Just in: Keanu Asing best surfer in world!

For one day! After winning Quiksilver Pro France! And smashing both John John and Gabi!

Did you have your money on the Little Frangipani to win the Quiksilver Pro France? Did you have him on your Fantasy Team chewing through Kelly Slater here, John John Florence there? Did you think he would decapitate ex-World Champ Gabriel “Gabi” Medina in the final? That he would stamp Gabi’s passport and send him to Comboland?

Is your spirit soaring right now? Do you feel that what you learned in preschool just might be true? That you can accomplish any goal you set your mind to? That even if you want to be President of the United States of America you could?

Do you feel the Oval Office is, as of a few minutes ago, nearer to your grasp than ever before? Will you come up with a catchy slogan? Like Make Anderson Straight Again?


Will you do something at work today that you might have been afraid to try yesterday? Like make up a nonsensical phrase to call one of your co-workers?

Did you hear Ross Williams call John John Florence the “Blonde Popcorn Head?”

Full contest report upcoming but for now…

Congrats to Keanu Asing!

Gorgeous dance or dangerous menace?

The SUP hydrofoil is here! Are you...... thrilled?

Hydrofoil surfing is much the rage what with Kai Lenny lapping waves etc. And what a ambassador he is no? Very handsome, very skilled, very brave, very magnetic. He is like a mix of Kelly Slater and Laird Hamilton and I wonder, as he ages, if he will eclipse them as the most popular surfer alive.

Do you think?

In any case, remember a few months ago when the Japanese surf icon Yu Tonbi Sumitomo almost decapitated himself with a foil? Read here! Jamie Mitchell responded, at the time:

So lately I have been asked consistently about my thoughts on the so called “NEW” foil popularity and haven’t really said much but, yesterday, sadly, I saw a photo that I knew was coming sooner then later.

Foils are for open ocean swells, outer bombies and places where there are no people or very few people doing it together. Foils are dangerous. Very dangerous. And do not belong in the surf zone with the masses and general public.

And it makes very much sense.

Yet, I have been seeing more hydrofoil SUPing across social media these days and personally can’t think of anything more dangerous in the lineup. I would rather wander to my local break and see a shark’s fin prowling between waves than someone who is already inclined to SUP with an aluminum blade set to disembowel for good measure.

But does this thinking only expose the hardness of my heart? Is it like a man clutching a cassette tape while sneering at shiny CDs telling anyone who will listen that the new technology is creepy?

Am I that man?

The one who caresses his Case Logic soft CD carrier while sneering at the iPod telling anyone who will listen, “But where is the music? Where does it fit?”

"Are you there Charlie? It's me Gabi..."
"Are you there Charlie? It's me Gabi..." | Photo: Throwing_Disqus

Boom: WSL #1 partner explodes faces!

The WSL's only partner, Samsung, makes a trick phone! Fun or no?

It is impossible not to know that Samsung and the World Surf League are best of friends. The Korean conglomerate known for clothes dryers, forklifts, baby monitors and cellular telephones is the sole sponsor of professional surfing’s championship tour (aside from Jeep Leaderboard). Should we watch a commercial? But of course!

Wonderful! Touching! Poetic even! Charlie Medina communicating with his young stepson via Samsung’s powerful Galaxy 7. Sending lonely but proud Gabi text messages like HIT THE LIP WITH MORE POWER (except in Portuguese) or VAI MEDINA!

But do you know what Gabi should text back?




And it’s true! Have you read the news? Let’s now! The newly respected USA Today writes:

Power down your Samsung Galaxy Note 7 phone now.

Whether you’ve hung onto the original Note 7 or exchanged it for one of the replacement devices, Samsung and federal regulators are urging consumers to turn the device off because some of the phones — including replacement units — are overheating when charged.

“No one should have to be concerned their phone will endanger them, their family or their property,” U.S. Consumer Products Safety Commission Chairman Elliot Kaye said in a statement emailed to USA TODAY. “Due to the ongoing safety concerns associated with Galaxy Note 7 phones, it is the right move for Samsung to suspend the sale and exchange of all Galaxy Note 7s.”

The South Korean electronics giant, meanwhile, issued a statement late Monday, in which it asked “all carrier and retail partners globally to stop sales and exchanges of the Galaxy Note7 while the investigation is taking place.”

And do you think WSL CEO Paul Speaker has powered his Samsung Galaxy 7 down? Has it maybe already singed his cheek? Did Graham Stapelberg come running with an ice pack and caressing words?

“There there Mr. CEO, sir. It’s ok that our only sponsor is going up in smoke. We’ll get another for sure! 1000000000000000890760000 watch professional surfing, remember?”

I think maybe yes! And I sure do wish BeachGrit had a Graham Stapelberg. What a sweetheart!

E tu, Justin Cameron?
E tu, Justin Cameron?

Ouch: Stab in the Back 2016!

Stab magazine oversight spins the Internet into a frenzy of conspiracy and finger pointing!

Do you love Stab‘s Stab in the Dark competition? I do. I think it is one of the best things in our surf world, better than Surfer Poll or The World Surf League’s Rookie of the Year race. I think it is fantastic.

If you are unaware, this is the second and features Dane Reynolds. Last year, Stab in the Dark 2015 featured Julian Wilson. And here’s what happens. The famous surfer is given a full quiver of white performance shortboards shaped by the best artisans in our world. He rides them each multiple times, I think, then lists his favorites from 1-10 or 1-13 or whatever the case may be.

The winner gets to claim that they are the best shaper in the world, I think. Last year DHD, Chilli and Mayhem ended up one, two and three.

And I love it so much because the shapers have true grit. Such guts! They put their reputations of the line in a very rare way. What if, say, Dane Reynolds picked you last? Would you question your very existence? I would. I truly and really marvel at their willingness to jump into the ring. Rare. And bravo to them.

Last night, Stab thanked all these shapers on Instagram, appropriately, for partaking in the competition which officially ends Thursday night. Except they forgot one.

Dane Reynolds surfboard sponsor Channel Islands!


The comments lit up with “Merrick?” “CI?” “What about CI?” “You forgot CI.” etc. etc. etc. The Channel Islands account also weighed in with a “?”

Stab eventually rectified in the comments, claiming that Channel Islands was left off due mechanical Instagram error but it made me wonder. Is there some darker conspiracy involving Sidney Blumenthal? Or possibly Putin himself?

Did the omission have something to do with the greater SurfStitch family of brands (FCS, Stab and Magic Seaweed) trying to drive CI’s price down so that Burton will be inclined to sell at a deep discount?

Is the first half of the ex-handsomest duo in action sport (Justin Cameron and Lex Pedersen) seeking revenge by embarrassing his old company in a well-timed blast?

Have I been reading too much political coverage?

Is there such thing as too much political coverage?

Sidney Blumenthal?

I trust WikiLeakes to divulge the true reason at an appropriate date.

Dana R. seen here crouched in the barrel.
Dana R. seen here crouched in the barrel.

Huntington politician loves Trump!

Ain't Huntington Beach, California the grandest place on earth?

Did ya’ catch the debate last night? Amazing stuff. Top notch political theater. I was so excited to watch that I blew off an afternoon glass off in favor of sitting in front of my laptop. Streaming PBS and taking bong hits until my mind melted.

I’m very thankful I don’t have a dog in the race this election cycle. To recap: Hawaii’s polls close six hours after the East Coast, we only have four electoral votes (out of 270), and the state is tried and true blue. My vote don’t count for shit on the national stage. I couldn’t be happier.

I get to play observer, avoid becoming truly invested. I’d have a heart attack. Better to focus on the small stage campaigns over which I have some control. Stuff that’ll actually affect my life.

Plus! I’ve taken to grabbing my unsuspecting wife by the pussy every chance I get.

“It’s presidential,” I tell her. “Total power move. You love it.”

Of course, you’d have to be a total fucking idiot to think Trump presidency would do anything but usher in the End Times. Maybe that’s the case. There seems be a lot of overlap between the can’t-wait-for-Jesus-to-come-back zealots and the Make America White Again fascists.

I know a few of you read the preceeding, understood a few words, and got all upset because you’re voting for the buffoon. Feel free to unload the racist misogynist white terror vitriol in the comments.

Just keep in mind that I don’t care what you have to say. Because I think you’re a total fucking idiot.

However, I do appreciate you expressing yourself. I’d hate to not know which way you’re swinging. I might accidentally take you seriously one day.

I searched online to see if there was a surf-oriented Trump outreach organization. I didn’t expect to find one, but you never know. Some people have no shame.

You know who turned up? Dana Rohrabacher, the surfing congressman! US Representative for California’s 48th Congressional District, an area that encompasses Seal Beach, Sunset Beach, Huntington Beach, Midway City, parts of Westminster, Fountain Valley, parts of Santa Ana, Costa Mesa, Newport Beach, Aliso Viejo, Laguna Beach, and Laguna Niguel.

Rohrabacher loves to play up the surf angle. One of us!

But really he’s just one of those old dorks who’s surfed for decades but still manages to totally suck.

You know the type. Orange County is full of them. It’s why he keeps getting re-elected.

Rohrabacher supported Prop 8 which banned gay marriage in California, doesn’t believe that global warming is real, got caught taking a bribe in 2005, voted for the war in Iraq, probably makes racist jokes when the room’s totally white, and

is a staunch supporter of Donald Trump.

Orange County Congressman Dana Rohrabacher delivered a scathing rebuke of House Speaker Paul Ryan and other Republicans backing away from Donald Trump, saying this morning that the current conflict arising from Trump’s “hot mic” statement will actually help the GOP nominee get elected.

 Rohrabacher called Ryan “cowardly” for saying that he would no longer defend Trump, instead focusing his campaign work on helping Republican House candidates.

 Leaders are supposed to stand firm and solid in moments of crisis,” the Costa Mesa Republican told the Register. “Instead, he’s in a panic. It’s not good leadership. … I think the Republicans who are backing away are gutless. We don’t have to just be concerned about saving House seats. We have to be concerned about saving the United States of America.”

I don’t really no what else to say, except that I know I take shots at Orange County often. I believe I’ve called it a “hellish honky shithole.” If I haven’t, I am now.

Shit like this is why.