Branding: Corona Bali Pro gets a new name!

By Chas Smith

7 years ago

The earth sings its praises!

The next event on the World Surf League calendar is the very exciting Corona Bali Pro which kicks off in just four short days. Or I mean was the Corona Bali Pro which has officially changed its name to the Corona Bali Protected in order to bring awareness to plastic pollution in our oceans. Press release time!

KERAMAS, Indonesia, May 22, 2018 /PRNewswire-HISPANIC PR WIRE/ — As title sponsor of the WSL’s Bali Pro Championship Tour event, Corona is transforming the previously announced “Corona Bali Pro” and renaming it “Corona Bali Protected.” This name change is aimed at sounding the alarm on one of the biggest threats to the survival of our oceans: marine plastic pollution. It stands for the vision of turning Bali into a pilot project, a blueprint for solving this global environmental issue by implementing the Parley AIR Strategy.

Last May, Corona made an ambitious commitment with Parley for the Oceans to protect 100 islands around the world from marine plastic pollution by 2020. In addition to this commitment, Corona and Parley are now inviting brands of the consumer packaged goods industry to join a task force with the objective of leaving a lasting legacy in Bali’s coastal regions through the implementation of the Parley AIR strategy – Avoid plastic, Intercept plastic debris, and Redesign materials and products.

Totally great, right? So why was my reaction after reading this earth friendly news to chortle? If you were sitting next to me I would have chortled then elbowed you in the shoulder all like “can you believe this silliness, bro?”

What’s my problem? Corona and the World Surf League are doing something good by bringing awareness and practical steps in order to reduce the poison of plastics. They together are trying to be part of the solution but here I am mocking them for it. Is it because I came of age in the 1990s when trying to do anything at all was seen as patently uncool? Generation X. Slacker etc. I’m a loser, baby, so why don’t you kill me etc.

Does that explain my rude spirit or am I just a run-of-the-mill asshole?

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Only 1000 subsidies available to surfers! Hurry hurry or die!

WA Gov to subsidise “Proven shark deterrent”!

By Derek Rielly

7 years ago

Only 1000 available! Hurry and get subsidy or die in mouth of Great White.

A few moments ago, I watched a sturdy silver-haired man from Ocean Guardian (formerly Shark Shield) spruiking his “proven” shark deterrent in front of TV cameras at Bondi Beach.

Twenty minutes earlier, my mailbox had been sprayed with press releases from Ocean Guardian and from the Western Australian state government.

The company is in full PR mode for two reasons.

One, because the WA government announced it would add the Ocean Guardian surf+ to its list of go-away-shark devices and spend 200k on $200 subsidies for 1000 surfers.

“University research shows the device, even in extreme circumstances, significantly reduces the risk of shark interactions.”

The research was undertaken by “highly regarded Associate Professor Charlie Huveneers” a man who once wrote,

Whether or not shark nets actually reduce the risk of an attack is also a tricky question, although there has only been one fatal attack at a netted beach since the NSW meshing program began in 1937.

One fatal in almost a century? It ain’t that tricky of a question.

And, two, because Ocean Guardian’s trying to raise six-mill in cash via an IPO (twenty-five million shares at twenty cents apiece) despite losing almost a million bucks in the six months to December 2017 and with a device whose effectiveness depends on the “motivational state of sharks” and using technology they haven’t had a patent on since 2016.

Maybe my rose-tinted glasses have faded a little but it reeks of high farce.

An analogy.

Imagine Western Australia has been overrun by killer bees. Important players in the world’s ecosystem but there’s a colony of ’em around Margaret River that makes going outside a potentially lethal adventure.

They’re easily killed.

A few housebound people get on Twitter and pray for the killer bees’ salvation and that a cull would be barbaric.

The government responds by subsidising special space suits that make it safe to go outside.

Same same. IMO.

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The novel wave-creating device, a big-ass pump!

First photos: Occy and BL’s Wave Pool!

By Derek Rielly

7 years ago

And you can invest! A minimum $98,000 to get in the game…

Earlier today, the press man from Surf Lakes, Wayne Dart, emailed photos of the Occy and Barton Lynch endorsed wavepool, currently under construction in North Queensland.

As was reported one year ago, and according to the then Memorandum, Surf Lakes costs half the price of Wavegarden’s new tank The Cove to build (Fifteen mill instead of thirty), creates more than double the weekly revenue of The Cove and two hundred times more than Slater’s pool (Six hundred gees versus two fifty k and three gees), creates 2400 waves per hour vs 1000 (The Cove), dwarfing estimates of fifteen for Slater’s pool.

Oowee. Etc.

Unlike American Wave Machines (Waco, Typhoon Lagoon, Canary Islands) which uses air pressure, Surf Ranch and Wavegarden, which use a sled and foil, Surf Lakes use a giant plunger.

The device goes up and down to create a circular ring of waves, like the concentric rings created when you throw a stone into a pool. You’ll get a throwing peak takeoff, with a wave that loses size rapidly after the initial takeoff.

Surf Lakes say their “main goal is to be able to commission the demo site by mid-July. However, there are some things that are out of our control such as the weather.”

Other news?

“We have now received over 90 inbound licensing enquiries. We expect to sign the first licensee, which will either be from Australia or the USA, in the coming weeks. This represents first revenue for our company.”

Here’s how it’s looking thus far (captions by Surf Lakes).

These tanks will be connected to the pipework, which in turn drives the wave machine in the lake. The water connection for filling the lake is being supplied by the local council and is expected to be installed by the end of May as well. Below is another large component that is used in the generation of waves.

Excited?

Investors are still being sought, if you’re that way inclined although the minimum investment is $98,000 and you must be a “sophisticated investor.” That means y’gotta have two-and-a-half mill in assets and earn a minimum of 250,000 a year.

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Love taps! | Photo: Peter King

Zeke: “Excessive hassling? I call ’em Love Taps!”

By Derek Rielly

7 years ago

"They gotta make new rules to contain me!"

The big, bruisy Hawaiian Zeke Lau has a refined sense of humour? Who knew?

In this episode of #TourNotes, the former pro surfer Peter King’s enchanted reading of a WSL event, we are there in Brazil, final’s day, swimming in the competitors’ area.

And it’s here we find the tour rookie, who famously stole John John Florence’s soul at Bells, animated on the subject of his hassling.

“I’ve seen the Zeke roll. I’m just out here making history. They gotta make new rules to contain me. Excessive hassling. I call it just a little love tap. That’s all it is. I love you. Just let ’em know I’m here.”

Contest winner Filipe Toledo is tracked throughout the day, giving children food, delighting in the crowd etc. Griffin Colapinto is dry as anything when he calls, according to Keanu Asing, Filipe’s ten-point air “miniature.”

Sebastian Z says, “My expression was Awwwwww! Griffin’s expression was (making sound of deflating balloon) Pfffft!”

Bliss out for four minutes or so. In English and Portuguese.

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Chris Cote: “Albee’s air is a 360!”

By Chas Smith

7 years ago

...with a revert out.

You have, by now, of course seen Albee Layer’s latest very epic air. There he drops on a wedgy right, one pump, two pumps and then up the wave’s face and into the ether spinning clockwise. His nose comes around once and then his tail comes around and… how many spins? Oh I lose count so quickly but it seems the consensus amongst the masses is 540 degrees of spin.

Right?

“Wrong!” says one of surfing’s great voices Mr. Chris Cote. “Albee’s air is a 360 with a revert out.”

The masses howl. “Are you retarded or something? Are you like… retarded? Or something?”

“No.” Chris calmly retorts. “And I’m basing this entirely on what skate or snow would call this. If Albee would have landed with the nose of his board pointing to the beach then it would have been a 540 but what he did is a nice 360 and a revert out. Look, there are so many different types of airs out there and types of rotations. It is super confusing, to some I guess, but I don’t understand why people keep wanting to add spins when they’re just not there. I’m part of a vocal minority and the debate gets heated but it’s fun to have heated debates about something that isn’t Trump or politics. But really what I would love to see in surfing is beautiful straight airs, or somebody to do a really boned out method over a section, land it and ride away. I have seen pictures of guys doing methods but I’ve never seen a proper clip. What I want to do is encourage beautiful airs.”

So?

What do you think?

I agree with Chris but not because I understand spins. I failed Nature of Math in college. No, I agree with Chris because it really bugs me when 5’10 men claim they are 6’0. I don’t know how tall I am but tell everyone 6’0, when they ask, just to throw shade on the 5’10s.

Here’s Albee’s amazing 360.

…with a revert out.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BjB4RreHhT8/?taken-by=live.fast.die.old

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Eat beach grit spam!