Blood Feud: The Coffey Sisters vs. the Coffey Brothers!

Nothing is more precious than a name.

I was just, right now, minding my own business and rolling around the Internet while drinking a beer that claims to be the original pilsner when I stumbled upon mention of the Coffey brothers.

“Coffey brothers?” I thought while staring at my beer and pondering what pilsner means “…what the hell is that? Did the Coffey sisters… transition?”

Three clicks later and there I was at the Santa Cruz Sentinel which informed me:

Santa Cruz’s Ben and Sam Coffey each rolled into the fourth round following the first day of the Hurley Surf Open Acapulco – a World Surf League Men’s Qualifying Series 1,000 event — at Playa Revolcadero in Mexico on Friday.

In fact, Sam Coffey delivered the highest single-wave score of the day – an 8.60 — in the waning seconds to leap from third to first in his Round 3 heat. Competing in two- to four-foot conditions, Sam finished with a two-wave score of 13.77 and beat American Skip McCullough (12.24), Brazil’s Tales Araujo (11.10) and Mexico’s Tehuen Petroni (5.10).

With performance like that the Coffey name, long held by four Australian sisters, feels like it is up for grabs.

It feels like a blood feud.

Are you Team Boy Coffey or Team Girl Coffey?

Tamarin Bay Father-son beat down: “South African surfer threw first punch at the local!”

And, "I haven't seen them beat up any kids They'll never punch children."

Last week, you might’ve tuned into the story of a father-and-son being gang-banged at Tamarin Bay in Mauritius.

From Craig Jarvis’ poetic report, Surf Rage (part two): Mauritius Locals Beat Hell out of Dad and Son!

We all know about the White Shorts in Mauritius, and there is so much terrible examples of their uncivilised behavior all over the internet.  Kyle Kahn, a Cape Town surfer now living in Mauritius, saw his 13-year-old son get a smack from the crew and went in to intervene. 

Watch that here.

Now, there emerges a conflicting version of the event from a twelve-year-old South African surfer, “Rick”, also living in Mauritius.

“What I saw on that day was a South African surfer approach a local and he accused him of slapping his son. I never saw him slap his son and he threw the first punch at the local and then they started fighting,” says Rick. “If the locals were beating up kids I wouldn’t be surfing here and I would know about it and they haven’t beaten up anyone…well… I haven’t seen them beat up any kids… They’ll never punch children.”

Watch that here.

The comments below the clip are instructive.

From what you presume to be Kyle Kahn: “Rick and my son surf together. It’s a great vibe and I’m always happy when there are other young kids in the line-up. R says he didn’t see my son being slapped, this neither confirms or denies what happened. The aerial footage shows who was close to me when I was assaulted by the Old WhiteShorts guy. OWSG showed no evidence of being punched, only a cut toe from when he kicked me in the jaw and mouth while I was under the water. I think R will get a lot more waves now and hopefully physical attacks will end. THIS IS PRECISELY why I put my video out there. The locals are now being friendlier. A CHANGE HAS BEGUN! (Note not all locals are aggressive and violent.)”

And then, as if to unravel the clumsy piece of propaganda,

“Stop with all your crap you liar…we better not see you in the water again! A good beating now will be justified!! Thanks to the boy who gave a testimony of the real story…”

Tamarin Bay is a pretty, and not especially difficult or heavy, lefthander that was described by Surfer magazine in 1973 as “Probably the most perfect wave in the world.”

Read Matt Warshaw’s account of the joint, here. 

Clay Marzo opens his jets, Gnaraloo. Frame grab @superbrand

Tourism: Marg River Pro to move 1000 km away!

Blame Gabe!

Margaret River, a few hours south of Perth on Australia’s rugged western shore, is truly God’s country. Gorgeous hills dotted with vineyards, kangaroo farms and macrobiotic restaurants tumble into a sapphire ocean teeming with life. The towns are a postcard dream, impossibly cute with broad accent’d locals ready to serve you in any manner of ways.

It is truly perfection, a public relations department dream. Margaret River sells itself but what happens when Brazilian surfer Gabriel Medina hijacks the marketing? Margaret River turns into Uluwatu (in Indonesia some 3000 km away) or Gnaraloo station (in West Oz but 1300 km north) is what.

What an unmitigated disaster! But true. You recall this year’s Margaret River Pro, paid for by Tourism Australia, completed in Uluwatu. Well, there is discussion next year to move it equally far away (basically). And let us turn to the grand West Australian for more.

The Weekend West understands Margaret River Pro organisers met Shire of Northampton chief executive Garry Keefe and representatives from the Kalbarri board riders club to discuss moving the competition north. Kalbarri’s Jake’s Point (500km north of Perth) and Gnaraloo station (1000km north of Perth) are believed to be possible locations.

A State Government spokeswoman said Tourism WA had an agreement with Surfing WA to hold the Margaret River Pro next year.

“We are in early talks with Surfing WA and WSL about future years,” she said.

Then later…

The attacks (during this year’s event) prompted backlash from international surfing champions including Brazilian surfing heavyweight Gabriel Medina, who aired concerns about returning to the water.

Medina told his six million Instagram followers at the time that he did not feel safe training or competing in Margaret River after the attacks.

“They had two shark attacks on a beach close to where we’re competing,” he said. “I do not feel safe training and competing in this kind of place — anytime, anything can happen.”


Have you ever surfed in either Kalbarri or Gnaraloo station? Good? Fun?

Nice for competition?

And sharks?

Click here for Kalbarri. 

Here too. 

Here for The Bluff. 

Click here for Gnaraloo. 

And more importantly don’t you love how Australia kicks Gabriel Medina under the bus every single time there is a conversation about the cancelled Margaret River Pro? It is a well-executed campaign, no doubt, and I think that Gabriel Medina should move to Australia and become a villain.

Like, star in all the movies as the bad guy etc. Always shaking a fist at the camera and warning locals that he is one bad mama jamma.

And without further ado…

"We want to make sure that the correct decisions are made for the fans and the sport — so it can grow and thrive, and so we can continue to strategically invest in its development."

Surfline readers revolt after WSL PR spin goes wrong!

"Keep up the great work, losers…"

Earlier this week, the world’s biggest surf website Surfline, which has three million or so visitors every month, ran an interview with WSL CEO Sophie Goldschmidt.

It was called One Apology, a Dozen Promises and a Thousand Thanks from WSL CEO: After one year on the job, Sophie Goldschmidt’s learned plenty, but she probably taught us more. 

It was a cordial back and forth that read, to me, as an email interview. These are now the norm in what might politely be called journalism. You see ’em everywhere. Stilted sugarcane pulp.

The subject likes it ’cause they can vet everything that gets printed; the journalist is happy because it removes the need to talk to a human being and then transcribe whatever you record. All you gotta do is cut and paste the answers, file story, go home and be destroyed by your self loathing.

The uncredited interview, which initially had the byline Matt Pruett and which was later removed, is the usual inanity, the same fruitless labour.

“We thank the fans for their patience and support as we continue to work through the transition and the challenges with some devices, and we want to remind everyone that we’ve re-instituted the broadcast across our WSL channels until further notice.”

“We want to make sure that the correct decisions are made for the fans and the sport — so it can grow and thrive, and so we can continue to strategically invest in its development.”

“Gender equality is an incredibly important issue for us.”

“Who isn’t amazed by some of the waves ridden, such as Rodrigo Koxa on an 80-foot monster? Mind-blowing! The attention that great feat garnered for surfing was fantastic.”

“(Kelly) is a huge force for good in surfing, cares deeply about the environment, is the visionary behind a game-changing wave system, and more. We are very lucky he is close to WSL in many ways.”

Nothing offensive to beat the keyboard jockeys out of their peaceful drowsiness.

But, then, the kicker. 

Surfline: Finally, how did the new partnership with Surfline come about?

Sophie Goldschmidt: It was a logical and successful matchup benefiting everyone, most importantly the fans. Our Surfline partnership is a critical tool that helps to inform our WSL team to plan run days at times when there are optimal conditions. Beyond the detailed forecasting and support the Surfline team provides our event officials, fans benefit from the wealth of wave data that brings to life each wave on the Tour, as well as on-screen graphics and educational information shared with our broadcast team to create engaging content for our fans.

And the fans went fucking nuts.

The atmosphere was malignant.

Ninety-eight comments, a helluva response to a tame Surfline story.

All of ’em, except for whomever the moderator is, screaming “asshole!” and making obscene gestures.


Overall, this is like a “D” grade performance, and not something to be described with “growing pain” euphemism. Get back to Rabbit’s original model – go watch the original Billabong challenge and the 1995 G-land comp if you need an idea – and win back the serious fan.

She tried to bully City and County of Honolulu. Screw these suits, dicks.

Eds, please fully explain Surfline’s “new partnership” with the WSL. Mr. Pruett’s article looks like a corporate press release.

Is this garbage interview for real? Seriously. Are all of us who love this sport supposed to buy this junk?

No Triple Crown. No Trestles. No online viewing. Sorry, Facebook-only online viewing (which, btw, if you’ve been following the news and value your personal info, you might wanna stop using Facebook)
If I performed this poorly at my job I would be fired and so would most others. However, she’s a woman and an executive so she gets ‘special treatment’. What a joke. For the last 8 years I have watched almost every event. This year I have missed every event except for one. Keep up the great work losers.

One apology? How about apologizing for cutting Fiji and Trestles?? How about kneeling and begging for forgiveness for killing the Hawaiian leg??? Pipe? the Triple Crown?? She should be on the street by now

No Triple Crown, no Pipe Masters, this is the death of the sport.

It is not about the CEO. It is about the surfers and the product. By making it about her, she is setting herself up for failure.

If you want it to be about the CEO, ok: No CA contest (huh??) No Pipe masters? No Fiji? In any other business, a CEO pooches and event like Pipe masters, they are fired on the spot. It would be like the CEO of Nascar losing Daytona, he would be gone that day.

What a corperate hack job I have not and will not watch another contest broadcast. A non surfer running the WSL WTF. She has done more in one year to destroy Surfing contest then the WSL did in building the WSL.

I just read a commercial. Shame on me.

Maybe you’ll like the story. Everything we try to embroider around surfing is sterile, anyway. I wasn’t overly concerned but, then, I have a profound need for doom.

Read here. 

Scandal: Does the WSL support Holocaust deniers?

Marriage is a helluva drug.

Ooooooooooooh boy. Ooooooooooooh wow. Ooooooooooooh hell. And do you love an online dustup? Do you love when politicians or actors or musicians or notable personalities, in a moment of weakness, let slip some deep-seated personal bias and take the entire solar system orbiting their once bright and shining sun straight into the septic tank?

Ooooooooooooh damn.

Just yesterday discovered Facebook Founder-in-Chief Mark Zuckerberg in a heck of a pickle. He, somehow, became the patron saint of Holocaust deniers by claiming the denial of the Holocaust may be misguided but is not necessarily purposefully wrong.

Is there some validity to his position? Maybe Hitler didn’t off millions and millions of Jews? That is what Facebook Big-Dawg-in-Charge Mark Zuckerberg suggested through his support of Holocaust denier position.

Vice signaling etc. Dog whistling etc.

Social and normal media tee’d off on poor* him, of course, and by proxy tee’d off on Facebook’s newest live sport broadcasting partner the World Surf League.

Ooooooooooooh shit.

You’ve hinged on every single revelation as it relates to Facebook and its newest live sport broadcasting partner the World Surf League. You’ve invested not only time but time and is it possible, by proxy, that the World Surf League supports Holocaust denial too?

It is a very fringe opinion to hold and part of me wonders how the WSL will counter these charges, especially in light of a certain of its champions exhibiting….. oh never mind.

But you know what I’m talking about.

Ooooooooooooh yeah. You do.

WSL? Any opinions on the matter? Any official response or is supporting Holocaust denial the new prog?

Seriously… what would be the best course of action here? A full retraction of the Holocaust denier position by the World Surf League? A full support of the values of free speech?

WSL? Which is?

*poor as in….. ummmm… beleaguered..