There is finnnnnnnnally surf in southern
California and it has basically been 876 days since the last swell.
Panic is in the air as grown men stumble over their children and
grown women accidentally kick their dogs as they rush out the door
shouting, “Wait! Do I use warm water or cool water wax?”
I didn’t know either so I logged on to Surfline to
check water temperature but got distracted by the website being
wrapped, top to bottom, with Michelob Ultra branding. The beer of
the bourgeoisie.
Beergeoisie.
And many videos feat. Seabass Zietz all with less than 500
views. Would you like to watch one?
A bald-faced attempt to appeal to The People™ if I’ve ever seen
one. Parents not making enough money, boy orphaned, getting kicked
while down, getting shouted at, whilst in tube, by a beyond
ecstatic Pete Mel… etc.
A tough looking life but let’s be honest. Let’s be real
honest. The Garden Isle is a land of endless bounty and Seabass
Zietz lives a life of eternal privilege.
But maybe I’ve been too hard on Michelob Ultra. Maybe it really
is a beer of the people too. So let’s watch the people drink and
review.
I guess I’ve been too hard.
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Moneyball: Gabriel or John to Win
France!
By Derek Rielly
Gabriel, almost unbeatable at Hossegor. John John
in outrageous form.
I love a little Moneyball. Throw the stats into
the machine, spit out a winner. Forget reputations. Forget who’s
got the big-money stickers wrapped around their beaks.
Do you remember last month when the thirty-something school
teacher Balyn McDonald predicted the outcome of Trestles via
the cold machinery of statistics. Filipe and Mick all day, he
said.
One out of two ain’t bad.
Tomoz, or maybe later today, the Quiksilver Pro is going to
light up on Hossegor’s always difficult to predict sandbars. Who’s
going to win?
Let’s roll some of Bal’s numbers.
Winners
Gabriel Medina has entered the contest six times for
four finals, two wins. His worst result is a fifth. In 2010, he won
the King of the Groms there with a perfect heat score. “It’s his
contest,” says Balyn.
John John Florence is on top, or close to top, of all
the relevant categories: average event heat score, best results in
peaks and over the last two contests he’s been averaging better
than sixteen points per heat, the best on tour.
Filipe Toledo. Balyn ran the numbers of what he calls
his “form column”, how each surfers last three events compare to
their career heat average. Jordy swings in at ninth, but is
averaging a full-point better than his career heat score. Mick is
slightly lower than usual. But Filipe. He’s hitting 15.61 over a
career average of 12.92. Two wins out of the last three events.
Who to avoid
Joel Parkinson averages a paltry 9.82 over the past
three years. “And his form lately has been pretty awful,” says Bal.
“He’s averaging 11.38, one-and-a-half points below his career
average. He’s in a slump. They reckon he’s going to run again next
year but the numbers tell a different story. He doesn’t seem
psyched.”
Bede Durbidge. Two finals out of eleven events but also
three last-place 33rds and two 25ths. Five events without a heat
win. Too hot to touch.
Wiggolly Dantas. “Hasn’t won a heat here in his
two years on tour. Has the second-worst average heat score or
the event over his four heats (9.57).”
Dark Horse
Kolohe Andino. Has the equal second-best average event
placing in France. Gabriel wins, averaging second, but John and
Kolohe both average a (non-existent) seventh placing. Keanu Asing
is in there too, but with only two events there, and his average is
skewed by last year’s win.
And really don’t touch
The beautiful, but sadly can’t-win-a-damn-thing, Miguel Pupo.
One heat win out of six and the lowest average heat score from the
last three events.
Jeremy Flores' defamation suit against Sea Shep's
Paul Watson thrown out by French court…
On Monday, the Reunion Island born-surfer Jeremy
Flores lost a defamation suit he’d brought against Sea
Shep’s Paul Watson. The sixty-six-year-old environmental activist
had published a screed that accused Jeremy and the French
government of being partly responsible for the spike in shark
attacks there.
Let’s back track a little.
You sure as hell don’t need me to remind you of Reunion
Island’s sudden, disastrous relationship with the
anything-but-rare bull shark.
Like nearby Madagascar, sharks had always been a bit of a thing.
If you surfed there, you played your cards straight: no surfing
after rain or in dirty water or river mouths, avoid the east coast,
dusk, dawn. Hardly the science of rocketry.
In 2007 a marine park was created, shark fishing was
banned, and…boom…Reunion suddenly become the worst place
in the world to jump into the ocean. Eighteen attacks in five
years. Eight fatals. A little island of 970 square miles
responsible for almost a fifth of the world’s attacks.
Jeremy also advocated a return to the fishing of bull sharks in
the reserve.
Kelly Slater agreed.
“There is a clear imbalance in the ocean there,” he said.
Paul Watson, a founder of Greenpeace but famous for its offshoot
Sea Shepherd whose photogenic attacks on Japanese whalers in the
Southern Ocean made it the darling of animal lovers, stepped in,
convinced Kelly to change his mind and wrote the accusatory piece
(Kelly Slater is not an enemy of the
sharks) that included:
From our point of view the cause of these frequent attacks
is the culling itself and thus Flores and the government of France
are very much complicit in the circumstances that have seen 20
attacks since 2011 of which 8 attacks were fatal.
Pretty fucken wild, no?
In an Australian court Watson would’ve been hung out to dry. The
French court, however, ruled that “there is no direct
responsibility between Jeremy Flores and the shark attacks but
merely a debate between the association and the surfer about the
causes of these attacks.”
Jeremy had to pay a thousand euros in legal costs to Sea
Shepherd who responded to the judgement by saying, “Justice seems
to support scientific advice rather than controversial advice.”
Jeremy’s response was eloquent.
I have read a lot of things over the last few days following
the judgment of the dax court, which considered that the words
against me by Paul Watson and sea shepherd were not
defamatory.
No media has asked me about the subject while the other
party has spoken, and I would like to take the floor here to
clarify and respond to all those who criticize me without knowing
the reality of the facts.
This is the first and last time I speak on this
subject.
Those who want it can continue to mock and attack
me.
Let them know, however, that what Paul Watson and sea
shepherd say about me is completely wrong. I’m not a shark killer. I’ve never spoken for a shark slaughter. I grew up in the ocean. I’m an ocean lover.
Although I do not approve of their methods, I have never
publicly accused Paul Watson and Sea Shepherd of anything and I
have never held words that can be considered personal attacks
against them.
Why did I file a libel suit against Sea Shepherd?
Because I could not continue to suffer very serious false
accusations, completely contrary to what I am and what I believe
in. I would point out that I did not press charges to condemn
the actions of Sea Shepherd. But good for his leaders to stop
calomnier me and spread lies about my person.
In February, I posted on social networks a message of
support to the family of Alexander Naussac, after his death as a
result of his attack on a spot of the meeting. Kelly Slater stands by commenting on my message. He writes for
shark regulation at the meeting. Which is controversial.
Paul Watson says in his editorial that I was the one who
inspired Kelly Slater to write this post and take a stand for shark
slaughter. Frankly, Kelly didn’t need me to figure out what’s been
going on at the meeting for years.
Contrary to what Paul Watson says, I’ve never touched a
shark in my life and I’ve never raised money for shark slaughter.
This is all wrong. In recent years, I have always said that a
solution must be sought to find a balance between men and the
marine world. Nothing else.
How could I stay without doing anything about such false
accusations? Given that I am still beset by messages of insults and
hatred by people who do not know me and who accuse me of the worst
things.
So I decided to press charges against my person so I
wouldn’t be tainted by these slanderous accusations.
I have asked for financial compensation with the sole
objective of putting the funds in full to Marine Environmental
Protection Associations at the meeting.
I didn’t get justice to make money, it’s obvious. I
love my island. I lost friends, brothers.
As you know, I was rejected by the Dax court a few days ago,
and sentenced to pay 1.000 € of justice to Sea Shepherd. I
respect justice and I will therefore respect this decision. I
have no regrets except for not being heard. I simply note that
there are untouchable people.
Meanwhile, on Reunion, surfers cluster around a couple of small
beaches with nets, surfing banned elsewhere.
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State of Surf: “Let the weak die!”
By Chas Smith
A socially darwinian missile launched from surf
conference!
Last night the President of the United States
Donald J. Trump met with some of his generals etc. at the White
House and told the gathered reporters that they were witnessing
“the calm before the storm.” Oh this tease sent the news into
overdrive. What could this provocative phrase be referring to?
Iran? North Korea?
Who knows? And frankly I didn’t care because I was busy
pondering a far more disturbing statement delivered at the
Transworld Business 2017 State of Surf
Q2 even from two nights ago by Nixon’s Vice President of Sales
Americas Brian White.
He told the gathering:
Overall, there is an evolution happening, and some retailers
who aren’t in the business to support and elevate the entire
community are hurting the market for everyone, White said.
“We need to let the weak die, because if they can’t win by
assortment or by the experience they are providing, then they win
by lowering the price, and it needs to go away.”
Whoa.
Who are these weak that need to die? Like… who? Like… which surf
shops? Does your local surf shop need to die? And what do
you think in general about survival of the fittest as a concept?
Are you Hitlerian or do your politics line up more with Gandhi?
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Tearjerker: Filipe Toledo Profile
Movie!
By Derek Rielly
Unfold the wonder of an artistic coming of
age…
Just before the surf media shutdown of the WSL takes
hold, it’s important, I think, for readers to examine this
fascinating short film.
The filmmaker’s intensive study of his subject unfolds both the
historical roots of Filipe Toledo as well as crucial moments in his
career, the interferences, the meltdown, the underwhelming
performances at Pipeline, the wins and the terrifying hold he has
on his other competitors’ imaginations with his improvised
weaponry.
“Once he gets on one of those rolls… fffffff… he’s so
hard to beat,” says Kolohe Andino. “It’s two foot at the end of a
wave and he’s doing a five-foot full rotation. What am I supposed
to do?”
Kelly Slater is mostly kind but does one of his famous long,
slow blinks when it comes to discussing Filipe’s ability at
Pipe.