Just in: Keanu Asing best surfer in world!

For one day! After winning Quiksilver Pro France! And smashing both John John and Gabi!

Did you have your money on the Little Frangipani to win the Quiksilver Pro France? Did you have him on your Fantasy Team chewing through Kelly Slater here, John John Florence there? Did you think he would decapitate ex-World Champ Gabriel “Gabi” Medina in the final? That he would stamp Gabi’s passport and send him to Comboland?

Is your spirit soaring right now? Do you feel that what you learned in preschool just might be true? That you can accomplish any goal you set your mind to? That even if you want to be President of the United States of America you could?

Do you feel the Oval Office is, as of a few minutes ago, nearer to your grasp than ever before? Will you come up with a catchy slogan? Like Make Anderson Straight Again?

#MASA

Will you do something at work today that you might have been afraid to try yesterday? Like make up a nonsensical phrase to call one of your co-workers?

Did you hear Ross Williams call John John Florence the “Blonde Popcorn Head?”

Full contest report upcoming but for now…

Congrats to Keanu Asing!

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Tio Sam
Tio Sam
9 years ago

JJF is so lame at the game that even after the WSL bulldozing Medina all year long, the title is still within clear reach. I like the prospect of Medina winning his second without ever wearing the yellow.

J H
J H
9 years ago
Reply to  Tio Sam

My worst fear…Gabby taking out JJF at Pipe to win the whole thing.

velobwoy
velobwoy
9 years ago
Reply to  J H

Give it up to him if he does.

J H
J H
9 years ago
Reply to  velobwoy

Absolutely. It’s not like Gabby can’t win at Pipe and he certainly isn’t number two in the world by accident. But I still may cry…

velobwoy
velobwoy
9 years ago
Reply to  J H

Funny how we identify with people who aren’t us. Guess we’ve fantasized to have JJF’s life. Tio Sam’s fantasized to have Gabi’s life. Schmuck.

J H
J H
9 years ago
Reply to  velobwoy

I don’t necessarily want to have JJF’s life…I just want to be able to do what he (or any of the other guys) does at Pipe, Chopes, Waimea, etc. To have the balls to surf those waves and surf them well is what I admire the most.

Tio Sam
Tio Sam
9 years ago
Reply to  J H

at Pipe the WSL can manipulate as well. they ripped Medina off in 2014

slater thenewdonkey
slater thenewdonkey
9 years ago
Reply to  Tio Sam

Your delusional, like most brazilians.. Gab lost that final fair and square. He could have taken that wave from jules, but he let it go. That backdoor wave was a few points higher than that left that gab took, end of story. And gabs doesn’t deserve the title this year. He’d be wise to change his attitude if he wants to win one of the few remaining world titles before the whole shit show goes down.

Tio Sam
Tio Sam
9 years ago

You’re the one with the head up the ass. Everyone knows the WSL gave the Masters to Julian, the claiming queen, purely as consolation. Nobody gave a fuck because Medina was making history, but Tio Sam here took notice. “End of the story”…what a fucking kook.

Julian, much like JJF in the competitive arena, is a fabrication. Medina on the other hand is the real deal. World champ from a poor country, dont care for the circus, a public magnet amd cash making machine.

There is no one on his level in the circuit today.

slater thenewdonkey
slater thenewdonkey
9 years ago
Reply to  Tio Sam

If you seriously think that gabby the manbaby’s last wave was better than the one he let julian take, you are one dumb brazialian. End of story you little trout sniffer.

Brutus
Brutus
9 years ago
Reply to  Tio Sam

how did Gabs do in the Eddie this year?

Tio Sam
Tio Sam
9 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

What Eddie? You mean the quicksilver waimea promotional? No brazilians invited, not even Burle or Danilo Couto. Very american.

Brutus
Brutus
9 years ago
Reply to  Tio Sam

Ok so Gabs has the same big wave credentials as JJF?

Tio Sam
Tio Sam
9 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Chief, don’t know what you call credentials. As far as competition goes, Medina has smoked JJ in all kinds of surf, gnarly or not.

Mind you that one of them was born and raised in the NS.

JJ is the hype, Medina the facts.

Nick Carroll
Nick Carroll
9 years ago
Reply to  Tio Sam

how bizarre! I could have sworn I saw Danilo get one of the best waves of the day in his round two heat

Tio Sam
Tio Sam
9 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

Errr. I just got burned by NC!
True. I meant the WSL sanctioned event in Pe’ahi. Sorry about that.

Nick Carroll
Nick Carroll
9 years ago
Reply to  Tio Sam

Never challenge me on surfing minutiae!

toofattosurf
toofattosurf
9 years ago
Reply to  Tio Sam

burle surfed peahi challenge, danilo made the eddie, get your things straight, boss …

shootsthen
shootsthen
9 years ago
Reply to  Tio Sam

Yup, that’s pretty much what happened/is happening. WSL top brass sent a memo to the judges: JJF wins title, not Gabby. The judges do/will do as they’re told. Thanks for exposing the truth Tio Sam. Must be God’s plan. Yup, it’s gotta be God’s plan. Wait? So does that mean God likes JJF more than Gabbie?! God is backing JJF? Holy shit . . . Tio Sam, help me spread the truth!

Student8888
Student8888
9 years ago
Reply to  Tio Sam

They also gifted ADS a title last year by giving Gabbi a ridiculously overscored air. Fake world title for ADS. The WSL rigged ADS’s title because there are millions of Brazilian fans. Rigged title to gain more viewership for the WSL.

Brutus
Brutus
9 years ago
Reply to  Student8888

yes , the Brazilian economy is more important than the USA economy , especially in lifestyle spending!

Student8888
Student8888
9 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Exactly. So how many brazzo fanatics do you hear admitting that ADS was juiced into a world title? The conspiracy bullshit only comes out when a Brazilian loses. “Shame on WSL! It’s fixed.” But if you mention that perhaps the WSL gifted that score to Gabe to give ADS the title to garner more Brazilian lifestyle spending in jersey sales, they will say the WSL is not scripted and ADS is a true champion!

Brutus
Brutus
9 years ago
Reply to  Student8888

you do realize that Brazils surf economy is less tha 1% of the USA?

Student8888
Student8888
9 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

My entire rant on this is with sarcasm and irony towards loony Brazzo conspiracy theorists like Tio Sam. Tio said the WSL ripped off Medina in 2014. Well if they ripped GM off in 2014, why did they gift ADS the title in 2015 if they don’t want a Brazzo world champ? Brazzo Theorist say because the WSL wants to take advantage of all the Brazzos who buy jerseys and are fanatics and would pay for PPV webcasts etc… Which is lunacy. I responded “Exactly” in sarcasm and agreement with you. basically, if a Brazzo wins… to them, it’s rigged for financial purposes. If they lose, it’s rigged for the same reason. fucking idiots.

Brutus
Brutus
9 years ago
Reply to  Student8888

damn the red wine here in France has clouded my mind wit Wonkaless wisdom , got it!!

Student8888
Student8888
9 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Lol. Nobody in their right fucking minds posts on this site sober. Most of us have nothing better to do but get drunk and troll conspiracy theorists. Good on ya mate.

Tio Sam
Tio Sam
9 years ago
Reply to  J H

Fear not. It’s all been arranged. Compliments of the WSL, JJF has been your 2016 world champion.

Dumb Florida Redneck
Dumb Florida Redneck
9 years ago
Reply to  Tio Sam

Your a trumper ain’t ye?

J H
J H
9 years ago
Reply to  Tio Sam

I’ll believe it when I see it.

Dolphins
Dolphins
9 years ago
Reply to  Tio Sam

Damn dude, jumping around beach grit and stab commenting this shit. I bet you also love to post #worldshameleague all over surf related instagram photos.

Tio Sam
Tio Sam
9 years ago
Reply to  Dolphins

wink

Student8888
Student8888
9 years ago
Reply to  Tio Sam

It will never happen. Aren’t you part of the dipshit conspiracy who says the WSL has it fixed for JJF to win the title? So why is Medina even a “prospect”?? He won’t win if what you Brazzo theorists constantly force down everyone’s throat after a medina loss is true. Give it up.

Tio Sam
Tio Sam
9 years ago
Reply to  Student8888

He wont give up. The title is being stolen from him and he has exposed it in Trestles and will continue to expose. JJF will not be a legit champ, that’s for sure.

Spamuel Organ
Spamuel Organ
9 years ago
Reply to  Tio Sam

TRUMP 2016 TRUMP 2016… The media loves JJF and its a conspiracy just like… Medina grabbing beaches by their pussy

Professor Ski Lodge
Professor Ski Lodge
9 years ago

Congratulations Hervé Villechaize.

https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Seymour Khantz
Seymour Khantz
9 years ago

amazing

killvan
killvan
7 years ago

Aww he aint that bad!
https://carve.com.au/news/p…

Dumb Florida Redneck
Dumb Florida Redneck
9 years ago

I know I will be president,Just yesterday I was grabbing a womans by the three hole,she loved it. I have the most magnificent pervy fingers in the world. Have you seen my daughter Naked? Want to?!?

Miguel Murpi
Miguel Murpi
9 years ago

Oh yeah..and he thanked god again..really

Brutus
Brutus
9 years ago
Reply to  Miguel Murpi

and he said a prayer with Gabby at the end of the final , pure class!

Mariano Landa
Mariano Landa
9 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Watch it Maurice, Chas is Christian!

velobwoy
velobwoy
9 years ago
Reply to  Mariano Landa

Oh he is not.

Mariano Landa
Mariano Landa
9 years ago
Reply to  velobwoy

Of course not. But the man’s print persona occasionally claims it.

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
9 years ago
Reply to  Mariano Landa

I so am! Completely born again! A Presbyterian even!

Mariano Landa
Mariano Landa
9 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

My ethnic Catholic identity places Presbyterians fourth on the list of Protestant deplorables. The three ahead of the Prezzies can’t even read.

Dumb Florida Redneck
Dumb Florida Redneck
9 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

You and your polygamy have no place in religion!

velobwoy
velobwoy
9 years ago
Reply to  Mariano Landa

Huh – I missed that. Doesn’t that persona claim to be a gleefully pan-sexual sophisticate?

Mariano Landa
Mariano Landa
9 years ago
Reply to  velobwoy

Unlike his religious practice, this can be corroborated.

Dumb Florida Redneck
Dumb Florida Redneck
9 years ago
Reply to  Mariano Landa

The Ellen of surf journalism.

Dumb Florida Redneck
Dumb Florida Redneck
9 years ago
Reply to  Mariano Landa

And I’m half Jew for the Holocaust jokes. What’s the issue ?

Mariano Landa
Mariano Landa
9 years ago

Did the Vatican issue another encyclical?

Brutus
Brutus
9 years ago
Reply to  Mariano Landa

I thought we were all Christians , even sister parker ,

Mariano Landa
Mariano Landa
9 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Peace be with you, Maurice.

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
9 years ago
Reply to  Miguel Murpi

Well, it was a miracle…

Karl Von Fanningstadt
Karl Von Fanningstadt
9 years ago

Prelude to his rampage in 2017 towards the World Title.

Dumb Florida Redneck
Dumb Florida Redneck
9 years ago

“do I get a trophy?” medina….


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