"I still don't have full trust in my movements," says John. Who does?
“Hello fans,” wrote reigning world surfing champion John John Florence this morning, “Bear with me. Allow me to take just a tiny bit of your precious time.”
Mr Florence, who is twenty six years old and a four-time winner of the Volcom Pipe Pro but never a Pipeline Master despite first entering the event as a thirteen year old, wrote on Instagram.
I noticed this week that I still don’t have full trust in my movements, which has always been my test for returning to competition. The Pipe Masters is my favourite contest on tour so its a really difficult decision, but I am going to withdraw from the event. Wishing everyone luck out there!! It has been insane watching everyone send it during this last swell!!”
Does this make you a little sad?
Does it open the title race?
Can you detect a faint sewerish smell or some other gloomy self-conscious stench?
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Phewwww! You got me worried for a moment thinking Kelly wasn’t gonna make it!
There are 40 men
On tour who don’t have full trust
In their own movements
Finally! All those practice runs pay off
No it does not make me sad, but it does make JJF’S sponsores sad….and many WSL pro surfers happy!
How did John do the paddle board race with a messed up knee?
With his arms…
No knee paddling? that would be impressive.
He did it team with Petey J’s son. No knees, just prone. 20 mins on, 20 off.
Had to log in today and find this comment to tell you that I spent maybe 20 minutes laughing at your response. Solid stuff, Gary.
Does he need some Metamucil, perhaps? Or some All Bran?
I know they help keep my movements regular.
Perhaps Jon is using this as a positioning statement to announce his new post-Mother sponsor, Yakult?
God bless him for bringing much needed attention to gut health.
And here’s hoping when that next big swell pours into the Pipe waiting period he won’t be the only one shitting himself #carnjoycey
Dammit Ads, you beat me to the punchline. As soon as I read the byline I excitedly scrolled through the comments like a little kiddie on xmas to see if anyone had mentioned their lack of regularity.
For what it’s worth, I’m really struggling to stay regular at the moment. The only thing I trust about my movements at the moment is that they’re guaranteed to let me down.
OATBRAN FTW
You could be getting old. It happened to me. Can I offer some hard earned advice from over the hill.
Never waste an erection.
Never trust a fart
The best laxative is the sight of my local slab firing in all its twisted glory. Luckily there’s a toilet block nearby, and I always make sure I carry TP. Sometimes I shit the bed just thinking about.
I can’t trust a fart who might be a undercover shart..
A monster a day keeps the constipation away!
Did he type that message from the office in his Captain’s stateroom on his Gunboat? I wouldn’t comeback if I were him either.
What’s he need from the tour? B-graders up in his grill? Swishing around in swimming pools two hundred clicks from the ocean?
Only reason he needs ’em is if he has a hankering after an Olympic medal. Which, might not be as cool as a bitchin’ sailboat but some people do like to have them.
Owns Pipe, owns a house at Pipe, owns a boat capable of finding an empty wave better than Pipe. I’d say he doesn’t need the Tour. At all.
sail away JJ
epic comment
A Pipe Masters win.
If Jack Robinson gets a wild card I’m calling a “fix ” and putting WSL credibility on notice,
Just getting it out there.
Oh but Jack is a magnificent addition, don’t you think?
Jack at Pipe would be a great replacement for JJ.
He’s fuckn awesome there.
Jacks fuckin so great
Magnifique!
A true champion of tha bogan
Good chance he’ll get drawn against your prince R1.
Coma minha agua!
Would be the ptincess knights reply
Down at pipe yesterday the pack would prefer a local gets any wildcards bro.
WSL has credibility?
given Kelly’s lust for stealing other peoples thunder is he going to try and outdo JJF with a similar announcement?
Possibly along with a ” I lost my phone or this would have been a sooner announcement. ” just to set the record straight.
Disappointing, but not surprising. Didn’t BG preface this when you highlighted the change in WSL’s language a few weeks back? Hopefully they keep the spot open for whoever’s highest in the Triple Crown ratings (and not already in the draw) after Sunset.
We did, yeah. Forgot about that.
Why do WSL call off a comp “for the day” at 11.30am when there is four hours of the day to go; like Sunset today, when it could clean up in the arvo? Pipeline is pumping. Surfline cam shows its offshore and perfect, with Lopez reincarnations getting pit after pit. How many times have WSL called off Pipe or Copes, to have it pump late in the day? As for JJF, can’t risk a multi-million dollar asset and potentially hinder another 4 months of solid rehab. .
Believe they have rules against putting comps on hold/doing half days in Hawaii and they also can’t run past a certain time, 4:30 or something? I bet 11:30 was the latest they could keep it on hold till.
Ok.. thanks… they have 8 hours tomorrow to finish 15 heats plus a break before the final. They need 100% of the 8 hours. Hawaiian bureaucrats are kooks. All of that money going into the North Shore and they make it so strict. 30 minute 4 man heats at 10 to 12 feet (old scale) Sunset. Tough for the surfers.
what money?
So many contests they have to have some sort of rules to allow locals to surf. Roughly 6 or 7 comps at Sunset between Oct and Mar using 20 good days up
Inc Juniors and the jan 1,000 qs etc
I’m thrilled to learn that in 2019 we will be able reminisce on Gabby’s 2018 World Title as a CJ World Title. That’s unless Bieber wins. Call me a rascist but go fuck yourself, Brazzo scum. Shaven haven pricks.
Gabriel Medina has 11 WCT wins (although it should be 13; plus many borderline calls; like vs John in Tahiti) compared to John’s 5 WCT wins. Both have been on tour for the exact amount of time. Filipe has 7 wins. CJ had 4 career wins. Therefore, if anything is a ‘CJ’ title its JJF. I won’t call you “racist”. Just call you pretty dumb or, otherwise, just maths isn’t your specialty. Vai Medina!
Vai Toledo!
Backdoor. Don’t count out the wizard Toledo. !!
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Pipeline plus Toledo is not equal to Wizard
Maybe. But Pipe Masters is most often the Backdoor Masters. Why do you think WSL want to move it from December to February?
Because Toledo and Gabby are backdoor masters. It’s rigged.
Julian, who won on an (overscored) 1 second tube ride WSL keep replaying in slow motion to make it appear longer.
climate change
Considering he’s 4 foot tall that was a knee high stand up barrel.
Steve Vai!
(Am I doing it right?)
Take it easy boyz. Just trying to get some old fashioned hate crime going. Don’t give a fuck who wins. They’re all dickheads.
Who’s the biggest dickhead in your humble opinion?
3 way split.
1. Jordy
2. Mendes
3. Zeke
Bonus gimp: Mikey Wright
Julian pre-2018 had to be right up there?? his and jordy’s career long battle for guy who comes across as the most self-entitled wanker on tour can’t be forgotten.
You stink slightly less.
How dare you place jordy at the same dickhead level as those other two? He’s head and shoulders above the rest in the petulant man-toddler category!
You stink like houso cunt.
We miss you John John!
We do! But does John miss us?
It seems like, not much at all maybe!
Seems like he doesn’t miss any of it. Selling his house could be JJF setting himself up for the next stage of just surfing and sailing on his own terms.
https://www.instagram.com/p…
https://www.instagram.com/p…
I thought he had two houses and he’s just selling one? idk. It’s hard to keep up with a bro’s houses really.
Who are you?
Who do you want him/her to be?
I want her to be more bitchy.
Look closely at Eli Olsen clip and you see JJF driving the ski with a serious knee brace. 15ft bluebird perfect outer reefs and JJ was desi driver, I doubt it was staged i think he’s hurt.
Question is, what does JJF 2.0 look like?
All power no air game?
Hopefully he fucked up his knee doing something cool like attempting a standing 69 with an overweight midget or waffle stomping a pile during a morning shower.
You had me at waffle stomping a pile