"A rugged new watch that should hit aquatically-inclined horological obsessives like a gigantic wave!"
From modest little Cocoa Beach in Brevard County, Florida, to the dizzying heights of the world tour and, finally, the bright lights of Lemoore, California, Kelly’s star has shone over us for thirty years.
But now, I think it’s safe to say that Kelly Slater has arrived.
If confirmation was needed of his position as a mainstream superstar, this is it: a collaboration with luxury Swiss watchmaker Breitling, famous for its pilot watches and an annual party at Baselworld watch fair featuring topless models, women gyrating in dominatrix outfits and women wrestling in jelly”.
The watch “celebrates Breitling’s partnership with sustainable apparel manufacturer Outerknown, co-founded by surfing legend Kelly Slater. The watch features a Nato strap crafted from ECONYL® yarn, an innovative material created from nylon waste. With its black DLC-coated stainless steel case, bold blue dial, and unique blue strap, it makes a dramatic style statement and creates a powerful link to our oceans.”
According to Maxim magazine, which is a soft-porn title for man-babies and incels, the watch “should hit aquatically-inclined horological obsessives like a gigantic wave.”
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“A rapist male dolphin with a corkscrew dick the rest of the pod live in fear of?” aren’t we all..
Can someone tell me [Nick Carroll?] why, when they obviously have access to wrist watches with sophisticated timing functions, pro surfers have to wave their hands in the air to get a time check at the ends of their heats? They can tell the time, right?
They are rarely asking for a time check — usually asking for a score update.
Right – though our commentators advise us otherwise from time to time. Cheers.
Why can’t the Woozle put of fuck-off bright digital scoreboards that the sponnos can see from lineup?
They have in the past at some locations! I think something happened to the supplier of the unbearably bright fucken scoreboard things.
I see a gap in the market. (Runs to shed with armfuls of old Xmas lights)
I work in med device sales. We just had our national sales meeting. I saw 2 separate d-bags with this “time piece” on and each one had to come up and let me know that its a high end Kelly Slater watch. Each time I saw one a little bit of my admiration for KS died. I am a d-bag also, so I’ll head on down to Fashion Valley and pick one up….
You miss spelled EGO Friendly, you can participate in Kelly’s EGO enhancement.
Dam Scotty your seeing the Wizard behind the curtain…. spot on…. remember the movie Eye Wide Shut?
The ruling elite….. totally disconnected from nature…core surfers see through this madness.
Just watch out for the greedy ones AKA Kelly…let you figure out the rest of them…if they are in the limelight…whores!
For $7000, buying this hunk of metal with an ugly strap better grant me access to the surf ranch
The only time Kelly needs to know is that it’s time to pack it in.
He should also spend less time being a cunt who has bad taste
We’ll all be dead in 40 years, boyo.
Or at least old enough not to appreciate the proper use of such a haul.
ziffs bitch at it again, question is how long will kelly be ecologically sustainable in the current climate
What’s that?
Boasting again.
Nah figured it out, it’s the stuff you throw down to arrest the splash.
…see!
“Partnering with sustainable apparel manufacturer Outerknown” ..do/did they ever actually make anything? OK has always seemed like an MLM to me, with a scant smattering of a product that acts as a ‘floor model’ for the primary goal of selling the idea of sustainability. These partnerships, while making ‘dramatic style statements’ and creating ‘powerful’ links to our oceans, kind of come off as more of a cash grab. A way of courting wealthy folks dollars under the guise of sustainability. What you get is said wealthy folks walking around with palpable amounts of pomp. They’re taking action. In reality, the wealth is being transferred to some other wealthy/soon to be wealthy dickheads with very little net benefit to the environment.
To me, high-priced fashion done ‘eco-friendly’ is like creating a problem purely because you have a solution. There’s nothing really friendly about that.
Yah — they do actually make clothing. The men’s mags love it.
What’s a mag?
stab is…
Kelly, so hot right now. Kelly.
No they didn’t make anything, but Kelly sets the time himself on each of these special watches.
I don’t know why, but the GOAT’s ad inspired me to make this. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Thank god you’re not drinking any more CB !
Kelly’s whole franchise is bought and paid for Satanists!
Why did you interrupt S.S.D., he was on a roll!
Currently I wear a cheap Casio that is just waterproof enough to survive me getting rubbed along the sandbars for two hours. (I wouldn’t call it surfing)
Maybe this Breitling will be my next watch.
But prooooooobably not.
Does this watch mean Ke11y will finally make it to 12?
Unfortunately Kelly’s amps only go to 11.
On Kelly’s watch, you won’t see a 12.
When the watch’s hour hand breaks, it’s still the right time twice a….umm year.
Oh and its $9350AUD!!!
You’d better get a job quick so you can buy one!!
I know – am working on my own agenda much to my wife and rest of family’s disgust!! Not sure if will be able to treat myself that is for sure
Been there, done that.
And Yeah and Verily, let the Angle of Your Dangle guide you unto (The ) Salvation (Army Store). Hang tough and The Creeping Jebus will make it all come good but.
Or something.
(Whaddayathink? I could sideline as a preacher-dude!!!
I could shout shit, and you could pass the hat. Before you know it we’ll be wearing Breitlings and sunning ourselves in Tavarua!)
Mate I was seriously researching starting a church in my house – you don’t pay tax then. Think need 12 members to be legit – “Church of the Open Sky” – then go and preach in states for “love money” tax free cash and we’d be sweet
Duuuuuuude.
I think yer onto something.
We could set up a franchise of The International Church of The Creeping Jebus’s Middle Aged Perpetual Intermediate Kook Barking Pinnipeds In Beach Grit’s Holey Name.
I think the acronym could use some work.
May be the way to fund the house my wife now wants to buy somewhere in Merewether!!!
Will MR sell you his garage?
Good ocean access.
You could sell all of your WWII Nazi memorabilia. It’s so hot right now.
You would be fucking pissed if your $1 eco strap disintegrated – leaving your $6999 watch at the bottom of Cloudbreak when you hanging on Dragonfly at Tav.
Would bet my paddle that E-lo has one!!!
Scientists agree that non-biodegradable watch straps are the leading culprits of reef pollution debris worldwide. I can’t even enjoy a session at my local without getting covered in the things. It’s about time those high-end watch manufacturers found a solution to this scourge!
You could use as penile implants if you gathered enough – could be new business idea as jobless currently
You can quote your so-called ‘scientists’ all day, but I know it’s all part of the non-biodegradable watchstrap alarmist cabal racket industry. There’s big money in getting gummit funding to get all shouty about it.
It is nice to see that Kelly has dropped is “environmentalist” charade and is embracing his true greedy capitalist self.
maybe he really did take ayahuasca.
Ha! That environmentalist cake and eating it, is getting so tiresome.