A Honolulu hearing seeks to change surf contest
rules!
I, like you, am waiting for Longtom’s recap of
J-Bay day two. The heat where Kelly Slater lost to Jordy Smith and
the World Surf League called Round 2 “dreaded” on its own website.
But while we wait should we discuss the current state of the World
Surf League’s relationship with Hawaii and most specifically
Honolulu?
My favorite part of the J-Bay day one recap was LT’s tracking
Facebook viewers in real time. The slight swell and precipitous
drop generally in the low five figures. The storm of angry emoji
faces raining down. The thought that by both alienating its core
fanbase while offering nothing to newcomers the new World Surf
League brass might actually kill professional surfing once and
all.
Maybe that is too hyperbolic but maybe not. Herr Paul
Speaker (who I think still has an ownership stake in
the venture) kicked off this new era so perfectly and Backward Beth
carries the torch of bald ineptitude magnificently. And do you
remember Hawaii? How the League lost next year’s Pipeline event
even after a personal trip to Honolulu from new CEO Soph
Goldschmidt?
Magnificently seems to be an understatement. But there is
movement on Da Island! And let’s turn to Hawaii’s own KHON2 News for
more.
A hearing on whether the city should change its rules when
it comes to surf contests will be held Tuesday.
Potential changes include creating an advisory committee to
help resolve scheduling conflicts and allowing the city to fill the
vacancy when an application is withdrawn, denied, or
revoked.
In the past, problems with the permitting process have led
to complaints from the World Surf League and the family of Eddie
Aikau.
The hearing will be held in the first floor conference room
of the Mission Memorial Building at 550 South King Street.
It starts at 2:00 p.m.
Well? Do you happen to be in Honolulu right now? Want a job as
BeachGrit’s man/woman on the ground? Just head to the first floor
conference room of the Mission Memorial Building at 550 South King
Street at 2:00 p.m. It would be nice if you could maybe cut out
some cardboard angry emoji faces to throw during the meeting.
I wonder what will come out of this. Potentially, it seems, a
new bureaucratic office which is certain to suck money from schools
and old folks homes.
So long pro surfing! You were funny while you lasted!
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Like Bruce except Jen See became male! And
younger!
Koa. Koa sounds like the kind of person who
would be too cool to have a Facebook account, but would also like
to watch surfing. But maybe he’d be too cool to watch surfing, too?
Maybe Koa just scrolls through instagram to check out his friends’
clips and follows John John, because he’s got a sailboat and gets
sweet airs. I’m not sure Koa would really watch contest
surfing.
Last fall in a fit of rage, I deleted my Facebook account. It
wasn’t my friends arguing about politics. Really, I didn’t mind
that. I rarely learned anything all that surprising. Yes, the
distant relative, a practicing evangelical Christian, was telling
all her friends to vote Trump for the Supreme Court and an end to
Roe. Of course, she was. And of course, my college professor
friends were shifting further left with every passing week.
What cracked me was the firehose of shit the algorithm pumped
into my “news feed” each day. Wild conspiracies, troll-bait
headlines from websites of questionable provenance, so many weird,
unsourced rumors. It made me so tired. Life is too short, I
figured. If I wanted to see my friends perfect lives and feed my
personal data into the machine, well, there was always Instagram.
So I hit that delete button and never looked back.
It was all good until this morning when I saw the updates on
Twitter. There is surfing happening! These updates always bring a
smile to my face! Time to watch surfing instead of work, I thought,
happily. And I do like J-Bay. J-Bay is dreamy and beautiful and
makes my heart sing with joy.
But instead of clicking through to J-Bay goodness, I got the
dread Facebook login. Which, I do not have, because of the rage and
the deleting. Now I was going to have to do actual work! On a
Monday morning! Also, there is marine layer that is making me
sleepy. No surfing, marine layer, and work. Maybe I should just go
back to bed.
Instead of going back to bed, I started thinking. I could be
Koa, who watches surfing on Facebook. Koa is twelve and doesn’t
have a Facebook account yet, because he figured it was just
something for old people. But he’s stuck in the car right now on
his way to a family reunion for the Fourth of July, somewhere
inland, somewhere far away from his local beach, and he figures,
well, maybe watching some surfing will pass the time, while he’s
stuck with the old people.
I’m not sure if it’s an entirely smart move to make your niche
event harder for people to access, but here we are.
I’m not sure if it’s an entirely smart move to make your niche
event harder for people to access, but here we are. Presumably, the
WSL is making money off this arrangement, though typically, the
money flows toward Facebook from content publishers. “To boost this
post and reach 10k more accounts, please pay $1000,” is the way
this arrangement works on the regular — though in true ‘grit style,
I made up those numbers. But an exclusive arrangement sounds like
Facebook is paying — and oh boy, would I like to know how much,
because I like knowing things like this.
Anyway, if you need me, I’ll just be over here creating my new
Facebook identity. I’m twelve, I have blonde hair, and I like
Supreme. My favorite surfer is John John. When I grow up, I want to
sail around the world. I hope this family reunion is over soon. I
guess we have to play softball or something. Softball is stupid. I
don’t like cherry pie, why can’t there be cake? Chocolate cake is
way better than cherry pie. Oh god, now dad wants me to SUP with
him on the lake. This is like, the most embarrassing thing ever. I
am never going to live this down.
Call me, Koa.
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Julian Wilson, beaten by Joel Parkinson in round one,
shimmies past the South African wildcard, and only just let it be
said, Matthew McGillivray. | Photo: WSL
Surfing officially as popular as "cake stall in a
small country town…"
Say something so that WSL Live knows you’re
here.
OK, how about a charming non-surfing lass from England who looks
like a suburban soccer mum just killed pro surfing. No? Too
harsh?
The great Facebook reveal was a shitshow of biblical
proportions. Maybe Soph has really killed it. We’ll look back at
this day – the opening day of the exclusive Facebook broadcasting
deal – like historians examine the assassination of the Archduke
Franz Ferdinand of Austria in Sarajevo.
Sure, there were signs and portents, the Pipeline permit
debacle, the cancellation of Margarets but this really does feel
like we have crossed the rubicon.
The great Facebook reveal was a shitshow of biblical
proportions. Maybe Soph has really killed it. We’ll look back at
this day – the opening day of the exclusive Facebook broadcasting
deal – like historians examine the assassination of the Archduke
Franz Ferdinand of Austria in Sarajevo.
The impact of the debut, I believe, will be studied for years to
come in the top business schools, as a textbook case of how to
infuriate and alienate your core fans and maybe kill a sport stone
dead. Deciphering the WSL’s official line beforehand on their help
page I felt pretty safe I would not need to enter the Zuckerberg
garden of evil.
It clearly stated (and still does): If you’d like to watch
the WSL Live Experience from your computer, just head
to www.worldsurfleague.com and
land straight in the action.
Does that not clearly state the webcast will be broadcast from
the website? It wasn’t. It directed you to the Facebook Live
stream. The rage drifting up the comments thread on Facey was
almost worth the price of admission to the scratchy and buggy feed.
Dropping angry face emojis into the storm cloud of anger was
surprisingly cathartic, for a little while.
6.3K people were logged in and watching live for the first heat
of the day. Primetime in Aus, midnight in LA, morning in Europe.
Six-and-a-half-thousand people globally, about half the crowd who
show up to a suburban sports ground to watch a weekend Rugby League
game in Sydney, watched Fred Morais wrangle head high windy J-Bay
away from Jordy Smith and Michael February for the opening heat of
the day.
The numbers climbed in anticipation of the return to competition
of greatest drawcard Pro surfing has ever known. Seven thousand and
change out of the, what were the numbers of Pro Surfing fans
estimated by Speaker, millions? trillions?, were tuned to the
Facey feed to watch Robert Slater return to J-Bay to take on Italo
and Kanoa Igarashi.They, we. got a blank screen
as the feed crapped out.
My conspiracy theory: that Kelly had been strong-armed into
surfing J-Bay by Sophie to cover for the lack of JJF and boost the
viewing numbers for the FB roll-out was shot down in flames.
Minutes of nothing passed before we were directed to the Portugese
feed. Three thousand eight watched Kelly in his first ocean heat in
a year. Four thousand stayed glued to the English feed which gamely
stayed glued to a blank screen.
Kelly looked spicy early on a 5’3” Cymatic despite the barely
contained disgust of Pottz, then fell to pieces as the heat went
on.Maybe, as Pottz
mused, it was “good for his own personal headspace.”
The numbers climbed as the heat went on. seven thousand,
eight thousand, nine thousand, almost ten thousandwatched as a nervous
performance from the greatest of all time, where he failed to reach
double figures, drew to a close.
Ten thousand people.
Could we be bold and assume that is about the size of the global
pro surfing fan base? Maybe double it for good measure. I took
my own Cymatic out of
the Camry and put an axe through it. Jeezus fuck, if it looks like
that under Kelly’s feet.
Kelly looked spicy early on a 5’3” Cymatic
despite the barely contained disgust of Pottz, then fell to pieces
as the heat went on. Maybe, as Pottz mused, it was “good for
his own personal headspace.” Photo: WSL
The surf was pumping for heat five. Big, windy walls. It was
heartening, amidst the misery of the FB debacle to hear Shaun
Tomson declare that people “should be shot for the double-pump
bottom turn”. If only we had such boldness and clarity at the top
of the WSL.
Filipe started where he left off last year. His opening turn on
his opening wave shaded anything done by any pro today. Eleven
thousand people watched world-wide. His massive three-turn
combo-to-deep-tube was a bona fide ten-point ride, as distinct from
the plethora of emotional tens from last year. Judges awarded a
9.17. It was to be the high point of the day’s action. If you only
see one ride from today, that is the one.
Filipe started where he left off last year. His opening turn on
his opening wave shaded anything done by any pro today. Eleven
thousand people watched world-wide. His massive three-turn
combo-to-deep-tube was a bona fide ten-point ride, as distinct from
the plethora of emotional tens from last year. Judges awarded a
9.17. It was to be the high point of the day’s action. If you only
see one ride from today, that is the one.
The audience peaked through heats six and seven, reaching
thirteen thousand people and change, if we are to believe the
numbers on the screen. They were dull heats, even allowing for
Parko’s retirement declaration (which has been obvious since the
opening event). Owen Wright looked the sharpest goofy-foot of the
day to my eye and came last. His surfing was fluid, vertical and
whipped out.
Kolohe Andino lofted a big alley oop into the wind as the
audience started to dwindle.
It was surreal watching the numbers head south, back to eight
thousand, then seven, then six, as Kelly commentated in the booth
and announced his last year on Tour would be next year. I guess the
injury wildcard is a given now, if he fails to requalify. Colapinto
looked comfortable in the clutch, as he has all year to ice heat
eleven on the buzzer, despite looking the best surfer all
heat.
America woke up as Adriano choked on the two best waves of heat
twelve, but the audience continued to shrivel. Down to five, then
four thousand. About what you would expect for a cake stall in a
small country town. The bruised sky bore witness to greased walls
fringed with white zippering crests and two final heats of round
two.
In the first, Julian was overscored to defeat local wildcard
Matthew McGillivray. In the second, Italo’s World Title hopes
disappeared into the darkening gloom of an African sky. The
rage-filled emojis continued to soar.
Men’s Corona Open J-Bay Round 1 Results:
Heat 1: Frederico Morais (PRT) 11.93, Jordy Smith (ZAF) 10.17,
Michael February (ZAF) 7.24
Heat 2: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 14.03, Michel Bourez (PYF) 13.67, Ian
Gouveia (BRA) 6.66
Heat 3: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 13.50, Italo Ferreira (BRA) 11.94,
Kelly Slater (USA) 8.73
Heat 4: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 11.83, Tomas Hermes (BRA) 7.83, Miguel
Pupo (BRA) 6.73
Heat 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 13.84, Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 12.14,
Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 10.67
Heat 6: Joel Parkinson (AUS) 10.10, Julian Wilson (AUS) 9.90,
Matthew McGillivray (ZAF) 9.86
Heat 7: Willian Cardoso (BRA) 12.30, Keanu Asing (HAW) 11.76,
Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 11.06
Heat 8: Conner Coffin (USA) 16.14, Joan Duru (FRA) 15.67, Owen
Wright (AUS) 12.73
Heat 9: Kolohe Andino (USA) 14.87, Mikey Wright (AUS) 13.26,
Patrick Gudauskas (USA) 6.00
Heat 10: Yago Dora (BRA) 13.23, Adrian Buchan (AUS) 11.67, Adriano
de Souza (BRA) 11.23
Heat 11: Griffin Colapinto (USA) 13.63, Wade Carmichael (AUS)
12.23, Jesse Mendes (BRA) 10.94
Heat 12: Jeremy Flores (FRA) 15.80, Connor O’Leary (AUS) 15.07,
Michael Rodrigues (BRA) 10.96
Men’s Corona Open J-Bay Round 2 (H1-2)
Results:
Heat 1: Julian Wilson (AUS) 14.43 def. Matthew McGillivray (ZAF)
13.50
Heat 2: Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 11.77 def. Italo Ferreira (BRA)
9.73
Men’s Corona Open J-Bay Remaining Round 2 (H3-12)
Matchups:
Heat 3: Michel Bourez (PYF) vs. Miguel Pupo (BRA)
Heat 4: Jordy Smith (ZAF) vs. Kelly Slater (USA)
Heat 5: Owen Wright (AUS) vs. Ian Gouveia (BRA)
Heat 6: Adrian Buchan (AUS) vs. Michael February (ZAF)
Heat 7: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) vs. Keanu Asing (HAW)
Heat 8: Wade Carmichael (AUS) vs. Joan Duru (FRA)
Heat 9: Adriano de Souza (BRA) vs. Patrick Gudauskas (USA)
Heat 10: Mikey Wright (AUS) vs. Jesse Mendes (BRA)
Heat 11: Ezekiel Lau (HAW) vs. Connor O’Leary (AUS)
Heat 12: Tomas Hermes (BRA) vs. Matt Wilkinson (AUS)
Kelly Slater has a well-known penchant for
redirecting the spotlight whenever it strays, slightly, from his
still very handsome visage. Who could ever
forget the rollout of Surf Ranch? There stood Adriano
de Souza, dripping wet from his just clinched World Surf League and
Pipeline championships. The proud nation of Brazil’s first ever
title. A smile spreading across his face for exactly 30
seconds…
…until he saw everyone around him staring at their phones.
Whispering, “What is this? Have you seen this?”
It was Surf Ranch and no one ever cared about Adriano de Souza
again.
Today, Joel Parkinson announced his retirement from professional
surfing. Though I was surprised, thinking Parko had retired a few
years ago, Kelly Slater knew because the man has a photographic
memory when it comes to surf and surf history.
Kelly, anyhow, feeling the spotlight stray, grabbed it right
back by announcing his own retirement too.
Joel who?
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Time to hit the showers, ol' pal. | Photo: Steve
Sherman
Coolangatta's second most famous surfer has been
here all along!
It was revealed just a few hours ago that one
of the greatest surfers of the past decade, Joel Parkinson, has not
been retired for the past five years. Read again, has NOT been
retired for the past five years. I’ll be honest, when I woke up
this morning hungry for news from J-Bay and saw the World Surf
League’s Thank You Joel Parkinson headline I
thought something terrible had happened. Maybe even an unthinkable
repeat of the 2015 incident starring Mick Fanning.
“Do South African sharks have a sickly taste for Coolangatta
flesh?” I wondered before realizing it was a retirement
announcement which confused me more. I thought my computer was
stuck in some time warp. Some glitch, though everything else seemed
in order.
Once I realized my error it made me very happy that Joel
Parkinson has been competing all along because I did not want to
miss his retirement party. It made me go to his Instagram and read
his eloquent words.
The first time I went to J-Bay was 19 years ago. I was just
a kid back then. I’d just finished last in a contest in Reunion,
turned up at J-Bay with a toothache, but then got my first glimpse
of the wave and the pain went away. It was six foot and perfect
from Boneyards to Impossibles, I paddled out through the keyhole,
caught my first wave and that was it. I was gone. I lost my mind.
Next thing I was standing there on stage holding the trophy, not
sure what had just happened, but I knew I’d found my second home.
This is where it all started for me on tour, and that’s why I
wanted to be here in J-Bay to let you know that this will be my
last year on tour. The Pipe Masters in December will be my last
event. The fire just hasn’t been there for a while now and I never
want to surf without it, so it’s time to go look for it somewhere
else. The tour has given me so much. So many memories, so many
friends, the chance for my kids to see the world, but it’s time to
move on to the next chapter. That means one last lap of the tour
and I can’t wait to catch up with a lot of old friends and get a
few waves along the way… starting this week at J-Bay.
Bravo Joel!
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Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by
@theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros
