"It's like carrying a lightning rod!"
Today, your pals Derek and Chas were busy. Derek stuck at 6:45 am twenty minutes from home, car-less, maybe covered in the scent of a woman.
Chas mired in Hollywood traffic at 1:45 pm a full two hours from his trusty laptop. The slightest touch of dried saltwater clinging to his inner nostril.
Like cocaine.
Both happy. But then a scoop!
Laird Hamilton explains to TMZ thats sharks attack women on their periods.
Brilliant. Necessary.
But how to post?
Chas quickly called Derek who began sprinting home then pulled off the freeway to write these very words on his cracked iPhone SE.
And dear readers, may I present to you Laird Hamilton explaining to TMZ that sharks attack women on their periods.
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Dear God, man. Just. Stop. Talking. Why does he always sound less intelligent than a 16-year-old stoner kid?
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Oh, its all about that “Built-in Backup Braid Technology”
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At first I was shocked by lairds comments and the bubble they burst but then the BG comments made me giggle and laugh so at that point I knew we would be ok.
This is why Laird brought the mainland the SUP, keeps the bloody hidey pouches out of the water
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LAIRD LAUGHS AT DANGER. HE RIDES SHARKS WITH PERIOD POWER
No worries, ladies, just use Shark Banz brand Tampons.
You can’t script this
The Surfer Girl With Her Period has long been a target of sexist rhetoric from angry white males who deem her culpable for any objectification or animosity that comes her way by interested sharks. By surfing while bloody, The Surfer Girl With Her Period has advanced a renegade, self-reflexive sexuality that’s threatening to the established order found in the sport’s strict heteropatriarchal landscape.
My top turn/hack attracts the ladies. Just sayin’.
It was unprovoked too! He just put it out there only hearing himself and trying to cover it up 30secs later. Classic Laird.
Well that’s it, surf culture has peaked. It’s all downhill from here folks.
Laird is providing both rationale and support for the WSL’s decision to confine Women’s Contests to a shorter waiting “period”.
Bloody good point, mate.
True, no point stringing them along
Well, why not, my wife attacks me on hers.
I’m looking forward to reading the inertia’s indignant take on this! (did I just write that – hangs head in shame) Speaking of iPhones, I’m having serious issues with your site on my 4S, I know it’s ancient but fucking hell…
Two thumbs up for Chas. This is gold.
This stuff writes itself!
“…just step out of the car… hands behind your head, BEHIND YOUR HEAD! He’s GOT A GUN !! BLAM BLAM BLAM”.
Laird’s chiselled frame slumps to the sidewalk, an aluminium drink container falls from his right hand and kale, almond milk and hemp seed smoothie pools on the hot bitumen. His left hand too, slowly unclasps, and a small, half open plastic baggie drops as far as his little finger, where it catches and slowly rotates, the gritty, white powder within catching reflections of the relentless sun.
CUT!
I appreciate the creative risk you took with this comment, and feel it should have more upvotes than it currently does.
You’re too kind…I thought the whole thing was more ‘Cops’ helmetcam than TMz.
biola u next commencement speaker?
Laird is pretty unnecessary I reckon.
Laird is so necessary for BG content, that if he didn’t exist, Chas would have to invent him.
Laird made Laird mythological. Chas made Laird legendary.
It sounds like you are Laird and speaking in the third person. “Laird likes commenting on BG. Laird sometimes upvotes Laird’s own comments.”
umm….Laird smells something burning in the kitchen. Gotta go.
You’ll find I only comment on BG. The Inertia and Stab deserve no recognition from this keyboard warrior my friend. Fuck them. I can’t even bring myself to help their site traffic numbers. If it ain’t here, it ain’t worth learning.
p.s. the upvote was for the “bloody” pun. wasn’t meant to be an exercise in narcissism.
I love Laird almost as much as Laird loves Laird.