Coolangatta's second most famous surfer has been here all along!
It was revealed just a few hours ago that one of the greatest surfers of the past decade, Joel Parkinson, has not been retired for the past five years. Read again, has NOT been retired for the past five years. I’ll be honest, when I woke up this morning hungry for news from J-Bay and saw the World Surf League’s Thank You Joel Parkinson headline I thought something terrible had happened. Maybe even an unthinkable repeat of the 2015 incident starring Mick Fanning.
“Do South African sharks have a sickly taste for Coolangatta flesh?” I wondered before realizing it was a retirement announcement which confused me more. I thought my computer was stuck in some time warp. Some glitch, though everything else seemed in order.
Once I realized my error it made me very happy that Joel Parkinson has been competing all along because I did not want to miss his retirement party. It made me go to his Instagram and read his eloquent words.
The first time I went to J-Bay was 19 years ago. I was just a kid back then. I’d just finished last in a contest in Reunion, turned up at J-Bay with a toothache, but then got my first glimpse of the wave and the pain went away. It was six foot and perfect from Boneyards to Impossibles, I paddled out through the keyhole, caught my first wave and that was it. I was gone. I lost my mind. Next thing I was standing there on stage holding the trophy, not sure what had just happened, but I knew I’d found my second home. This is where it all started for me on tour, and that’s why I wanted to be here in J-Bay to let you know that this will be my last year on tour. The Pipe Masters in December will be my last event. The fire just hasn’t been there for a while now and I never want to surf without it, so it’s time to go look for it somewhere else. The tour has given me so much. So many memories, so many friends, the chance for my kids to see the world, but it’s time to move on to the next chapter. That means one last lap of the tour and I can’t wait to catch up with a lot of old friends and get a few waves along the way… starting this week at J-Bay.
Bravo Joel!
Don’t see them a lot. Chas prefers horizontally striped, non-broey, deep v-neck tees and fitted unbuttoned button-up collared (the collar usually oversize) shirts because he fancies himself stylish. He is able to pull these looks off because his body, which is shaped like a pipe cleaner, is basically a hanger, just letting the garments sit without flesh shape. Derek, like Chas, likes horizontally striped tees, though does not prefer a plunging v neckline (rather a stretched crew), most likely due to the fact that his body is best described as noodly armed and skinny fat and couldn’t pull off the model/mannequin look. Like Chas, Derek likes to stay stylish, though I suspect that he latches on to new looks because he wants to pretend he’s still young (he is actually moderately old). As for the rest of the regulars here, I’d guess that most do not wear the types of tees you ask about, as most of them were born between 1966 and 1978 and haven’t followed any non-surf gear trend in at least 10 years (they don’t spend money). Also, many either think they are too surf cool and are really self-conscious about their own masculinity, they just don’t think they could pull it off (most), or they simply prefer a simple arctic camo tee to pair with page boy hat (longtom). Also, for what it’s worth, the large majority love to make fun of Dion Agius. Hope that helps…
Blow dealers at every tour stop are frantically seeking new lines of work
Joel has taken the high line.
Ah, J-Bay and those parallel white lines!
He loves the Nose beers eh?
I was under the impression that Sophie lost the Pipe Masters for this season?
Did you dedicate any chapters to Joel in your new book Chas?
Sophie went over the handlebars.
Pipe is on this year, in Dec as usual. Where the WSL fluffed it was in trying to get a second Pipe CT in Feb 2019. The permitting is done season to season, not year to year, and the permit rules said only one CT per season at Pipe. The WSL claims it was advised by city officials in HNL to apply for their usual slate of events, including the Volcom Pipe QS in Feb, then come back and switch the Volcom QS to a CT. Nod and wink etc. But when it came down, they were denied — the permitting had become a warmish political issue for the Mayor’s office and the city generally, so no switching. Not well handled by anyone really. So no Pipe CT in 2019, but they’ll apply and probably get a Pipe CT for Feb 2020.
But by then will anyone care much.
Now everyone else’s noses can finally come out from the shadows!
Have you seen his missus? She’s STACKED!!
He’s so smug about it, Go Braddah Joel
Amid the Celebration of Life(time Achievement Award World Title Win 2012) for our dearly (soonly) departed Joel, we finally get to hear about his most incredible accomplishment: he, Dr. Doogie Parko, discovered and founded the procedure for relieving toothaches, innovative for the time, by which the surfferer is taken to J-Bay to watch waves break down the point, whereby upon first glimpse he is immediately cured. Simply amazing!
Unless you are 11 time world champion Kelly Slater! In which case the fucken place breaks your foot.