Come to adult website theinertia.com and be accepted into the warm, hairy, bearded embrace of the “thinking surfer”…
I am on the way to San Francisco early this morning for a very important business meeting. I woke before the sun, grabbed my things, drove to the airport, parked* and started marching toward the terminal filled with purpose and resolve.
Suddenly, I felt my phone buzz. I reached into my pocket, pulled it out, looked and there was a Facebook message from our dearly departed Michael Ciaramella who has moved on to the big Stab in the sky.
He had sent my a post titled Open for Daddy that was printed in Stab’s pages six years ago.
Six years!
That means I have been hammering on Venice-adjacent’s favorite antifa n vegetarian chili recipe website for six years. Rarely have I displayed such stick-to-it-ivness and would you mind if we celebrated this milestone with a reprise of the original?
There is a place, online, that amazes. And it is called theinertia.com and it is the planet’s largest network of thinking surfers. The best kind!
The topics endlessly fascinate. Some recent include, “Understanding the Alaia and Finless Revolution” “Life is Better When You Surf” and “Man Dies Surfing Near Hollister Ranch.” The humour is side-splitting. The health tips practical. The watchdog role it takes related to the rest of surf media so necessary!
But, and again, it is the constructive critical thinking embodied in each post and each comment that amazes. Thinking surfers!
And, who are the thinking surfers?
Thinking surfers have shitty haircuts and wear lousy clothes. Thinking surfers are dogmatic about pointless contrivance. Thinking surfers can and do write endlessly about minutia. Thinking surfers are zealots. Thinking surfers are Leninists. Thinking surfers are out of touch. Thinking surfers are old both mentally and physically. Thinking surfers love to read their own words so much. Thinking surfers feel picked on.
Thinking surfers only support progress that aids old men catching more waves. Thinking surfers hate making money. Thinking surfers complain that they don’t have enough money. Thinking surfers take themselves more seriously than anything on earth. Thinking surfers hate that they aren’t taken more seriously than anything on earth. Thinking surfers are socialists. Thinking surfers like you, if you are a thinking surfer.
Thinking surfers don’t like you, if you make money and/or disagree. Thinking surfers don’t rip. Thinking surfers are Trotskyites. Thinking surfers hate popular films. Thinking surfers hate French shoes. Thinking surfers hate French films. Thinking surfers hate fruity cocktails. Thinking surfers love bad, thick coffee. Thinking surfers believe in George W Bush’s vision of democracy taking root in the Middle East but attribute the vision to T.E. Lawrence. Thinking surfers are hypocrites. Thinking surfers don’t know how to synch their fundamental belief in the poor working class with their desire to have a home on the beach.
Thinking surfers don’t know how to synch their communist ideals and their belief in George W Bush’s vision of democracy taking root in the Middle East. Thinking surfers cry while watching The Cove. Thinking surfers mock those who cry while watching Valentine’s Day. Thinking surfers drink beer at a party. Thinking surfers complain if the beer at a party is not from a small batch brewery. Thinking surfers never bring beer to a party. Thinking surfers are Marxists. Thinking surfers would be social Darwinists if they were fit.
Thinking surfers are the exact sorts of people that flourish underneath the fluorescent lighting and prepared bedside meal deliveries and incontinence and visiting hours of nursing homes. They are the exact sorts of people that flourish when nobody, except for people exactly like them, is listening.
How fun! How the best kind!
Words that ring as true today as they did back then. Thanks for the laughs The Inertia! And thanks for the memories Mikey C (RIP).
*Do you, too, love the gluttony of parking at the airport instead of satellite parking? Sure it costs 50 to 100 times as much but almost nothing beats the feeling of walking from car to plane without having to board a shitty bus/tram/monorail in between.
Commented on Disqus? Log out, tap the Disqus button, and your old name and comments come back. The box is ours.
Your comments are still here. Every one of them.
Twelve years of BeachGrit comments came across from Disqus. Connect and we will show you how many are yours. We get your username, nothing else.
Connect Disqus to reveal.
just go ahead and fight weisburg already and stop being a keyboard pussy
All that chest and belly hair must give those guys better grip on their 4′ 1/2″ inch thick Lost rip sticks. Tats are sick too, haha; a wacky wolf and of course, military tribal.
I just went and checked the Inertia, couldn’t find an article with a single comment……..did they execute all the thinking surfers?
The market seems ripe for a lifestyle surf label called KOOK. The slogan could be something like “Slater doesn’t think KOOK is OK, but we do!”
Nothing says thinking surfer more than beer guts and tribal tattoos.
Nooooo, that’s a …lost ad from ’96.
The last four articles: Inertia bashing, Shark attack, demise of the surf industry and Ol’ Baldy talking more garbage. Does it get any more BG than this?
That’s just the manic in me speaking cause I’m on an anti-depressive website.
Yo Thatty, My cursor just stuck on your portrait and it said its your 1001st comment!! This moment didn’t last long I’m sure.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Thinking surfers are on the ‘save the shark campaign’. Thinking surfers like Paul Watson.
Chas are you absolutely sure there aren’t any neo-con and white supremacist thinking surfers hiding in the warm folds of the Inertia?
Good luck in San Francisco, the chilli crab is fantastic at Penang garden, down by Union square, few blocks towards the mission from Golden gate park.
Do Thinking surfers have a position on chilli crab?
their position is always missionary
aka the smashed crab position
So many of those flabby, pasty, scared-of-women tech nerds are white supremacists. And the inertia (plus google, Snapchat, etc) is in Venice, so it stands to reason…
Re: Parking/Gluttony – yup, guilty
yeah, and the dude wrestled in high school. you read that correctly; wrestled. like, in tights.
thinking surfers is an oxymoron
Don’t feel bad! It’s what’s inside that counts!
*Warning: may cause traumatic imagery.
I thought it was a snap from the last BG Komentary Klub get together.
I thought we’d established that Mikey had only hurt his knee. You given him the kiss of death, Chas?
For those of you who do enjoy bothering (the) God(s), how would you feel if you made it to heaven and it turned out to be Stab?
That comment section is hell.
Stab? I would start bleeding.
The Hurley Pro Trestles cannot get here soon enough.
The thinkingest surfer of them all has a broken foot. Whose your pick?
Julian. If I was a thinking surfer, I’d say Nat Young.
I got blacked out drunk last year at the Hurley Pro (happens more than I’d like to admit), went to the Hurley clothing sale tent, and asked which jersey has never been bought by a “fan.” You guessed it, Nat Young. I now own one in white in size XL. I wear it when I feel fat or sad (again, happens more than I’d like to admit). My money is on Nat Young, now and 4-Eva…..
i’m holding out for the Dan Ross and Troy Brooks throwbacks
Why stop there. Hoping for Ian Cairns and Dane Kealoha IPS/ASP versions.
I believe the “white” Nat Young jersey is actually labelled the Nat Young Skin Tone Signature Series.
This comment is one of your best ever. I am passing on the numbered CT jersey, I am just looking for my Vissla 7 Seas wetsuit to come out in Skin Tone before I layout my good money. I will of course wear it ironically.
Does it comes with freckles?
…so that means someone actually bought an Alex Ribeiro jersey, unfathomable…
“No I’m Alex Ribeiro!” screamed into the camera by some Orange County 6 in an AR jersey. WSL, where amazing happens….
That would explain why at the end of year tax declaration he had a cheque for $6.72 from the wsl.
what, so it can be over sooner?
Nick, I need you to slowly lower your thinking and place it on the ground in front of you! I’ll taser you bro! Now put the thinking down!
Oh man, I am trying…but something tells me that Lowers is about to break all records for bad CT surf
Yes, but shark mitigation will make up for it.
I fly weekly for work and used to airport park. Recently transitioned to offsite parking. Wally Park in particular. Surprisingly nice and timely buses that pick you up at your car and drop you off at the correct ticketing gate. Less walking and less thinking involved. Over the years it’s been increasingly important that I completely zone out through that whole process in an effort to maintain sanity and avoid thinking surfers.
Wally Park is bad, Park N Fly is good.
Just park at Terminal 2 onsite and use your corporate card.
Bro, park at the Hilton. It’s way cheaper, you just gotta wait 3 hours for the shuttle.
If god wanted us to fly, it would have made access to the airport easier.
Damn it! You were my hope!
Thinking surfers have hope. Don’t have hope Chas.
It’s been officially deleted.
Whew! Thought we might have lost you there for a second.
Please do then come back filled with indignation at my unfair slop.
Finally! Finally finally finally a The Inertia fan comes over to defend his beloved website. I’ve been waiting for you. And welcome!