R E S P E C T
How glorious was it, yesterday, to see Dane Reynolds for the first time in forever? There he sat, chatting, self-aware, like he had never left. Sure sure a couple of inches wider but he wears it well. He wears dad well. And it was enjoyable to hear him crankily list off the things he hates like a true dad.
I was hanging on every single word, anyhow, and agreed with most of his positions except veered sharply when he mentioned golf. Oh I have no love for that game. I don’t watch it on television nor have I ever played a proper 18-holes and… well let’s just go though Dane’s statement:
Dane Reynolds: I hate golf for many reasons but I’ll tell you a story about the last time I ever played golf was in Tahiti with Kelly Slater and we were, like, drinking beer and kinda having fun and then he yelled at us and told us to quit fucking around and then I swore off golf from then on.
Perfection. A perfect story top to bottom and a perfect summation. My only issue, which isn’t really an issue but… well… I worry that Kelly Slater comes off as the bad guy here, as the cranky killjoy but have you ever been out surfing, a good day maybe with fun peaks etc. when a whole pack of drunk low-30-somethings celebrating a birthday or, worse, a bachelor party, paddles out loudly whooping it up, laughing, having lots of fun?
It is the worst thing ever. Of course surfing is supposed to be fun, it’s only supposed to be fun, in fact, but too much obnoxious fun wrecks it for everyone. I’d imagine that Kelly Slater, there on the greens or fairways or whatever, looked at Dane and his friends drinking beer and kinda having fun through the lens of bachelors having a bachelor party.
In this context, don’t you side with Kelly Slater? Don’t you understand his crotchety yell?
I sure do.
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I hate when “like” is an overused filler word (23 x in under 3 minutes). Come on Dane, you’re better than that. I hate golf too.
Listen we all know Kelly is prob a dick on the golf course, any dude with single digit handicap, is f’ng serious out there amped focused. Eating almonds smeared in chia. With no time for dudes smashing coors lights and having bad etiquette on a course that prob comps Slades rounds, and is prob super $pendy to play at. The dude has to protect that. He can’t have these fingernail painted, flobie hair cutted, cut off jeans dudes acting up. Divoting the place to shreds and shit. But what if we hate Former? And his weird ass 90’s retro sweat shorts, and the domain ‘former merchandise’ what is former, a band? How hard are you trying? While I respect him not taking bongcom’s check and making clothing you would want to wear, but….How many weird obscure thrift store looking logo t’s can you make? Exploiting surfing? How about exploiting human beings, dudebros. You are making your $30 t-shirts in f’ng Bangladesh making 70+ margin off of 100% guaranteed forced labor somewhere in the supply chain. Ryan Reynolds does suck though, dude you are not that funny. How about the chick in the first deadpool though, boiiiiing. Pinky rule for sure.
Who is Kelly Slater? Why Do I Read Beach Grit. My Existentialism is creeping up again
Wait till you watch Momentum: Generation.
Yes the absurd momentum movement golfing to a SoCal Punk Soundtrack . Golf is many things but it is diametrically opposed to Punk ? Totally incompatible !
There was even an Edgy Golf magazine. Horrible times.
….and don’t get me started on those fucking golf hipsters with their faux-retro wooden clubs and unbuttoned beaver-tail, woolen plus-fours and ironic flat-caps. Stroking their fucking beards with the ball-wash leavings and walking up to the nose of the golf buggies, only to eat shit on the rough, leaving the buggy to careen off madly taking out earnest caddy-groms just trying to walk out to the 2nd green.
Sport isn’t fun unless Taken seriously
Goat Hill in Oceanside with the Firewire crew seems to be Slater’s regular San Diego spot.
Biggest goat track in all of SoCal. Makes Shore Cliffs in SC look like Augusta.
I love the “I Hate Game” Wait, does that make sense.
What if I said it ironically. Wait, I hate it when people talk ironically.
Well at lease I love Dane playing the “I Hate Game”.
“The golfer having the most fun is the best golfer.”
Wha? Erik Logan lurking on BeachGrit comment board? Nice.
Things I hate:
If you are from the city and you talk shit about it as you try to make it out is one thing. If you are not from the city and you look down on people who were born and live there you just come off as a goofy and sheltered white boy who never lived a day in his pampered and privileged life in the real world.
point to the lie though. I have lived in LA since 98 and it’s great in your 20s and 30s, fucking nightmare when you are older than that.
Eh, I’d rather live in a city or a rural area than Ventura. Dane has all the strip malls and traffic of a real city, none of the cultural benefits (much like San Diego).
We play golf in beer feet, t-shirts and boardies, ciggies depending upon how many beers we are drinking, and only on flat days or after getting spit out. We play a buck a hole, birdies are worth a few more and eagles more than that..and we laugh our balls off.. so I say to Dane.. golf definitely does suck, its the people that you spend a few hours with that make it addictive.
Since you transcribed it for us I am gonna memorize that story word for word, and try it out next time I am at a party talking to strangers. I think if you say it right it could work, it has just the right amount of casual humor and low key name dropping.
Golf: White people, strict rules and awful clothing.
Surfing: White people, strict rules and awful clothing.
Send it back to its roots
Golf : Scottish People , Strict Rules and No Underpants ?
Surfing : Polynesian People , Strict Rules and No Clothes .
C’mon who doesn’t love natty knitwear!
It’s bad enough at my course with the damn long-golfers, but now we have Stand Up Paddle golfers and even worse!!!: golf-foilers!!! Literally like samurai swords on the putting greens!!!
Get wrenched and spend a lot of cash getting super frustrated.. that’s golf baby
And in the future, surf parks.
Back in the day I started playing to stop smoking so much weed when there was no surf. So I would smoke up cones in the car park and roll a couple of huge numbers for the trek. Only nine holes too. Failure. So I quit golf to save weed.
Yea I can struggle through a round without beers, but I absolutely cannot play without weed.
Weed sounds less expensive and less addictive than golf from what people tell me (about golf, I’m an expert on weed).
Yea such a fucked sport as far as money goes.
… oh yeah. A spliff or two makes a round so much enjoyable… that weed thing of being able to focus exclusively on one thing – and one thing only – works for my game … just don’t ask me to remember my score!
I would totally take up golf if it meant I could get baked with some friends and have a laugh.
… hire a cart and it becomes a whole new ball-game! Yew!
Was playing behind a group at a certain ‘uppity exclusive’ course (three adult sons and their old man) years ago… trailing the distance waft of choof in the air. It was the old man blowing joints the entire time – and he was 70 in the shade! LOL
too much awesome.
The #partoo movement
Provides a voice to rich men
Wrongly touched by golf
Film and edit
Michael Cukr
Kook?
>kook
Nah. Good kid. Pretty talented too.
Sick Dude & way talented