Clear your calendar! Venice-adjacent's favorite
incel lifestyle blog is hosting a conference!
(A note from The Inertia Founder-in-Chief Zach
Weisberg)
Dear readers, friends, and family,
We could not be more excited to announce The Inertia’s Inaugural
EVOLVE Summit on August 18th at Playa Studios in Los Angeles!
EVOLVE is a first-of-its-kind gathering that features powerful
short films, panels that pair thought-leaders from different
spheres of outdoor culture to tackle our most pressing topics, and
world-class live music to mobilize innovators in our space as a
force for good like never before. We would be absolutely honored
for you to join us, and we wanted to make sure you, our readers,
writers, videographers, photographers, artists, and
environmentalists who comprise our beautifully diverse community of
nearly 3,000 surf and outdoors lovers receive the news before
anyone else. Seating is limited.
As for the event itself, we developed EVOLVE with two objectives
in mind.
First, we want to unite the brightest minds in surf and outdoors
to host constructive conversations aimed at improving our
collective future.
Second, we want to honor inspiring individuals who choose to
make positive contributions to the culture at large.
And, honestly, the event is shaping up to be more than we could
have imagined.
With confirmations from so many talented people in surf and
outdoors who are using their influence to make a positive imprint
on our society, we could not be more thrilled.
We’ve also got amazing live music lined up with performances by
Company of Thieves and Jack Symes.
A portion of proceeds from will benefit Surfrider Foundation and
Protect Our Winters, two amazing organizations fighting for the
health and prosperity of sacred places on our planet.
Again, we couldn’t be more excited to bring so many talented
people together for the betterment of surf and outdoor culture. We
hope to see you there, and we hope you’ll take advantage of the
early bird special.
Have an amazing funky mid-week fourth of July holiday, and we
look forward to seeing you August 18th in Los Angeles.
Sincerely,
Zach
My favorite parts, in the order they appear, are:
thought-leaders
mobilize innovators
space as a force for good
our beautifully diverse community
unite the brightest minds
constructive conversations
improving our collective future
positive imprint on our society
sacred places on our planet
the betterment of surf and outdoor culture
amazing funky mid-week
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Kolohe Andino's sublime end-section 540. Earned him an
almost eight. Story remains the same. Loses to cutback aficionado
Fred Morais.
Day 2, J-Bay: “Hermes like drunk traffic
cop; Kolohe weeps; Parko, regal.”
By Longtom
Conservatism rewarded in dream-like perfection at
Jeffreys Bay…
You could imagine the exec meeting this morning as Stone
Dead Soph drilled down into the Facebook
roll-out.
“And what about the fan engagement Joe?” Joe is the UFC guy, Joe
Carr. Fattened the UFC before a four-billion dollar
sale to WME-IMG.
I think we could suppose Ziff’s strategy in hiring a guy like
Joe as his strategy guy.
“Ballistic Soph… just freaking out of this fucking world”.
And my opinion was hopelessly compromised by a preparation that
mostly consisted of binge watching Marine Layer videos. Not a good
idea to fill your head full of Dane before sitting down to watch
Pro Surfing 2018. Holy shit, the only conclusion one can draw after
watching Dane videos is: surfing as a sport has gone backwards. On
so many levels.
Oh don’t listen to me. I’m sure Soph was distraught the feed
crapped out before (and during) the Kelly heat and that legions of
core fans would put her Joe and Will in stocks and leave them there
for the Facey debacle. And my opinion was hopelessly compromised by
a preparation that mostly consisted of binge watching Marine Layer
videos. Not a good idea to fill your head full of Dane before
sitting down to watch Pro Surfing 2018. Holy shit, the only
conclusion one can draw after watching Dane videos is: surfing as a
sport has gone backwards. On so many levels.
His decision to hit the eject button as ZoSea took control of
the ASP looks, in retrospect, like the smartest zig to mainstream
zag in surfing history.
It took me almost a full heat to get a live feed happening; it
kept defaulting back to yesterday’s feed. I got solid just as Kelly
hit the water. It’s just hoping against hope now to expect to see
the magic from Kelly. Another 18 months feels… too long. The wheels
fell off in 2014 and the performances since then have become
increasingly erratic, save the last victory at Teahupoo in 2016.
But that moment for a graceful full-impact kick-out has passed and
now we are here watching Kelly struggle in devil wind J-Bay against
Jordy.
At least he attacked.
Kelly in the post heat presser took aim at Kieran for the call
to run in the devil wind. He was “bummed they ran”. Gunna be a long eighteen
months Kelly.
Jordy looked ponderous but his weightier gavel had more
authority when he banged it on a J-Bay wall ridden with bump.
Kelly’s third wave was a score despite the lack of drive through
the turns. A deep tube ride attempt on the following ride would
have turned the heat but unlike the Old Kelly it never looked like
happening. The familiar heart-in-the-mouth sensation of a piece of
Kelly impossible magic was missing. Kelly sat dormant as the heat
dripped down, second by second. Last place at J-Bay. An unthinkable
result even 12 months ago.
The surf went velvet as the wind laid down for Wade Carmichael
and Joan Duru. It was a strangely low drama heat as judges wrestled
with the reality they had chosen at Bali; that beefcake turns and
no progression were the new state of the art. In the end Wade took
it.
Mendes and Wright promised to be the heat of the day in perfect
pumping J-Bay. The opening part of the heat was a shoot-out. Mikey
brought big turns and savage angles, like flesh fed into an angle
grinder. It wasn’t pretty and the lack of flow was seriously
disturbing. Jesse did the better surfing, to my eye. The heat
hinged on the final two waves ridden. Mikey hacked and gouged away
and spaz pumped and jerked his way to a big closing move. God that
was ugly, I thought. Surely no more than a mid-six. The 7.9 awarded
threw the heat out of whack and put a Mendes buzzer beater out of
reach. The mullet moves on. There is a sibling symmetry with Owens
wildcard run in 2009, which ended with Owen’s busted ear drum at
Supertubos.
If you wanted to watch one heat in it’s entirety, with the best
surfing, watch Conner O’Leary v Zeke. Connor was beautiful off the
bottom with maximum leverage and flow. It was the surfing I thought
Italo would do here. Big bodies in motion, huge spray
fans.
Wilko surfed a good heat, clearly the better surfer against
Tomas Hermes and lost. Pottz added insult to injury describing
Hermes as having a “beautiful style.” That is untrue. He waves his
arms wildly like a drunken traffic cop. It is not pleasant to
watch. Wilko swam for a broken board. Hermes swam for a broken
leash. In the end, Hermes’ final scoring wave looked like a QS wave
scored for number of turns. Judges seem to be slipping back into
that fantasy realm they occupied this time last year.
Parko looked regal in groomed J-bay walls. Regal in comparison
to earlier performances, both in and out of the water. Ronnie
Blakey dared assert his top turns had “lost potency” before he
speared the wave of the day for a long deep tube. Bourez looked, by
turns, over animated and out of control. Parko sails through but I
do not see an event winner while Filipe Toledo remains in the
draw.
A shark stoppage added spice to the end of the Conner Coffin Ace
Buchan heat; Jordy went home and had a shower then came out and
dropped a demolished vehicle (probably a late model VW bug)
onHermes to take
the penultimate heat.
The final heat ended with Kolohe head in hands in tears. Run
down and shot from behind by Fred Morais after greasing a trick
landing on a rotated air reverse. It was a tough result but I had
to agree with it. Fred threw buckets. For what it was: for extended
periods an almost dream-like perfection the world’s best were well
down on J-Bay benchmarks. There was a bona fide 20 point heat left
out in the water.
And Facebook? I’m used to it already. Internet outrages live
hard and die easy.
Men’s Corona Open J-Bay Remaining Round 2 (H3-12)
Results:
Heat 3: Michel Bourez (PYF) 12.16 def. Miguel Pupo (BRA) 11.50
Heat 4: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 14.33 def. Kelly Slater (USA) 11.74
Heat 5: Owen Wright (AUS) 14.26 def. Ian Gouveia (BRA) 14.23
Heat 6: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 13.33 def. Michael February (ZAF)
12.50
Heat 7: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) 14.47 def. Keanu Asing (HAW)
10.70
Heat 8: Wade Carmichael (AUS) 16.14 def. Joan Duru (FRA) 11.34
Heat 9: Adriano de Souza (BRA) 13.80 def. Patrick Gudauskas (USA)
12.77
Heat 10: Mikey Wright (AUS) 16.17 def. Jesse Mendes (BRA) 15.26
Heat 11: Connor O’Leary (AUS) 17.16 def. Ezekiel Lau (HAW)
13.57
Heat 12: Tomas Hermes (BRA) 14.07 def. Matt Wilkinson (AUS)
13.30
Men’s Corona Open J-Bay Round 3 (H1-4)
Results:
Heat 1: Joel Parkinson (AUS) 16.87 def. Michel Bourez (PYF)
15.80
Heat 2: Conner Coffin (USA) 16.57 def. Adrian Buchan (AUS)
15.30
Heat 3: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 14.07 def. Tomas Hermes (BRA) 12.63
Heat 4: Frederico Morais (PRT) 15.67 def. Kolohe Andino (USA)
14.53
Men’s Corona Open J-Bay Remaining Round 3 (H5-12)
Matchups:
Heat 5: Jeremy Flores (FRA) vs. Wade Carmichael (AUS)
Heat 6: Julian Wilson (AUS) vs. Wiggolly Dantas (BRA)
Heat 7: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Yago Dora (BRA)
Heat 8: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) vs. Adriano de Souza (BRA)
Heat 9: Owen Wright (AUS) vs. Sebastian Zietz (HAW)
Heat 10: Willian Cardoso (BRA) vs. Kanoa Igarashi (JPN)
Heat 11: Griffin Colapinto (USA) vs. Mikey Wright (AUS)
Heat 12: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Connor O’Leary (AUS)
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Hi! Remember me? I went to Hawaii and got
lei'd!
Bureaucracy: Did the WSL break Hawaii?
By Chas Smith
A Honolulu hearing seeks to change surf contest
rules!
I, like you, am waiting for Longtom’s recap of
J-Bay day two. The heat where Kelly Slater lost to Jordy Smith and
the World Surf League called Round 2 “dreaded” on its own website.
But while we wait should we discuss the current state of the World
Surf League’s relationship with Hawaii and most specifically
Honolulu?
My favorite part of the J-Bay day one recap was LT’s tracking
Facebook viewers in real time. The slight swell and precipitous
drop generally in the low five figures. The storm of angry emoji
faces raining down. The thought that by both alienating its core
fanbase while offering nothing to newcomers the new World Surf
League brass might actually kill professional surfing once and
all.
Maybe that is too hyperbolic but maybe not. Herr Paul
Speaker (who I think still has an ownership stake in
the venture) kicked off this new era so perfectly and Backward Beth
carries the torch of bald ineptitude magnificently. And do you
remember Hawaii? How the League lost next year’s Pipeline event
even after a personal trip to Honolulu from new CEO Soph
Goldschmidt?
Magnificently seems to be an understatement. But there is
movement on Da Island! And let’s turn to Hawaii’s own KHON2 News for
more.
A hearing on whether the city should change its rules when
it comes to surf contests will be held Tuesday.
Potential changes include creating an advisory committee to
help resolve scheduling conflicts and allowing the city to fill the
vacancy when an application is withdrawn, denied, or
revoked.
In the past, problems with the permitting process have led
to complaints from the World Surf League and the family of Eddie
Aikau.
The hearing will be held in the first floor conference room
of the Mission Memorial Building at 550 South King Street.
It starts at 2:00 p.m.
Well? Do you happen to be in Honolulu right now? Want a job as
BeachGrit’s man/woman on the ground? Just head to the first floor
conference room of the Mission Memorial Building at 550 South King
Street at 2:00 p.m. It would be nice if you could maybe cut out
some cardboard angry emoji faces to throw during the meeting.
I wonder what will come out of this. Potentially, it seems, a
new bureaucratic office which is certain to suck money from schools
and old folks homes.
So long pro surfing! You were funny while you lasted!
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Like Bruce except Jen See became male! And
younger!
Modern: Jen See transitions to 12-year-old
boy!
By Jen See
The things people do to watch pro surfing!
Koa. Koa sounds like the kind of person who
would be too cool to have a Facebook account, but would also like
to watch surfing. But maybe he’d be too cool to watch surfing, too?
Maybe Koa just scrolls through instagram to check out his friends’
clips and follows John John, because he’s got a sailboat and gets
sweet airs. I’m not sure Koa would really watch contest
surfing.
Last fall in a fit of rage, I deleted my Facebook account. It
wasn’t my friends arguing about politics. Really, I didn’t mind
that. I rarely learned anything all that surprising. Yes, the
distant relative, a practicing evangelical Christian, was telling
all her friends to vote Trump for the Supreme Court and an end to
Roe. Of course, she was. And of course, my college professor
friends were shifting further left with every passing week.
What cracked me was the firehose of shit the algorithm pumped
into my “news feed” each day. Wild conspiracies, troll-bait
headlines from websites of questionable provenance, so many weird,
unsourced rumors. It made me so tired. Life is too short, I
figured. If I wanted to see my friends perfect lives and feed my
personal data into the machine, well, there was always Instagram.
So I hit that delete button and never looked back.
It was all good until this morning when I saw the updates on
Twitter. There is surfing happening! These updates always bring a
smile to my face! Time to watch surfing instead of work, I thought,
happily. And I do like J-Bay. J-Bay is dreamy and beautiful and
makes my heart sing with joy.
But instead of clicking through to J-Bay goodness, I got the
dread Facebook login. Which, I do not have, because of the rage and
the deleting. Now I was going to have to do actual work! On a
Monday morning! Also, there is marine layer that is making me
sleepy. No surfing, marine layer, and work. Maybe I should just go
back to bed.
Instead of going back to bed, I started thinking. I could be
Koa, who watches surfing on Facebook. Koa is twelve and doesn’t
have a Facebook account yet, because he figured it was just
something for old people. But he’s stuck in the car right now on
his way to a family reunion for the Fourth of July, somewhere
inland, somewhere far away from his local beach, and he figures,
well, maybe watching some surfing will pass the time, while he’s
stuck with the old people.
I’m not sure if it’s an entirely smart move to make your niche
event harder for people to access, but here we are.
I’m not sure if it’s an entirely smart move to make your niche
event harder for people to access, but here we are. Presumably, the
WSL is making money off this arrangement, though typically, the
money flows toward Facebook from content publishers. “To boost this
post and reach 10k more accounts, please pay $1000,” is the way
this arrangement works on the regular — though in true ‘grit style,
I made up those numbers. But an exclusive arrangement sounds like
Facebook is paying — and oh boy, would I like to know how much,
because I like knowing things like this.
Anyway, if you need me, I’ll just be over here creating my new
Facebook identity. I’m twelve, I have blonde hair, and I like
Supreme. My favorite surfer is John John. When I grow up, I want to
sail around the world. I hope this family reunion is over soon. I
guess we have to play softball or something. Softball is stupid. I
don’t like cherry pie, why can’t there be cake? Chocolate cake is
way better than cherry pie. Oh god, now dad wants me to SUP with
him on the lake. This is like, the most embarrassing thing ever. I
am never going to live this down.
Call me, Koa.
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Julian Wilson, beaten by Joel Parkinson in round one,
shimmies past the South African wildcard, and only just let it be
said, Matthew McGillivray. | Photo: WSL
Day 1, J-Bay: “Soccer Mom Kills Pro
Surfing!”
By Longtom
Surfing officially as popular as "cake stall in a
small country town…"
Say something so that WSL Live knows you’re
here.
OK, how about a charming non-surfing lass from England who looks
like a suburban soccer mum just killed pro surfing. No? Too
harsh?
The great Facebook reveal was a shitshow of biblical
proportions. Maybe Soph has really killed it. We’ll look back at
this day – the opening day of the exclusive Facebook broadcasting
deal – like historians examine the assassination of the Archduke
Franz Ferdinand of Austria in Sarajevo.
Sure, there were signs and portents, the Pipeline permit
debacle, the cancellation of Margarets but this really does feel
like we have crossed the rubicon.
The great Facebook reveal was a shitshow of biblical
proportions. Maybe Soph has really killed it. We’ll look back at
this day – the opening day of the exclusive Facebook broadcasting
deal – like historians examine the assassination of the Archduke
Franz Ferdinand of Austria in Sarajevo.
The impact of the debut, I believe, will be studied for years to
come in the top business schools, as a textbook case of how to
infuriate and alienate your core fans and maybe kill a sport stone
dead. Deciphering the WSL’s official line beforehand on their help
page I felt pretty safe I would not need to enter the Zuckerberg
garden of evil.
It clearly stated (and still does): If you’d like to watch
the WSL Live Experience from your computer, just head
to www.worldsurfleague.com and
land straight in the action.
Does that not clearly state the webcast will be broadcast from
the website? It wasn’t. It directed you to the Facebook Live
stream. The rage drifting up the comments thread on Facey was
almost worth the price of admission to the scratchy and buggy feed.
Dropping angry face emojis into the storm cloud of anger was
surprisingly cathartic, for a little while.
6.3K people were logged in and watching live for the first heat
of the day. Primetime in Aus, midnight in LA, morning in Europe.
Six-and-a-half-thousand people globally, about half the crowd who
show up to a suburban sports ground to watch a weekend Rugby League
game in Sydney, watched Fred Morais wrangle head high windy J-Bay
away from Jordy Smith and Michael February for the opening heat of
the day.
The numbers climbed in anticipation of the return to competition
of greatest drawcard Pro surfing has ever known. Seven thousand and
change out of the, what were the numbers of Pro Surfing fans
estimated by Speaker, millions? trillions?, were tuned to the
Facey feed to watch Robert Slater return to J-Bay to take on Italo
and Kanoa Igarashi.They, we. got a blank screen
as the feed crapped out.
My conspiracy theory: that Kelly had been strong-armed into
surfing J-Bay by Sophie to cover for the lack of JJF and boost the
viewing numbers for the FB roll-out was shot down in flames.
Minutes of nothing passed before we were directed to the Portugese
feed. Three thousand eight watched Kelly in his first ocean heat in
a year. Four thousand stayed glued to the English feed which gamely
stayed glued to a blank screen.
Kelly looked spicy early on a 5’3” Cymatic despite the barely
contained disgust of Pottz, then fell to pieces as the heat went
on.Maybe, as Pottz
mused, it was “good for his own personal headspace.”
The numbers climbed as the heat went on. seven thousand,
eight thousand, nine thousand, almost ten thousandwatched as a nervous
performance from the greatest of all time, where he failed to reach
double figures, drew to a close.
Ten thousand people.
Could we be bold and assume that is about the size of the global
pro surfing fan base? Maybe double it for good measure. I took
my own Cymatic out of
the Camry and put an axe through it. Jeezus fuck, if it looks like
that under Kelly’s feet.
Kelly looked spicy early on a 5’3” Cymatic
despite the barely contained disgust of Pottz, then fell to pieces
as the heat went on. Maybe, as Pottz mused, it was “good for
his own personal headspace.” Photo: WSL
The surf was pumping for heat five. Big, windy walls. It was
heartening, amidst the misery of the FB debacle to hear Shaun
Tomson declare that people “should be shot for the double-pump
bottom turn”. If only we had such boldness and clarity at the top
of the WSL.
Filipe started where he left off last year. His opening turn on
his opening wave shaded anything done by any pro today. Eleven
thousand people watched world-wide. His massive three-turn
combo-to-deep-tube was a bona fide ten-point ride, as distinct from
the plethora of emotional tens from last year. Judges awarded a
9.17. It was to be the high point of the day’s action. If you only
see one ride from today, that is the one.
Filipe started where he left off last year. His opening turn on
his opening wave shaded anything done by any pro today. Eleven
thousand people watched world-wide. His massive three-turn
combo-to-deep-tube was a bona fide ten-point ride, as distinct from
the plethora of emotional tens from last year. Judges awarded a
9.17. It was to be the high point of the day’s action. If you only
see one ride from today, that is the one.
The audience peaked through heats six and seven, reaching
thirteen thousand people and change, if we are to believe the
numbers on the screen. They were dull heats, even allowing for
Parko’s retirement declaration (which has been obvious since the
opening event). Owen Wright looked the sharpest goofy-foot of the
day to my eye and came last. His surfing was fluid, vertical and
whipped out.
Kolohe Andino lofted a big alley oop into the wind as the
audience started to dwindle.
It was surreal watching the numbers head south, back to eight
thousand, then seven, then six, as Kelly commentated in the booth
and announced his last year on Tour would be next year. I guess the
injury wildcard is a given now, if he fails to requalify. Colapinto
looked comfortable in the clutch, as he has all year to ice heat
eleven on the buzzer, despite looking the best surfer all
heat.
America woke up as Adriano choked on the two best waves of heat
twelve, but the audience continued to shrivel. Down to five, then
four thousand. About what you would expect for a cake stall in a
small country town. The bruised sky bore witness to greased walls
fringed with white zippering crests and two final heats of round
two.
In the first, Julian was overscored to defeat local wildcard
Matthew McGillivray. In the second, Italo’s World Title hopes
disappeared into the darkening gloom of an African sky. The
rage-filled emojis continued to soar.
Men’s Corona Open J-Bay Round 1 Results:
Heat 1: Frederico Morais (PRT) 11.93, Jordy Smith (ZAF) 10.17,
Michael February (ZAF) 7.24
Heat 2: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 14.03, Michel Bourez (PYF) 13.67, Ian
Gouveia (BRA) 6.66
Heat 3: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 13.50, Italo Ferreira (BRA) 11.94,
Kelly Slater (USA) 8.73
Heat 4: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 11.83, Tomas Hermes (BRA) 7.83, Miguel
Pupo (BRA) 6.73
Heat 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 13.84, Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 12.14,
Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 10.67
Heat 6: Joel Parkinson (AUS) 10.10, Julian Wilson (AUS) 9.90,
Matthew McGillivray (ZAF) 9.86
Heat 7: Willian Cardoso (BRA) 12.30, Keanu Asing (HAW) 11.76,
Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 11.06
Heat 8: Conner Coffin (USA) 16.14, Joan Duru (FRA) 15.67, Owen
Wright (AUS) 12.73
Heat 9: Kolohe Andino (USA) 14.87, Mikey Wright (AUS) 13.26,
Patrick Gudauskas (USA) 6.00
Heat 10: Yago Dora (BRA) 13.23, Adrian Buchan (AUS) 11.67, Adriano
de Souza (BRA) 11.23
Heat 11: Griffin Colapinto (USA) 13.63, Wade Carmichael (AUS)
12.23, Jesse Mendes (BRA) 10.94
Heat 12: Jeremy Flores (FRA) 15.80, Connor O’Leary (AUS) 15.07,
Michael Rodrigues (BRA) 10.96
Men’s Corona Open J-Bay Round 2 (H1-2)
Results:
Heat 1: Julian Wilson (AUS) 14.43 def. Matthew McGillivray (ZAF)
13.50
Heat 2: Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 11.77 def. Italo Ferreira (BRA)
9.73
Men’s Corona Open J-Bay Remaining Round 2 (H3-12)
Matchups:
Heat 3: Michel Bourez (PYF) vs. Miguel Pupo (BRA)
Heat 4: Jordy Smith (ZAF) vs. Kelly Slater (USA)
Heat 5: Owen Wright (AUS) vs. Ian Gouveia (BRA)
Heat 6: Adrian Buchan (AUS) vs. Michael February (ZAF)
Heat 7: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) vs. Keanu Asing (HAW)
Heat 8: Wade Carmichael (AUS) vs. Joan Duru (FRA)
Heat 9: Adriano de Souza (BRA) vs. Patrick Gudauskas (USA)
Heat 10: Mikey Wright (AUS) vs. Jesse Mendes (BRA)
Heat 11: Ezekiel Lau (HAW) vs. Connor O’Leary (AUS)
Heat 12: Tomas Hermes (BRA) vs. Matt Wilkinson (AUS)
