Is WSL commentator Joe Turpel the coolest customer ever?
And really, what do you think Joe Turpel has done in his life? Do you think that he might actually be in the witness protection program because he was a hitman for the mafia and gunned down 20 men in cold blood? Watching their guts spill across Italian restaurant floors before flicking a half-smoked cigarette at their corpses?
Do you think he served three tours of duty in Iraq watching mothers ripped from children and IEDs cutting down his best pals on earth?
Do you think he has spent time in a North Korean labor camp?
Was he a CIA operative stationed in Benghazi, Libya right when shit hit the fan?
What?
How can the man be so cool whilst watching sharks try to eat professional surfers and calling the action live?
Two years ago, when Mick Fanning was almost gobbled whole, Joe Turpel encouraged him in an emotionless surf bro to “hop on the sled and reset.”
Two days ago, when a shark threatened Julian Wilson and some one else, Joe Turpel said, “A little moment in the water here.”
And yesterday, when the biggest shark in the entire world swam straight for Mick Fanning, Joe Turpel said, “Another incident in the lineup.”
It is the sort of cool only bred in the hottest of fires.
So what was Joe Turpel before he was a World Surf League commentator?
Also, what has Ron Blakey done to close God’s ear?
Listen here!
anonymous footage has emerged of Turpel screaming shark like a girl https://youtu.be/cHMddikPVfk
You’re new here, I have gut feeling with a trolling account… either way, ease up on the name calling, we are after smart, funny conversation light on the personal insults..
How did this poor comments section stray so far from Turpels tepid talks on the tragic trajectory of the terrifying tuna? Damn it people! Focus!
Chas, please take this one for us. Please. Like mick in a barrel.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Holy Toledo for a un shocking world title this year with a shock win in bombing Tahiti!
Demand a refund on your broken crystal ball
My ice pipe is fine.
Next!
Turpel is a computer algorithm, it’s not in his programming.
Joseph, it’s OK to get excited when wild animals enter the playing field.
He worked as a christian conversion pastor at Guantanamo.
He had an inside job
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
I reckon he worked for Target specialising in customer complaints, calmy explaining to all the Margaret’s in the world as to why their coupons were in fact invalid.
Nah, he was a teacher at a SoCal high school. Got so frustrated, gave it up for commentating. He actually wants the beasties to bite and take revenge for him.
Do you think Chas, your relationship with Turpel has bitchy feel about it?
What does your comment even mean? I never block people from our dear comments but I am going to block your stupid ass if you spray poorly thought drivel like this ever again.
Go ahead and block me — please????
That’s the second time you’ve asked to be blocked since your last one month banning. I’m a three tick sorta guy, so just say it again and your wish is my command…
Say it Sharky. You know you wanna.
OK OK — I’ll toe the Beachgrit line….I’ll be good boy.
I don’t know Sharky, but I always feel like I have to explain the punchline to you.
Diversity be damned… maybe a good old fashioned dictatorship works best.
Oh lol Negatron! Don’t you mean surfings current state of Communist journalism!
I like you Birdy but, given the current climate I’ll agree with Neggy – not sure about what, but whatever!
That’s OK shark attack I agree with Chas on the whole matter between you and the transvestite!
As long as we agree with the writers, I think we OK, we don’t get banned.
I have to say Negatron! And this has nothing to do with what’s going on here!
You are starting to remind me of guys I wish I could have beaten up at school for there smart arse behavior!
Except they had a crazy brother that was all ways at least 5 years older to hide behide after there smart ass comment!
Lame!
I don’t think Negatron would care whether it was Sharkey or you Birdrock1993 that drop the third request. You’re one and the same.
OMG do I really have to say this!
Are you in a personal male relationship with Negatron?
Or are you just avatar twins..
Your return serve was way to fast for a protective comments friend to be real.
Unless your part of some cult or a member of Scientology!
you’ll make a great sacrificial lamb. You’re not afraid of the dark are ya? Cult Night 2017 is gonna be epic this year!
Mate my favorite dish is deep fried Yoda!
You know you didn’t need to start another account to say that Nik…
Says the transvestite dressed as a transformer!
Wasn’t me. Promise. If I thought that I’d say it, but I don’t.
Umm ok then… according to the Mod panel you posted a comment at Birdrock1993’s house/workplace/libary 2 Months ago using the same IP then…
I sometimes post from work. The organisation I work for has around 40,000 employees. Not sure how the whole IP thing works but you’re the expert! Never had a beef with you on here so it would be weird to start wishing I’d bashed you at school. Plenty of fuckwits have surfed The Rock over the years though… Maybe this is just another one.
Apologies! we all good… looked alittle further in the Matrix and found another notorious STAB poster sharing your IP… it’s a small World…
I feel dirty. I hope I don’t catch the HIV.
Now that’s investigative journalism! Use your hacking prowess and get some dirt on our new corporate jocky, Goldmember!
If only she posted!!
For a start, I’d never mix up there, their and they’re! Jesus.
That’s a relief Chas! As I’m just getting started again.