Or maybe a poet! Or maybe an opera star! Or maybe Beyonce!
Have you heard of celebrity riders? They are the lists of requirements the rich and famous demand from the service class. Some are normal, like water bottles and Butterfinger candy bars.
Others are honorable. Jack Johnston, surfing minstrel, insists that his music venues change all their lightbulbs to the energy saving sort and staff bike valets.
Still others are grandly bizarre. Iggy Pop stipulates that there must be seven dwarves at each of his shows dressed up like the famous Disney Snow White troupe. Katy Perry, a person to wash and cut her vegetables. Eminem, a koi pond. Dustin Diamond, that no person in his presence call him “Screech.”
What about World Surf League CEO Paul Speaker? Rumor has it that he requires two roses to be sitting on his limo/Towncar seat and two more in his hotel rooms.
What?
The hell?
Totally amazing!
It it wonderful that Mr. Speaker has a rider at all, don’t you think? In his mind he must be a powerful lord overseeing a robust and thriving business. Or maybe in his mind he is a precious pop star whose every emotional whim must be catered to immediately.
Or maybe in his mind he is a renaissance painter and needs reminders that life is both beautiful but fragile always by his side.
Or maybe he is a li’l freak?
Do you think his favorite song is Poison’s Every Rose Has its Thorn?
Take my hand, dear Mr. CEO, and look into my eyes…
We both lie silently still in the dead of the night
Although we both lie close together we feel miles apart inside
Was it something I said or something I did?
Did my words not come out right?
Though I tried not to hurt you
Though I tried
But I guess that’s why they say
Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn
Yeah it does
Get the fuck outta here.
there is no way Paul Speaker listens to this shite.
he is swag AF
ps. if BG want to utilise my paint software skills do be in touch.
Chas you’re the King.
I’m not familiar with jack johsTon work. Does his music suck like jack johnsons?
He should change the roses for surf lessons…
I am assuming he is married so does the rose fascination extend to home and weekend car trips??
Does he beat his wife or the servants if mistakenly tulips are left on his pillow?
What happens if only 1 rose is available?
Do they require the thorns to be removed?
What happens on tavarua – am pretty sure roses not endemic to the Fijian islands- do they fly them in especially??
Does Paul Speaker only fly to countries with roses present??
Too many questions Chas
I imagine he listens to this version and meditates on cold playoff evenings in Foxboro and who the WSL’s Bill Belichick is.
https://www.youtube.com/emb…
And better yet, did Pauly Speaks post the hacked tweet erroneously claiming that Roger Goodell died?
Laughed hard as shit when the pic popped up on my screen. Instant classic
that photo is 🔥🔥🔥
I wish Bret wasn’t wearing chaps….
or only wearing chaps? idk.
Damn it…that’s what I meant. I don’t want his dirty pale denim!
I am much less confused now. The faded denim really didn’t seem like your thing.
I require two cold and unopened 2-liter Diet Dr. Peppers and a six pack of black ankle socks from Costco. Remember these things when we shoot my episode of Like, Bitchin! I don’t care who it comes from, you or Biolos, just make it happen…
Van Halen had the best rider of all time
Better than twin roses? What did it include?
They had a line that said there was to be a bowl full of M&Ms with absolutely no brown ones. If there was even one brown one they were allowed to completely thrash the place and could cancel the show. It was to make sure they read the rider and set up the stage/show correctly, but there are stories of them demolishing green rooms when they found em
From David Lee Roths audiobiography:
“Van Halen was the first band to take huge productions into tertiary, third-level markets. We’d pull up with nine eighteen-wheeler trucks, full of gear, where the standard was three trucks, max. And there were many, many technical errors — whether it was the girders couldn’t support the weight, or the flooring would sink in, or the doors weren’t big enough to move the gear through.
The contract rider read like a version of the Chinese Yellow Pages because there was so much equipment, and so many human beings to make it function. So just as a little test, in the technical aspect of the rider, it would say “Article 148: There will be fifteen amperage voltage sockets at twenty-foot spaces, evenly, providing nineteen amperes …” This kind of thing. And article number 126, in the middle of nowhere, was: “There will be no brown M&M’s in the backstage area, upon pain of forfeiture of the show, with full compensation.”
So, when I would walk backstage, if I saw a brown M&M in that bowl … well, line-check the entire production. Guaranteed you’re going to arrive at a technical error. They didn’t read the contract. Guaranteed you’d run into a problem. Sometimes it would threaten to just destroy the whole show. Something like, literally, life-threatening.”
Thankfully Nirvana and those other North West bands put these cunts and their ilk to the sword!
http://www.thesmokinggun.co…