And other misconstrued surf flotsam…
When Steve Shearer’s peerless work first started appearing on BeachGrit I was overjoyed. Good writing is rare, good surf writing even more rare and great professional surf writing is non-existent.
I don’t count Nick Carroll here because he is a god moving amongst us and above criticism. Anyhow, Steve writes under the name Longtom here, as you well know, and when I first read it I thought, “Well look at that, Mr. Longtom. Really bragging about your ol’ Long Tom there, ain’t you.”
In my mind “Longtom” was somehow similar to “Longshanks” which, if Braveheart taught me anything other than the futility of fighting the system, meant “Long Dick.” But it totally didn’t did it? Shanks are legs.
Right?
So Edward Longshanks who had William Wallace gutted was probably only a tall man.
Which leads me directly to my point.
Surf lingo is a cultural phenomenon. It is born amongst barely literate surf youth before filtering into the still barely literate surf masses and you must catch it quick and discern its meaning even quicker from reference points alone. Maybe easier if you are born in coastal southern California or Sydney’s eastern beaches but when you’re a kid up in the mists of Oregon trying so so hard to figure this all out many many mistakes are made.
Have you ever been tripped up by surf lingo?
I’ll start. I thought Sex Wax was directly related to sex. I thought Billabong was pronounced “Bill-a-bonic.” I thought a “thruster” was directly related to sex. I thought “goofy foot” was harsh criticism.
Your turn.
… reminiscent of ‘camera left’ and ‘camera right’: ‘rights’ are actually ‘left’ and vice versa.
Q: How did our surfing elders arrive at ‘pigdog’?
… anyone? Nick?
I was in fourth or fifth grade when my old man dailed me in on the meaning of “Stoked”. The whole “Send It” thing gets annoying.
“send it” is out of climbing I think. They send rock walls. Maybe from ascend?
Mountain biking totally has send it — as does snow. Not sure who started it, though.
betcha it’s climbing! I’ve heard “beta” and “send” from those guys maybe since the 80’s
Beta is definitely climbing — then it spread to like hiking, I think!
Bros. Bros started it.
Basketball has it too.
And also DHL. And also hotmail.
If a bro send’s it and no one see’s, does it still make a “yeww”?
Even though I worked in surf shops in my early years, I had no idea until recently what a “Mal” (or worse: a “Mini-Mal”) was.
And every time I listen to Ain’t That Swell I get confused about some Australian slang term.
One of them is always munted and the other ones got a few roos loose
Up the swellians!!!
My point exactly. UTFS!
With you on the Mal thing. Never heard ’em called that.
They don’t exist in the 805 apparently!
Remember Kai the hitchhiker who saved someone (only to later murder someone else)? When they interviewed him somewhere he said he wanted to “buy a mini-mal and surf Mavericks.” So then I had to look up what they were.
Oh! This is my excuse! it’s good living here in the 805. I mean, we do have Wavestorms, though, so it’s not all rainbows and unicorns.
I’m not sure if it was that time, but it was definitely a reference here that made me look it up!
Malfunction?
Are you lkiiiiiiiding me?
I would not kid about a thing like this, man
Up the seppos!!!
MALEDICTION
It is a MODERN MALady………which we have found the cure for . Researchers still looking for the magic elixir to cure logs ( a deadly strain unleashed by hipsters ) and softops ( still in the beginning phase but moving over into hipster territory )
I’m still confused about the ‘inside’. It seems to be anywhere that’s not the shoulder/channel or out to sea. Eg. He paddled to the inside (deeper) Vs. caught on the inside (closer to shore). Aren’t these opposite directions?
I basically just use it for everything and no one has ever bothered to call me out on it.
Depending on where you’re surfing, they can in fact be the same direction. I love a good Chas Smith opinion as it completely dismantles critical thinking to the benefit of snarky nonsense. One word can have several meanings. Apparently this basic linguistic tenet, even when paired with discernible context, is ‘confusing’?
can be the same, can be opposite. a little like surfers in general?
confusing isn’t really what i meant. intrigued, maybe. i have always like words that contradict themselves; cleave, inflammable etc. also ones that are mainly used as negatives; dismantle. how often do we mantle something? i’ll start using mantle instead of coverup from now on. ‘you get pitted?’ ‘nah, just a light mantle’. how come i’m getting no waves now?
I like ‘shelving’. Like “ho, that slab is shelving!” or “hey man you popping pingas this eve?” “nah bru, I’m shelving them.”
‘sweet late drop bruh’ ‘ maaate, love a good shelf jump, ah’
Nice inside
I thought I was the only one who thought Billabong to be Billabonic. I was twelve, in 7th grade and had just learned to surf at Lake Worth pier on my Fox Wave Weapon (Wagon). As an aside, LW pier was THE most heavily and violently localized spot in the history of surfing.
Spent lots of time on the North Shore, Kauai, etc and nothing even remotely compares. Can’t count how many times I heard “Go down the beach, kook!” screamed at me full on by some raging, crack-addled yard ape just for watching him ride a wave 50 yards away.
And there was one psycho in particular who used to yell that he’d “put Lieutenant stripes down your back, kook!”…meaning he’d intentionally forego a cuttie to race way out on the shoulder and slash his Natural Art glass-ons across some poor unsuspecting Broward barn’s back.
And the fights…brutal. Florida has the county of registration printed on the license plates, so any non-Palm Beach tags were bulls-eyes for all sorts of violent miscreant retribution. Made me who I am today, much to the chagrin of my wife and all who are unfortunate enough to know me…
https://www.surfline.com/tr…
Yea nothing remotely compares because people are top aggro over the shittiest waves in the contiguous US.
Go to the beach!!!
The elephant in the room is squirting. What does this mean?
Someone’s got large hands?
Used to think getting “faded” was when a chick you’ve been bonking stops taking your calls.
nah, its when you pay extra for a pair of jeans cos they look well used. not sure if its a thing anymore, but I remember trying to work out why people would pay more to look like a derro.
It took me 3 years to understand “pop a boner.” I thought penises were exploding for reals.
… as a grom (<10) I read ‘prosecuted’ as ‘prostituted’.
Seeking skating terrain: ‘TRESPASSERS WILL BE PROSECUTED’ immediately envisioned awful, haggardly women with recklessly applied lipstick, awaiting those foolhardy (or brave) enough to enter! Odd that I knew as a child what a hooker was …!!!
A mate told this joke in 5th Class in front of the class .
What is the difference between a rooster and a prostitute ?
One says cock-a-doodle-do
and the other says any cock will do
… way too funny!
My 5th grade teacher was supadupa hot! At the school fete I purchased a few copies dog-eared copies of SW Magazine, which she promptly confiscated to indulge – she had a thing for Jim Banks – as I discovered.
Anyhow, talking utter shit on the playground as I awaited my handball turn; I casually mentioned “If Miss Lloyd was a prostitute, I’d spend all my money ( I had none ) on her!” – thinking I was waaaaaaay cooler than I actually was (or ever would be) – my class nemesis promptly informed her upon return to class. Fuck I was in trouble for an eternity!
Suspiciously, my grades never recovered until 6th grade (from straight A’s to a B minus / C combo) And, I never did get my SW magazines back!
My first life-lesson regarding a Woman’s scorn…
That Big Jim Banks was a smooth operator in and out of the water .
… indeed. Some would say a sublime tube-rider both in and out of the water.
I once worked directly with a particularly gorgeous gal who also moonlighted as a Model.
One night, as I was leaving a nightclub in the Cross, I/We unwittingly made eye-contact as she exited a VERY EXPENSIVE up-market ‘Gentleman’s Establishment’ in Potts Point, make-up case in hand (tools of the trade), for an awaiting taxi.
Nothing was EVER mentioned – although my ‘being’ was rattled to the marrow!!!
Suffice: I could never look at her the same and our working rapport was …? … well, it was hellishly fucked.
Henceforth commenced a depressive episode which endured for many years, and twas my 854th life-lesson regarding a Woman’s scorn!
Not too original, but RVCA threw me for a loop.
yeah tricky that one
Nope, grew up fully embedded in the SoCal rat culture. The kids around me basically spoke pigeon English. Some of it flowed into the broader surf culture, a lot though didn’t. We all know Barney, but slang like feek, fear, and lowty died on the beach. Pretty typical linguistic shifts in the slang, “for sure” transitioning to “E-E” (said like the letter e twice) over the course of 3 or 4 years.
It’s interesting Chas. You should take a professorship at Stanford in Linguistics the next time they drop by to beg, and then write a book about surf slang.
I remember some bloke throwing “steezy” about in Thredbo in 2000 and thinking “what a tosser”. he explained it as “stinky cheese” and was using it in place of “going off”. kind of made sense but was still fucking stupid
for some reason it became a Ross Williams staple in 2016 but it seemed to have something to do with style, perhaps it was meant as a polite way of saying “repulsive”.
is steezy a crossover from skate? Sounds like it, hip-hop to skate to surf …
okay search around a bit, steezy went hip hop to snow to surf, and probably is a portmanteau of style and easy
Ironic that “Method Man” first recorded it as a lyric?
8. Steazy
The word “steez” has been around since at least 1995, when Method Man dropped it into a verse on GZA’s classic Liquid Swords album. That lyric was sampled in 1998 on the even more classic Gang Starr track “You Know My Steez.” At some point after that, the term “steez” (or “steaz” or “steaze” or “steeze,” adverb “steazy” or “steezy”), was a) adopted by skiers and snowboarders to describe a combination of style and ease and b) became the brand name of a company that produces green tea-based beverages.8. Steazy
The word “steez” has been around since at least 1995, when Method Man dropped it into a verse on GZA’s classic Liquid Swords album. That lyric was sampled in 1998 on the even more classic Gang Starr track “You Know My Steez.” At some point after that, the term “steez” (or “steaz” or “steaze” or “steeze,” adverb “steazy” or “steezy”), was a) adopted by skiers and snowboarders to describe a combination of style and ease and b) became the brand name of a company that produces green tea-based beverages.
I’m suprised this isn’t already a thing — the book, I mean — or at least, several peer-reviewed journal articles!
Jen I think the technical reason that academia hasn’t studied surf slang is nobody gives a fuck 😉
As if that’s ever stopped an academic study!
Only lack of funding ?
I am tripped up by surf lingo every time Turpel calls a heat, and then there is Kypo.
Is Kypo a typo?
Hype-toe Kypo?
“you should have been here yesterday” translates to ” the waves were good but I kooked the only 2 I could scavenge from the intense crew on it. it was a fucking waste of time getting here a day early. today is half the size and side shore but we will get more waves today because everyone else has fucked off, but since I was here and you were not, I will try to bullshit myself into feeling better about it.”
3 feet in the English system of measurement It means 3 feet, or “flat” or “you are going to die”.
Mate I still think pop up is a toaster ?
I always read it as Pop Tart and then wonder why the Inertia seems so obsessed with toaster pastries.
I guess I am stuck in the space age , with cosmonauts and astronauts and
5 4 3 2 1 ignition …… take off and images of Campbell Soup and Pop Art .
For some reason I always get excited about Pop Tarts, and then eat one and feel disappointed.
Oh I still love them! Blueberry with frosting and sprinkles! So much winning.
Yes but pop up isn’t surf slang, it’s code for “I’ve got no fucken idea what I’m doing”
pretty much like our prime minister and his cabinet.
And I still think you are addressing me as if we are fucking, mate.
Special PN Pest remix
Cher Pest ,
I still think pop up is a toaster .