Is Rob Ba12n a longshot? What about Tom Carro13? Layne Bea19ly?
So here I was, minding my own business, taking care of some overdue housekeeping when a giant bomb dropped from the heavens and landed on my head. Not a literal bomb, of course, a figurative one but with such a blast radius that I immediately stopped the overdue housekeeping and came here, to you, for solace.
You know Kelly Slater, the greatest surfer to ever live, very good, etc. has won an unprecedented, unheard of even, eleven world titles over the course of his lengthy career.
It is so many world titles that I feel John John etc. are daunted and can leave the tour, satisfied after a few titles because 11 is obviously out of reach. Nobody is ever going to try and beat 11 because who has that sort of time on their hands?
Well, it was revealed today that winning one of the WSL’s new Masters and Grand Wizard events = one World Title. Don’t believe me? Here is a reputable news source then (I think reputable).
MORE than a decade after she won the last of a record seven women’s world surfing crowns Layne Beachley has returned to the water to snare an eighth title.
Beachley became the first female winner of a WSL world masters crown with her victory over Hawaiian Rochelle Ballard in the Azores as Australian surfers cleansweep every division.
The speciality event run by the WSL showcased the greats of world surfing with Beachley still boasting winning form 12 years after winning her seventh world tour title in 2006.
At first I was very upset with this seemingly unfair reality. A whole year of grinding out a World Title, surfing events around the literal world, not figurative world, vs. winning one event but then I thought about how old all the Masters and Grand Wizard surfers are and I suppose it makes sense? A Herculean effort?
Whatever the case, this is our new reality and Kelly Slater is left with few options. Either he gets into the Masters then Grand Wizard division and pads his bottom line or Rob Ba12n shirts are going to be popping up all over.
Or is Rob Ba12n a longshot?
What about Tom Carro13?
Where was Ian Cairns during the Grand Wizards anyhow?
And who do you put your money on to break Kelly Slater’s heretofore unbreakable record? Besides Kelly.
Also, can anyone join the Masters or Grand Wizards? Asking for my 74 year old self.