For one day! After winning Quiksilver Pro France!
And smashing both John John and Gabi!
Did you have your money on the Little
Frangipani to win the Quiksilver Pro France? Did you have him on
your Fantasy Team chewing through Kelly Slater here, John John
Florence there? Did you think he would decapitate ex-World Champ
Gabriel “Gabi” Medina in the final? That he would stamp Gabi’s
passport and send him to Comboland?
Is your spirit soaring right now? Do you feel that what you
learned in preschool just might be true? That you can accomplish
any goal you set your mind to? That even if you want to be
President of the United States of America you could?
Do you feel the Oval Office is, as of a few minutes ago, nearer
to your grasp than ever before? Will you come up with a catchy
slogan? Like Make Anderson Straight Again?
#MASA
Will you do something at work today that you might have been
afraid to try yesterday? Like make up a nonsensical phrase to call
one of your co-workers?
Did you hear Ross Williams call John John Florence the “Blonde
Popcorn Head?”
The SUP hydrofoil is here! Are you......
thrilled?
Hydrofoil surfing is much the rage what with
Kai Lenny lapping waves etc. And what a ambassador he is no? Very
handsome, very skilled, very brave, very magnetic. He is like a mix
of Kelly Slater and Laird Hamilton and I wonder, as he ages, if he
will eclipse them as the most popular surfer alive.
Do you think?
In any case, remember a few months ago when the Japanese surf
icon Yu Tonbi Sumitomo almost decapitated himself with a foil?
Read here! Jamie Mitchell
responded, at the time:
So lately I have been asked consistently about my thoughts
on the so called “NEW” foil popularity and haven’t really said much
but, yesterday, sadly, I saw a photo that I knew was coming
sooner then later.
Foils are for open ocean swells, outer bombies and places
where there are no people or very few people doing it together.
Foils are dangerous. Very dangerous. And do not belong in the surf
zone with the masses and general public.
And it makes very much sense.
Yet, I have been seeing more hydrofoil SUPing across social
media these days and personally can’t think of anything more
dangerous in the lineup. I would rather wander to my local break
and see a shark’s fin prowling between waves than someone who is
already inclined to SUP with an aluminum blade set to disembowel
for good measure.
But does this thinking only expose the hardness of my heart? Is
it like a man clutching a cassette tape while sneering at shiny CDs
telling anyone who will listen that the new technology is
creepy?
Am I that man?
The one who caresses his Case Logic soft CD carrier while
sneering at the iPod telling anyone who will listen, “But where is
the music? Where does it fit?”
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"Are you there Charlie? It's me Gabi..." | Photo:
Throwing_Disqus
The WSL's only partner, Samsung, makes a trick
phone! Fun or no?
It is impossible not to know that Samsung and
the World Surf League are best of friends. The Korean conglomerate
known for clothes dryers, forklifts, baby monitors and cellular
telephones is the sole sponsor of professional surfing’s
championship tour (aside from Jeep Leaderboard). Should we watch a
commercial? But of course!
Wonderful! Touching! Poetic even! Charlie Medina communicating
with his young stepson via Samsung’s powerful Galaxy 7. Sending
lonely but proud Gabi text messages like HIT THE LIP WITH MORE
POWER (except in Portuguese) or VAI MEDINA!
But do you know what Gabi should text back?
DROP THE PHONE AND RUN, CHUCK! YOUR GALAXY IS GOING TO
EXPLODE YOUR FACE! LIKE SOME JAMES BOND STUNT! ONLY WORSE! FAR
WORSE! YOU’LL BE UNABLE TO SMILE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!
RUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN!
VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIII!
And it’s true! Have you read the news? Let’s now! The newly
respected USA Today writes:
Power down your Samsung Galaxy Note 7 phone now.
Whether you’ve hung onto the original Note 7 or exchanged it
for one of the replacement devices, Samsung and federal regulators
are urging consumers to turn the device off because some of the
phones — including replacement units — are overheating when
charged.
“No one should have to be concerned their phone will
endanger them, their family or their property,” U.S. Consumer
Products Safety Commission Chairman Elliot Kaye said in a statement
emailed to USA TODAY. “Due to the ongoing safety concerns
associated with Galaxy Note 7 phones, it is the right move for
Samsung to suspend the sale and exchange of all Galaxy Note
7s.”
The South Korean electronics giant, meanwhile, issued a
statement late Monday, in which it asked “all carrier and retail
partners globally to stop sales and exchanges of the Galaxy Note7
while the investigation is taking place.”
And do you think WSL CEO Paul Speaker has powered his Samsung
Galaxy 7 down? Has it maybe already singed his cheek? Did Graham
Stapelberg come running with an ice pack and caressing words?
“There there Mr. CEO, sir. It’s ok that our only sponsor is
going up in smoke. We’ll get another for sure!
1000000000000000890760000 watch professional surfing,
remember?”
I think maybe yes! And I sure do wish BeachGrit had a
Graham Stapelberg. What a sweetheart!
Stab magazine oversight spins the Internet into a
frenzy of conspiracy and finger pointing!
Do you love Stab‘s Stab in the Dark
competition? I do. I think it is one of the best things in our surf
world, better than Surfer Poll or The World Surf League’s
Rookie of the Year race. I think it is fantastic.
If you are unaware, this is the second and features Dane
Reynolds. Last year, Stab in the Dark 2015 featured Julian Wilson.
And here’s what happens. The famous surfer is given a full quiver
of white performance shortboards shaped by the best
artisans in our world. He rides them each multiple times,
I think, then lists his favorites from 1-10 or 1-13 or whatever the
case may be.
The winner gets to claim that they are the best shaper in the
world, I think. Last year DHD, Chilli and Mayhem ended up one, two
and three.
And I love it so much because the shapers have true grit. Such
guts! They put their reputations of the line in a very rare way.
What if, say, Dane Reynolds picked you last? Would you question
your very existence? I would. I truly and really marvel at their
willingness to jump into the ring. Rare. And bravo to them.
Last night, Stab thanked all these shapers on
Instagram, appropriately, for partaking in the competition which
officially ends Thursday night. Except they forgot one.
Dane Reynolds surfboard sponsor Channel Islands!
Uh-oh!
The comments lit up with “Merrick?” “CI?” “What about CI?” “You
forgot CI.” etc. etc. etc. The Channel Islands account also weighed
in with a “?”
Stab eventually rectified in the comments, claiming
that Channel Islands was left off due mechanical Instagram error
but it made me wonder. Is there some darker conspiracy involving
Sidney Blumenthal? Or possibly Putin himself?
Did the omission have something to do with the greater
SurfStitch family of brands (FCS, Stab and Magic
Seaweed) trying to drive CI’s price down so that Burton will
be inclined to sell at a deep discount?
Is the first half of the ex-handsomest duo in action sport
(Justin Cameron and Lex Pedersen) seeking revenge by embarrassing
his old company in a well-timed blast?
Have I been reading too much political coverage?
Is there such thing as too much political coverage?
Sidney Blumenthal?
I trust WikiLeakes to divulge the true reason at an appropriate
date.
Ain't Huntington Beach, California the grandest
place on earth?
Did ya’ catch the debate last night? Amazing
stuff. Top notch political theater. I was so excited to watch that
I blew off an afternoon glass off in favor of sitting in front of
my laptop. Streaming PBS and taking bong hits until my mind
melted.
I’m very thankful I don’t have a dog in the race this election
cycle. To recap: Hawaii’s polls close six hours after the East
Coast, we only have four electoral votes (out of 270), and the
state is tried and true blue. My vote don’t count for shit on the
national stage. I couldn’t be happier.
I get to play observer, avoid becoming truly invested. I’d have
a heart attack. Better to focus on the small stage campaigns over
which I have some control. Stuff that’ll actually affect my
life.
Plus! I’ve taken to grabbing my unsuspecting wife by the pussy
every chance I get.
“It’s presidential,” I tell her. “Total power move. You love
it.”
Of course, you’d have to be a total fucking idiot to think Trump
presidency would do anything but usher in the End Times. Maybe
that’s the case. There seems be a lot of overlap between the
can’t-wait-for-Jesus-to-come-back zealots and the Make America
White Again fascists.
I know a few of you read the preceeding, understood a few words,
and got all upset because you’re voting for the buffoon. Feel free
to unload the racist misogynist white terror vitriol in the
comments.
Just keep in mind that I don’t care what you have to say.
Because I think you’re a total fucking idiot.
However, I do appreciate you expressing yourself. I’d hate to
not know which way you’re swinging. I might accidentally take you
seriously one day.
I searched online to see if there was a surf-oriented Trump
outreach organization. I didn’t expect to find one, but you never
know. Some people have no shame.
You know who turned up? Dana Rohrabacher, the surfing
congressman! US Representative for California’s 48th Congressional
District, an area that encompasses Seal Beach, Sunset Beach,
Huntington Beach, Midway City, parts of Westminster, Fountain
Valley, parts of Santa Ana, Costa Mesa, Newport Beach, Aliso Viejo,
Laguna Beach, and Laguna Niguel.
Rohrabacher loves to play up the surf angle. One of us!
But really he’s just one of those old dorks who’s surfed for
decades but still manages to totally suck.
You know the type. Orange County is full of them. It’s why he
keeps getting re-elected.
Rohrabacher supported Prop 8 which banned gay
marriage in California, doesn’t believe that global warming is
real, got caught taking a bribe in 2005, voted for the war in Iraq,
probably makes racist jokes when the room’s totally white, and
Orange County Congressman Dana Rohrabacher delivered a
scathing rebuke of House Speaker Paul Ryan and other Republicans
backing away from Donald Trump, saying this morning that the
current conflict arising from Trump’s “hot mic” statement will
actually help the GOP nominee get elected.
Rohrabacher called Ryan “cowardly” for saying
that he would no longer defend Trump, instead focusing his campaign
work on helping Republican House candidates.
“Leaders are supposed to stand firm
and solid in moments of crisis,” the Costa Mesa Republican told the
Register. “Instead, he’s in a panic. It’s not good leadership. … I
think the Republicans who are backing away are gutless. We don’t
have to just be concerned about saving House seats. We have to be
concerned about saving the United States of America.”
I don’t really no what else to say, except that I know I take
shots at Orange County often. I believe I’ve called it a “hellish
honky shithole.” If I haven’t, I am now.
