For smuggling!
When you were a younger boy or girl and watched Bonanza, The Magnificent Seven, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, etc. did you find yourself cheering for the cowpeople in white hats or in black hats? Were you a fan of the good guys or the bad guys (goodies and baddies in Australian)? I have to assume that most of us here celebrated the naughty sneakers, seeing as most of us are generally unfit for… ummm… living industrious lives and so it is with great confusion that I approach the above posters popping up around North County, San Diego.
As you can see, it is a replication of old timey wall hanging used to catch criminals and let’s first learn some history from the San Francisco Chronicle.
Law enforcement officers have been posting wanted notices for centuries. We really don’t know when the FBI first distributed a wanted poster. Around 1919, we began issuing fliers called identification orders, or IOs. The 1919 IO of William N. Bishop, a military deserter, is thought to be the first. IOs listed key details about a fugitive sought by law enforcement and included a picture, details of the crime for which they were sought, their criminal history, and by the mid-1920s, any existing fingerprints we had. Soon the FBI started issuing wanted posters for notorious fugitives, like John Dillinger. At first these were issued by the Department of Justice of which the FBI is a part. And in the early 1930s, we started to publish a bulletin called fugitives wanted by the police that collected information about wanted fugitives from law enforcement across the country. Soon the FBI had formalized its own posters and when it created the 10 Most Wanted Fugitive program in 1950, we used a standard format that has become iconic.
Interesting, no? And back to our poster featuring Hayden Cox of HaydenShapes and Mark Price of Firewire. I know that I am supposed to be angry at the two “immigrants” (Hayden is from Australia and Mark Price is from South Africa) for smuggling American jobs to Asia but years and years of applauding baddies dies hard especially when the charge is “smuggling.” Aside from westerns I love love loved the Dukes of Hazzard and their moonshine smuggling. Oooooee I know that it is very verboten to howl the old Confederate flag today but Bo and Luke were my absolute favorites of all time and have influenced my life to a great degree.
Sometimes, when after the sun has set and the day’s writing is done, I sit in bed and fantasize that I am Bo Duke, Derek is Luke Duke and BeachGrit is the General Lee. There we are, acting recklessly, jumping, jiving while Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane (Stab) tries to catch us and get us in big trouble with Boss Hogg (the California Bureau of Better Business). It is a nice fantasy that also involves Cousin Daisy (Jen See), Uncle Jesse (Nick Carroll), Cooter (Matt Warshaw) and the narrator Waylon Jennings (Longtom).
Go Hayden and Price! Get those American jobs to Nam before they spoil or Johnny Law catches you!
Where is your prey in this pic Jen? There should be prey.
outside the frame. you’ll have to use your imagination, my dude.
Carnitas burrito, I’ll assume.
Vegetarian, I’m afraid. So a bag of kale, I guess? Idk.
I was a vegetarian with a brief flirtation with veganism until I could no longer bear the pain of being separated from carnitas.
Ha ha, there is no shame in this decision! I could never vegan because I hold a deep, abiding love for cheese. I also thoroughly enjoy fish tacos and sushi. I am not a role model.
Now you listen here boys
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Did you use your Nokia to film this?
Oh ha ha, yes, I have a hilariously short inseam for my height! Related: I do not hike.
Your legs are so short they can’t even touch the ground!
Jesus, that’s some serious height. Cycling does wonders.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
i can confirm that i do not have a fish tail. i’m sorry if this comes as a disappointment!
I suppose it’d be kinda difficult to cycle if you did.
fish, bicycle, i think this could be a problem, yes. but also, the surfing? flippers probably aren’t going to work for that.
There’s a Gloria Steinem quote somewhere amongst the fish/bike deal ….
Tell that to the dolphins. They make us look stooopid.
but yeah, different craft.
This is beautiful.
It really is.
On the one hand, these are dumb as hell. But in the other hand, I respect their general idea. If only they cared as much about where their T-shirts or clothes or shoes or smartphones were made.
No shit – good point. They think that board shapers are the only souls who are getting put out of business by oversees production of goods. Welcome to the 1980’s….
Fuck don’t you wish we were back in the 80’s. I do. For many reasons. We could, of course, personally witness the ’89 world champ winning amongst other key events. I missed it.
Maybe you guys are more Smokey and the Bandit- Derek is the Burt Reynolds cuz mustache, Chas is Sally Fields because plucky and fashionable, BG is the Trans-am, Stab is Sheriff Buford T. Justice, Rory is Junior, Longtom is Jerry Reed, the Inertia is Big Enos/Little Enos and BG stories are the contraband beer you’re smuggling.
I love Burt! My first-born son’s https://uploads.disquscdn.c… middle name!
Tracks SO bit Burt’s style!
I like the Cooter and Uncle Jesse casting, but perhaps we need to hear Longtom’s voice and to see Jen See in a pair of daisy dukes to be sure of their roles?
Beach Grit should post the next Longtom article with an accompanying audio read by Longtom. Hell, I’d pay a premium for something like that!
It’s a very good idea.
That’s a right gamble, mate. Aussie accents are a fucking lottery. Chicks, for example. One might have a softly swooping lilty sexiness that you could happily just disappear into as if she were a sensory deprivation tank; yet another might have screeching whiny cawcaw like you might get if you tried to file off a seagull’s beak.
Good god man! The seagull bit is savage. The Inertia doesn’t deserve you Chazz! Your work, both in BG articles, and amongst The People™, has reached new heights of refinement.
I’m actually working on something for The Inertia that people might like – even The People™!
Don’t give those charlatans at The Inertia your best work. Just enough to get that ETF confirmation number.
ah The People pool?
I have bedded both species and each has their merit!
detailed break down please
A gentleman never tells tales!
Can we — completely arbitrarily of course, and simply for the sake of clarity — call the former type “Stephs” and the latter type “Sallies”?
I am not so sure that Mark Price should be there but he does fit the characters …except his boss Kelly should be the one on the poster , but are there any baldy’s in the Dukes of Hazard?