Watch: Jordy Smith stars in “I’m an instant
star. Just add water and stir!”
By Chas Smith
Visit Cape Town today!
Last year, South Africa’s second largest city
stared disaster in the eye. Cape Town was set to become the world’s
first major metropolis to run out of water. Day Zero was marked on
the calendar, citizens and residents filled with worry, politicians
rubbed their temples while drinking sweet wines. New Security Beat
described the madness thusly:
This is what a water panic looks like in a major global
city.
People hoard water. They queue for hours, well into the
night, to fill jugs at natural springs. Like mad Christmas
shoppers, they clear supermarkets of bottled water. They descend on
stockers before they can fill the shelves.
Restaurants, malls, and offices shut off bathroom faucets
and install hand sanitizer dispensers. Exhortations to conserve
water are plastered throughout buildings. Above one toilet stall at
the University of Cape Town a paper placard with a hand-turned dial
indicates the number of uses since the last flush. “Be A Wee-Wise
Water Warrior. Only Flush After 4 (No. 1’s only),” it
reads.
While “Only Flush After 4” is a wonderful campaign it is not
exactly “tourist friendly.” But it, along with other severe
measures and some rain, dragged Cape Town back from the brink but
the tourists. Are they even aware that the city still exists? That
it didn’t become like Pompeii?
Well, Jordy Smith and other local stars swung into the rescue
and produced a series of water porn. Let’s watch.
If you don’t want to go to Cape Town now then you don’t have a
beating heart.
Very sexy water.
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
The filmmakers at Parallel Sea are nearly as
talented and focused on their craft as John is on his. They
understand cinema. They understand mood and character. They treat
John’s surfing as high art without fawning over him. They include
zero lifestyle shots. They fill those spaces with nature. I found
myself wondering how we might perceive Gabriel Medina if he had a
similarly talented crew reflecting his surf experience to us
Opinion: “John John Florence film ‘Space’
casts shadow over world title race!”
By David Lee Scales
Never has surfing looked more at home in the
ocean.
The timing of John John Florence film Space casts a
shadow over Gabriel, Filipe and Julian. Their pool battle,
and their title race.
The fact the film follows traditional surf film formula, surfing
set to music, starting with innovative airs (flips), then big turns
and crescendoing with a big barreling Hawaii section, allows for
the profound greatness of John’s surfing to remain the central
focus.
Space almost immediately reaffirms John John’s position
as the greatest surfer in world today, mainly because almost all
his surfing is performed on waves of consequence.
The timing of it marks a transition that is difficult to
understate. It showcases the value of a talented support crew. The
filmmakers at Parallel Sea are nearly as talented and focused on
their craft as John is on his. They understand cinema. They
understand mood and character. They treat John’s surfing as high
art without fawning over him. They include zero lifestyle shots.
They fill those spaces with nature.
I found myself wondering how we might perceive Gabriel Medina if
he had a similarly talented crew reflecting his surf experience to
us. Space marks a transition into an era where simply
capturing incredible surfing on film will no longer garner audience
attention. There is a glut of thoughtlessly edited, hi-fi surfing
available. When was the last time you watched a six-minute surf
edit? We’ve had our fill. Cinema will now be required to capture
our interest. We’ve seen examples of surf cinema in the past,
Space now mandates it as requirement.
Parallel Sea’s choice to include the preaching of
TD Jakes adds gravitas.
In any other instance, it would feel contrived and cheesy, but it
works here. There is no secret meaning, innuendo nor subliminal
messaging in the preachings. It’s Jakes’ delivery style that adds
gravitas to the piece. His baritone and intensity accentuates the
seriousness of John John’s surfing.
And it is serious.
So serious that one of his aerial attempts resulted in a
year-ending injury. In a year when John John would be defending his
two back-to-back world titles.
The timing of the release of Space was undoubtedly strategic.
Everyone will attribute John’s injury as the reason he was unable
to defend his world titles in 2018.
But let’s not forget that prior to injury John had a 25th at
Snapper, three 13ths, and his best result was a 9th. He was not in
position to win a third title. And, specifically, his paddling
incident with Zeke Lau at Bells Beach highlighted a shortcoming in
his competitive game. He lacked zeal, fire, and tenacity. That
moment also seemed to cultivate a mental fragility that followed
John throughout the next events. He fell. He made odd decisions. He
had four opportunities to better scores in his round three heat
against Jesse Mendes at Keramas and he simply didn’t. He went huge
a couple times and fell, which is commendable, but it was round
two, and he could have easily out-surfed Jesse Mendes.
Zeke exploited a weakness in John. Not just a weak moment.
Wounded athletes often return to competition stronger than ever,
with a renewed focus. Eight months on the sofa breeds appreciation
for what may have been previously taken for granted à la Mick
Fanning in 2005 or Lakey Peterson this year.
We should expect a similar return from John. Moreover, John won
his first two titles with freakish talent. Zeke Lau found a way to
disable that confidence and injury has provided enough respite for
John to reflect. He’s displayed humility in the past and he has a
team of coaches, trainers, sponsors and, most important, family who
have proven to be focused on a very long game. They are watching
every event and taking notes of other competitors weaknesses,
tells, and blindspots.They are using this down time to formulate
competitive tactics and strategy that will fortify John’s 2019
title campaign.
The timing of Space serves to redirect any attention
that was focused on Surf Ranch and the world title race. As viewers
of Surf Ranch found themselves looking away while surfers sat in
the tube. The Ranch wave only grabbed viewers attention once the
end section approached. One is unable to look away from
Space. The Phantom Flex 4k footage reveals intricacies of
water moving and John’s contortions the closest approximations of
real-life viewing that we’ve ever seen in surf film.
One nearly motionless moment shows a barreling, overhead right
gurgling with foam. The tip of John’s board appears, seemingly
unmanned, spit veiling its rider. Then the wave breathes and
reveals John casually levitate over a foam ball. It’s a genuinely
brand new moment in surf cinema.
The timing of the film serves to remind us that winning world
titles is an impressive achievement, but not a reflection of who is
the best surfer in the world.
It’s timing also serves to remind us of the irreplicable beauty
and wonder of the ocean. Space offers a glimpse at the
ocean’s majesty, harnessed by John John, and on display through the
cinematography of Erik Knutson and Chris Bryan.
Never has surfing looked more at home in the ocean.
And never has the ghost of an injured surfer cast such a long
shadow over a world title race.
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
Jimmy Buffett: “Ain’t afraid of dying… I’m
surfing a hurricane!”
By Chas Smith
Margaritaville star bravely conquers Hurricane
Florence!
If I’ve written it once, I’ve written it 1000
times… surfers are craaaaaaaazy! With our bushy bushy blonde
hairdos, our baggies and our huarachi sandals too ain’t no telling
what kind of no good we might get ourselves all mixed up in. Like
waking up really really early in the morning to check the
waves, or surfing in hurricanes.
You already know how much I love madcap defiance
of both nature and man but, I’ll be honest, I didn’t count Jimmy
Buffett amongst the loons.
Jimmy Buffett, whose music is described as “island escapism” and
is equally famous for the Margaritaville restaurant chain, posted
an Instagram photo this morning telling the world he is not afraid
of dying and he is going to surf a hurricane.
Folly Beach is in South Carolina, if I’m not mistaken but real
quick have you ever eaten at a Margaritaville? I thought about it,
once, in Honolulu but ate at a sushi place instead.
I’m looking at the menu right now, though, and if you and I were
meeting at Margaritaville today for lunch I believe I would order
the crispy chicken cobb or maybe the California club. If we were
meeting for dinner I’d order the Lava Lava Shrimp and possibly a
Cheeseburger in Paradise. No, strike that I’d order the Lava Lava
Shrimp and the blackened grouper sandwich with sweet potato
fries.
Most importantly I would order a Stolichnaya and soda. I totally
know that you’d look at me with your nose all scrunched and say,
“But we’re in Margaritaville, bro?” And I’d respond, “I know, I
know, I just can’t do it.”
A bummer for me in the moment, but I’d be happy later when my
mouth didn’t feel like a puckered bowl of fruit.
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
Opinion: “Surfing can’t go on being
smothered in a cocoon, free of outside forces!”
By surf ads
"Letting go of the idea of surfing will liberate
you from its perceived demise. It's acceptance through
transcendence."
As the King rolled broken-pawed into his last
high-scoring Ranch run on Sunday po-faced surfers
bemoaned the latest corruption of surfing.This giant aquatic simulator, a hundred miles
from the ocean, pumping out folded lumps of dam water with a
Disno-reptillian conglomerate greasing the plow.
To paraphrase the great
philosopher Garth Algar: it looked like surfing; only, that’s
not surfing.
There’s no need to peer in to
that existential maw again.
But after seeing Surf Ranch in
full flight it could be easy to say surfing finally jumped
the shark. To plant a flag in the fake Lemoore sand right under the
Polo Ralph Lauren booth.
This is where we sold
out. Yet it wouldn’t be the first time…
This is the cover of a Tracks
issue from 1977.
Let’s read inside.
“Commercialism is
sponsors, endorsement, propaganda images, hard sell, soft sell and
the whole crazy game. It will hurt some aspects of surfing and it
will help others. But whichever way you look at it , the age of
commercialism in surfing has arrived. And it’s the most important
surfing development of the decade.”
Sound familiar?
Phil Jarratt was coming to grips
with the Bronzed Aussies 40 years ago, but he could just as easily
be describing Lemoore and the WSL in 2018. Just replace
‘commercialism’ with ‘The Ranch’.
Lemoore is a marketing team’s dream. Everything’s on
demand and ready to be packaged. Itisthe most important surfing development of the
decade, at least from the WSL’s perspective. Dirk, Sophie and
backwards Beth are (in Ronnie Blakey
voice) absolutely
frothingat the
possibilities. A wave pool for every strip mall.The WSL aren’t the first to try and
make a buck from surfing and they won’t be the last.
But for many it left an uneasy
feeling. Is this really where we’re headed?
Well, just as experiencing ego
death can lead to true enlightenment of the self, letting go of the
idea of surfing will liberate you from its perceived demise. It’s
acceptance through transcendence.
Dig it: Trying to put a label on
surfing is like trying to sweep leaves in a breeze. It’s in a
constant state of flux. Is it a professional sport? A
counter-culture movement? A spiritual release?
All of the above?
Probably, and more.
The problem isn’t which
direction surfing is heading. It’s more fundamental. We need
to stop thinking of surfing as a singular identifier. The concept
no longer stands up. It’s a misnomer. We’re not a broad church.
We’ve branched out into entirely different religions. You can still
surf in verb form, sure.
But surfing as a common noun?
It’s no more.
Just like the electric foil
ripping through the waterways of Florida has fuck-all in common
with the beak-nosed quad paddling into SA desert death slabs, so to
does the WSL action sport enthusiast target market have no
connection with me, or how I value surfing. It’s the crazy 88s in
Byron vs corporate surf retreats in Costa Rica.
The idea of surfing as a blanket
term no longer fits. Lemoore’s just another fork in a road that
left the highway ten turns back.
Surfing is a medium. An
interpretation. It holds up a mirror to the user and nothing more.
The cathartic nature of surfing has more to do with drug
consumption than it does with a sport. It’s a way for some people
to get their kicks. And a way for others to make money.
But there’s so many different
ways to do it now that trying to skin it is a futile
effort.
Again, this isn’t a new
idea.
Here’s Graham Cassidy from that
same Tracks in ‘77.
“What has to be remembered
in the outset is that surfing, whether amatuer or competitive or
day to day fun, is what the individual makes it. No one can take
that peculiarly personal element out of the pastime. Not money, not
hype, not media overkill. It is what makes the act of surfing so
inviolate. Surfing is no longer a counter culture, but a thing of
the masses. It can’t go on being smothered in a cocoon, free of
outside forces. The pastime is too popular, too big and too
unwieldy for such utopian-like detachment. This is, of course, the
unfortunate way of life.”
So criticise The Pool if you
need to.
Hold the WSL to account.
Especially when it’s as fun as the BG comments section.
But embrace the absurdity of it
all. And don’t cry for surfing. It’s already dead.
Long live surfing.
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
Pound a haole!
Blood Feud: Kalani Robb launches Hawaiian
jihad on surf blog!
By Chas Smith
Former top-rated WCT pro calls on Rothman family
and Da Hui to strike this North Shore winter!
Doesn’t the arrogance of the elites drive you just
mad? Just blood bursting in the temples livid?
It does me.
The upper crust with their cuffed tweed pants and designer
soccer slides. The elites with their barely disguised disdain for
The People.
Today, Sam McIntosh workaday publisher of
the surf blog Stab, trying as hard as he can
to make a living for the workaday surfer too by hosting an air
competition in Waco, Texas, that I am very excited for, wrote about
his dreams.
Shall we read?
We don’t want some of the world’s best non-WSL surfers to
become Vloggers to save their hide. Our goal with Stab High is to
provide a platform for these guys to showcase their skill in a
controlled environment. It isn’t meant to be too serious; just the
world’s best aerial surfers, raw, all laying it on the line on the
same section, for a couple of hours on a Saturday night.
Oh I dream of saving the world from vloggers too. From the
Kardashians and PewDiePie and Smosh and their millions and millions
of dollars and millions and millions of followers for talking about
makeup and anal sex.
Kalani Robb, who makes video
logs for Catch Surf, felt the burn and responded with a call for
Hawaiian jihad.
“Not the smartest move talking shit about Hawaiians before u
go there this winter.”
CC’d on the fatwa were Eddie Rothman, Koa Rothman and Da
Hui.
Oh but Kalani, oh but the world is yours.
It is yours and the Kardashians and PewDiePie and Smosh. You are
the future with your millions and millions and millions and
millions.
Can you please leave us blogs alone?
To toil in obscurity with our tens and tens until progress rolls
us up into a Persian carpet and tosses us in a dusty closet.
Have you ever considered bloggers’ feelings, Kalani?