Stab magazine oversight spins the Internet into a frenzy of conspiracy and finger pointing!
Do you love Stab‘s Stab in the Dark competition? I do. I think it is one of the best things in our surf world, better than Surfer Poll or The World Surf League’s Rookie of the Year race. I think it is fantastic.
If you are unaware, this is the second and features Dane Reynolds. Last year, Stab in the Dark 2015 featured Julian Wilson. And here’s what happens. The famous surfer is given a full quiver of white performance shortboards shaped by the best artisans in our world. He rides them each multiple times, I think, then lists his favorites from 1-10 or 1-13 or whatever the case may be.
The winner gets to claim that they are the best shaper in the world, I think. Last year DHD, Chilli and Mayhem ended up one, two and three.
And I love it so much because the shapers have true grit. Such guts! They put their reputations of the line in a very rare way. What if, say, Dane Reynolds picked you last? Would you question your very existence? I would. I truly and really marvel at their willingness to jump into the ring. Rare. And bravo to them.
Last night, Stab thanked all these shapers on Instagram, appropriately, for partaking in the competition which officially ends Thursday night. Except they forgot one.
Dane Reynolds surfboard sponsor Channel Islands!
Uh-oh!
The comments lit up with “Merrick?” “CI?” “What about CI?” “You forgot CI.” etc. etc. etc. The Channel Islands account also weighed in with a “?”
Stab eventually rectified in the comments, claiming that Channel Islands was left off due mechanical Instagram error but it made me wonder. Is there some darker conspiracy involving Sidney Blumenthal? Or possibly Putin himself?
Did the omission have something to do with the greater SurfStitch family of brands (FCS, Stab and Magic Seaweed) trying to drive CI’s price down so that Burton will be inclined to sell at a deep discount?
Is the first half of the ex-handsomest duo in action sport (Justin Cameron and Lex Pedersen) seeking revenge by embarrassing his old company in a well-timed blast?
Have I been reading too much political coverage?
Is there such thing as too much political coverage?
Sidney Blumenthal?
I trust WikiLeakes to divulge the true reason at an appropriate date.
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Pyzel was your winner and was in the house to accept the accolades.
Here is the winning board: https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Completely uneducated guess:
1. Stretch
2. Mayhem
3. DHD
4. Chilli
5. Maurice Cole
6. CI
7. JS
8. Rusty
9. Pyzel
10. Timmy Patterson
11. Cole
12. HIC
13. HS
Stab strangly posted a lot of the boards on their instagram snap thingy. You can see him on the chili, rusty, arakawa(one you missed) and Pyzel….not really sure why they let it out like that.
I lightly factored in the few waves they posted, froze when the numbers were visible. I figured they’d leak mediocre waves, my reasoning for the mostly mediocre rankings I gave those shapers, (horrible strategy I know). Didn’t forget Arakawa, he’s number 12 (Californians on Hawaiian boards can tend to be a weird combo, especially in beach breaks). I wrote HIC instead of Arakawa because of letter economy and laziness. Watch, Arakawa will probably win now haha.
And I lazily did not make the connection of HIC and Arakawa. Yes as californian Arakawa boards are just odd. They look like boards for perfect waves, in california theres always a flat and bumpy section
Real talk for a moment. Can anyone say that, regardless of the craft he’s riding, they’re not pretty psyched to see an edit of some kind of modern surfings greatest recluse – the illustrious Dane Reynolds. The guy could ride a door and shred, its possibly Stabs greatest coup.
I’m so excited about the Stab in the Dark 2016!! Can’t wait!!
“Wrong” “because you’d be in jail” “special prosecutor” “Hillllllllaaaarrrryyyyy Clinton” “Benghazi” “Pussy” I picture the CI Twitter dude totally throwing a hissy fit (the quoted words have nothing to do with my comment; I just felt like saying those words; “locker room” “emails” “Bill” “inner city” “judgment” “Bhengaziiiiiiiiiiiiii” “Ambassador Stevens” “generals” “sneak attack” “fat”; damn, he’s really gotten his message out . . . I could keep going)
Somewhat off-topic…will Dane be in Brooklyn at his Vans shindig on Thursday night?
If so…I will do your bidding Chas and ask him for the scoop.
Do I disclose that I once dissed him in these hallowed pages?
Dare I say…Blood Feud!!! On???
Ummm…yeah…I’ll blame the jetlag (hanging at Laurelwood Brewing in PDX, Chas) but I just re-read that the Vans thing is also the Stab thing. I will likely be there…anyone else?
I’ll be there in spirit . . . hoping DHD wins again . . .
I shall keep you posted…
Don’t forget pictures of people’s shoes. I’m so tempted to smear countless people from last week’s BoardRoom show on these very pages…
I’m definitely not the most chic of stylists so what am I looking out for?
I’m not sure it matters, someone here will find a way to make a story of it!
Now I’m paranoid because our “tickets” don’t necessarily guarantee us entry into the event. Will they take one look at my foot ware and deem me unworthy of entrance??? Oh….the pressure!!!
It’s not what you wear, it’s how you wear it!
Then I’m really in trouble!
What would be interesting is if they just picked some random guy with shaping experience allowed him to computer cut his design and see how well it does against the “best” I bet if the random is even mediocre and has a decent laminator that he places above 4.
They kinda did this last year with Robo. Not sure if he sent a machine cut but he tied with Stamps for dead last.
Yeah but Robo is robo the guys going to make money. Also he hand shaped it which is cool but he really put himself at a disadvantage.
I’m just leaving those here because … Well, for no reason than it is political coverage by the Chinese BG!
https://m.youtube.com/watch…
They appear to be singing a heart-felt duet. Possibly at the emotive key change where they rise from their stools to belt out a soaring chorus. Beachgrit’s next soundtrack perhaps?
Haha; that is epic; loved the Chinese Trump
I’m thinking Benghazi which of course translates to Sidney Blumenthal- I logged in to post this.
is this really a story?
Welcome to BeachGrit! Come for the clickbait, stay for the online bullying!
We need an article on the ugliest shapers in surfing for consistency.
Is there room for an internet listicle that long? I could write 30,000 words about Nev’s likeness to peripheral mid-century Warner Brothers cartoons.
I was just thinking how great it would be if the ugliest world champion rode for the ugliest shaper.
Pyzel ain’t at the top of the list. Plus, for all the old guys we’d have to give credit for their more youthful iterations. Age discrimination could compromise the validity of the whole operation.
That sounds a little bit to much like proper journalism. This is beach grit after all.
Mate, the giggles were to be had in the “validity of the whole operation” bit…
Mate, was just a joke. The giggles were to be had in the self deprecation.
Tranquilo mi estimado Giboño, estás entre amigos y periodistas profesionales!
Y locos y kookos y gente que piensan son intelligente y ozzies y etc
“…que pasan todo el puto día chambeando frente a la compu…y no saben amar”
Dayum; ain’t that the truth of the modern day professional – reading/writing on the computer, all day; no real exchanges of energy with real people. Makes me want to jump on a plane, and just hippie out for a few years. I wonder if technology will somehow boomerang – meaning, it’s led to a “more connected” world, i.e., me talking to you but at the same time a more disconnected life, i.e., me typing away to someone I don’t know, instead of chatting with a real person. Maybe technology will allow for virtual chat rooms? Or, idk, but I do see technology contributing to the Fox News culture of attacking/labeling instead of investigating/problem solving. That’s kind of off topic and complainish but, it’s true what you say – technology has certainly impacted “interpersonal love,” i.e., friendships and all human interaction. Dayum.
The bummer about virtual chat rooms is that they will quickly devolve into virtual orgies.
Haha; so many kinks to be worked out
That’s a bit rough, Nev can be quite the Clooney. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Bitter beer face!!!
OK. That’s enough.
THIS is just going too far. Stuff of nightmares.
great article!! Last year, JW didn’t like JS surfboard, his sponsor…
I think it buckled on the first wave. Either way…