These are dangerous political times.
We live in the most fraught political times with coups and rumors of coups reverberating around the globe. Prime ministers issues veiled disappointment missives to presidents. Supreme leaders building intercontinental ballistic missiles. Ambassadors stabbing in the back and getting stabbed in the back. Ambassadors getting disappeared.
And you recall when the World Surf League scoured the United States, western Europe and Australia for their ambassadorship just a few months ago. A man by the name of Zach Brown rose to the top of a unicolored field and was declared victor. He would be flown to Hawaii and become a bridge, if you will, between the powers and the people. Our ambassador of stoke and leisure.
Except it appears he has gone missing.
The World Surf League website has no stories from him and he appears nowhere as if scrubbed by Stalin’s archivists. The World Surf League instagram account has videos from Renato H. and Kolohe A. but nothing but nothing from their ambassador and not even anything from their lieutenant ambassador. The World Surf League broadcast has been taken off air the last four days.
And I am now worried for Zach Brown. Oahu’s North Shore is a violent, mad place where asymmetrical retaliation is the only rule. Could Zach have not removed slippahs prior to entry to the Oakley House? Might he now be pushing up pineapples, as they say?
Or maybe Zach returned a shaka with a shaka when he should have used a diminutive open-handed wave while keeping his eyes down instead? Could he now be wearing coral boots, as they say?
I don’t know. I just don’t know. Zach? If you are reading this please let us all know in the comments.
I’m worried.
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Found Him
Chas, how dare you expose the WSL’S plan to gain thousands of target market emails. Or maybe a few hundred, but over exaggerated numbers is kinda their thing isn’t it. So thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands.
Lit found him: https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Kuhio St. has some seriously busted “ladies.”
I heard that Zack had not disclosed his predilection for methamphetamine use and is now so out there he thinks he is Braddah IZ getting ready to record over the rainbow.
Where did the Hawaiian uncle touch you?
I avoid Nanakuli as well but will venture into Kalihi for Alicia’s. Just not after dark.
or , you could be white and related to Da Donald and his merry KKK men!
I have it on good authority that the Ambassador is holed up in the Turtle Bay Resort with Rory Parker, armed with baseball bats, waiting for an Aikau family representative to arrive.
isn’t surfing wonderful ,”only a surfer knows the feeling?”
The bloke on the right , is that George Greenoughs love child , and the bloke on the left is GG’s great grand son……do they surf?
Nah mate, that’s the Coffey sisters from behind.
WSL: “FAKE NEWS. SAD. There was never any such person. We are continually dealing with inherited messes from the ASP”
here’s a snapchat of his official visit to the famed banzai pipeline and meeting peter mel.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Couldn’t take the heat. The penance for being over stoked in your youth is living out your days with a face like a burst couch. Like that cunt.
In fact his first words upon arrival at the 7 mile miracle™ were
“What’s a haole?”
Zach does seem like a fucktard.
or just maybe, someone came to their senses and realized just how bad of an idea this was……
Maybe he fell in with the wrong crowd and is currently tied up in a basement with a tennis ball in his mouth getting Stabbed in the dark. Or perhaps microstabbed.
Microstabbed . definition – Extreme discomfort felt by Courtney and Sally after world title dreams were thwarted by the Queen of Culburra and Umina’s answer to Tyrion Lannister
That combination of words looks suspiciously like vulva.
You read my lips !
Well done!
I married a gynecologist.
There was a gyno in Byron Bay, who when at social events where he was lesser known, would read the room and decide whether to introduce himself as a gyno, or prawn trawler deckhand.
Fishy business
Last year’s Stab in the dark was in Brooklyn so that is possible. Not in 2017 Hipster Williamsburg, Brooklyn, of course but in 1990’s crack epidemic Williamsburg.
Michael is not Short!!
I am sure he was paddling next to Wiggolly in that drone footage of Connor O’leary At pipe
Zach got caught up in a Thai Stick deal that went sideways, and got human trafficked to Phuket where he is now ungainfully enslaved as a ladyboy in a karaoke bar.
Smelling of Jack Daniel’s and singing Tennessee Whisky
Maybe he bumped into Zeke?
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Jeez and I thought Hawaii was a happy state of the USA. Maybe there like the Basques in France and Spain ( like tatti Danielle a bit nasty ). Possibly gone the way of that other ambassador of stoke ( stoking the fire)Captain Cook ?
Guiriak etxera and all that.
Gora Euskadi
Yeah we’re the Aloha State, but not everybody deserves Aloha (i.e. we ate Captain Cook).
Three non-surfing winters on the North Shore and only saw one real slap. Even Sunny was nice to people saying hi to him (me included) on Ke Nui road.
It’s like anywhere else in the world…be nice, smile, and try not to take yourself too seriously.
No, you didn’t.
Just doing his part to Make Hawaii Great Again. Phase 1: Remove the Haoles. Phase 2: ? Phase 3: Profit.
He went to the Kamehameha Scools where they teach you to kill, kill, kill…the white man.
https://m.youtube.com/watch…
Also how to eat overzealous, smug, English Colonizers.
After they have been fattened up on Sunday roasts and Christmas puddings?
Ah sounds like the recipe for the black shorts’ BBQ.
Punahoumies don’t get down like that
I fucking love Zeke Lau. Even if he hates me.
Your a complicated human . You love Zeke who hates you and you love a partner who hates surfing . Is there a pattern emerging in your life ?ps hope your loving being unfaithful on the new TOMO .
ah at last some one else who hates loving , and loves hating or…?
Zeke Lau/Junior Seau of surfing. Dude is a fucking moron.
I too am a fan.
That’s just the Hawaii equivalent of going to a music festival, getting a stick on tattoo and dying your faux Mohawk hair snot green for the day.
isn’t he sponsored by Qikhaoles ?