Squashes, but only just, the tour rookie Kanoa Igarashi!
It’s an artistic picture. A humid Monday afternoon on the North Shore of Oahu. The entire world of surf tuned into two beautifully in-form surfers bobbing in a flat ocean. After half-an-hour, and four average rides, Tahitian Michel Bourez wins the Billabong Pipeline Masters from the surprise finalist, tour rookie Kanoa Igariashi.
“You know what?” says Michel. “That was the worst final I ever had. It stopped breaking.”
“It was a fizzer,” says the commentator Ronnie Blakey.
The day was anything but average. Three-to-five feet. Oil slick smooth.
There was a little jive here and there. Kelly Slater, whom you might count as the best surfer at Pipe and broker no argument, scored his lowest heat total ever in round four, a 2.24 total.
The Michel v Filipe round five heat? Both surfers rode with all the single-mindedness of burglars blowing a safe.
Were you gratified by Kolohe Andino’s hit-and-run of Jeremy Flores, who now drops out of the WCT? (Wait! No he don’t! He finished seventh on the WQS!)
Watch as Michel vamps like a motherfucker to squash John.
In the dying light, in a dying swell, the season of 2016 finishes.
Kanoa wraps his year beating Jordy Smith and Kelly Slater. His efforts slide close pal Zeke Lau onto the tour.
John John, the boy with a complexion a powdered milky white, anaemic but faintly handsome, wins the Triple Crown, adding the title to a year that included The Eddie and the World Title. The first surfer in history to accomplish such a thing.
Watch the final day highlights here!
Here’s the final top 10.
Billabong Pipe Masters Final Results:
1: Michel Bourez (PYF) 7.53 2: Kanoa Igarashi (USA) 6.17
Billabong Pipe Masters Semifinal Results:
SF 1: Michel Bourez (PYF) 15.37 def. Kolohe Andino (USA) 13.93 SF 2: Kanoa Igarashi (USA) 15.50 def. Kelly Slater (USA) 15.00
Billabong Pipe Masters Quarterfinal Results:
QF 1: Kolohe Andino (USA) 14.87 def. Jeremy Flores (FRA) 12.67 QF 2: Michel Bourez (PYF) 17.20 def. John John Florence (HAW) 14.00 QF 3: Kelly Slater (USA) 11.50 def. Josh Kerr (AUS) 10.24 QF 4: Kanoa Igarashi (USA) 18.03 def. Jordy Smith (ZAF) 15.74
Billabong Pipe Masters Round 5 Results:
Heat 1: Jeremy Flores (FRA) 15.17 def. Joel Parkinson (AUS) 4.53 Heat 2: Michel Bourez (PYF) 16.80 def. Filipe Toledo (BRA) 15.50 Heat 3: Kelly Slater (USA) 14.34 def. Ryan Callinan (AUS) 10.17 Heat 4: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 18.10 def. Nat Young (USA) 16.17
Billabong Pipe Masters Round 4 Results:
Heat 1: Kolohe Andino (USA) 13.66, Jeremy Flores (FRA) 10.16, Filipe Toledo (BRA) 5.00 Heat 2: John John Florence (HAW) 11.00, Michel Bourez (PYF) 9.17, Joel Parkinson (AUS) 8.83 Heat 3: Josh Kerr (AUS) 9.24, Ryan Callinan (AUS) 2.77, Nat Young (USA) 1.57 Heat 4: Kanoa Igarashi (USA) 12.00, Jordy Smith (ZAF) 11.34, Kelly Slater (USA) 2.24
Billabong Pipe Masters Round 3 Results:
Heat 12: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 15.34 def. Alex Ribeiro (BRA) 1.93
The Tahitian delivers a resounding blow in the quarters!
It was the heat of the day, the year even! Not really the year and maybe not even the day but it was a very good heat. Michel “The Spartan” Bourez beat John “John” Florence in his own front/backyard (depending on which way the main Florence home entrance faces)!
And did you watch it? Did you see? If not hurry up and try and find a heat on demand. The World Surf League will certainly scrub it soon because do you know who Michel wears on his forehead? Do you know who pays him some $$$$? Do you know what he drinks when he needs wiiiiiiings?
Trotsky to the WSL’s Lenin!
Thankfully you have your BeachGrit. Look at the above picture and know that we prize truth above all.
During the Soviet Union, Stalin made sport of altering history. Let us read from the archives of the University of Minnesota.
The most common examples of photograph alteration and falsification come from communist Russia. Unwanted persons, so-called “enemies of the people” were not only killed, but also removed from photographs where their presence was unwanted. Photographs were altered with the intent of changing the past.
Leon Trotsky was a close friend of Lenin, and shared his idealistic ideas about the communist state. In the following photographs he can be seen together with Lenin.
The next set of images are nearly identical, however Trotsky is removed from both photographs.
The historical reason for this alteration is that Stalin eventually began to see Trotsky as a threat and labeled him an “enemy of the people”. After he was deported from the Soviet Union in 1929, Trotsky critisized Stalin’s leadership, arguing that the dictatorship Stalin exercised was based on his own interests, rather than those of the people. This contributed substantially to Trotsky’s removal from photographs and history.
And it made me wonder if, in the future, Adriano de Souza’s championship will be scrubbed from the official record, like his Red Bull hat.
Do you want to live in a world where ADS did not hoist the trophy as high as those little arms could hoist? Where hope is stripped away from the working man? Where our only form of energy is Monster?
And we should all take action to stop this menace because I might be next. You might be next.
Scrubbed from surf history.
I leave you with an inspirational poem.
First they came for Red Bull, and I did not speak out—
Because I only drank Red Bull on long drives.
Then they came for Hawaiians, and I did not speak out—
Because I was a haole.
Then they came for the passive-aggressive surf bloggers, and I did not speak out—
Because I did not write for The Inertia.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.
Ror Parker writes with all the innocence and wonder of a child!
The hell wind died last night. Unfortunately, the swell did too.
Not totally. It’s a fun, overhead day at Backdoor. The odd bomb rolling in. Good waves, great surfing. It’s not a day that’ll go down in history, but more than worth pointing your eyeballs toward.
The wife arrived on island yesterday, we’ve got a room booked at the Turtle Bay for the weekend. Ocean view, which means it overlooks the pool and points toward shore. You can’t see the horizon, but you can see Kawela Bay. So it counts, barely, I guess.
Not that I really care. I’ve spent my time watching the ocean, don’t need to sit on my balcony and do it some more.
I do care about the toilet paper. Single fucking ply at $300 per night! Outright criminal. If I wanted to bring my own lovely Kirkland brand ass wipes I’d stay in a fucking hostel.
Ditto for the shuttle to Ehukai. I’ve been hearing about it for years. Always used as yet another example of the WSL’s dedication to eco-consciousness. I was thrilled to have access. Meant I didn’t need to wake up early and battle for a parking spot on the side of Kam Highway. Housekeeping came banging on my door at eight am, didn’t get much of a lie in anyway.
Drank some coffee I brewed in our in-room Keurig. I wonder how many plastic cups they dispose of each day. Called the concierge to find out the shuttle schedule. She couldn’t tell me, I’d have to go down to the lobby and ask. Thanks for the help!
The next one leaves at 12:30, the last return is at 4 on the dot. If you miss it you’re pretty well fucked.
It’s $20 per person. Sixty-dollars total for the wife, myself and a friend.
Just more green-washed bullshit. A cynical cash-grab masquerading as altruism.
They smelled smoke on me at the check-in desk. Kept repeating the $300 charge if I smoke in the room. The balcony counts as the room. I’d love to toss a trio of c-notes in someone’s face, light up in the lobby. But I realize it’s probably cheaper to pay housekeeping to ignore the smell.
Sundown drinks at the pool bar is always great. Sucking down rum punch, the wife ordered a martini. Received a glass of chardonnay with olives in it. Both drinks are equally foul, in my opinion.
The first four heats saw the end of each wildcard’s run. Beschen didn’t do great. World-class barrel rider without a singlet on, but he’s never been much of a contest surfer.
Finn fell out too, but for a second it looked like he was taking down Parko. What a thing that would have been! Joel’s last wave was a hair over-scored, in my mind the match up went to the teen. But Finn don’t care. He nearly beat Joel, at sixteen that’s as good as actually doing it.
Bruce failed, as always. Got taken down by ADS at Backdoor. Jeez…
Fredrico Morais is out as well. Not sure what it does to his Triple Crown hopes. It obviously doesn’t help, but I have no idea whether he’s still in contention.
So no wildcard spoilers this year. That’s too bad. But it’s no accident.
Overlapping heats all day. A necessity based on local regulations. But it’d be a good format to adopt year round. Push through the loser rounds quickly. Shorten the length of the event. A lot of people don’t like the repechage heats, and I understand their reasons. But they do a good job of removing some of the luck element. Gives guys a do-over in case a heat goes flat. Or just straight sucks.
They do make the events interminably long. Running in tandem brings a conclusion about a little quicker.
Which, today, is something I’m feeling. The surf is great, there’s magic in the water. Flashes of it, at least. But I just can’t get into it. I don’t know what the problem is. Probably something wrong with my head. Maybe just sick and tired of Oahu. Over the crowds, fighting for parking, sitting in traffic. People people people.I’ve been here too long. Couldn’t pay attention, couldn’t make myself care.
The pool bar sounded better. Overpriced piña coladas, sunburned tourists, mobs of flailing kooks at the point. It was a tempting option. Drive back toward Kawela Bay, order a few cocktails, stream the event poolside. Retire to an a/c chilled hotel room, watch guys fall off from a cushy bed with the comforter pulled up around my neck. Toss a bone at the wife with the curtains open. Stare at everyone below. It’s like I’m fucking them too!
Also, she is not interested in surfing at all. Dragging around a bored spouse isn’t the best idea. And I’m gonna do it tomorrow too.
Turned around, headed back to ersatz paradise. Made it in time to watch Igarashi knock out Wilson. Second time Kainoa has made it past round three this year. First event and last event.
Slightly bummed I missed Slater putting on a Backdoor clinic. Which is the name of my favorite imaginary porn flick. Or maybe not imaginary. I’ve gotta check my external hard drive.
Conner nearly stole the win with his last wave. Came up just short. Double bird to the judges. Do they fine for that?
Honestly, I’m giving it to Slater.
That’s it for the day. Hopefully tomorrow finds some fresh motivation.
“I am really happy with my year,” said Medina. “It was a good year and I want to thank everyone who was involved. Now I am off to Brazil to relax with my family and friends. It is going to start all over again pretty soon. I am going to start training and will be back next year. I feel really good and confident for next year.”
“It was a fun year for sure to be a defending champion,” said De Souza. “I’m excited for next year. I think it will be way different for me because I’ll have way more time to prepare for the season. This contest is really special for me and every time I come to Pipe I’m so grateful to everyone for their help. When you’re not winning contests it’s frustrating, but I just have to enjoy being here. I’ve been coming to this contest for 10 years so I’ve been learning from the best.”
Monday will see an easing trend, although fun to mid size surf looks possible through the day (favoring Backdoor). Surf in the head high to a foot or two overhead range on sets looks likely.
We continue to monitor a new swell for Tuesday from a storm now over the Aleutian Islands. This storm and swell are much better aimed at areas north and east of Hawaii, with this looking like more of a glancing blow for the islands. It appears that our Surfline swell model is too ‘hot’ on this swell right now, so the surf size for Tuesday (above) take that into account and is very conservative as compared to model guidance. As we gather further data on the storm and swell we’ll adjust as necessary. Stay tuned.