Today, your pals Derek and Chas were busy.
Derek stuck at 6:45 am twenty minutes from home, car-less,
maybe covered in the scent of a woman.
Chas mired in Hollywood traffic at 1:45 pm a full two hours from
his trusty laptop. The slightest touch of dried saltwater clinging
to his inner nostril.
Like cocaine.
Both happy. But then a scoop!
Laird Hamilton explains to TMZ thats sharks attack women on
their periods.
Brilliant. Necessary.
But how to post?
Chas quickly called Derek who began sprinting home then pulled
off the freeway to write these very words on his cracked iPhone
SE.
And dear readers, may I present to you Laird Hamilton explaining
to TMZ that sharks attack women on their periods.
Surf film is our most important art. Let us
celebrate accordingly.
Film is an incomparably important part of the
surf experience. It shows us what we can achieve, how high we can
soar, how beautifully we can dance. Film elevates, teaches,
inspires and connects us all. We may be scattered around God’s blue
earth but when we watch a movie or a clip, we watch it together as
one. Film makes us who we are.
And it is with all this gravitas in mind that your humble
servants at BeachGrit have spent the last two years
compiling a list of the 5 best surf clips of all time. We have
watched every second and discussed relative merits, bouncing our
thoughts off experts in the field, polling professional surfers,
analyzing and painstakingly measuring. While our exact methodology
will be kept secret it is my great privilege to present you with
our findings.
5. Kelly Slater gets beat up by bodyboarder Paul
Roach.
Feel free to watch the entire clip from Kelly in Taylor Steele’s
near-masterpiece Momentum but the clip from this film that makes it
onto the list of best ever is the first 40 odd seconds. Paul
Roach’s technique is near flawless. Artful.
4.Gary Busey dodges draft.
Big Wednesday is a classic. The movie captures the essence of what
it means to be a surfing scofflaw and while Jan-Michel Vincent was
its handsome star and went on to have many great successes Gary
Busey steals his thunder here.
3. Bodhi surfing Bells Beach.
The Hundred Year Storm that was prophesied in the original Point
Break film was everything. Our hearts were in our throats as Bodhi
and John Utah tussled on the sand a we were all winners that they
did not move the event to Winkipop that day. Vaya con dios.
2. Mahalo you fucking surfers.
You goddamn nerds. This sums up everything. It is us and it is
beautiful to behold. Kenny Power titty fucking the wave. Sponging
up the ocean with his big ol’ dick. It is perfection. Clean, simple
perfection.
1. Shaun Tomson + Shane Dorian.
In a surprise to no one who actually surfs, the great Shaun Tomson
having a heart-felt chat with Shane Dorian is the best surf clip of
all time. If you don’t have tears in your eyes after watching then
you are not a surfer at all. You are just a goddam nerd.
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There's enough acid in Yago's surfing to burn a hole in
your carpet! Just ask Kolohe, John John, Gabriel and MIck Fanning!
| Photo: WSL
And, today, after his third place at the Oi Rio Pro, Yago will
now compete at the OuterKnown Fiji Pro as a wildcard.
From the presser…
Yago Dora (BRA) caused a sensation as
a wildcard at the Oi Rio Pro where he wreaked havoc by eliminating
three WSL Champions, Mick Fanning
(AUS), Gabriel Medina
(BRA) and John John Florence
(HAW) en route to the Semifinals, where he was
defeated by eventual winner Adriano De Souza
(BRA). “I’m very thankful that the WSL has given me the wildcard to
compete in Fiji,” said Yago. “Qualifying for the CT is my dream and
another chance to surf against my heros in Fiji is unbelievable. I
went to Fiji already this year to surf Cloudbreak. I didn’t get it
perfect, but I got an idea of what the waves can do. I can’t wait
for the event.”
Fanning, three-time WSL Champion, was eliminated by Dora at
Saquarema and had this to say about the young Brazilian: “I only started hearing about him (Dora) a couple of years ago
– little snippets here and there,” Fanning said. “But to see him
live…he’s the real deal. He’s a great surfer, and to take out as
many World Champions as he did, that’s not something to sneeze at.
I think he has a bright future. He’s only young, and he’s going to
get really good. It’s exciting. I really like seeing the young guys
come up and throwing a cat amongst the pigeons.” Dora will take on current WSL No. 2 Jordy Smith
(ZAF) and Kanoa Igarashi
(USA) in Heat 5 of Round 1.
Let’s re-watch Yago’s road to almost glory in Rio here.
Is there someone in your family whose star
shines so much brighter than your own? Who steals the air from the
reunion when they walk in? Who throws everything you’ve tried
to accomplish in your life into sharp relief?
There is someone in mine. My slightly older cousin and his name
is Dan Courson.
I used to mock him and call him Nurse Dan because he went to
school and got a nursing degree but the joke was really on me
because you want to know what Nurse Dan did next?
He robbed 21 banks in Orange and San Diego counties.
That might be more banks than I have ever even been inside. 21
banks and then he got caught but tried to escape by faking
appendicitis but then got tackled in the parking lot by what he
said was a San Diego State track star. I found it somewhat hard to
believe that a San Diego State track star was working as a hospital
jail guard but Matt Warshaw once told me the only reason anyone
goes to San Diego State is to drink beer and surf so maybe.
I visited him in the hoosegow once and drank coffee with him a
few times after he did his eight years. It always seemed like a
bargain to me, by the way. Eight years for 21 banks plus an
attempted escape.
He seemed down on his possibilities in the world but I told him
to chin up. He was a bank robber and I was a surf journalist. His
possibilities smoked mine. He nodded while looking into the
distance and gave me a half-hearted, “Yeah.”
And then he became an art and jewel thief. A bank robber. An art
thief. A jewel thief. It was like all my favorite Pierce Brosnan
characters got rolled into one.
And then he got written about in a Mormon newspaper. Let’s read
the Deseret News together.
Police say a “highly intelligent” Park City con man
befriended a fine-art aficionado with a severe illness, then waited
until the ailing collector stepped out one day and robbed his
Southern California home of about $1 million in jewelry,
checkbooks, cash and top-dollar paintings.
The June 2015 heist hit a snag.
The homeowner returned before Daniel David Courson could
finish loading the haul, including “large amounts of cash,” in a
stolen silver Tacoma, authorities said. Courson fled before police
arrived.
Now, Park City officers say Courson is living in their
upscale Utah mountain town. On Monday, they believed they were
about to nab the suspect who is in his early 40s, but someone
tipped Courson off beforehand and he eluded them.
“He is highly intelligent and able to reinvent himself in
new towns wherever he goes,” Tustin police said in a Tuesday
prepared statement.
Wait. Did Pierce Brosnan ever steal from anyone with a severe
illness? Is Surf Journalist Chas cooler than Nurse Dan again?
The World Surfing Games, held by the
International Surfing Association, are currently underway in
Biarritz, France and you don’t care. But let’s turn to our very own
DrunkenAngel for further analysis.
we need an article about the isa champs. ffs there are
fuckers in this comp who cannot even paddle out past the whitewater
and surf worse than my 90 year old grandmother during another
raging hemorrhoid infection. this is what the world will see for
the olympics? there are people sponsored who literally surf worse
than chas. wtf? and the crowds. not one. not two. but noone at all
on the beach. NOONE. fucking pony wanking championships get more
fans watching. this aint the olympic spirit. this is goddamn
leftover spermatoza after a shameful wank to 90s porn magazine –
yes, print – spirit. i am not a fucking elitest. we all suck. and
sucky surfing is fine. but dont go fucking declaring this is
somehow elite or even gutter level surfing. if someone manages to
do an air reverse they’ll shit their diapers.
Real quick, are you saying I can get sponsored? And also the
phrase “we all suck. and sucky surfing is fine. but dont go
fucking declaring this is somehow elite or even gutter level
surfing.” is inspired.
But lastly, the World Surfing Games got me thinking about
surfers, in general, and the idea of nationalism. Is the modern
nation-state, Westphalian sovereignty for our purposes,
antithetical to our core selfishness?
Like, could you ever be bothered to cheer country over
personality? Oh of course we cheer against nationalities
from time to time (Brazil) but that is only because many of us are
white and deeply fearful of the impeding loss of global
domination.
Could you ever, though, proudly wave your country’s flag when it
came to surfing? I think America is great (again) and all, I ain’t
no self-loather and will always/forever cheer Clifton James Hobgood
but…. I don’t know. I just can’t be fucked with the rest of it.
Plus, let’s be honest, only America, Australia and Brazil have
enough legitimately good surfers to matter. Three countries in the
whole wide world.
But am I wrong? Is nationalism the future of surfing?
