jetski collision
"These two fuckwits almost killed about five people today with their jetski out the alley," writes Brett Levingston. | Photo: @photos_13

Brace: You won’t believe what happens next etc.

Ah, maybe you will… 

Jetskis in the surf. Oh they’re incomparable, even when the surf is four foot and below. No paddling. No dealing with messy takeoffs. No wave too steep. No crowd too thick to penetrate. In and Out. A happy cocoon where reality rarely penetrates.

Sometimes it does go awry. But what are you going to do? Once that little jet slips out of the water your machine is at the mercy of hydrodynamics.

Two days ago, the photographer Luke Workman, who is only sixteen, snatched this sequence of a jetski team pushing the limits (and commented upon by local shredder Brett Levingston on Instagram below).

https://www.instagram.com/p/BVjelaEjPMc/?taken-by=waterbubbla&hl=en

It’s a fine sequence. A flourish. A treasure.

As the photographer Luke Workman told the Gold Coast Bulletin this morning,

Everyone was just amazed and in shock after they fell, he got sucked backwards into the wave while his mate was in the barrel,” the Currumbin local said.

“They were on one of the smaller waves that came through as well.”

He said the pair managed to get back to their ski and continued surfing among boardriders using paddle power to battle the relentless northerly current, which speeds up in big swell on the Gold Coast.

Is there a happy ending?

Of course!

After a legion of comments on Brett Levingston’s IG saying things like “fucking kooks” and “what a fucking hazard” and “lucky no one died” and so forth, a man purporting to be the ski rider writes,

Hey mate I actually was going to find you and apologise for get angry at you. Was no need for this but. You don’t know me. Bit harsh in your comments but that’s your opinion.

To which, Levingston replies,

hey mate appreciate the apology , you were doing the wrong thing multiple times and had close calls with more than a few of my friends. I was only concerned for everyone’s safety and the potential for the fun to be ruined for everyone. Hope you get some waves, stay safe

Isn’t surfing one long happy journey!


Mitch Parko makes the case for manpower | Photo: @dpasqualephoto

Watch: “As good as Burleigh gets!”

Be honest, could you make one of these tubes?

And goddamnit, the whole world is in flames!

Not in the North Korea is nuking everyone kind of way (yet), but in the oceans are firing across the globe kind of way.

Just this week you could have surfed pumping waves in Indo, Fiji, Tahiti, all of South and Central America, J-Bay, Namibia, and even Australia’s east coast. The Southern Ocean is mostly to thank but also maybe climate change.

Now, before I get roasted by Longtom (again), the reason I wasn’t willing or able to chase any of these swells is because 1. I’m headed to Costa Rica in a week, 2. I’m in the process of moving and 3. I’ve picked up a secondary job (more on that later).

But back to Australia’s east coast.

If you haven’t seen it on Instagram or Surfline or mysurf.tv, you can see it now! Burleigh Heads, a famous pointbreak twenty minutes north of slightly more famous pointbreaks, went XXM the other day.

What Burleigh lacks in vertical height it makes up for with the length and girth of its member. The tube is brown and thick and everything a girl (or boy) could want. Watch and be amazed!

A mesmerizing display of tube riding, don’t you think?

I was most impressed by Mitch Parkinson, who not only took the initiative to paddle through an ungodly current and stiff offshores, but also managed to raid deeper and darker tombs than the lot of PWCunts. **Edit: Except for Bede!

That said, stepping-off into those freight trains must have been euphoric. Bede, Hippo, Bottle, and all the rest scored the tubes of our lives while we watched colored blobs move across a monitor. C’est la vie.

One last thing — Goldcoast locals, is this really “as good as Burleigh gets”? I tend to think that it was maybe 3x better in 2005, but maybe I’m just nostalgic.


That doesn't look like a Volcom t-shirt. Do you think Georgia May is going to get fined?
That doesn't look like a Volcom t-shirt. Do you think Georgia May is going to get fined? | Photo: @georgiamayjagger instagram

Volcom: “True to this since forever!”

Mick Jagger's daughter admits, "I knew about Volcom when I was younger!"

Volcom is a surf brand that was formed in Newport Beach/Costa Mesa in 1991. It was once very core and cool and its tagline used to be Youth Against Establishment. Bruce Irons used to surf with Volcom’s Stone logo on the nose of his board. So did… Ozzie Wright.

Now, I think, its tagline is True to This though the This is unspecified. Maybe the This refers to Georgia May Jagger.

Mick Jagger’s daughter is now the face the once very core and cool Volcom. She says:

I knew about Volcom when I was younger… My life has always been naturally surrounded by skateboarding and music. Even without thinking about it, I just always find myself attracted to the city, street culture and musicians.

-Georgia May Jagger

 

Let’s make this into a poem!

I knew about Volcom when I was younger

My life has always been

naturally surrounded

by skateboarding

and music even without thinking about it

I just always

find

myself attracted to the city

street culture

and musicians

If that don’t get you surf stoked I don’t know what will!


Rude: Sharks bully autistic kids!

A beautiful camp shut down by whitey!

And you already knew that sharks were assholes but did you know they were bullies too? Like the worst sort of bullies who pick on the truly defenseless. On those who already encounter many obstacles in their lives.

Sons of bitches. Sons of bitches all of them.

Just today there was supposed to be very fun camp at Doheny State Beach, just north of San Clemente, where autistic kids could learn to surf. Even the thought of it warms my heart! But that is all it will remain. A a warm thought. Thanks to the sons of shark bitches.

The Orange County Register reports:

A camp that helps teach autistic children to surf postponed its event planned for Wednesday, June 21, at Doheny State Beach because of the threat of sharks in the area, its organizer said Tuesday.

Surfers Healing is an O.C.-based nonprofit that puts autistic children on surfboards with volunteers so they can experience the feeling of catching a wave. It was founded by Israel and Danielle Paskowitz, who have a son with autism who inspired their venture. Israel is the son of the late surf icon Dorian “Doc” Paskowitz, whose large Orange County family was dubbed “the first family of surfing.”

“While we have had many inquiries over the past weeks about the Orange County shark sightings, nothing in the weeks leading up to the event or in our discussions with beach personnel have indicated that there was any increased level of concern for Doheny … However, we were informed this morning that over the past two days a couple of great white sharks have been swimming through the line-up – both unusually close to surfers and right in the exact area that we hold our event.

“After discussing with authorities … we came to the conclusion that we could not in good conscience look everyone in the eye and tell you that it would be safe. A number of city beaches have closed because of this and the state beach at Doheny is on “advisory,” which means that they are nearing a potential closure as well,” the group said in a Facebook post.

No good shark bastards. And where are the shark advocates now? Are they taking the shark’s bullying even further by targeting autistic kids though social media?

Probably.


Victory: “The Circle of Honor!”

"When the hundreds of surfers joined hands, there was an energy going through them. A feeling of love!"

Did you think the fine people of Huntington Beach could do it? Did you really think they could link at least 500 people in the “Circe of Honor” thereby crushing the old Guinness record for “number of surfers participating in a paddle out?” Did you even know that paddle outs were competitive?

Well it ain’t called Surf City, USA for nothing!

511 people, to be exact, formed a blob underneath grey skies yesterday morning and… well let’s allow the Los Angeles Times to bring you the thrill.

More than 500 surfers braved choppy water Tuesday morning to form a record-breaking circle near the Huntington Beach Pier to help raise awareness of the International Surfing Museum and promote Huntington Beach as the potential Olympic surfing village for the 2024 Summer Games, for which Los Angeles is being considered.

It took 511 surfers, to be exact, to claim the Guinness world record for largest paddle-out as they formed the Surfing Circle of Honor. Guinness adjudicator Jimmy Coggins was on hand to monitor the record on International Surfing Day.

About 60 other surfers entered the water but were unable to reach the circle just beyond the pier because of the choppy surf and strong currents.

It took about two hours for the surfers to paddle past the breakers into smoother water where they could form the circle.

Diana Dehm, the event organizer and executive director of the surfing museum on Olive Avenue, said she was overjoyed by the success of the project she had spent months putting together.

Dehm stood at the end of the pier giving orders from a megaphone to get the circle in order while hundreds of onlookers lined up to catch a glimpse of the historic feat.

A massive circle of pool noodles the surfers were supposed to hold onto drifted and eventually broke in the water, causing Dehm to make the call for the surfers to join hands instead.

As the last surfers joined together, the Huntington Beach High School band played and the crowd erupted in applause.

Several city officials were in attendance.

Mayor Barbara Delgleize said she was “stoked” that the city got to showcase why it should be the surfing village for the Summer Games. Delgleize had worked closely with Dehm for months to put on the project.

Councilman Billy O’Connell and Planning Commissioner Dan Kalmick were among those who took to the waves.

Kalmick said he’s not an avid surfer and was worn out by the time he reached the end of the pier.

Jericho Poppler, the first female world surfing champion, was a team leader for the Circle of Honor. She said it showed the city’s ability to put on a big event and that she thinks it will help sway officials of the Summer Games.

When the hundreds of surfers joined hands, there was an energy going through them, Poppler said.

“A feeling of love,” she said

Beautiful poetry! Can I share with you my favorite passages?

About 60 other surfers entered the water but were unable to reach the circle just beyond the pier because of the choppy surf and strong currents.

A massive circle of pool noodles the surfers were supposed to hold onto drifted and eventually broke in the water, causing Dehm to make the call for the surfers to join hands instead.

Councilman Billy O’Connell and Planning Commissioner Dan Kalmick were among those who took to the waves. Kalmick said he’s not an avid surfer and was worn out by the time he reached the end of the pier.

When the hundreds of surfers joined hands, there was an energy going through them, Poppler said. “A feeling of love,” she said

I will commit these words to memory and recite them whenever I feel sad or lonely. But real quick. What sort of energy would be traveling through our hands if we organized a BeachGrit paddle out for all of us here? Do you think it too would be a feeling of love? Or maybe… another feeling?

Here now is a photo gallery at celebrities and other notables as they heard news that the “Circle of Honor” was a success.