Squashes, but only just, the tour rookie Kanoa Igarashi!
It’s an artistic picture. A humid Monday afternoon on the North Shore of Oahu. The entire world of surf tuned into two beautifully in-form surfers bobbing in a flat ocean. After half-an-hour, and four average rides, Tahitian Michel Bourez wins the Billabong Pipeline Masters from the surprise finalist, tour rookie Kanoa Igariashi.
“You know what?” says Michel. “That was the worst final I ever had. It stopped breaking.”
“It was a fizzer,” says the commentator Ronnie Blakey.
The day was anything but average. Three-to-five feet. Oil slick smooth.
There was a little jive here and there. Kelly Slater, whom you might count as the best surfer at Pipe and broker no argument, scored his lowest heat total ever in round four, a 2.24 total.
The Michel v Filipe round five heat? Both surfers rode with all the single-mindedness of burglars blowing a safe.
Were you gratified by Kolohe Andino’s hit-and-run of Jeremy Flores, who now drops out of the WCT? (Wait! No he don’t! He finished seventh on the WQS!)
Watch as Michel vamps like a motherfucker to squash John.
In the dying light, in a dying swell, the season of 2016 finishes.
Kanoa wraps his year beating Jordy Smith and Kelly Slater. His efforts slide close pal Zeke Lau onto the tour.
John John, the boy with a complexion a powdered milky white, anaemic but faintly handsome, wins the Triple Crown, adding the title to a year that included The Eddie and the World Title. The first surfer in history to accomplish such a thing.
Watch the final day highlights here!
Here’s the final top 10.
Billabong Pipe Masters Final Results:
1: Michel Bourez (PYF) 7.53
2: Kanoa Igarashi (USA) 6.17
Billabong Pipe Masters Semifinal Results:
SF 1: Michel Bourez (PYF) 15.37 def. Kolohe Andino (USA) 13.93
SF 2: Kanoa Igarashi (USA) 15.50 def. Kelly Slater (USA) 15.00
Billabong Pipe Masters Quarterfinal Results:
QF 1: Kolohe Andino (USA) 14.87 def. Jeremy Flores (FRA) 12.67
QF 2: Michel Bourez (PYF) 17.20 def. John John Florence (HAW) 14.00
QF 3: Kelly Slater (USA) 11.50 def. Josh Kerr (AUS) 10.24
QF 4: Kanoa Igarashi (USA) 18.03 def. Jordy Smith (ZAF) 15.74
Billabong Pipe Masters Round 5 Results:
Heat 1: Jeremy Flores (FRA) 15.17 def. Joel Parkinson (AUS) 4.53
Heat 2: Michel Bourez (PYF) 16.80 def. Filipe Toledo (BRA) 15.50
Heat 3: Kelly Slater (USA) 14.34 def. Ryan Callinan (AUS) 10.17
Heat 4: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 18.10 def. Nat Young (USA) 16.17
Billabong Pipe Masters Round 4 Results:
Heat 1: Kolohe Andino (USA) 13.66, Jeremy Flores (FRA) 10.16, Filipe Toledo (BRA) 5.00
Heat 2: John John Florence (HAW) 11.00, Michel Bourez (PYF) 9.17, Joel Parkinson (AUS) 8.83
Heat 3: Josh Kerr (AUS) 9.24, Ryan Callinan (AUS) 2.77, Nat Young (USA) 1.57
Heat 4: Kanoa Igarashi (USA) 12.00, Jordy Smith (ZAF) 11.34, Kelly Slater (USA) 2.24
Billabong Pipe Masters Round 3 Results:
Heat 12: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 15.34 def. Alex Ribeiro (BRA) 1.93
Likely the best wave of the event
Conspiracy theory, Rory was escorted off the island by the WSL.
Blood Fued???
Jezza’s going nowhere, he was seventh (now sixth) QS qualifier.
All this event did was confirm that the girls absolutely kicked the boys’s collective arses in 2016. If the boys let Kelly get anywhere near another title in 2017, they should all retire to his wave pool and sulk.
I enjoyed the women’s comps this year. Just wish the Maui Pro had finished in better surf. That was a downer.
Ooooooh, what’s the count for Futures vs. FCS this year? We’ve got the World Champ and Pipe Masters, at least!
Ok:
Wilko: FCS
Wilko: FCS
Seabass: Futures
JJF: Futures
Gabby: FCS
Mick: FCS
Kelly: FCS
Jordy: Futures
Keanu: FCS
JJF: Futures
Bourez: Futures
We’re on the come up!
Edit: +1(at least!) for the Title! Futures!
I think more pros would ride futures if the AM1 and AM2 didn’t have Channel Islands logos on them. Instead, we get everybody riding MF1 & MF2 in FCS II.
Audit Complete.
I saw some of jordys boards with the standard gearbox. Not futures made me say hmmm, oh I laminated them so while I was forging the Christian fish and signature,I noticed on the order card who they were for…
2016 was not going to let us go out with pumping pipe. Just be glad there were no fatalities.
In the water, on the beach or the BG newsroom?
I don’t think that Kanoa deserved the score to beat Kelly. Compared to his 9+ barrel against Jordy and Felipe’s perfect barrel against Michel (I think) that 8 something was really a mid to high 7.
I agree. I thought Kanoa would not get the score since I thought Kelly’s wave was better. It was a 7.2 to me.
It was Julian vs. Mendina2.0…. big backdoor wave, last minute, really not that much of a barrel, but spit and dramatic claim (and win)
His 10 was pretty damn impressive for a guy who is less than a charger at reef breaks.
He charged at big shallow Box at a tender age & his 10.0 today was an absolute ripper, the way he stalled, turned & turned again and whatever he did in that barrel. Shades of Medina. Not one-dimensional tube riding.
Once a again, where is Rory? Finding the perfect coconut bong whilst simultaneously waiting for an angel to piss on and clean his delicate butt hole?
A too-small bed, thin toilet paper, a twenty-dollar shuttle and a misread jibe by his stablemate Chas Smith led to Rory fleeing the island before filing his final story.
what a pussy…
Can anyone get a brutha a link? Rory’s bummed cuz we know how cool his chick is, I’m still blowing and eating and business looks great, thanks to her plan.
what was the jibe?
The line from the Stalinist story which ends with Chas’ take on the famous Martin Niemoller poem that originally hit on German intellectuals who didn’t speak up against the Nazis. In Chas’ version, Rory is convinced the passive-aggressive blogger line is him. Chas says it was Zach and JP Currie.
I leave you with an inspirational poem.
First they came for Red Bull, and I did not speak out—
Because I only drank Red Bull on long drives.
Then they came for Hawaiians, and I did not speak out—
Because I was a haole.
Then they came for the passive-aggressive surf bloggers, and I did not speak out—
Because I did not write for The Inertia.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.
Rory’s tripping, Rory, that was clearly not aimed at you.
No one will ever accuse Rory of being passive-aggressive.
This is fucking amazing.
It really is. I’ve put in a request at work to white list Beach Grit from the web filters. I can’t wait to get home from work to catch up on this shit.
Are you referring to the Hawaiin Blue remark?
I am genuinely disappointed. No offence to you Derek for today’s piece, but I was enjoying Rory’s NS stuff.
Yeah, I didn’t really expect to be writing the story hence its brevity, its lack of insight, its absence of detail.
20 shuttle? who you using?
it’s completely irrational how much Kanoa annoys me: he just seems the perfect anodyne WSL product who specialises in delivering a polished mediocrity which is enough to win heats. Maybe that isn’t irrational.
He fucking claimed a 2 point wave.
The big winner was the Grit with the clear victory over the soviets.
i’m not a big kanoa fan normally, but he earned my respect today. for someone that young to stay as cool and savvy as he did and to care that much about helping his friend, zeke,to qualify. there may be more to him than meets the eye.
Agree…he had a lot going on today and handled it pretty well.
He surfed very well but I agree…the claim on the 2-pointer (What? The WSL has the 2-point conversion now, Paul Speaker?) was pretty lame. But I don’t think it took away from his overall performance.