Asing dropped a classic quote during his interview with
Mel. "My body's little. Running up the sand and stuff, it's
hard."
Film: Death in the Afternoon!
By Chas Smith
The Keanu Asing story! An underdog adventure that
will leave you breathless! In theaters soon!
And is you heart still fluttering
over Keanu Asing’s World Championship Tour victory? How could
it not be! I think one of the greatest sporting stories of all
time. The little Hawaiian, plugging away, slashing here, bashing
there, down a champ, down a champ, everywhere a down champ!
Oh I love great sport’s sporting stories, especially the
underdog sort, and I love when Hollywood makes them into
emotionally powerful films.
Hoosiers, Rudy, A League of Their Own, Remember the Titans, Slap
Shot, The Bad News Bears, White Men Can’t Jump, Major League,
Million Dollar Baby…
I could go on all day and I CANNOT WAIT until Death in
the Afternoon: The Keanu Asing Quiksilver Pro France 2016
Story comes out.
Did you know the leading roles have already been cast?
Our hero Keanu Asing will be played by the one,
the only Hervé Villechaize obvs.
John John Florence by the emotionally diverse,
facially compacted, Evan Jones (seen here in Jarhead).
Gabriel “Gabi” Medina by the very theatrical
Billy Zane (in wig of course). Just think of the claims this
thespian will be able conjure! Just imagine how life-like the hot
tears rolling down his cheeks will seem!
Kelly Slater will play himself.
Keanu’s corner man, Fox marketing manager and world’s best
person Frankie D’Andrea will be played by Khal
Drogo.
Joe Turpel will be played by a bar of natural,
artisanal handmade soap.
And Martin Potter by the world famous Grumpy
Cat.
How long will you wait outside the theater to get your
tickets?
And, FYI, there is already early Oscar buzz for the natural,
artisanal handmade soap. A few critics who have seen some dailies
claim that the essence of Mr. Turpel is captured effortlessly.
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Warshaw: “Contest won by total
nobody!”
By Chas Smith
Is Keanu Asing the most obscure contest winner
ever? Matt Warshaw says, "No!"
Has the thrill worn off today’s Keanu Asing’s
World Championship Tour victory yet? It hasn’t for me. The just
under three-footer popped off John John Florence and Gabriel Medina
in back to back heats to take Quiksilver Pro trophy and hold it
high high above his head.
But it made me wonder. Is the Li’l Frangipani the most obscure
contest winner of all time? And you know what that means…
Surfing’s living treasure and I happened to be talking on the
phone when the question arose and right away he said:
“No. Ricardo Tatui won… I think it was the same contest in 1994.
I was not known as a real contest coverage guy but for some reason
I was at that one. There were these tiny little sand bar lefts. It
was a dumb little contest and won by a complete nobody.”
Jamie Brisick, maybe the best surf author ever, fills in the
detail:
There’s not a hell of a lot to tell. The waves were small and meek.
The tide was high so it was inconsistent. Booth surfed with power
and style. Tati surfed at the edge of himself — more flick and less
composed. Nothing to really sink your teeth into. Tati was
supercharged, Booth too mature for the conditions, and the trinity
of Australia, America, and Hawaii that’s been making all the noise
for all these years has to move it on over. The winner was
announced and the samba music played.
I ask Matt, “Was he Brazilian?”
And he responds, “Brazilian but with blonde hair.”
Later, after we hung up, he emailed the following bit:
Tatui beat Slater in Round Two, in decent head-high Grande
Plage surf. In finals against, Jeff Booth, surf was tiny
left-handers. Also worth noting: One week earlier, at
Rip Curl Pro Hossegor, event won by Flavio Padaratz. So when Tatui
won, it was the first time EVER that Brazil won two events in a
row. Also looks like poor Ricardo totally haired out at
Pipe.
Matt wrote in a 1995 Surfer magazine top 44 review:
The Quiksilver result probably saved Tatui’s professional
career. Had a shot at the Top 44 at the end of 1993, but haired out
of the Pipe Masters and fell to 45th. Ridiculed in Brazil.
Channel-sat in this year’s Masters as well, but already had the
magic win in France and a fresh start.
Does a Brazilian hairing out at Pipeline surprise you?
Do you think the Li’l Frangipani will enter our gilded history
as a strange footnote or do you think this is the start of a new
dynasty?
Also, did you like the lesbian kitsch Russian band Tatu?
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Frontside diz into reverse. A novel touch to an old
classic.
Watch Ep #4: John John in Twelve!
By Derek Rielly
The meditative nature of yachting! It's
beautiful!
Briefly, brave little Hawaiian Keanu Asing is
the toast of Hossegor and of world surfing. And let’s sing and do
little dances on the spot and praise Jesus and so forth because
there is nothing more edifying than watching a man defy the
longest odds in sporting history.
But, if we zoom out, we must concede that there is one surfer,
above all, who matters. And that is, of course, and obviously, John
John Florence. His seven-part web series Twelve, made by Bill
Ballard, and peerless I believe in its ability to strike a
narrative, continues its excellent form in episode four.
We sail with John John along the Hawaiian coast, cut to a
narration by John on the meditative nature of yachting, and of
surfing, of their essential, and
complimentary, simplicity.
“Surfing and sailing, it’s doesn’t seem like there’s any limits.
You’re trying to learn about a natural force that’s never the same.
It’s going to scare you at times and it’s going to be the most
beautiful things at times. But. The most exciting thing about the
ocean is you don’t know what’s coming. It’s all being an artist in
your own way and being creative in your own lines.”
Surfing? Yeah, it’s nuts, too.
Watch.
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Asing dropped a classic quote during his interview with
Mel. "My body's little. Running up the sand and stuff, it's hard."
| Photo: WSL
Quik Pro: Keanu Asing stomps
JJF-Medina!
By Rory Parker
In consecutive heats! Wins Quiksilver Pro
France!
Finals day of the Quik Pro! Carissa Moore won
the battle, but Tyler Wright won the war! Champion of the world!
Campeon del mundo! I don’t speak any other languages.
Good for her. I can’t properly express how much I love the lady
and the power she’s brought to the women’s tour. It’s always kind
of a bummer when the title doesn’t come down to Pipe, but the
ladies don’t compete at Pipe, so that was a stupid thing to
write.
Plenty of excitement on the men’s side too. Finals day saw fun
looking surf. A little disappointing, we’re all hoping for sandy
brown dredgers. But it was competition worthy. Shoulder-high to a
grown man, glassy, the type of surf that’d have you salivating at
your local. It’d be jammed packed to the gills crowded, and you’d
probably leave the water angry, but in those few blissful moments
before you paddled out you’d be on top of the world.
Keanu Asing has been on fire the entire event. Surfing smart,
surfing well. Doing what it takes to win these days. Doing it
flawlessly.
His semi-final heat against the tour leader was busy busy busy.
Twenty waves between the two surfers, split down the middle.
The conditions handed Asing a pretty hefty advantage. His
diminutive size meant that, while Florence was surfing slightly
weak shoulder high lefts, Keanu was going top to bottom on overhead
walls.
Asing grabbed the lead early, Double-J snatched it back with a
double tap to kick slide reverse. A paddle battle for priority
ensued. Florence won it, grabbed the first wave of the set, left
Asing out the back to pick up the better one.
Florence grabbed the lead, but he wasn’t surfing as well as he
could. Asing was surfing the best he ever has, within the confines
of a heat. I’ve never seen him freesurf.
I’m writing it off to the the size advantage Asing enjoyed, but
they looked like they were surfing on different days.
Keanu drove the first nail in JJF’s coffin at the midway point.
Grabbed one outside, put everything he could into each turn, hopped
across the flat section and smacked the oncoming lip pretty hard.
8.67. Backed it up immediately with an 8.1 on his next. Put John
John in a hole he couldn’t dig himself out of.
Florence didn’t lay down, gave it his best. Found an 8.4 with
roughly three and a half minutes left. Solid backhand smacks, a
cool little lip clicker backside ollie 180 halfway through. But the
judges aren’t really rewarding that level of kinda-aerial surfing
these days. Nor should they.
Florence needed an 8.38 as the heat wound down. Twenty seconds
left and a likely number rolled through, but Asing played smart,
used his priority, and surfed it to the beach. Extended his lead,
and grabbed the second best result of his career so far.
Sucks for John John, but still… third place is pretty solid. He
retained the tour lead going into Portugal. With only two events
left, and one of them being Pipe, you know Florence can taste the
trophy.
Up next was Kolohe/Medina. Another busy heat, another twenty
waves ridden.
Asing dropped a classic quote during his interview with Mel.
My body’s little. Running up the sand and stuff, it’s
hard.
The swell delivered a nice pulse early on, both surfers put it
to use. Kolohe with two solid turns and a fall on the end lip
climb/floater thing. Medina tore the bag out of the following for
an 6.33. Andino got the better score, a 7.33, which was confusing.
But totally inconsequential as Medina’s next wave put them both to
shame.
It was an impressive display of tactical confidence. Medina
dropped out mid paddle battle, spun around on a crumbly left, left
Kolohe to grab priority.
Two okay speed taps, the second off balance. It lined up, he
pumped hard and boosted a big lofty alley oop. Stomped it
perfectly. Then he did something I loved. He didn’t claim shit. He
kept surfing! Tossed three nice little maneuvers onto the end. Put
a stamp on it. Took the lead. 8.83.
The pulse disappeared and the next twenty-odd minutes saw the
pair do their best with what the ocean offered. Which wasn’t a hell
of a lot. Kolohe put in work, caught another seven waves, but
couldn’t find anything the judges loved.
Holding priority with two minutes left, Andino took off on a
bigger wave that looked to hold the potential for the score he
needed. But he chose poorly, it fattened up like a freshman college
girl, ending with Medina out the back holding priority as the clock
wound down.
Twenty seconds left, Medina grabbed an inside puppy that stood
up for him, top to bottom combo’ed it all the way. Finished with a
go straight, “I’ve won” chop hop. Nine point zero. I wonder, if
he’d fallen on that, would the judges have deducted points?
Mysteries abound.
Kolohe caught one more wave, but Medina’d put him in a combo
with his last, and that was all she wrote.
I’m not good with numbers, but this puts Kolohe, theoretically,
in the title race, yeah? I mean, he’d pretty much have to win the
next two events, but…
The men went on pause while Carissa and Wright paddled out for
the final. As I’ve mentioned, Moore won it. By a wide margin. But
that didn’t really matter because second place put Tyler Wright far
enough in front of the pack to clinch her first title.
Asing and Medina. Tough draw for the Hawaiian, no way I’d bet on
him. But you can’t script this shit! Right? Right!?!?
The surf dropped, neither surfer delivered anything magic. Asing
continued to stay low and make it look like it was six feet rather
than two.
Medina seemed rattled. Wasn’t surfing his best. Delivered a
career highlight fuck-up with 1:38 left.
It was a small, closeout right. Not a good wave, but you never
know with Medina. Two pumps and a backflip could be dropped, if he
gets lucky.
So Asing played tactics, paddled in from the shoulder with
priority to hold Medina off. Gabriel kicked out, clipping Asing
with the nose of his board as he went.
Honestly, it looked like he barely touched Keanu. The Hawaiian
could’ve probably made the drop no problem.
But this is sport. I’m not calling it a dive. Asing drew a foul.
Masterful. Always delicious to see Gabby on the wrong side of a
tactical blunder.
Interference! Though, unless I’m mistaken, it didn’t really
matter. Asing had the scores he needed to win regardless. No
asterisk needed. He used his talent, not tactics.
And that’s how Keanu Asing won a fucking world tour event. I
didn’t see it coming. Did you? Yes? You’re lying.
Asing moves up to 21st, above the cutoff. I sincerely hope he
maintains his momentum. I love the little guy.
Watch highlights here!
QUIKSILVER PRO FRANCE FINAL RESULTS:
1- Keanu Asing (HAW) 13.94
2- Gabriel Medina (BRA) 7.00
QUIKSILVER PRO FRANCE SEMIFINAL RESULTS:
SF 1: Keanu Asing (HAW) 16.94 def. John John Florence (HAW)
16.07
SF 2: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 17.83 def. Kolohe Andino (USA) 15.03
WSL Women’s Top 5 (after Roxy Pro France):
1. Tyler Wright (AUS) 67,700
2. Courtney Conlogue (USA) 59,400
3. Carissa Moore (HAW) 54,400
4. Tatiana Weston-Webb (HAW) 48,400
5. Johanne Defay (FRA) 43,650
WSL Men’s Top 5 (after Quiksilver Pro
France):
1. John John Florence (HAW) 48,150
2. Gabriel Medina (BRA) 45,450
3. Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 38,250
4. Jordy Smith (ZAF) 35,700
5. Kolohe Andino (USA) 32,150
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Just in: Keanu Asing best surfer in
world!
By Chas Smith
For one day! After winning Quiksilver Pro France!
And smashing both John John and Gabi!
Did you have your money on the Little
Frangipani to win the Quiksilver Pro France? Did you have him on
your Fantasy Team chewing through Kelly Slater here, John John
Florence there? Did you think he would decapitate ex-World Champ
Gabriel “Gabi” Medina in the final? That he would stamp Gabi’s
passport and send him to Comboland?
Is your spirit soaring right now? Do you feel that what you
learned in preschool just might be true? That you can accomplish
any goal you set your mind to? That even if you want to be
President of the United States of America you could?
Do you feel the Oval Office is, as of a few minutes ago, nearer
to your grasp than ever before? Will you come up with a catchy
slogan? Like Make Anderson Straight Again?
#MASA
Will you do something at work today that you might have been
afraid to try yesterday? Like make up a nonsensical phrase to call
one of your co-workers?
Did you hear Ross Williams call John John Florence the “Blonde
Popcorn Head?”
