Are you ready for some hot 2020 Olympic action?
Kelly Slater is the world’s greatest surfer and when he retires we will all be very sad and miss him dearly. We will wake up each morning with Kelly Slater-shaped holes in our hearts and spend the day trying to fill these Kelly Slater-shaped holes with booze and cocaine (buy here!) and Griffin Colapinto who we will say is “the next Kelly Slater.”
There will be many “next Kelly Slater’s” for us as the years drool on and each will contain hope but each will disappoint because who on earth could ever be the next Kelly Slater? Handsome both with hair and without, preternaturally talented, loved by surf legends and Hollywood stars, a competitive beast, 11x world champ.
Yes, the day will come when the ride ends and Kelly Slater even announced it seconds after Joel Parkinson announced his own retirement.
But now that Joel is forgotten and his moment in the spotlight marred is Kelly having second thoughts?
In a wide-ranging interview with WSL partner Surfline, CEO Sophie Goldschmidt seems to suggest that he is.
Surfline: Are there retirement events being planned for Kelly’s final year on tour?
Sophie: After his initial surprise announcement, Kelly then posted that he’s been threatening to retire for 10 years now, so don’t hold your breath on this. With the Olympics round the corner, and him being one of the most competitive people on the planet, there are no plans yet!
Take that (again), Joel.
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Sure Trev what ever you think mate
Surely he won’t be top 2 in the States for 2020. He’ll be lucky to still be on tour
Remminds me of the stories the older folks used to hear about that little turd jack robbinson ,how he used bite and scratch the other kids that used to try to get waves when he was in the water , and if anyone tuned him Trevor would paddle out and abuse and threaten the so called offenders, all really lovely when you consider the little prick had been at the beach from dawn to dusk and all the other kids had been at school and just wanted a few waves amongst themselves, should banned him and his idiot dad Trevor from rivermouth.
Kelly has gone the way of “kooks” like Shaun Tomson and Rabbit when they were still on the tour in the late 80s.
I don’t know why he’s riding those weird boards in contests. Especially on point breaks. Maybe they would work in short beach break waves? If anything on a wave like JBay you’d think going a bit longer would draw out his turns nicely.
…uh, money?
Oh, when that ego takes over…. you just keep bending over! Corporatized whores.
The WSL should be begging Slater to stay, winning heats or not his surfings still more enjoyable to watch than 90% of the tour. Tom Curren would still be more enjoyable to watch than most the guys on tour too. There should be legends spots for when the waves are good. Guys like Curren and Slater shouldn’t have to waste time in crappy waves. Who cares about retiring gracefully? Guys who are over the tour do just that, they find some kind words to say (even though they’re sick of putting on the jersey), and they retire gracefully. Slater should be given a “fuck you I’m the GOAT” automatic entry into every contest he feels like entering for life. I’m sure I’ll rather see 60 yo Slater surfing more than some of the guys that will inevitably be on tour 15 years from now.
Bullshit. He looked like a poorly hewn slippy slide replica of his former glory on that child’s board at JBay. Fuck him and his stupid limelight hogging ways.
Ya Slater definitely doesn’t have your passion. The shots of him on that Cymatic at Haleiwa are sick, but that board wasn’t the right pick for JBay that day. One funny thing about the GOAT is every half ass performance he puts in gets so much fucking criticism. It’s funny, remember when he had a bad heat on that little board at Pipe and people couldn’t shut up about it? Criticizing the GOAT’s the closest most people will ever come to greatness, “I totally wouldn’t have picked that board, I would have ridden a mans board, cuz I’m a fuckin’ man!!!!” -Unlike Slater who’s just the GOAT.
I’m actually a Kelly Fanboy, BUT not of his exploits onto absurdly small boards-his surfing looked way better on boards in the 509-600 range than they do on the current ‘hulls’. His taking boards shorter resulted in my ‘normal’ shortboard going from 603 to 508 (my step up is now a 511 and then 604), so I give credit where due, but what he’s doing now, looks shit and his results (not being ageist) vindicate my view.
Long may he vacillate.
It gives us something else to talk about
Sophie rings Kelly after looking at the numbers…’we will pay you to turn up!’.
Kelly rethinks retirement.
I have it on good authority that no one wants another Kelly Slater. We’d be way better off with another Duke, MP, or Terry Martin just to name a few.
Well, that should make the Olympic selection interesting. I mean, it’s pretty cut and dried *as written* but who knows what sort of wiggling will happen. I predict tears and lawyers.
Exactly where is surfing now?
Somewhere next to London I think.
Slipping right into the lowers rungs of purgatory
Corporatized!
Will the WSL provide an injury wildcard for dementia?
granted obviously
These days, whenever I read a quote about Kelly Slater, I immediately think about something Kelly said once.
“I wanted to be Steve Martin when I was a kid. I wanted to be a comedian.”
I still can not believe Kelly pulled that horseshit at j-bay. I always bag on the dude, this is no secret, but being reminded of this again, I just cant fathom the level of douchness. He is close to 50 fucking years old. What a joke.
Don’t be so ageist.
Youth is utterly wasted on the young. I should know, I used to be young and wasted.
When you are pushing 50, you will understand the folly of your current anger.
As for Kelly and various behaviour, I have no comment. We all like a bit of outrage don’t we?
Youth is truly wasted. I am young, dumb and chewing gum
It’s going to be somewhat anti-climactic to hold retirements parties for Kelly while he’s slogging through the QS next year.
As fun as that might be to experience as surf fans, Do you really think anyone in “power” would subject King Ke11y to such abuse? Besides, the WSL would have to figure out how to stream the QS on Facebook and we all know how that would go.
they should just make a Kelly wildcard spot. unprecedented perhaps, but having him steal an injury wildcard would be extremely shit
right? call it for what it is.
but then wouldn’t they need one more surfer to even it out?
Occy
one less qualifer from the QS or requalifer from the CT i guess is the solution.
Kelly…
http://www.bbc.com/future/s…
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
“looks like a goddamn religious icon…”
He’s essentially a bald goddess in Cocoa Beach
Maybe the question that should be asked is who is the next Andy Irons, I recall Slater being slain competively by AI and AC Slater had to use the asp bad judges to win, and AI challenges moved Slater in a Goat direction.
But then again slater does draw attention and money so Sophie wants this goat to float her boat. Retirement ends that media and income for her.
Does that make him a ‘goat boat floater’?
Yeah…..WSL is going to ask for another problem child to babysit. Safe surfers that are “humble” is what they want. The WSL could give two shits about what they sell you…as long as you’ll buy it.
Thanks…. you nailed it!… its all about Alla…the god of mighty dollar!