Is Rob Ba12n a longshot? What about Tom Carro13? Layne Bea19ly?
So here I was, minding my own business, taking care of some overdue housekeeping when a giant bomb dropped from the heavens and landed on my head. Not a literal bomb, of course, a figurative one but with such a blast radius that I immediately stopped the overdue housekeeping and came here, to you, for solace.
You know Kelly Slater, the greatest surfer to ever live, very good, etc. has won an unprecedented, unheard of even, eleven world titles over the course of his lengthy career.
11.
It is so many world titles that I feel John John etc. are daunted and can leave the tour, satisfied after a few titles because 11 is obviously out of reach. Nobody is ever going to try and beat 11 because who has that sort of time on their hands?
Well, it was revealed today that winning one of the WSL’s new Masters and Grand Wizard events = one World Title. Don’t believe me? Here is a reputable news source then (I think reputable).
MORE than a decade after she won the last of a record seven women’s world surfing crowns Layne Beachley has returned to the water to snare an eighth title.
Beachley became the first female winner of a WSL world masters crown with her victory over Hawaiian Rochelle Ballard in the Azores as Australian surfers cleansweep every division.
The speciality event run by the WSL showcased the greats of world surfing with Beachley still boasting winning form 12 years after winning her seventh world tour title in 2006.
Etc.
At first I was very upset with this seemingly unfair reality. A whole year of grinding out a World Title, surfing events around the literal world, not figurative world, vs. winning one event but then I thought about how old all the Masters and Grand Wizard surfers are and I suppose it makes sense? A Herculean effort?
Whatever the case, this is our new reality and Kelly Slater is left with few options. Either he gets into the Masters then Grand Wizard division and pads his bottom line or Rob Ba12n shirts are going to be popping up all over.
Or is Rob Ba12n a longshot?
What about Tom Carro13?
Tom Curr18?
Layne Bea19ly?
Ian C20rns?
Where was Ian Cairns during the Grand Wizards anyhow?
And who do you put your money on to break Kelly Slater’s heretofore unbreakable record? Besides Kelly.
Also, can anyone join the Masters or Grand Wizards? Asking for my 74 year old self.
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can we add olympic gold? Coz that person may well have never surfed Pipe, Chopes etc.
Cha5
It’s like professional surfing is a coastal town in the cross hairs of a Category 5 hurricane and the WSL, unsure of how to prepare, shows up at the supermarket to grab essentials. Bewildered by the predicament of empty shelves where they hoped to find bottled water, batteries, baby formula and diapers, the WSL in a panic grabs every can of cream corn and green beans feeling relieved of stress with their novel approach to disaster preparedness.
… and fills a few old business socks full of sand from the grandkids’ sandbox to stuff under the fake stained-glass door.
Oh goodie business socks is gonna be a thing for a minute!
Busine55.
Dude. Yeeew!
It’s like stocking up on microwave dinners cause they’ll be easy to prepare if there’s a power outage.
They got Coronas though right?
O2 just climb down the ladder into the nuclear shelter and get that generator humming and it will be bing time till the end of time ?
This sorta seemed like a Master’s QS.
Merely a conflation of this specific ‘title’ with the ‘title’ of World Champion.
You have nothing to write and then you write this crap !
Are you commenting on your comment, or the article?
Paradox
Hi!
Welcome to BeachGrit!!!
Do you have any funny stories about surfyboarding you’d like to share with the other boys and girls?
This comment got me totally stok-ed
I come here for solace from the housework too
Housework is my middle name .
The real story from this event is Ch37ne (x runner ups)
I thought his interviews were gold, crazy fins and all ,and he did win a masters world title in France along time ago .
God bless the man, he loves surf comps and a bit of naked sun more than anyone. I can’t wait for him and K3117 to duel out the Over 100’s for the next few millennia
like a chiropractor trying to use the title Doctor
in kindness, I say, How deep does your programming go? like most american and israeli men– this illusion starts at circumcision—then moves on through controlled oppositions & magnificent belief systems (BS). The good news (nazorean gospel) is that we all are inherently free at the Heart and can easily take on a discipline of witnessing our programming. Forget your past, keep surfing in this matrix of infinity that we all find ourselves inside…May we all feel the mystery in the water element as our gifted way, the easiest,taoist way to BeingLived in aloha always…
Sorry, Swamis is too crowded
Chas, There is a problem with your thinking, the whole purpose in a title race is to Sell. The industry has sold its soul. The lifestyle has been deluted SURFERS are not unique..fuck everyone surfs even Grandma.
So you’re saying there’s a chance…
Well, maybe so. If nothing will float, I could see the WSL inflating everything to see what’s left standing. So ya, you could be right!
If so, we are headed in to dangerous waters.
Enjoy the fireworks!
Hey!
My son once ate so many dried apple slices that his shit was like styrofoam and refused to flush. The little chunkies just ‘surfed’ round our little porcelain wave pool system, getting heaps of barrels and coming out dry and smiling. Must be lots of points in finishing all those rides.
Perhaps they could be winners too!!!?!?!!
He may be ready for the Big Apple ? I loved that Quik Contest in NY !
Stop being redonculas Chas and finish your chores