"Ads suck when they suck..."
Well it is officially the new year and how do you feel? Hungover? Filled with hope? Dread? Our friends at Stab appear filled with a desire to be patronizingly transparent with their business decisions and what fun! Let’s together read from their most recent post!
We get it. Ads suck, when they suck. But done brilliantly, transparently, they work. When the true DNA of why a brand exists comes through in an ad, it can be incredible.
As you know, Stab’s biz model relies on advertising and advertisers. Without paywalls and e-commerce, the cost of entry’s the occasional ad. But, notice we control who you see? You don’t get the same programmatic google ads that follow you around the internet. We do our best to play gatekeeper to who we allow to haunt our site and magazine.
Because we see you with your ad blockers, we see you chirp chrip chirping about sponsored posts. But hey, that’s how we manage to rent floating bridges in the ocean, or pay for the hair + make-up on Sage Erickson, or for a boat in the Ments with Jordy Smith and 12 cleanskin surfboards.
This post is about saying thanks to those supporters who believe in Stab and work with us. In a strange kinda way, you should as well. Without advertising, we’d have a paywall and you’d have much less to look at, and no one to tease.
Enlightening. While the first part, about protecting you from programmatic Google ads that follow you around ain’t true (Google knows how many people actually visit a website and Stab tries to charge advertisers four times their actual traffic) the last part about running ads to get teased seems right.
And it makes me love Stab again! I can’t wait to see what collaborations, advertorial and branded content gets unveiled for our laughs this coming year. What would you like to see most? I’d say an aged rocker sporting trunks but that is so 2017. What about… an aged rocker sporting sunglasses? Maybe Scott Stapp from Creed? That would be funny. Or… an aged rocker sporting sandals? Maybe Kevin Martin from Candlebox? That would really crack me up.
What else? What Stabvertisements would you like to giggle at this year?
The inertia is Barbra Streisand.
Stab tries so hard like Eminem to be black, but their whiteness shines through.
Our beloved Beach Grit is Aersosmith, timeless classics, easy peasy cool with a hint of Metallica.
The dude from Smashmouth. Make it happen
Kid’s lucky he can walk outta there…
Chad Kroeger. On the cover. Every issue. Boardies, sandals, wrap-around sunnies. The whole kit and caboodle. Make it happen. Make Stab great again.
I dunno, Nickleback fans are more Surfer Mag’s demographic.
That’s funny, I was going to suggest Nickleback too, and then I saw you beat me to it.
I was speed reading to do it. But they were already at inertia looking at a year long surf fashion series.
Stab are more Black Eyed Peas
Chris Ward and Chris Brown collab please.
I’d love to watch them bash the smugness of each other’s face!
I’d like them to do a soft porn prison sex scene for their next punishment.
I think Kevin Spacey spruiking Former branded massage oils would hit their target market quite sweetly.
Chas, I believe you were just accused of being a chirp chirp chirper.
Stab couldn’t prop up a company like Hot Nife, but I can envision Stab N’ Methadone Clinic stabvertisement.