The SUP hydrofoil is here! Are you...... thrilled?
Hydrofoil surfing is much the rage what with Kai Lenny lapping waves etc. And what a ambassador he is no? Very handsome, very skilled, very brave, very magnetic. He is like a mix of Kelly Slater and Laird Hamilton and I wonder, as he ages, if he will eclipse them as the most popular surfer alive.
Do you think?
In any case, remember a few months ago when the Japanese surf icon Yu Tonbi Sumitomo almost decapitated himself with a foil? Read here! Jamie Mitchell responded, at the time:
So lately I have been asked consistently about my thoughts on the so called “NEW” foil popularity and haven’t really said much but, yesterday, sadly, I saw a photo that I knew was coming sooner then later.
Foils are for open ocean swells, outer bombies and places where there are no people or very few people doing it together. Foils are dangerous. Very dangerous. And do not belong in the surf zone with the masses and general public.
And it makes very much sense.
Yet, I have been seeing more hydrofoil SUPing across social media these days and personally can’t think of anything more dangerous in the lineup. I would rather wander to my local break and see a shark’s fin prowling between waves than someone who is already inclined to SUP with an aluminum blade set to disembowel for good measure.
But does this thinking only expose the hardness of my heart? Is it like a man clutching a cassette tape while sneering at shiny CDs telling anyone who will listen that the new technology is creepy?
Am I that man?
The one who caresses his Case Logic soft CD carrier while sneering at the iPod telling anyone who will listen, “But where is the music? Where does it fit?”
The WSL's only partner, Samsung, makes a trick phone! Fun or no?
It is impossible not to know that Samsung and the World Surf League are best of friends. The Korean conglomerate known for clothes dryers, forklifts, baby monitors and cellular telephones is the sole sponsor of professional surfing’s championship tour (aside from Jeep Leaderboard). Should we watch a commercial? But of course!
Wonderful! Touching! Poetic even! Charlie Medina communicating with his young stepson via Samsung’s powerful Galaxy 7. Sending lonely but proud Gabi text messages like HIT THE LIP WITH MORE POWER (except in Portuguese) or VAI MEDINA!
But do you know what Gabi should text back?
DROP THE PHONE AND RUN, CHUCK! YOUR GALAXY IS GOING TO EXPLODE YOUR FACE! LIKE SOME JAMES BOND STUNT! ONLY WORSE! FAR WORSE! YOU’LL BE UNABLE TO SMILE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!
And it’s true! Have you read the news? Let’s now! The newly respected USA Today writes:
Power down your Samsung Galaxy Note 7 phone now.
Whether you’ve hung onto the original Note 7 or exchanged it for one of the replacement devices, Samsung and federal regulators are urging consumers to turn the device off because some of the phones — including replacement units — are overheating when charged.
“No one should have to be concerned their phone will endanger them, their family or their property,” U.S. Consumer Products Safety Commission Chairman Elliot Kaye said in a statement emailed to USA TODAY. “Due to the ongoing safety concerns associated with Galaxy Note 7 phones, it is the right move for Samsung to suspend the sale and exchange of all Galaxy Note 7s.”
The South Korean electronics giant, meanwhile, issued a statement late Monday, in which it asked “all carrier and retail partners globally to stop sales and exchanges of the Galaxy Note7 while the investigation is taking place.”
And do you think WSL CEO Paul Speaker has powered his Samsung Galaxy 7 down? Has it maybe already singed his cheek? Did Graham Stapelberg come running with an ice pack and caressing words?
“There there Mr. CEO, sir. It’s ok that our only sponsor is going up in smoke. We’ll get another for sure! 1000000000000000890760000 watch professional surfing, remember?”
I think maybe yes! And I sure do wish BeachGrit had a Graham Stapelberg. What a sweetheart!
Stab magazine oversight spins the Internet into a frenzy of conspiracy and finger pointing!
Do you love Stab‘s Stab in the Dark competition? I do. I think it is one of the best things in our surf world, better than Surfer Poll or The World Surf League’s Rookie of the Year race. I think it is fantastic.
If you are unaware, this is the second and features Dane Reynolds. Last year, Stab in the Dark 2015 featured Julian Wilson. And here’s what happens. The famous surfer is given a full quiver of white performance shortboards shaped by the best artisans in our world. He rides them each multiple times, I think, then lists his favorites from 1-10 or 1-13 or whatever the case may be.
The winner gets to claim that they are the best shaper in the world, I think. Last year DHD, Chilli and Mayhem ended up one, two and three.
And I love it so much because the shapers have true grit. Such guts! They put their reputations of the line in a very rare way. What if, say, Dane Reynolds picked you last? Would you question your very existence? I would. I truly and really marvel at their willingness to jump into the ring. Rare. And bravo to them.
Last night, Stab thanked all these shapers on Instagram, appropriately, for partaking in the competition which officially ends Thursday night. Except they forgot one.
Dane Reynolds surfboard sponsor Channel Islands!
The comments lit up with “Merrick?” “CI?” “What about CI?” “You forgot CI.” etc. etc. etc. The Channel Islands account also weighed in with a “?”
Stab eventually rectified in the comments, claiming that Channel Islands was left off due mechanical Instagram error but it made me wonder. Is there some darker conspiracy involving Sidney Blumenthal? Or possibly Putin himself?
Did the omission have something to do with the greater SurfStitch family of brands (FCS, Stab and Magic Seaweed) trying to drive CI’s price down so that Burton will be inclined to sell at a deep discount?
Is the first half of the ex-handsomest duo in action sport (Justin Cameron and Lex Pedersen) seeking revenge by embarrassing his old company in a well-timed blast?
Have I been reading too much political coverage?
Is there such thing as too much political coverage?
I trust WikiLeakes to divulge the true reason at an appropriate date.
Ain't Huntington Beach, California the grandest place on earth?
Did ya’ catch the debate last night? Amazing stuff. Top notch political theater. I was so excited to watch that I blew off an afternoon glass off in favor of sitting in front of my laptop. Streaming PBS and taking bong hits until my mind melted.
I’m very thankful I don’t have a dog in the race this election cycle. To recap: Hawaii’s polls close six hours after the East Coast, we only have four electoral votes (out of 270), and the state is tried and true blue. My vote don’t count for shit on the national stage. I couldn’t be happier.
I get to play observer, avoid becoming truly invested. I’d have a heart attack. Better to focus on the small stage campaigns over which I have some control. Stuff that’ll actually affect my life.
Plus! I’ve taken to grabbing my unsuspecting wife by the pussy every chance I get.
“It’s presidential,” I tell her. “Total power move. You love it.”
Of course, you’d have to be a total fucking idiot to think Trump presidency would do anything but usher in the End Times. Maybe that’s the case. There seems be a lot of overlap between the can’t-wait-for-Jesus-to-come-back zealots and the Make America White Again fascists.
I know a few of you read the preceeding, understood a few words, and got all upset because you’re voting for the buffoon. Feel free to unload the racist misogynist white terror vitriol in the comments.
Just keep in mind that I don’t care what you have to say. Because I think you’re a total fucking idiot.
However, I do appreciate you expressing yourself. I’d hate to not know which way you’re swinging. I might accidentally take you seriously one day.
I searched online to see if there was a surf-oriented Trump outreach organization. I didn’t expect to find one, but you never know. Some people have no shame.
You know who turned up? Dana Rohrabacher, the surfing congressman! US Representative for California’s 48th Congressional District, an area that encompasses Seal Beach, Sunset Beach, Huntington Beach, Midway City, parts of Westminster, Fountain Valley, parts of Santa Ana, Costa Mesa, Newport Beach, Aliso Viejo, Laguna Beach, and Laguna Niguel.
Rohrabacher loves to play up the surf angle. One of us!
But really he’s just one of those old dorks who’s surfed for decades but still manages to totally suck.
You know the type. Orange County is full of them. It’s why he keeps getting re-elected.
Rohrabacher supported Prop 8which banned gay marriage in California, doesn’t believe that global warming is real, got caught taking a bribe in 2005, voted for the war in Iraq, probably makes racist jokes when the room’s totally white, and
Orange County Congressman Dana Rohrabacher delivered a scathing rebuke of House Speaker Paul Ryan and other Republicans backing away from Donald Trump, saying this morning that the current conflict arising from Trump’s “hot mic” statement will actually help the GOP nominee get elected.
Rohrabacher called Ryan “cowardly” for saying that he would no longer defend Trump, instead focusing his campaign work on helping Republican House candidates.
“Leaders are supposed to stand firm and solid in moments of crisis,” the Costa Mesa Republican told the Register. “Instead, he’s in a panic. It’s not good leadership. … I think the Republicans who are backing away are gutless. We don’t have to just be concerned about saving House seats. We have to be concerned about saving the United States of America.”
I don’t really no what else to say, except that I know I take shots at Orange County often. I believe I’ve called it a “hellish honky shithole.” If I haven’t, I am now.
Yesterday’s second American presidential election debate took place in the very very very center of ‘Merica, just 13 hours up Interstate 44 from God’s great gift in Austin, Texas.
And it was a slugfest full of unpleasantries, rife with speculation about everything from sexual assaultto how your grandma doesn’t know how to use email encryption, topped off with a smattering of wry backhanded compliments that one would have thought were copyrighted after the publication of Welcome to Paradise, Now go to Hell! (Buy here!)
The debate was toned by the release of some archival footage of Donald Trump last Friday, after which every brand of mainstream politician immediately dumped Trump for his recorded tour bus remarks about caressing lady nether parts, made in jest to the elfish nephew/cousin of a couple of former American presidents.
Donnie didn’t have nothing to do with the Trump Hyuga Pro comp? Seriously?
Trump is actually the unfortunate name of a Japanese wetsuit company that sponsors that basket of deplorables known as professional longboarders? Including one whom an upstanding member of our illustrious comments section has suggested might be the world’s ugliest surfer?
Do you think the brand is at least considering a name change like ASAP?
Or will they get sued into a rebrand, bog down in endless litigation, and lose their grip on the booming professional longboard market?
Or will they just send the Republican nominee a care package of coozies and tablet cases with their stars and stripes logo?
Has Dave Prodan had to field endless questions from Anderson Cooper about WSL endorsement of ‘Merica’s most controversial pussy-grabber?