Is this the official official official end?
Surf Lakes debuted to the world this week and Kelly Slater was nowhere to be found. The debut was, of course, more like a peek. We saw the magnificent plunger pulled straight from the set of Sucker Punch. We saw closeups of professional surfer faces, lounging there watching it live mouth’s agape. We saw the reputation of Ozzie Wright, once Australia’s most beloved surfer, brought low by Venice-adjacent’s Stab (in the back. Oooof painful!) We saw an entirely different technology that promised hope but we did not see Kelly Slater.
Amazing and maybe the first time in modern surf history that the GOAT hasn’t even attempted to redirect the spotlight when it starts to drift.
Oh you know what a master he is, I’ve never seen the like, and there were plenty of opportunities over the course of the week. He could have debuted a new Surf Ranch setting that allows surfers to get barreled while they’re doing an air. He could have backhand complimented how difficult it is to make even a one-foot wave. He could have given a lengthy engineering treatise about how piston-like technology require much more maintenance because there is a static impact point on both the top and bottom which creates a jarring motion rather than a slow reduction in controllable speed which increases the fail rate and explains why pistons are driven by a rotating shaft instead of a straight up and down motion (information provided by a wonderful friend).
But there was nothing. Nothing at all. He went on Joe Rogan and had a nice chat. He shared pictures of himself in miniature surfing a tiny wave on Instagram which Kelly watchers may see as a very subtle dig but nothing else. Nothing obvious.
And my heart doesn’t want to write this but is this the official official official end? Kelly’s been kicking the retirement tires for years. The retirements, as it were, but always comes roaring back because it is clear he needs us. He needs our attention.
Does he no longer?
Adriano de Souza is certainly somewhere in Brazil, right now, mumbling “Why couldn’t Kelly officially officially officially retire in 2015…” but there is a tear in my eye and there should be a tear in yours too if this is, in fact, the official official official end.
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Hey Chas…why you glossing over the Wavegarden Cove in all the Wavepool threads? what’s – did you not see their recent Filipe Toledo video drop? That gets me a lot more excited than Surf Lakes even though it’s in their 1/8th size facility. It’s also way mo-bettah than Slater’s if you want to assess what works as a viable business. Or checkout Kai Lenny’s edit too from there. Wavegarden Cove is so far ahead of the rest of the surf park world, everyone else is left thinking they are in first place. They have successfully output millions of waves at the test venue and have a bunch of full size venues coming into play over the next few years. Time for you to tell the “rest of the story”!
You are just afraid to age. It has nothing to do with kelly. I am too.
Retort of the year.
I stand dumb cunt corrected kinda
is a dumb cunt ,a vagina that doesn’t talk back?
I think it’s more likely Twillsy’s paen to the one girl that got so drunk she let him two pump her and then when she realized the ramifications of what she did, moved to NZ.
I tried to listen to the Joe Rogan thing….soon realised that the only thing in common with Kelly I have is that we both own surfboards.
Who the f said I surfed shitty? I’m just an aesthetically concerned person. Stink bug offends my sense of aesthetics.
Oh and thanks for bringing yeezus into the convo or is it baby yeezus. Just what this somber and very serious and high minded debate needs more of…or not
By the way bex videos and I just bought tickets for Brazil and will be there pleasing baby Yeesus without our saintly actions
This you?
http://www.arendsenlaw.com/…
This is your quote from a year ago.
“Joel Tudor’s gay”
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
I like and admire bull fighting—it’s actually an amazingly beautiful and scary thing at the same time.
Also, I back stussy on anything. The man is a fucking creative genius and although the term gets over used a lot, it’s very aptly describes SS.
is that from the bulls perspective?
The spectators. If the bulls are real Miura bulls, the matador is the most scared person in the ring.
In what other sport, is it absolutely inevitable, that the human participant will die eventually at the hands of the animal. Research any great torero and see how they died in the ring. No real such thing as retiring and enjoying your golden years.
I shouldn t have used the term sport—the Spanish don’t view it that way. It’s performance art and theater. And sacred to them.
Yes indeed. I don’t hide behind monikers. Bravo on your research skills. I’ll assume you and Joel are on your way over to my office to beat me up… I think I’ll just run away and never express an opinion again or hide behind some fake name.
Nope. I’m a lover, not a fighter. Just checking.
I don’t know Joel, nor do I care. Seems a curious stance for a high-powered LA lawyer though.
Cool. I’m opinionated and have never tried or desired to hide or mute that. It’s who i am.
I’m sure Adriano couldn’t give a shit what anyone else did or does cause he will always be a world champ
Of what the stink bug stance? Biggest joke title ever…
Opinions are like assholes
World titles are not
Except when they (world titles) are given to the surfer with the ugliest and most offensive style in the history of the sport. Sorry Brazzo lover- a stink bug styled kook is still a kook. I literally close my eyes when watching contest and he’s on a wave as I’m afraid it will fuck up my own surfing and style…
Fuck.. You should be on the QS at least
Then you could go to Brazil and maybe get some Brazzo lovin!!
Now you are talking brother. Me lovem’ some Brazzina lovin’.
They’re not shy
Trust me!!
Hey now….I dated a 19 year old one. Lovely girl…in every way.
How old were you at the time?
41
I think Give or take a year or two
Adriano not only won a world title, he also wins the unofficial Most Improved Style title. His bottom turn is one of the best now, and he holds a rail with aplomb.
And he doesn’t wave his arms around like KS.
He doesn’t wave his arms around like Kelly Slater? Are you f’ingly Seriously comparing stink bug to the 11x world champ style-wise?
This is exactly why I go after Brazzos surf fans (for the record I have nothing against Brazzilians-my god mother is one and lives in and teaches as Uni professor in Sao P) they collectively are so insecure and myopic that they make the Taliban by comparison look thick-skinned, able to take criticism and possesing good senses of humor.
Nup
I surfed up and down the coast from Parati to Santos and went to some great parties and had good vibe sessions in the water
To generalize, they were cool
I was with locals,
Maybe that helped.
I like Brazilians man. I just like giving Brazzo surf fans on this forum a hard time because they have such highly developed senses of humor. See my threat to Twillsy who decided to bring yeezus into the convo
Not a big fan of KS’s style, no. And while I don’t think that Adriano has the best style on tour, he has obviously worked really hard on it.
And that’s got nothing to do with being a “Brazzo Lover”, although I actually find Brazilians more fun to surf with than Seppos.
Now I get it, you’re a bitter Aussie wanker who lives in the oh so cool Byrons Bay Area. Put on some more patchouli oil and self shape another magic carpet board
Keep trying. Or not.
Don’t get all serious on me, I was just taking the piss
Brings to mind in inverse-Mogwai style of commenting: not quiet, quiet, LOUD, but AGGRO, AGGRO, meek.
Nice f’ing riposte. Meant seriously.
I agree that Adriano’s style improved much over the last 5 years or so and he surfs on rail with power. He and Kelly’s styles are not that dissimilar (at least their top turns) but overall I think Kelly looks better on a wave.
The word aplomb and Adriano should never be used in the same sentence, just like how you cannot use the words passion or passionate in the same sentence with the word Lexus. No one will ever describe the passion in the design of a Lexus or as being passionate about their Lexus. Similarly, no one can claim to be passionate about Adriano’s style or graceful surfing.
“…no one can claim to be passionate about Adriano’s style…”
You seem to be rather passionate about it.
You got me there I passionately hate it
I also passionately hate Lexuses, but, I guess that’s pretty obvious
Stink bug stance worked for Greg Noll. I’m offended!
It worked at Waimea and Makaha. Let me know the next time AdS surfs either.
Perhaps you meant metaphorically. If quitting surfing at age 30, moving inland, becoming bitter, giving bas period Hemingway-esq machismo interviews once or twice a decade, shaping redwood logs, and becoming most famous for the prison stripe shorts you wore in the stink bug stance worked for Noll, yes Adriano has a bright future.
Don’t be offended LWSS. Nicely created insta name for this very discussion.
Golf, snooker, darts, bowling all have old guys at the top
Who cares if he retires or not
He’s still gonna beat half the top 32 on a regular basis
Fucking ageists
if it is true that the piston thing doesn’t work, why don’t they just release a big fart under water and let it produce a wave, or use a crane that drops the dam thing into the water?
Kelly took one look at that piece of shit and knew it would be broken within the week
He’s on a massive ayahuasca binge. No cell reception in the fourth dimension.
Until Chas’ vision of gimpy leathermen bestride the plunger, wailing away on saxophones and bizarre scrap guitar-drums, one foot up nonchalantly / imperiously on in edge of the rusting metal bowl as it pounds down into the fetid swamp to the screams and jeers of a crusty mob of lepers, comes true… I will not be satisfied.
Perfect analogy mate
I did notice that WSL site gave em a small plug – “Cool things happening in Australia”!! That was it, but some acknowledgement however slight
Somewhat similar to when surfing arrives in a place for the first time . The local 1st generation surfers ( not yet over run by the hoards ) are happy to welcome like minded travelers who justify their own existence and make them part of a larger whole ?
Politics ? Is it possible that that Cat Ziff got the Goat’s Toungue ? Or is he choosing his enemies wisely ?
Shit, that’s pushin’ Slates to the Heathcliff’s edge
Or lead him to pastures green trying to out soul arch Va(lha)lla’s Heath Joske at JBay . Mick faced his shark demons and moved on . Maybe it’s time to put the foot to bed ?
Wave pools have only one end game. Nuclear power. Deep down we all know it. Fuck the environment
Construction currently underway out side Rio de Janeiro
Cmon man it’s a plunger going up and down. A shopping centre would use more power with lifts and escalators.
It just screams existential crisis. We can only hope.
Plunger sneak peak was a bit underwhelming and rushed. Kelly will weigh in when they work out the bugs, prob several million dollars (AUS) down the road.