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Beach Grit

Huntington politician loves Trump!

Rory Parker

by Rory Parker

Ain't Huntington Beach, California the grandest place on earth?

Did ya’ catch the debate last night? Amazing stuff. Top notch political theater. I was so excited to watch that I blew off an afternoon glass off in favor of sitting in front of my laptop. Streaming PBS and taking bong hits until my mind melted.

I’m very thankful I don’t have a dog in the race this election cycle. To recap: Hawaii’s polls close six hours after the East Coast, we only have four electoral votes (out of 270), and the state is tried and true blue. My vote don’t count for shit on the national stage. I couldn’t be happier.

I get to play observer, avoid becoming truly invested. I’d have a heart attack. Better to focus on the small stage campaigns over which I have some control. Stuff that’ll actually affect my life.

Plus! I’ve taken to grabbing my unsuspecting wife by the pussy every chance I get.

“It’s presidential,” I tell her. “Total power move. You love it.”

Of course, you’d have to be a total fucking idiot to think Trump presidency would do anything but usher in the End Times. Maybe that’s the case. There seems be a lot of overlap between the can’t-wait-for-Jesus-to-come-back zealots and the Make America White Again fascists.

I know a few of you read the preceeding, understood a few words, and got all upset because you’re voting for the buffoon. Feel free to unload the racist misogynist white terror vitriol in the comments.

Just keep in mind that I don’t care what you have to say. Because I think you’re a total fucking idiot.

However, I do appreciate you expressing yourself. I’d hate to not know which way you’re swinging. I might accidentally take you seriously one day.

I searched online to see if there was a surf-oriented Trump outreach organization. I didn’t expect to find one, but you never know. Some people have no shame.

You know who turned up? Dana Rohrabacher, the surfing congressman! US Representative for California’s 48th Congressional District, an area that encompasses Seal Beach, Sunset Beach, Huntington Beach, Midway City, parts of Westminster, Fountain Valley, parts of Santa Ana, Costa Mesa, Newport Beach, Aliso Viejo, Laguna Beach, and Laguna Niguel.

Rohrabacher loves to play up the surf angle. One of us!

But really he’s just one of those old dorks who’s surfed for decades but still manages to totally suck.

You know the type. Orange County is full of them. It’s why he keeps getting re-elected.

Rohrabacher supported Prop 8 which banned gay marriage in California, doesn’t believe that global warming is real, got caught taking a bribe in 2005, voted for the war in Iraq, probably makes racist jokes when the room’s totally white, and

is a staunch supporter of Donald Trump.

Orange County Congressman Dana Rohrabacher delivered a scathing rebuke of House Speaker Paul Ryan and other Republicans backing away from Donald Trump, saying this morning that the current conflict arising from Trump’s “hot mic” statement will actually help the GOP nominee get elected.

 Rohrabacher called Ryan “cowardly” for saying that he would no longer defend Trump, instead focusing his campaign work on helping Republican House candidates.

 Leaders are supposed to stand firm and solid in moments of crisis,” the Costa Mesa Republican told the Register. “Instead, he’s in a panic. It’s not good leadership. … I think the Republicans who are backing away are gutless. We don’t have to just be concerned about saving House seats. We have to be concerned about saving the United States of America.”

I don’t really no what else to say, except that I know I take shots at Orange County often. I believe I’ve called it a “hellish honky shithole.” If I haven’t, I am now.

Shit like this is why.