Revealed: The very worst commercial to
feature surfing of all time!
By Chas Smith
Jeep pulls out all the stops!
Remember how we weren’t going to be jaded
anymore? Well, I gave it a good 45 minute go but didn’t have any
fun so let’s just go back to cynically sniping at everything
without providing real value to anything.
Is that ok?
And I remember, a few months ago, receiving many emails and
texts about how horrible the new Jeep commercial that plays during
World Surf League broadcasts was. I looked around for something but
all the Jeep adverts seemed equally horrible to me but just right
now I tuned into the Vans Triple Crown feat. Chris Cote and saw
it!
Or I’m guessing saw it. This one that starts… “Waves aren’t the
only thing I surf….”
Then continues…
“I surf the air. I surf roads, lanes and alleys. I surf dirt and
mud and muck. Drop in on mountainsides and carve through valleys. I
rip forested trails, pull aerials in the sand. I surf the ocean. I
surf adventure. I surf it all.”
Hahahaha!
I seriously haven’t had a belly laugh like that since this
morning when I read the phrase “pumped to the point of
ecstasy.”
Really really good stuff. Who do you think came up with the
copy? Do you think it came straight out of the World Surf League or
did Jeep hire a Venice-adjacent agency?
“I surf my unpaid parking tickets. I surf the cold medicine, flu
medicine, insulin shots. I surf gender discrimination and racial
discrimination and religious discrimination and sexual
discrimination. I pull aerials over Brexit…”
I surf it all.
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From the being-jaded-is-so-last-year Dept:
New group of surfers “pumped to the point of ecstasy!”
By Chas Smith
Come meet Whitewash Warrior, Barrel Queen, Biggest
Stoke and Biggest Kahunas!
How easy it is to be all jaded, waking up in
the morning with the cup half full, sarcastically sniping this and
that. It is the easiest thing of all and sometimes I forget the
youthful passions of surf. The way a set on the horizon jolts the
heart, the way a fresh bar of wax can transport a crusty soul into
the ether.
Could we all make our New Year’s Resolution early? And have the
resolution be that we’ll approach surfing in 2019 like new mothers
in Perth, Australia? Let’s read about them!
“It’s euphoric. I feel totally relaxed and at complete peace
with the world. I feel empowered,” says Claire Romea-Gorton, 10
years after she took an iconic Aussie male activity and shook it
out like a sandy beach towel.
Today, 84 like-minded mums (and the odd welcome dad) are
giving it a vigorous shake as they gather regularly on the Perth
coast to surf and follow the ancient concept of using the whole
village to raise their children. The feisty women, with salt water
in their veins, sea breezes in their hair and passion in their
hearts, are a proud tribe, one which offers strength and comfort as
they bond together in a unity that is highly infectious, as well as
palpable.
Stumble across the group of women frolicking with toddlers
in the sand at Trigg, and at first glance they appear to be waiting
patiently, Puberty Blues-style, for their surfer dudes, 100m
offshore, shredding the early- morning waves.
However, when the exhilarated “dudes” come ashore, tossing
their long wet hair, smiling from ear to ear and greeting their
kids, they turn out to be bikini-wearing wahines nicknamed
Whitewash Warrior, Barrel Queen, Biggest Stoke and Biggest
Kahunas.
Some are in the advanced stages of pregnancy and some are
still breastfeeding. All are pumped to the point of ecstasy and
appear to be talking in tongues. “I’m stoked.” “Your drop was
epic.” “You looked awesome out there.” “That was one sick
wave.”
Their tribe is called Surfing Mums, the peak body for
surfing families across Australia.
You must finish the rest of this
story here but before I forget, I had a dream that
Derek, Steve Shearer and I were fishing off the back of a boat last
night. Nick Carroll may have been there too. It was all standard
fare, surf chat stuff. Steve was impressed that I could cast and I
even hooked something. The boat swung wide, my fish swam straight
still on the line. It must have been a place like Thailand where
there are floating docks everywhere because Steve and I got off the
boat and followed the line through the water, me still holding the
pole, and discovered that it went into a little shack. “Oh no…”
Steve told me. It looks like the Bra Boys got your fish. That’s
their cooking shack. I wanted to see what kind of fish it was so
knocked politely on the door. It was answered, moments later, by a
tattooed toothless man with a shaved head. I said, “I know you have
my fish and that’s ok. Finders keepers etc. but could I just see
it?” He nodded and walked me into the cramped space overflowing
with pots and pans. I saw my fish there and it was hideous, like
one of those monsters from the deep. I thanked him and left.
What does this dream mean?
And what is your new surf nickname going to be? I choose Ouch My
Shoulder.
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Watch: A full Jamie O’Brien surfing
Pipeline section because the North Shore gonna light up soon!
By Chas Smith
Get amped!
I am a horrible film maker. Nothing I do is
right or works or is good or decent. Still, I dream and continue to
make movies because I have spent a lifetime dreaming in movies.
From Tarantino to Coppola to Raimi to Soderbergh to Kubrick to Bart
Layton. Have you seen American Animals? Ridiculous.
Absolutely ridiculous.
Anyhow, just two days ago the film Trouble about the
iconic Lisa Andersen won the viewers’ choice award at the Florida
Surf Film Festival. An honor that warms my heart because I have
spent over two years agonizing over it, because the Florida Surf
Film Festival is the best of its sort on earth and because it came
from the viewers. BeachGrit has taught me, and taught me
well, that the only people of any value are the people.
Fuck the damned know-it-alls.
Anyhow, I made another movie a lifetime ago called Who is
JOB. I could write a novel about the process, about the genius
editor Dayten Likness, about the unbridled ability of Jamie O’Brien
but I’ll save that for another time. Swell is headed toward Oahu’s
North Shore right now and someone posted in the comments the
Pipeline section from Who is JOB a few days ago.
Taking a walk down memory lane, I decided right away that I only
wanted Pipeline footage in that forever long bit. No Backdoor. No
Off the Wall. No nothing but Pipeline. I don’t know that anyone had
ever done that or that anyone has ever done that. Probably for good
reason but here it is again because swell is headed toward Oahu’s
North Shore.
Bon appetit!
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Just Desserts: Man who gets called “Surf
Snitch” by locals launches brand called “Surf Snitch!”
By Chas Smith
Set to be bigger than Quiksilver and Billabong!
I vaguely recall reading this story on
BeachGrit or maybe on another surf-themed gossip
website but either way, here are the details. A man took pictures
of a secret surf break near Plymouth (I assume America and not
England though may well be wrong) and when he was finished and went
back to his van the words “Surf Snitch” had been spray-painted in
red on his hood (bonnet).
Now, this all seems like a paltry bit of localism without heft
so maybe I read this story on The Inertia or maybe I
didn’t read it at all. Boring right?
Boring until the victim, Ben Landricombe launched a fabulous new
surf/skate brand called Surf Snitch and let’s learn all about
it.
Ben Landricombe has launched his own clothing and sticker
label – appropriately called Surf Snitch – as a way of sticking it
to those who sought to sting him for uncovering ‘their’ Plymouth
Sound paradise.
The Plymstock amateur photographer took stunning snaps
earlier this year of rare waves breaking against a backdrop of
ferries, submarines and warships.
But his images went down like a lead balloon with a section
of the surfing community who were dismayed he had lifted the lid on
their ‘secret waves’.
It all got nasty when Ben, 36, returned to his van one night
only to find vandals had scrawled it in offensive words, slashed
his tyres and filled the exhaust with rubble. He also said he
received a number of other threats which sought to undermine
him.
But now he’s bounced back with his ‘Surf Snitch’ fashion
brand.
With the help of his wife Maria, he hopes the collection of
T-shirts, car and skateboard stickers will take off and potentially
become as big as Quicksilver and Billabong.
Speaking to Plymouth Live, Ben said: “It’s a little act of
revenge – because they did do a lot of damage to my
vehicle.
But Ben says it’s also his way of positively moving on from
a weird time in his life.
“This is a way of showing how everybody can share the waves
– there’s a big row between body-boarders and surfers.”
“I surfed their all the time and it was quiet. Hardly anyone
used it. I don’t know why it got so out of hand.”
The Surf Snitch website will be launched in the coming days
and in the meantime Ben’s started flogging his clobber on
Facebook.
Tyres? A big row? Flogging his clobber?
It’s totally England, isn’t it. But I’m glad anyhow Ben wants to
be as big as Quiksilver and Billabong. He can join
BeachGrit which is also bigger than Quiksilver and
Billabong because we haven’t declared bankruptcy yet. Also, I like
how much it sounds like Stab magazine’s “Surf Stitch.”
Jump in, Ben, the water’s wonderful!
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Introducing: The world’s first surf perfume
evoking “the irrational immensity of the seas!”
By Chas Smith
"Two worlds that converge with the salty aromas
trapped by the icy waters of the Atlantic Ocean and the terrestrial
breeze that caresses its vegetation!"
There are many things made for surfers.
Surfboards, wetsuits, wax, traction pads, surfboard travel bags,
etc. There are many more things not made for surfers, though, or at
least not explicitly. Paper towels, frying pans, Persian rugs,
wooden fruit bowls, etc. Well, today is a fine day because perfume
can be crossed off the second list and added to the first.
That’s right, your Christmas shopping just got a whole lot
easier because two enterprising Spanish gentleman have just created
the world’s first unisex perfume specifically inspired by
surfing/surfers and let’s learn about it.
Idil Bazán and Marc Conca, founders of Barcelona’s Surfcity
Festival, decided to materialize their passion for the sea in a new
fragrance aimed at conveying the sensations experienced when riding
the waves.
23NAO (North Atlantic Ocean) is the first product released
under the Agua de Surf umbrella. The duo spent three years
developing the brand and the debut fragrance.
23NAO is the first of a unique collection inspired by the
most representative oceanic regions of the surfing world.
“It is a unisex perfume that evokes the irrational immensity
of the seas reaching out to the coasts incessantly. Two worlds that
converge with the salty aromas trapped by the icy waters of the
Atlantic Ocean and the terrestrial breeze that caresses its
vegetation,” underline Bazán and Conca.
“23NAO is an ode to the sea, a perfume born out of
experiences lived around the world in search of waves.”
Boom. Stocking Stuffer City but how does it smell?
The new surf-inspired perfume was created using natural
molecular ingredients from the North Atlantic Ocean, and curated by
the prestigious perfumer Ramón Monegal including the olfactory
notes of:
Oceanic gray amber Cedarwood Sea breeze Sandalwood Bergamot Black pepper Oud wood Vetiver Nutmeg Amber wood Cypriol with salvia sclarea
Oh. I like but I was thinking it should have olfactory notes
of:
Rotting neoprene
Urine
Sewage run-off
Misanthropy
Old wax
Nuclear isotopes
Kelp
Rusty fin keys
Sour deodorant
Nick Carroll
What’s missing?
Now that we’re here, Josh Kerr, Bede, Parko and Mick Fanning
really should have launched a perfume instead of a beer. Don’t you
agree?