"You just can't tackle someone in the United States!" Oh yes you can!
Earlier this year, surfers were gifted the fascinating saga of Alex Burdett vs Jordan Montgomery in what quickly became known as the “World’s Lamest Surf Assault”.
Do you remember?
Here’s a quick refresher.
A small crowd was surfing a two-foot windswell at First Jetty, Virginia Beach. It ain’t Pipe but what is.
As recorded by the Surfline cam, and posted on Instagram after the fact, we saw a shortboarder, take off deep on the peak and go left. A longboarder wobbled down the face of the wave from the opposite side of the peak. As they collided, the shortboarder jumpsed over the other board and the longboarder stayed on his craft before flopping off the back of the wave.
Shortly afterwards, the shortboarder, Alex Burdette, who is a twenty-eight-year-old tattoo artist at Ghost Ship Tattoo in town there, was cuffed in the middle of a job and jailed on a charge of assault and battery.
“I asked if I could finish the tattoo and he told me to find a way for them to come back another day,” Alex told BeachGrit, and said he had to spend a thousand bucks on a lawyer and stay in Virginia Beach for the next month, missing any swells that hit nearby, but interstate, Cape Hatteras as well as a vacay in Nicaragua. “I have a completely clean record. It was the only time I’ve been in cuffs outside of the bedroom.”
The accuser, who felt the non-incident was worthy of state intervention, was a kid Alex said he taught to surf ten years earlier, the filmer Jordan Montgomery.
When BeachGrit called Jordan, who was twenty one at the time, he said he’d had “ongoing problems with Alex since he was a kid.
And the collision?
“It was five-thirty, low light, dusk. He stood up and jumped at me. He put his hands on my shoulders and I grabbed him and rotated him. I was confused, like, dude why are you tackling me on a one-foot wave? He didn’t punch me in the face. You can see in the video he doesn’t push me off the board, but his hands hit me in the bottom of the neck and chin area. I felt it! He laid a hand on me and in the United States you can do that. Surfing is a recreational sport and I’ve been surfing for fourteen years. I’m not a kook. I rode for Hurley for ten years… I’ve done all the Rip Curl GromSearches, NSSAs. I know what the hell I’m doing! This happened so fast. I felt his hands on me! He was tackling me out of aggression. Surfing shouldn’t be a scapegoat for violence.”
Afterwards, he said Alex announced to the lineup, “All you bitch-ass longboarders, if you go right I’ll kick your ass!”
“I’m not trying to get him in trouble. I probably went a little over bounds. I did what I had to do to protect myself,” admitted Jordan.
Anyway, according to a Virginia Beach resident and BeachGrit reader, the charges have now been dropped after Burdett’s lawyer got the Surfline footage and showed it to the DA.
Watch the World’s Lamest Surf Assault again here!
It’s precious!
https://www.instagram.com/p/BfkRhBCjeQd/?taken-by=beach_grit
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Knee high windwash, about 10 longboarders, a SUP and some guy on a shortboard trying to be the token hardcase. That is one of the rings of hell right there. Or maybe most of Southern California last winter.
Holeeeey Fuck
I thought you were going to tell us Chas isn’t going to jail?
I would also press charges if my buddy screwed up our planned step-off-into-tandem-live-on-surf-cam routine like that
Many years ago at Noosa, myself and a mate were sharing a 1′ wave on old mals when we both simultaneously came up with the idea to jump on the others board. We executed perfectly. Are you saying I can or cannot charge him with assault? Even if I don’t have surfline footage?
It’s a slippery slope.
Hey, I never said I was a lawyer. So I really can’t give meaningful advice about your specific case. We should keep using the courts to test these issues. Lay the charge and see if it sticks. Why else do you think we have these fine institutions?
I currently have seven cases of failed/successful small wave shenanigans at varying stages within the criminal justice system, on top of the four that have already concluded. So far I’ve had a 50/50 win rate, so…
Tough call, they both look like they got to their feet at the same time and were in the center of the peak
Dezza, I think you are being overly-generous by calling that “two-foot”.
It’s a slipperly slope to lax moral standards buddy.
What they needed was
A floating coffee table
To go next level
Did you hear? The state of California didn’t pursue Ashton Goggans versus Chas Smith! It’s ok to tackle in surf and leap coffee tables to right wrongs
I thought that was the lamest in question! Was awaiting the thrilling update
I got fooled by the headlne and was expecting the same thrilling update.
Are you saying that BG headlines and the story don’t always match and/or live up to your lofty expectations? Me neither.
If it’s lofty expectations you want, just think about Stab hiring Rory away from Beach Grit. Unrealized lofty expectations make Beach Grit better.
Chas wasn’t prosecuted because of California’s controversial Don’t-Talk-About-My-Wife law (enacted to protect the spouses of California’s highly compensated professional women). It is similar to Florida’s Stand Your Ground statute.
You should both fucken kill yourselves. What an embarrassment.
“I rode for Hurley for ten years”. Hurley should also commit seppuku.
As a totally unbiased goofy it was obvious that it was a left .
But don’t longboarders always have right of way? Like old people, pregnant women, the disabled on public transport?
Sometimes you gotta let them go bc like hell will they get out of the way with that thing.
Like trying to stop a 3rd world quality 18wheeler
P.S. what did Alex do when Jordan was 10?
Oh I’ll ask. Tomoz.
Longboarders had right of way until their “ use by date “ expired around 1968 ?
Longboarders long ago lost their right of way to SUP’s, who then subsequently lost said rights to SUP foil boarders. Carrot thingy looms ominously in the future, ready to reshuffle the deck.
Do we know what the tattoo was of and is it finished now?
Tattoos as real life! https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Looks good, clever, doesn’t really need colour or anything.
This is an incitement to terrorism etc.
please tell me its yours.
Surfers lives matter