s always so much going on. The way the currents move, the
different worlds on either side of the surface. You can play in it,
hunt in it. It can kill you. Never a dull moment.
But you’re an adult, so you don’t have to go every day. Just
become a weekend warrior. Check to reports, sleep in if it’s shit.
Miss swells, who cares? You’ve made the responsible decision by
moving inland. Surfing every day isn’t something responsible people
do.
Sure, it means you’ve kinda given up. Definitely lost a part of
your youth that you’ll never get back. But that’s what being an
adult is, isn’t it?
Caught in a jam? Stuck in a pickle? Send your life
questions to [email protected]. Due to volume
Rory cannot respond to every letter.