Two places behind Portugal's Frederico Morais. Conspiracy?
The Surfer Poll awards were held last night and I am sad I wasn’t there. As much as I chuckle at the surfer fashions and the interior of Turtle Bay and the perpetually awkward master of ceremonies, the Surfer Poll is the only night we have. It is our Academy Awards, Golden Globes and Teen Choice Awards rolled into one.
Next year I will go but this year I was duty bound to book and to film. And to snidely laughing up my tattoo sleeve at Stab trying to be edgy by allegedly microdosing acid.
But let’s get on to some real controversy shall we? Might we? The Surfer Poll, as you know, is the apex of the event. Here we learn which surfers, as voted by you, are the most popular in the entire world. Past winners include Dane Reynolds, Kelly Slater, Andy Irons and John John Florence. No surprise. This year the winner was John John Florence and Kelly Slater was second. Frederico Morais was fourth and Gabriel Medina was sixth.
What?
Wait.
Frederico Morais was fourth and Gabriel Medina was sixth?
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmm.
Now, I’ve been on a bit of a conspiracy kick lately but let us examine the facts. Frederico has 64,000 Instagram followers. Gabriel has near 6 million. Frederico has Portugal (10 million) and Gabriel has Brazil (210 million). Frederico has… a nice top turn and Gabriel has… nice armpits. But really. Do you think that more people voted for Frederico than Gabriel? Do you really think so?
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Do you really really think so?
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The cry is for free
Yeah, I’ve always thought Medina was the 10th most popular…or maybe 11th.
True story Maddison named his kid ”Kruz King.” That”s either super Christian or super gay, or in the best possible universe both.
So in Pesty’s best possible universe, he’ll grow up to be Ralph Shortey?
The hosts always suck. They need to get Billy Kenoi to host; he’s the former mayor of Big Island. He’s Hawaiian, hilarious, and he surfs, and he was charged by the state for misusing the government credit card by spending 700 or so at a strip club, 2000 or so on a bike, and 1500 or so on a surfboard. He’d be perfect. Wassle is cool and kelia has a nice voice but they both suck at hosting. It’s like the surfer poll tries to suck. Also, I’m a little freaked about Gabby getting 6th: it’s like adding jet fuel to his competitive fire that seems to be fully alight and aflight. I wouldn’t be surprised one bit if he wrangles the title at pipe. Finally, the same judges that scored the Frederico v. JJF, J Bay heat probably spent a week or so rigging the “surfer poll.” Besides that, that poll isn’t even accurate as it only reflects people who participate in that random-ass vote. The only accurate thing about it is that JJF is the most loved.
Fredrico who? The guy hasn’t even been around for three hours.
Brace yourself because I’m actually going to say something kinda smart. Mr Chas, your missing an important piece to the puzzle. There is only 1 surfer from Portugal and 13 Brazilians competed on the CT this year (Some wild cards). Brazil got confused and spilt their vote. They are all so dreamy and rip, I don’t know who I would vote for first. Gabby’s pits, Italo’s mustache, Adriano’s claims, Jadson’s stance??? Wait… Filipe has been killing it. He gets my vote. Where do I submit?
My conspiracy is Continuance wins best Series??? REALLY? is two videos a series? Ok, Technically it is but My vote goes to WHO IS JOB. 6 Episodes directed by Greg Browning.
Wiggoly’s Paddling Style?
How could I forget Wiggoly’s Paddling style. Its what dreams are made of. Im so confused… Screw it, Ill just vote for John John
Yep, Gabe is an obnoxious little cunt, surprised he got a mention.
It’s just like when, well, when the most irrelevant thing ever happened and everyone got so pissed off and then, like, in the end no one gave a flying fuck anyway. Jeeeeeezus.
Do some Brazilians self-identify Portuguese? Maybe to some Brazilians Morais is the Father Land. While all Brazilians drape their bodies in Ordem E Progresso, there may be secretive many that bleed the Future and Blood of the Nation of the Portugal Flag.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Charon Stoned…
God… someone believe this type of “poll awards”? Take it serious?
Even if a brazilian be the first, I will talk this a trash.
Kelly? Dane? Neymar? Messi? Cristiano Ronaldo? Mick? Di Caprio? Clooney / Nespresso?West? Kardashian?
Let me think… the guest star singing for the show… Michael Bolton?
Do this shit to the the big whitie teeth dude! For bouncing this fuckers in front of TV and his sponsors!
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
How the fuck…
Bolton’ it’s Andy… with mullet!!!
Medina at sixth for being disliked in the us ( and Aus ) sounds normal. Morais at 4 th is surely fruit of a Hacker.
Microdosing would be right. Goggans’ old straight edge past-self would be on his shoulder terrifying him into taking no more than a nanodose. In fact, even smaller than that – a ciaramelladose.
I genuinely appreciate the effort you’ve been putting into these short jokes. Shows how much you care about me 🙂
Always look out for the little guy. I think that’s a lesson for everyone.
It was the russians.
Shout out to the BG photog, perfect timing on Gabs’ reaction to the 6th. Uncannny.
Dane didn’t win one I don’t think. And who’s Frederico Morales?
I’m still trying to get to the bottom of it. Mueller told me he was busy so I’m on my own here with a staff of one chihuahua and one rat that is leaving tomorrow.
Hahaha
Maybe some simple software to inflate the vote. One run through of surfer FS let’s you know they are not up to defending against it but I dunno how the vote comes in
Is that another Ciamarella joke?