Can someone help me bring the fun back? The fire? Please?
I’ve got nothing, bro. Nothing, dude. Nothing. At. All. I’ve wandered this desert, this jujube we call “surf” for the better part of my life looking for a proper enemy. A soul with whom I can regularly cross swords like Mercutio and Tybalt, like Hirohito and General MacArthur and and nothing. NOTHING!
I’ve tried to draw WSL CEO Paul Speaker out but he refuses to be engaged. He is a computer wearing an asshat. An inhuman turd. A square-jawed, corn fed, non-surfing kook who doesn’t know the first thing about Mercutio. I mean barrels. CEO Paul Speaker? Are you reading? My offer still stands, I’ve decided. One interview and the abuse stops. But now it has to be on camera and an episode of our wonderful Like Bitchin! series (subscribe today!)
Mick Fanning was funny for a second and almost became perfect when he went and cried to the real press about being offended because he called me names. Let’s remember!
Prior to the exchange with the reporter, I had refused to speak with him because I understood he worked for Stab magazine and that it had previously published articles which I believed were racist and anti-Semitic. I strongly object to views, statements and comments of that nature. I acknowledge that my decision to use words that were inappropriate – albeit in an attempt to be ironic, knowing they were of the type favoured by the magazine – was misjudged and wrong.
And ha! The worst press release in history (pre-Trump)! And the start of a real, beautiful rivalry. And then he went off and got brushed by a shark and became a global hero and adored icon even winning my undying admiration.
The Inertia continues to double down on milquetoast. Is there anything more mouth-spewingly bland than Zach Weisberg’s blend of chia seed, yoga, ill-begotten humor and listicle? Bland and not up for any sort of fight, obvs.
Stab is a shell, Vissla succeeded and wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought, Brazil excites in its over-excitement and Matt Warshaw is a dear friend.
NOTHING!
Where? Tell me, where can I find somebody to love? I mean hate?
Anywhere?
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Seek & Ye shall find..
Let’s not complicate things Mattysez. I’m not here under a pseudonym. Not like that DrunkenAngel minx. Or Trogan Fan. What the hell is that?
Pseudonyms aren’t my style, either.
Right on, Karl!
what bout that twit always whistling at the surf events – old man Toledo, he seems like a mega fuckwit.
Ha! Even I don’t care who I am.
Are you talking to me? I don’t see anyone else here.
Medina kinda sucks. Always claming, rode that weird ass Samsung board, and is a complete snake. Not to hard to hate him.
You’re not really trying. You could draw Kelly out in a heartbeat. And don’t forget Zeldo – he’s super easy to get on.
Ooh that would be good! Kelly is also lacking a real nemesis these days.
Depends on what is touchable or untouchable in the game of “Surf Journo”?
His greatest nemesis is Himselves…
Fuck off ya sleeve-tatt meta-surfing fucken fashionista cunt.
Nah my heart’s not in it.
It’s hard, right?
Almost impossible! I guess I have to reserve my bile for people I really dislike.
Smithy took it as a compliment.
I don’t think Paul Speaker understands there is any sort of surf “media.” He just can’t find the replays on ESPN. So, therein lies your problem – he doesn’t realize you exist!
I’ve made two requests in the last week for media accreditation for the Billabong Tahiti Pro. No reply.
Can’t you just … sit in a boat? What does accreditation actually get you in a place like Teahupoo?
umm mostly just being able to talk for publication with anyone associated with the event.
Why on earth would you want to do that?
Just admit it Nick, accreditation gets you better coffee.
Accreditation may one day get me a chance to talk with (gasp) Dirk Ziff!
Chas has his Speaker, I have my Ziff.
Ziff is illuminati. Pretty sure.
cant you just just talk to the surfers at their houses afterwards?
Is it because of the minimum height requirements?