Two of the greatest surfers on earth bog and flail! They're just like us!
Did you stay up late (in America) or spend your holiday (in Australia) waiting for Kelly Slater vs. Mick Fanning in Round Three of the Bells Classic brought to you by Barton Lynch and ski gloves? The match materialized, after Fanning beat Ethan Ewing. Kelly Slater had gone straight from Round One after beating Josh Kerr and Ian Gouveiar. It was hinted that this was the earliest in a professional surf event the two titans had ever met.
It was an Easter Miracle!
Both surfers have been on, or near, the top for so long that expectations soared. Plus the waves at Winkipop seemed custom made for a clean, knowledgeable attack. And lets not forget Mick’s attempted take-down of Kelly at Snapper. Asking him about his oven mitt or something to which Kelly kicked Mick under the nearest passing bus.
They paddled out, the world on the edge of its seat, and…
…surfed terribly! Both of them! Hitching turns, bogging rail, falling, falling, falling, mistiming sections, claiming 6 point rides, paddling way to far up the point, falling.
I have no idea which angle Stab was watching. Their morning’s coverage reads:
The biggest matchup of the day went down between Mick Fanning and Kelly Slater in heat four of round three. And while Kelly certainly showed up, Mick was efficient, utilising a similar tactic in vein to his heat prior with Ethan. Mick’s critical wave selection provided him with the long, open faces he needed in order to wrap and run circles around Kelly. With two scoring rides of a 7.00 and 6.50, Mick sent Kelly packing from the Australian leg of the tour after he managed to pick up only a 6.83 and 5.60.
None of this happened, other than the scores, which brings us to the true Easter Miracle.
For one brief 40 minute window in time every third surfer from Tijuana to Ventura and every second surfer from Melbourne to Surfers Paradise was better than both Kelly Slater and Mick Fanning. Pat yourself on the back and order yourself a custom made WSL singlet with your name on it.
Way to go, tiger. You earned it.
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Just few hours after the heat elimination by Mick Fanning, KS put a show to WSL staff in order to kickout Margaret River or Rio Pro, and sell the idea to… The First, But Not So Much, Unique and True Wavepool Event on WSL….
The shot was taken at the moment KS was singing a jingle, and Stryder take the mic to put an observation..
“Wavepool!!! Wavepool!!! Wavepool!!! tan tan tan
What do you want Ronnie? tan tan tan
Wavepool!!!! tan tan tan
What do you want Pete? tan tan tan
Wavepool!!! tan tan tan
And what do you want Joe? tan tan tan
Wavepool!!! tan tan tan
And you Mr Speaker??? tan tan tan
Wavepool of course!!! tan tan tan
And you Pottz my mate, what do you want? tan tan tan
Baaaanng, Wavepool!!! tan tan tan
And you Stryder, what do you want???… tan tan tan
A sled!!!… … … … No no no!!! Wavepool!!! Wavepool!!!
Tan tan tan
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Kelly really looked his age!! He still got the turns, but where he is looking past his “use by date” is the transition and set up between turns. He looks slow there and out of rhythm and sync. Mick not much better, their heat was slow too.
Thought Julian got torched as well
We expect so much from Kelly don’t we, obvious given his success. He just doesn’t have that edge anymore. Hasn’t had it for several years now. Outside pumping Cloudbreak or Pipe he just can’t match high performance surfing in average waves anymore. He should be running the WSL, or doing commentary, or building wave pools or something. Hope he proves me wrong
Not a big fan of Julian, wasn’t upset when 3-thumbs-up beat him
Spot on. Not huge fan Jdub either but thought he probably deserved the win – and the fact that had 7 bet swing for $2 to win $80 and he was my miss!!!
No no his objective now is throw away a event, any event he could, in order to put the new, First Unique and True Wavepool Event on WSL…
Is this or the… 12… with his bananas, tomos, and sort of any board he could invent…
Eh?
I’m ready
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You know…I was going to say that every BG’er was going to fight over 69 but I figured that was too cliche.
Put me down for number 19..
That’s my number. Now what wsl? Does it go to the highest seed?
That, ladies and gentleman, may be the best sperm joke BG has ever seen.
Wow an article claiming we could all get at least 3’s at Bells and now we should get WSL custom singlets. Careful Chas you are creating an army of Kenny Powers that will be demanding entry as local wild cards. How funny is that concept by the way?
The real story of the day was the fact that John John only said the word “fun” once in his post heat interview.
Are you suggesting that he should be known as Fun Fun Florence instead?
Triple-F.
The Effelump.
Could work.
Pro-Surfer media lessons 101. Key words Super and Fun, may be mixed.
Are you kidding me?
Ummmm, yes.
I’m tying to comment but I am distracted by a picture of Ellen kissing a dude and a caption claiming that she is coming out as straight. Yuck. Is everyone else seeing this horrific shit or is it just me?
Brah, that shit has been there for months. That, and those stupid fucking planes landing.
I thought I turned off the “photo feature” on the ad’s?? I only get text headlines??
I get videos and they stop the music that I’m listening to. Pain the bum.
From the Disqus comments section? or the Beachgrits sponsors?
That’s not Ellen. That is Strider.
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The esteemed surf journalist, Matt Warshaw, claimed during the Fanning-Ewing clash that Mick looked unstoppable.
I do believe that those are blood feud words, are they not, Chas???