Bruce Irons: “Driving without a license isn’t a good thing! Innocent until proven guilty!”

Beloved Hawaiian surfer denies recent DUI allegations!

As you read right here two-ish days ago, Bruce Irons was arrested on Thanksgiving morning in Newport Beach, California for DUI drugs, possession of a controlled substance without a prescription and driving without a valid driver’s license. A bummer turn for the one-time most exciting surfer in the world. TMZ released more information this morning, adding, “Law enforcement tells TMZ Sports Irons was found passed out behind the wheel of a running car at a gas station. Cops responded, found Irons, woke him up and determined he was under the influence of drugs. He was arrested without incident.”

All fine and good except just hours ago the world’s most famous celeb gossip website caught up with Bruce at Los Angeles International Airport, just outside the Hawaiian Airlines counter, and got his side of the story!

The cameraman asks, “Just wanted to see how you were holding up. News broke this morning that you got into a little trouble in Newport last week. Your fans were concerned. Do you have a message for them?” to which Bruce responds, “Yeah it’s all good, you know, just a little hiccup. Nothing I can’t get past.”

The cameraman presses, “What happened in Newport?”

Bruce says, “Nothing that my legal team can’t handle. It’s just an unfortunate couple of events in a row, you know what I mean. There will be things cleared up here… you know what someone writes is one thing and, that’s what he read but, uh, once my lawyers and stuff find… uh… innocent until proven guilty right? The cops weren’t too… I mean, I did the sobriety test and I was fine. It’s just a little… Oh I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine, it’s just you know driving without a license isn’t a good thing, you know, but I’m in the process of getting… my license is expired and it was just the little gap between getting the new one and stuff. It expired in Hawaii on November 16 and I was going back there to renew it, you know.”

The cameraman then wants to know if he is taking some time off but Bruce? Of course not! He’s headed back to Hawaii for the Eddie Aikau opening ceremony… and to get his license.

I must say, I completely understand. My license is also currently expired and I tried to make an appointment but the DMV messed it up somehow and now I’m just totally stuck and if I get tired at a gas station and fall asleep then I’ll be more than stuck. I’ll be fucked.

So yeah. I get it.

Rumor: Kelly Slater Wave Company has pulled out of planned Tokyo site ahead of 2020 Olympics!

Shocking new alleged developments!

It sure has felt like Mother Nature is on the ropes lately, no? Oh I’m not talking climate change, plastics, fires, floods, droughts, famine etc. I’m talking wave pools. Wave pools allegedly being built in every single town from Lemoore right on down to River City and threatening each and every time to upend the ocean’s place atop the pole. Wave pools churning out perfect little barrels on demand so mom and pop and li’l sis can get their fill without waiting for stupid storms somewhere out at sea.

Take the Olympics, for example. Surfing has finally been accepted amongst its sporting brethren and will be featured for the first time ever at the Tokyo Games in 2020.

Detractors pounced. “But what if there’s no waves?” “But what if there are no stupid storms somewhere out at sea?”

Organizers promised there would be no issues, that the coastal town of Tsurigasaki Beach in the Chiba prefecture produces magnificent surf, but quietly behind the scenes the Kelly Slater Wave Company was given a green light to build a pool in Tokyo. Construction was set to begin in September but… hold the backhoe! A sizzling new rumor suggests that the plug is being pulled because of promises made by the central government to the local Chiba authorities.

This, if true, effectively kills surfing’s grand Olympic debut showcasing Kelly’s marvelous plow. But does it automatically negate any wave pool ahead of the Games? Surf Lakes, as you learned last night, is on a heater and what if Barton and Occy made nice with the local Chiba authorities to bring in the plunger?

What if BSR Cable Park has promised through-the-roof ratings with its patented brain-eating amoeba shuffle?

Oh this tangled web is just starting to get interesting but, for the time being, Mother Nature is the victor. Unless there are no stupid storms somewhere out at sea and Kanoa Igarashi is wreathed with Olympic gold after skimboarding an 8.7.

Celebrate: Middle-aged man declares 2018 to be professional surfing’s “Year of the Woman!”


It is a bit early for these sorts of reminiscences about the year that was. 2018 still has some life yet but even still it was just declared professional surfing’s Year of the Woman by Outside magazine writer Andrew Lewis and it’d be rude of us not to celebrate by reading a li’l snippet.

This year has been groundbreaking for women’s surfing. So it was only fitting that 2018 would culminate with Gilmore being crowned world champion. Gilmore, who is 30, now ties fellow Australian Layne Beachley for the most ever women’s world title victories. By this past July, Gilmore had already foreshadowed greatness when she won her 29th tour event, more than any other woman. Surfers have a tendency to overuse the word legend to the point of meaninglessness, but when it comes to Gilmore, there is no better descriptor.

That the world’s best women surfers were dominating the airwaves on Monday no doubt deeply gratified the WSL’s new—and first woman—CEO, Sophie Goldschmidt, who announced in September that beginning next year, the WSL will be giving equal prize money to its male and female athletes. Equal pay had been one of Goldschmidt’s key mandates when she took over the WSL in 2017, along with getting surfing into the 2020 Olympic Games. To have Gilmore win the title was just the kind of you-can’t-make-this-stuff-up artistry that Goldschmidt needed to cap off 2018.

Now on to the question portion of the cut n paste.

Do women like things being declared “Year of the Woman?”

Do women like when men declare things “Year of the Woman?”

If I surprised Graham Stapelberg in the World Surf League’s Santa Monica High Tower and said, “Without looking on your phone… what is the difference between #MeToo and #TimesUp?” would he get the answer correct?

Is ex-WSL CEO Paul Speaker sad that the Year of the Woman occurred after his time even though he had two red roses placed in his cars and hotel rooms?

What will professional surfing’s 2019 get declared?

Revealed: The great Garrett McNamara once questioned his place in the surfing world!


Do you ever feel glum when you look around and see all the epic people changing lives, doing important and amazing things? I sometimes do. I had big dreams, man. Dreams that once seemed so attainable. I was going to compose sonnets more beautiful than Beady Eyes. I was going to discover the biggest wave in the world and surf it like Garrett McNamara. All I ended up doing was writing Cocaine + Surfing (Buy here! The perfect gift for everyone on your Christmas list!).

A failure.

And so it buoys my very soul when I read that Garrett McNamara, the man who discovered the biggest wave in the world and surfed it, struggles with self-doubt too. It was tucked into a story about how he is going to solve the nasty too-much-plastic-in-the-ocean problem and let’s read about it.

Big wave surfer Garrett McNamara has launched a campaign to fight plastic pollution in the seas in an effort to “give back” to the ocean that gave him fame.

McNamara, who started surfing at 11, has made a name for himself for riding waves from collapsing glaciers to pioneering tow surfing and breaking the world record for the biggest wave ever surfed, in the Portuguese town of Nazare.

“Everything I have came from the ocean and I feel it’s time to give back,” McNamara, 51, told Reuters during the launch of his anti-plastic campaign in Lisbon. “The government needs to declare a state of emergency and mandate laws now.”

Originally from Massachusetts, McNamara discovered the biggest wave in the world off Nazare, 120 km north of Lisbon, and set his first record in 2011 when he rode a 78-foot (24 meters) wave. Two years later he beat it by riding a 100-foot (30 meters) wave at same spot.

McNamara’s surfing career slowed in 2016 after he fell off his board and badly fractured the humerus bone in his left arm. He questioned his place in the surfing world and is now pursuing a “bigger purpose”, he said.

With the new initiative, he hopes to encourage world leaders and companies to reduce waste and production of plastic.


And is that why I feel like a failure? Because I am not pursuing a “bigger purpose?” My very own “special purpose?” I shall be thinking on these things for the remainder of the day.

From the who-can-believe-it dept: Share Price of Surf Lakes has “Doubled” and “set to increase much further in value!”

Bitcoin for surfers!

If the next few years fall into place in the manner suggested in the PR literature for the various wave pool companies, there’ll be giant surf parks festooned with yoga bars, golfing greens and juice rooms on every available square of land, and on every continent.

The newest lizard at the truck stop is Surf Lakes, whose name is now prefixed with 5 Waves. You’ll remember the hoo-ha last month when a sturdy contingent of WQS-level Australian pro surfers and the former world champ Joel Parkinson flew to North Queensland to test the full-sized prototype of the Occy and Barton Lynch-endorsed wave pool.

The waves were very small, one to two feet using a generous ruler, but the reveal was stymied when the the giant plunger buckled while operating at only fifty percent capacity. Surf Lakes says the failure was a manufacturing fault, say a new part is being built and that the Yeppoon prototype will be operational by the end of January 2019.

Now, according to literature sent to potential investors, despite the breakdown,

Surf Lakes have made tremendous progress in Australia and globally, the share price has doubled and is set to increase much further in value.

Surf Lakes is already earning revenues and on track to earn millions more.

4 to 6 projects could give Surf Lakes a project pipeline of over AUD 80 million, which will in turn drive the company’s value and share price. Also, There are at least 10 other projects which aren’t far behind (plus over 100 more licensee enquiries that are being worked through).

Now let’s examine its six, likely-to-be-built-shortly, parks.

Want a piece of the action before the shares double again?

Minimum investment is AUD 100k for 500,000 shares. Investors within Australia must qualify as Sophisticated, Wholesale or Professional.
Close Date 14th December
Based on the strong investor interest the close date has been set down for 5pm on Friday 14th December 2018. All application forms must be in by this time with funds due by 31st Dec.

For full information, please download and read the Information Memorandum below. The Application Form and Instructions for investing are contained on page 72.

Please feel free to forward to your colleagues and contacts.
If you, your colleagues, your company and/or your contacts have any questions and/or would like to discuss on the telephone, please contact me [email protected]