Turtle Bay Oahu
Gorgeous Turtle Bay on the North Shore.

Two teens dead in Turtle Bay shooting

One more incident proving that we shouldn't be allowed guns.

There’s not much real violence in Hawaii. Plenty fights, but usually nothing too serious. Just some guys scrapping over something dumb. Pretty easy to find some fisticuffs outside a bar post-midnight, but that’s the deal pretty much everywhere. Young men get drunk, don’t get laid, get in a fight.

Almost no gun violence. Because there aren’t many guns. Too hard, too expensive, to get your hands on them. And I’m cool with that. I dig guns, in theory. But in reality I think the average person is too stupid to handle the responsibility of owning a hunk of metal that slings chunks of lead at a million miles hour.  I’m definitely too stupid.

A study in 2014 showed that Hawaii has the lowest rate of gun deaths in the United States. Lowest household gun ownership numbers as well. )  Which makes me happy, makes me feel safer.

Yeah, there are always lunatic criminal types, but they mainly go after each other. Like the violence on Kauai. Tons of violent crimes in Kapaa, just down the road from my house. But it’s just chronics bashing each other over chronic drama. Garbage humans hurting other garbage humans over the garbage bullshit they think is important. Pretty much victimless crimes.

So it’s crazy to hear that two people, a seventeen year old girl and nineteen year old boy, were shot in the Turtle Bay parking lot last night. 

It’s apparently some sort of suicide. Or murder suicide, more likely.

Damn tragic, as always. One more incident proving that we shouldn’t be allowed guns. No matter how awesome they are, how fun they are, how well they can supposedly “protect” us.

I wish we lived in a world where we all could own guns. But we don’t.

Revealed: Nate Tyler hates boobs!

Finger painted ones!

I have never met anyone who hated curry. It is a staple from India to Thailand to Japan and very sought after in New York City.

But Nate Tyler hates curry.


The smell of curry reminds me of finger-painted boobs. My dad is a hippie and when I was young we would regularly travel to festivals and fairs in Oregon. There was everything that you’d expect from hippie fairs. Music, arts and crafts, expressions of free love and finger-painted boobs. Topless women would wander around with saggy boobs and swirls of paint, rushing and whirling toward unattractive nipples. And everyone was eating curry. I loathed the sight of those finger-painted boobs and now I loathe anything to do with curry.

Oh. I would hate curry too.

A dour looking young Kelly accepts defeat.
A dour looking young Kelly accepts defeat.

Victory: Hamilton wings Slater!

There is a new most popular kid in town!

Who is the most popular surfer in the world as measured through the fine, though imperfect, lens of social media?


Kelly is certainly very popular and the most popular man but the most popular person, as revealed by Transworld Business, is Kauai’s Bethany Hamilton!

Let’s look at the stats!

Beth has 4.3 million followers across platforms with an average engagement of around 17,000 fans per post.

Kelly wins Instagram (how could you not follow him? He’s a brilliant artist!) but Beth wastes him across Pintrest, Facebook, Twitter and GoGoInflight with her fans liking, commenting, not swearing… engaging so very often!

And does this surprise you? Surfing is, after all, still fairly to very misogynistic. Maybe it is changing? Maybe it is becoming more open, more even? Let’s hope!

While we’re at it, who do you follow on the socials?

Or do you not give two shits?

Watch: Kelly Slater Sing Like An Angel!

Get filled with the soft notes of Kelly Slater!

Do you remember the hoopla, justified in my opinion, surrounding Kelly Slater’s art show in Venice Beach last week? The multimedia exhibition was an examination of the prevailing stench coming from the US Federal election and featured the work of artists Bruce Reynolds, Kevin Ancell and Todd Glaser.

Kelly, of course, believes that big business and government are poisoned by the machinations of unseen evilThe show was called “Apolitical Process: a vision by Kelly Slater” and was, he says, “an artistic journey through the chaotic and sometimes inflammatory 2016 election cycle. It is our aim to explore and expose the underlying truth, hypocrisy, danger, motivations, misinformation and effects of this process.”

Apolitical also pointed out the cruelty of keeping killer whales in captivity.

The noted broadcaster David Lee Scales attended the event for BeachGrit but found his gaze more on Kelly’s Gucci sneakers than the exhibition.

“The vast majority of the exhibit was Bruce Reynolds’ work; which was very uninteresting to me. It’s an attempt at a political statement, a commentary on the absurdity of the 2016 presidential campaign in the US. The works are essentially sculptures, made of found items with a lot cultural touchstones and corporate brand references. I don’t get it. I wasn’t provoked. It just simply didn’t compel me… Kelly arrived midway through the evening and was swarmed with fans trying to get iPhone photos. His silly shoes were the highlight of the evening for me.”

Unfortunately, Mr Scales missed the highlight of the show, which was Kelly’s extended version of the Bob Marley standard One Love. Fortunately, for you, me, the great movie director Michael Oblowitz snatched the jam on his phone. 

And you can watch here!


Is it love? True love?
Is it love? True love?

Modern: Firewire’s pro-gay stance!

Finally but finally the surf world begins to celebrate diversity!

A very brilliant friend of mine told me recently about a Pulitzer-worthy short story he once wrote titled After Hours.

In it, the doors of the surf shop were shut for the day and the surfboards were free to speak with each other. Oh the fun! What do you imagine Matt Biolos’s Round Nose Fish would say to Channel Islands’ Rocket 9? Or Kelly Slater’s Sci-Fi to Darren Handley’s Skeleton Key?

So much to ponder.

But one thing is most certain. After the boards were done chatting with each other about various this and thats, about what Gorkin is up to or if anyone’s volume has increased substantially, they would gather around the Firewire Potato-nator, eyes wide, mouths wet and beg for stories from last night’s party.

And oh the stories that Firewire could tell! Stories detailing true love! Tales of wonderful passion!

A happy ending? It certainly looks that way.

It certainly looks that way.