Maui surfer wins the Pipe trials!
Do you remember Dusty Payne? Do you remember when he stole the Modern Collective show and when he performed almost passably on the world championship tour? Do you? Well guess what?
Dusty Payne is back.
It started this year with a pornhub sponsorship and may very well end with a Pipeline Masters seeing as he just won the trials and is now in the main event. Who would have seen that coming last year? Not me, I’ll tell you. I’ve been fairly harsh to Dusty Payne writing five years ago in the award nominated Welcome to Paradise, Now Go to Hell:
I walk and nod at friends and deflect glares of surfers I have burned. I deflect the glare of Dusty Payne, a Maui surfer with a horrible attitude and Mormon father. Dusty, like most island kids, has been coming to the North Shore ever since he first started showing promise at home on Maui, and so he is comfortable in Pipeline no matter the size. Pipeline is it. Pipeline is the only thing and it matters not which country, which state, or which island a surfer is from, he comes to Pipeline as soon as he is able. This is partly because of the way Pipeline breaks, perfectly and very close to shore, making it scenically dynamic. Partly because it has claimed more lives than any other wave and has the mystique of a beautiful killer. Partly because it is the most holy admixture of science and magic. Everything surfing means is wrapped up in Pipeline.
Dusty has red hair that has been bleached to red-white by the sun but his redheaded attitude has not been bleached. It is fiery. I stood next to his father once on the Gold Coast, after I wrote a profile on Dusty. He looked at me when I said I wrote for Stab magazine, glared, and said, “Some writers only ever want to push their own thing. They have an agenda and they don’t care about the person they’re interviewing.” And I answered, “Yeah? Who are you talking about?” And he was talking about me but was too embarrassed to say anything so just responded, “Some writers. I don’t know.” In Dusty’s profile I wrote that he stole a woman’s panties out of her suitcase while waiting to check in for a flight at LAX. It wasn’t true but it was much grander than the way Dusty really lives. I forever want surfers to embrace the cinema of their lives too but they often refuse, falling back on cliché. And so, sometimes, I force them to live big by writing what they should be doing instead of what they actually are doing.
You should buy it here as a Christmas present and also bet on Dusty Payne to win the Pipeline Masters. I’ll be in the front row cheering him on.
Pipe Invitational Final Results:
1 – Dusty Payne (HAW)12.00
2 – Benji Brand (HAW) 11.17
3 – Seth Moniz (HAW) 9.83
4 – Jack Robinson (AUS) 2.37
Pipe Invitational Semifinal Results:
SF 1: Benji Brand (HAW) 12.27, Dusty Payne (HAW) 11.83, Koa Smith (HAW) 9.10, Billy Kemper (HAW) 5.90
SF 2: Seth Moniz (HAW) 11.07, Jack Robinson (AUS) 10.44, Finn McGill (HAW) 4.20, Hank Gaskell (HAW) 0.77
Pipe Invitational Quarterfinal Results:
QF 1: Dusty Payne (HAW) 8.67, Koa Smith (HAW) 8.37, Michael February (ZAF) 6.64, Griffin Colapinto (USA) 3.97
QF 2: Benji Brand (HAW) 10.84, Billy Kemper (HAW) 9.47, Nathan Florence (HAW) 7.94, Olamana Eleogram (HAW) 4.83
QF 3: Finn McGill (HAW) 9.83, Hank Gaskell (HAW) 7.10, Makuakai Rothman (HAW) 3.97, Makai McNamara (HAW) 1.93
QF 4: Jack Robinson (AUS) 13.50, Seth Moniz (HAW) 10.50, Shane Dorian (HAW) 2.87, Keoni Yan (HAW) 2.74
Upcoming Billabong Pipe Masters Round 1 Match-Ups:
Heat 1: Matt Wilkinson (AUS), Jeremy Flores (FRA), Jadson Andre (BRA)
Heat 2: Owen Wright (AUS), Kanoa Igarashi (USA), Josh Kerr (AUS)
Heat 3: Julian Wilson (AUS), Conner Coffin (USA), Stuart Kennedy (AUS)
Heat 4: Jordy Smith (ZAF), Bede Durbidge (AUS), Ethan Ewing (AUS)
Heat 5: Gabriel Medina (BRA), Miguel Pupo (BRA), Benji Brand (HAW)
Heat 6: John John Florence (HAW), Wiggolly Dantas (BRA), Dusty Payne (HAW)
Heat 7: Adriano de Souza (BRA), Caio Ibelli (BRA), Jack Freestone (AUS)
Heat 8: Kolohe Andino (USA), Joan Duru (FRA), Kelly Slater (USA)
Heat 9: Filipe Toledo (BRA), Michel Bourez (PYF), Ezekiel Lau (HAW)
Heat 10: Sebastian Zietz (HAW), Adrian Buchan (AUS), Ian Gouveia (BRA)
Heat 11: Joel Parkinson (AUS), Connor O’Leary (AUS), Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA)
Heat 12: Mick Fanning (AUS), Frederico Morais (PRT), Italo Ferreira (BRA)
(Click through to 3:53 for the highlights.)
beware the blood nut!
I’ll take your word for it 😁
Urrggh. Who is Billabong aiming this campaign at? There are so many things in surfing I’m just too stupid to understand.
More a ferret if you must go there!
Shoutout to Bruce Irons for his 1 wave he managed to catch in his heat for 0.20 as he didnt even manage to get to his feet…
Mormons are as exciting as vanilla ice cream
The religion/cult/scam/Chas’ distant relative that OK’d polygamy? You’re looking from the wrong perspective.
I wasn’t going to buy your book, then I read a google review by a lady named Cheryl, who looks kind of like Kevin from the office, her review was titled: “Narcissism to the nth degree”
It was then that I decided to order it.
Just like Nik…I thought that the story of the day was the return of Jackie.
Was it Ronnie who said that the kid needs to get his shit together and grind it out on the CT to qualify? Seems that could be a shot at young Jack’s sense of entitlement and/or commitment.
Meanwhile…PIPELINE!!!
It was sorta C+/B- at times but it’s oh so good to be back. Makes December tolerable.
Now let’s see if we can get 2 days of A+ Pipe in between the Eddie-ish worthy, victory at sea, XL North Pac swells.
Don’t take anything I write so personally, I don’t agree with most of the shit I post either.
It’s actually fucking awesome! Couldn’t be happier. How you travelling?
Maybe I’ll give a copy of your award nominated book as a Christ-mas present
(stole my copy from the Noosa library)
Billabong must have dropped Jack Robbo from their team in anticipation of his 2.37. They are so forward thinking they can even predict the future and the future doesn’t include poor Jack. His Dad will have to get (allegedly) wasted on his own coin now. Or on Jack’s new sponsor’s coin depending on how thirsty he gets in the meantime.
Billabong. Forward Thinking. Predicting the future.
Billabong. Andy Warhol. Iggy.
You forgot a fullstop. Andy. Warhol. Iggy. All men of the past.
Astute observation Nik Karol. Robo hunts bombs and tube rides like no other. But when conditions decline in a heat, he can’t scheme his way out of a wet paper bag. Billabong clearly knows what sort of surfers are the best. I think Glen Hall is their next young hotshot.
I heard they had their eye on Ethan Ewing owing to his solid heat strategy…
The Once Lost Prodigy, Found…
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
One day not so long ago at Hookipa crowded with ripping alpha surf jocks, I, from my hopeful outpost between main peaks, grovelled up a shitty little sub-inbetween sets wave. It was only about shoulder high, and in an utterly unlikely stroke of luck tossed an unimpressive short little round barrel right over me. I came flowing out over the pretty reef and there right in front of me was no other than Dusty Payne. He looked into my eyes, smiled widely, and threw up a shaka in celebration of my pathetic little barrel among the full rotes being flung all around on waves twice the size. He seemed so nice! We were just a couple of guys havin’ a surf, me and a top pro.
In conclusion, I shall love Dusty Payne for the rest of time. I shall not stalk him because he would not like that, but I shall love him from a respectful distance all the same. Glad you Chas have come around.
Creepy.
I know. He really should leave me alone and seek counseling.
The gods smile upon us this day. And you Chas. Atone. Recognize the plight of the ginger Hawaiian. The white Hawaiian suffereth much. The ginger white Hawaiian suffereth mucher.
There’s a reason they call it getting beat like a readheaded stepchild.
“Who would’ve seen that coming?”
Pornhub’s new motto/business model
First release: “Pipe Driller Masters”
Second release: “The Second Coming”
Dusty’s backdoor bandit returns part 3
Any more?
For the 65+ crowd,
“Dusty Pipe Shootz”
If Volcom drops him, he could start ‘Dusty’s Pool Service’.
Solid story board this shit and you’d be lookin’ at possible executive producer credit postie!
Pipeline spits, Dusty swallows.
You beat me to it.
Hang on – is that another Pornhub motto?