Clear your calendar! Venice-adjacent's favorite incel lifestyle blog is hosting a conference!
(A note from The Inertia Founder-in-Chief Zach Weisberg)
Dear readers, friends, and family,
We could not be more excited to announce The Inertia’s Inaugural EVOLVE Summit on August 18th at Playa Studios in Los Angeles!
EVOLVE is a first-of-its-kind gathering that features powerful short films, panels that pair thought-leaders from different spheres of outdoor culture to tackle our most pressing topics, and world-class live music to mobilize innovators in our space as a force for good like never before. We would be absolutely honored for you to join us, and we wanted to make sure you, our readers, writers, videographers, photographers, artists, and environmentalists who comprise our beautifully diverse community of nearly 3,000 surf and outdoors lovers receive the news before anyone else. Seating is limited.
As for the event itself, we developed EVOLVE with two objectives in mind.
First, we want to unite the brightest minds in surf and outdoors to host constructive conversations aimed at improving our collective future.
Second, we want to honor inspiring individuals who choose to make positive contributions to the culture at large.
And, honestly, the event is shaping up to be more than we could have imagined.
With confirmations from so many talented people in surf and outdoors who are using their influence to make a positive imprint on our society, we could not be more thrilled.
We’ve also got amazing live music lined up with performances by Company of Thieves and Jack Symes.
A portion of proceeds from will benefit Surfrider Foundation and Protect Our Winters, two amazing organizations fighting for the health and prosperity of sacred places on our planet.
Again, we couldn’t be more excited to bring so many talented people together for the betterment of surf and outdoor culture. We hope to see you there, and we hope you’ll take advantage of the early bird special.
Have an amazing funky mid-week fourth of July holiday, and we look forward to seeing you August 18th in Los Angeles.
Sincerely,
Zach
My favorite parts, in the order they appear, are:
thought-leaders
mobilize innovators
space as a force for good
our beautifully diverse community
unite the brightest minds
constructive conversations
improving our collective future
positive imprint on our society
sacred places on our planet
the betterment of surf and outdoor culture
amazing funky mid-week
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Kolohe Andino's sublime end-section 540. Earned him an almost eight. Story remains the same. Loses to cutback aficionado Fred Morais.
Day 2, J-Bay: “Hermes like drunk traffic cop; Kolohe weeps; Parko, regal.”
“And what about the fan engagement Joe?” Joe is the UFC guy, Joe Carr.Fattened the UFC before a four-billion dollar sale to WME-IMG.
I think we could suppose Ziff’s strategy in hiring a guy like Joe as his strategy guy.
“Ballistic Soph… just freaking out of this fucking world”.
And my opinion was hopelessly compromised by a preparation that mostly consisted of binge watching Marine Layer videos. Not a good idea to fill your head full of Dane before sitting down to watch Pro Surfing 2018. Holy shit, the only conclusion one can draw after watching Dane videos is: surfing as a sport has gone backwards. On so many levels.
Oh don’t listen to me. I’m sure Soph was distraught the feed crapped out before (and during) the Kelly heat and that legions of core fans would put her Joe and Will in stocks and leave them there for the Facey debacle. And my opinion was hopelessly compromised by a preparation that mostly consisted of binge watching Marine Layer videos. Not a good idea to fill your head full of Dane before sitting down to watch Pro Surfing 2018. Holy shit, the only conclusion one can draw after watching Dane videos is: surfing as a sport has gone backwards. On so many levels.
His decision to hit the eject button as ZoSea took control of the ASP looks, in retrospect, like the smartest zig to mainstream zag in surfing history.
It took me almost a full heat to get a live feed happening; it kept defaulting back to yesterday’s feed. I got solid just as Kelly hit the water. It’s just hoping against hope now to expect to see the magic from Kelly. Another 18 months feels… too long. The wheels fell off in 2014 and the performances since then have become increasingly erratic, save the last victory at Teahupoo in 2016. But that moment for a graceful full-impact kick-out has passed and now we are here watching Kelly struggle in devil wind J-Bay against Jordy.
At least he attacked.
Kelly in the post heat presser took aim at Kieran for the call to run in the devil wind. He was “bummed they ran”.Gunna be a long eighteen months Kelly.
Jordy looked ponderous but his weightier gavel had more authority when he banged it on a J-Bay wall ridden with bump. Kelly’s third wave was a score despite the lack of drive through the turns. A deep tube ride attempt on the following ride would have turned the heat but unlike the Old Kelly it never looked like happening. The familiar heart-in-the-mouth sensation of a piece of Kelly impossible magic was missing. Kelly sat dormant as the heat dripped down, second by second. Last place at J-Bay. An unthinkable result even 12 months ago.
The surf went velvet as the wind laid down for Wade Carmichael and Joan Duru. It was a strangely low drama heat as judges wrestled with the reality they had chosen at Bali; that beefcake turns and no progression were the new state of the art. In the end Wade took it.
Mendes and Wright promised to be the heat of the day in perfect pumping J-Bay. The opening part of the heat was a shoot-out. Mikey brought big turns and savage angles, like flesh fed into an angle grinder. It wasn’t pretty and the lack of flow was seriously disturbing. Jesse did the better surfing, to my eye. The heat hinged on the final two waves ridden. Mikey hacked and gouged away and spaz pumped and jerked his way to a big closing move. God that was ugly, I thought. Surely no more than a mid-six. The 7.9 awarded threw the heat out of whack and put a Mendes buzzer beater out of reach. The mullet moves on. There is a sibling symmetry with Owens wildcard run in 2009, which ended with Owen’s busted ear drum at Supertubos.
If you wanted to watch one heat in it’s entirety, with the best surfing, watch Conner O’Leary v Zeke. Connor was beautiful off the bottom with maximum leverage and flow. It was the surfing I thought Italo would do here. Big bodies in motion, huge spray fans.
Wilko surfed a good heat, clearly the better surfer against Tomas Hermes and lost. Pottz added insult to injury describing Hermes as having a “beautiful style.” That is untrue. He waves his arms wildly like a drunken traffic cop. It is not pleasant to watch. Wilko swam for a broken board. Hermes swam for a broken leash. In the end, Hermes’ final scoring wave looked like a QS wave scored for number of turns. Judges seem to be slipping back into that fantasy realm they occupied this time last year.
Parko looked regal in groomed J-bay walls. Regal in comparison to earlier performances, both in and out of the water. Ronnie Blakey dared assert his top turns had “lost potency” before he speared the wave of the day for a long deep tube. Bourez looked, by turns, over animated and out of control. Parko sails through but I do not see an event winner while Filipe Toledo remains in the draw.
A shark stoppage added spice to the end of the Conner Coffin Ace Buchan heat; Jordy went home and had a shower then came out and dropped a demolished vehicle (probably a late model VW bug) onHermes to take the penultimate heat.
The final heat ended with Kolohe head in hands in tears. Run down and shot from behind by Fred Morais after greasing a trick landing on a rotated air reverse. It was a tough result but I had to agree with it. Fred threw buckets. For what it was: for extended periods an almost dream-like perfection the world’s best were well down on J-Bay benchmarks. There was a bona fide 20 point heat left out in the water.
And Facebook? I’m used to it already. Internet outrages live hard and die easy.
Men’s Corona Open J-Bay Remaining Round 2 (H3-12) Results:
Heat 3: Michel Bourez (PYF) 12.16 def. Miguel Pupo (BRA) 11.50
Heat 4: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 14.33 def. Kelly Slater (USA) 11.74
Heat 5: Owen Wright (AUS) 14.26 def. Ian Gouveia (BRA) 14.23
Heat 6: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 13.33 def. Michael February (ZAF) 12.50
Heat 7: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) 14.47 def. Keanu Asing (HAW) 10.70
Heat 8: Wade Carmichael (AUS) 16.14 def. Joan Duru (FRA) 11.34
Heat 9: Adriano de Souza (BRA) 13.80 def. Patrick Gudauskas (USA) 12.77
Heat 10: Mikey Wright (AUS) 16.17 def. Jesse Mendes (BRA) 15.26
Heat 11: Connor O’Leary (AUS) 17.16 def. Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 13.57
Heat 12: Tomas Hermes (BRA) 14.07 def. Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 13.30
Men’s Corona Open J-Bay Round 3 (H1-4) Results:
Heat 1: Joel Parkinson (AUS) 16.87 def. Michel Bourez (PYF) 15.80
Heat 2: Conner Coffin (USA) 16.57 def. Adrian Buchan (AUS) 15.30
Heat 3: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 14.07 def. Tomas Hermes (BRA) 12.63
Heat 4: Frederico Morais (PRT) 15.67 def. Kolohe Andino (USA) 14.53
Men’s Corona Open J-Bay Remaining Round 3 (H5-12) Matchups:
Heat 5: Jeremy Flores (FRA) vs. Wade Carmichael (AUS)
Heat 6: Julian Wilson (AUS) vs. Wiggolly Dantas (BRA)
Heat 7: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Yago Dora (BRA)
Heat 8: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) vs. Adriano de Souza (BRA)
Heat 9: Owen Wright (AUS) vs. Sebastian Zietz (HAW)
Heat 10: Willian Cardoso (BRA) vs. Kanoa Igarashi (JPN)
Heat 11: Griffin Colapinto (USA) vs. Mikey Wright (AUS)
Heat 12: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Connor O’Leary (AUS)
A Honolulu hearing seeks to change surf contest rules!
I, like you, am waiting for Longtom’s recap of J-Bay day two. The heat where Kelly Slater lost to Jordy Smith and the World Surf League called Round 2 “dreaded” on its own website. But while we wait should we discuss the current state of the World Surf League’s relationship with Hawaii and most specifically Honolulu?
My favorite part of the J-Bay day one recap was LT’s tracking Facebook viewers in real time. The slight swell and precipitous drop generally in the low five figures. The storm of angry emoji faces raining down. The thought that by both alienating its core fanbase while offering nothing to newcomers the new World Surf League brass might actually kill professional surfing once and all.
Maybe that is too hyperbolic but maybe not. Herr Paul Speaker (who I think still has an ownership stake in the venture) kicked off this new era so perfectly and Backward Bethcarries the torch of bald ineptitude magnificently. And do you remember Hawaii? How the League lost next year’s Pipeline event even after a personal trip to Honolulu from new CEO Soph Goldschmidt?
Magnificently seems to be an understatement. But there is movement on Da Island! And let’s turn to Hawaii’s own KHON2 News for more.
A hearing on whether the city should change its rules when it comes to surf contests will be held Tuesday.
Potential changes include creating an advisory committee to help resolve scheduling conflicts and allowing the city to fill the vacancy when an application is withdrawn, denied, or revoked.
In the past, problems with the permitting process have led to complaints from the World Surf League and the family of Eddie Aikau.
The hearing will be held in the first floor conference room of the Mission Memorial Building at 550 South King Street.
It starts at 2:00 p.m.
Well? Do you happen to be in Honolulu right now? Want a job as BeachGrit’s man/woman on the ground? Just head to the first floor conference room of the Mission Memorial Building at 550 South King Street at 2:00 p.m. It would be nice if you could maybe cut out some cardboard angry emoji faces to throw during the meeting.
I wonder what will come out of this. Potentially, it seems, a new bureaucratic office which is certain to suck money from schools and old folks homes.
So long pro surfing! You were funny while you lasted!
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Like Bruce except Jen See became male! And younger!
Koa. Koa sounds like the kind of person who would be too cool to have a Facebook account, but would also like to watch surfing. But maybe he’d be too cool to watch surfing, too? Maybe Koa just scrolls through instagram to check out his friends’ clips and follows John John, because he’s got a sailboat and gets sweet airs. I’m not sure Koa would really watch contest surfing.
Last fall in a fit of rage, I deleted my Facebook account. It wasn’t my friends arguing about politics. Really, I didn’t mind that. I rarely learned anything all that surprising. Yes, the distant relative, a practicing evangelical Christian, was telling all her friends to vote Trump for the Supreme Court and an end to Roe. Of course, she was. And of course, my college professor friends were shifting further left with every passing week.
What cracked me was the firehose of shit the algorithm pumped into my “news feed” each day. Wild conspiracies, troll-bait headlines from websites of questionable provenance, so many weird, unsourced rumors. It made me so tired. Life is too short, I figured. If I wanted to see my friends perfect lives and feed my personal data into the machine, well, there was always Instagram. So I hit that delete button and never looked back.
It was all good until this morning when I saw the updates on Twitter. There is surfing happening! These updates always bring a smile to my face! Time to watch surfing instead of work, I thought, happily. And I do like J-Bay. J-Bay is dreamy and beautiful and makes my heart sing with joy.
But instead of clicking through to J-Bay goodness, I got the dread Facebook login. Which, I do not have, because of the rage and the deleting. Now I was going to have to do actual work! On a Monday morning! Also, there is marine layer that is making me sleepy. No surfing, marine layer, and work. Maybe I should just go back to bed.
Instead of going back to bed, I started thinking. I could be Koa, who watches surfing on Facebook. Koa is twelve and doesn’t have a Facebook account yet, because he figured it was just something for old people. But he’s stuck in the car right now on his way to a family reunion for the Fourth of July, somewhere inland, somewhere far away from his local beach, and he figures, well, maybe watching some surfing will pass the time, while he’s stuck with the old people.
I’m not sure if it’s an entirely smart move to make your niche event harder for people to access, but here we are.
I’m not sure if it’s an entirely smart move to make your niche event harder for people to access, but here we are. Presumably, the WSL is making money off this arrangement, though typically, the money flows toward Facebook from content publishers. “To boost this post and reach 10k more accounts, please pay $1000,” is the way this arrangement works on the regular — though in true ‘grit style, I made up those numbers. But an exclusive arrangement sounds like Facebook is paying — and oh boy, would I like to know how much, because I like knowing things like this.
Anyway, if you need me, I’ll just be over here creating my new Facebook identity. I’m twelve, I have blonde hair, and I like Supreme. My favorite surfer is John John. When I grow up, I want to sail around the world. I hope this family reunion is over soon. I guess we have to play softball or something. Softball is stupid. I don’t like cherry pie, why can’t there be cake? Chocolate cake is way better than cherry pie. Oh god, now dad wants me to SUP with him on the lake. This is like, the most embarrassing thing ever. I am never going to live this down.
Call me, Koa.
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Julian Wilson, beaten by Joel Parkinson in round one, shimmies past the South African wildcard, and only just let it be said, Matthew McGillivray. | Photo: WSL
Surfing officially as popular as "cake stall in a small country town…"
Say something so that WSL Live knows you’re here.
OK, how about a charming non-surfing lass from England who looks like a suburban soccer mum just killed pro surfing. No? Too harsh?
The great Facebook reveal was a shitshow of biblical proportions. Maybe Soph has really killed it. We’ll look back at this day – the opening day of the exclusive Facebook broadcasting deal – like historians examine the assassination of the Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria in Sarajevo.
Sure, there were signs and portents, the Pipeline permit debacle, the cancellation of Margarets but this really does feel like we have crossed the rubicon.
The great Facebook reveal was a shitshow of biblical proportions. Maybe Soph has really killed it. We’ll look back at this day – the opening day of the exclusive Facebook broadcasting deal – like historians examine the assassination of the Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria in Sarajevo.
The impact of the debut, I believe, will be studied for years to come in the top business schools, as a textbook case of how to infuriate and alienate your core fans and maybe kill a sport stone dead. Deciphering the WSL’s official line beforehand on their help page I felt pretty safe I would not need to enter the Zuckerberg garden of evil.
It clearly stated (and still does): If you’d like to watch the WSL Live Experience from your computer, just head to www.worldsurfleague.com and land straight in the action.
Does that not clearly state the webcast will be broadcast from the website? It wasn’t. It directed you to the Facebook Live stream. The rage drifting up the comments thread on Facey was almost worth the price of admission to the scratchy and buggy feed. Dropping angry face emojis into the storm cloud of anger was surprisingly cathartic, for a little while.
6.3K people were logged in and watching live for the first heat of the day. Primetime in Aus, midnight in LA, morning in Europe. Six-and-a-half-thousand people globally, about half the crowd who show up to a suburban sports ground to watch a weekend Rugby League game in Sydney, watched Fred Morais wrangle head high windy J-Bay away from Jordy Smith and Michael February for the opening heat of the day.
The numbers climbed in anticipation of the return to competition of greatest drawcard Pro surfing has ever known. Seven thousand and change out of the, what were the numbers of Pro Surfing fans estimated by Speaker, millions? trillions?, were tuned to the Facey feed to watch Robert Slater return to J-Bay to take on Italo and Kanoa Igarashi.They, we. got a blank screen as the feed crapped out.
My conspiracy theory: that Kelly had been strong-armed into surfing J-Bay by Sophie to cover for the lack of JJF and boost the viewing numbers for the FB roll-out was shot down in flames. Minutes of nothing passed before we were directed to the Portugese feed. Three thousand eight watched Kelly in his first ocean heat in a year. Four thousand stayed glued to the English feed which gamely stayed glued to a blank screen.
Kelly looked spicy early on a 5’3” Cymatic despite the barely contained disgust of Pottz, then fell to pieces as the heat went on.Maybe, as Pottz mused, it was “good for his own personal headspace.”
The numbers climbed as the heat went on. seven thousand, eight thousand, nine thousand, almost ten thousandwatched as a nervous performance from the greatest of all time, where he failed to reach double figures, drew to a close.
Ten thousand people.
Could we be bold and assume that is about the size of the global pro surfing fan base? Maybe double it for good measure. I took my own Cymatic out of the Camry and put an axe through it. Jeezus fuck, if it looks like that under Kelly’s feet.
Kelly looked spicy early on a 5’3” Cymatic despite the barely contained disgust of Pottz, then fell to pieces as the heat went on. Maybe, as Pottz mused, it was “good for his own personal headspace.” Photo: WSL
The surf was pumping for heat five. Big, windy walls. It was heartening, amidst the misery of the FB debacle to hear Shaun Tomson declare that people “should be shot for the double-pump bottom turn”. If only we had such boldness and clarity at the top of the WSL.
Filipe started where he left off last year. His opening turn on his opening wave shaded anything done by any pro today. Eleven thousand people watched world-wide. His massive three-turn combo-to-deep-tube was a bona fide ten-point ride, as distinct from the plethora of emotional tens from last year. Judges awarded a 9.17. It was to be the high point of the day’s action. If you only see one ride from today, that is the one.
Filipe started where he left off last year. His opening turn on his opening wave shaded anything done by any pro today. Eleven thousand people watched world-wide. His massive three-turn combo-to-deep-tube was a bona fide ten-point ride, as distinct from the plethora of emotional tens from last year. Judges awarded a 9.17. It was to be the high point of the day’s action. If you only see one ride from today, that is the one.
The audience peaked through heats six and seven, reaching thirteen thousand people and change, if we are to believe the numbers on the screen. They were dull heats, even allowing for Parko’s retirement declaration (which has been obvious since the opening event). Owen Wright looked the sharpest goofy-foot of the day to my eye and came last. His surfing was fluid, vertical and whipped out.
Kolohe Andino lofted a big alley oop into the wind as the audience started to dwindle.
It was surreal watching the numbers head south, back to eight thousand, then seven, then six, as Kelly commentated in the booth and announced his last year on Tour would be next year. I guess the injury wildcard is a given now, if he fails to requalify. Colapinto looked comfortable in the clutch, as he has all year to ice heat eleven on the buzzer, despite looking the best surfer all heat.
America woke up as Adriano choked on the two best waves of heat twelve, but the audience continued to shrivel. Down to five, then four thousand. About what you would expect for a cake stall in a small country town. The bruised sky bore witness to greased walls fringed with white zippering crests and two final heats of round two.
In the first, Julian was overscored to defeat local wildcard Matthew McGillivray. In the second, Italo’s World Title hopes disappeared into the darkening gloom of an African sky. The rage-filled emojis continued to soar.
Men’s Corona Open J-Bay Round 1 Results:
Heat 1: Frederico Morais (PRT) 11.93, Jordy Smith (ZAF) 10.17, Michael February (ZAF) 7.24
Heat 2: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 14.03, Michel Bourez (PYF) 13.67, Ian Gouveia (BRA) 6.66
Heat 3: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 13.50, Italo Ferreira (BRA) 11.94, Kelly Slater (USA) 8.73
Heat 4: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 11.83, Tomas Hermes (BRA) 7.83, Miguel Pupo (BRA) 6.73
Heat 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 13.84, Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 12.14, Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 10.67
Heat 6: Joel Parkinson (AUS) 10.10, Julian Wilson (AUS) 9.90, Matthew McGillivray (ZAF) 9.86
Heat 7: Willian Cardoso (BRA) 12.30, Keanu Asing (HAW) 11.76, Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 11.06
Heat 8: Conner Coffin (USA) 16.14, Joan Duru (FRA) 15.67, Owen Wright (AUS) 12.73
Heat 9: Kolohe Andino (USA) 14.87, Mikey Wright (AUS) 13.26, Patrick Gudauskas (USA) 6.00
Heat 10: Yago Dora (BRA) 13.23, Adrian Buchan (AUS) 11.67, Adriano de Souza (BRA) 11.23
Heat 11: Griffin Colapinto (USA) 13.63, Wade Carmichael (AUS) 12.23, Jesse Mendes (BRA) 10.94
Heat 12: Jeremy Flores (FRA) 15.80, Connor O’Leary (AUS) 15.07, Michael Rodrigues (BRA) 10.96
Men’s Corona Open J-Bay Round 2 (H1-2) Results:
Heat 1: Julian Wilson (AUS) 14.43 def. Matthew McGillivray (ZAF) 13.50
Heat 2: Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 11.77 def. Italo Ferreira (BRA) 9.73
Men’s Corona Open J-Bay Remaining Round 2 (H3-12) Matchups:
Heat 3: Michel Bourez (PYF) vs. Miguel Pupo (BRA)
Heat 4: Jordy Smith (ZAF) vs. Kelly Slater (USA)
Heat 5: Owen Wright (AUS) vs. Ian Gouveia (BRA)
Heat 6: Adrian Buchan (AUS) vs. Michael February (ZAF)
Heat 7: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) vs. Keanu Asing (HAW)
Heat 8: Wade Carmichael (AUS) vs. Joan Duru (FRA)
Heat 9: Adriano de Souza (BRA) vs. Patrick Gudauskas (USA)
Heat 10: Mikey Wright (AUS) vs. Jesse Mendes (BRA)
Heat 11: Ezekiel Lau (HAW) vs. Connor O’Leary (AUS)
Heat 12: Tomas Hermes (BRA) vs. Matt Wilkinson (AUS)
