John and View from a Blue Moon co-pilots.

Just in: An important announcement from your world champion John John Florence regarding the Pipeline Masters

Derek Rielly

By

"I still don't have full trust in my movements," says John. Who does?

“Hello fans,” wrote reigning world surfing champion John John Florence this morning, “Bear with me. Allow me to take just a tiny bit of your precious time.”

Mr Florence, who is twenty six years old and a four-time winner of the Volcom Pipe Pro but never a Pipeline Master despite first entering the event as a thirteen year old, wrote on Instagram.

I noticed this week that I still don’t have full trust in my movements, which has always been my test for returning to competition. The Pipe Masters is my favourite contest on tour so its a really difficult decision, but I am going to withdraw from the event. Wishing everyone luck out there!! It has been insane watching everyone send it during this last swell!!”

Does this make you a little sad?

Does it open the title race?

Can you detect a faint sewerish smell or some other gloomy self-conscious stench?

Revealed: “The World Surf League is really, really protective of its intellectual property!”

Chas Smith

By

Watch out!

There is not much surf news this morning, nothing that really compliments your morning coffee. The Vans World Cup of Surfing at Sunset Beach, North Shore, Oahu was called off yesterday because the waves became too big. I suppose that’s something and has the World Surf League lost its nerve? That is two events called off due to an abundance of size in under two weeks. Has the World Surf League lost its sense of grand adventure?

I’ll tell you one thing the World Surf League has not lost. Its sense of irony for it was revealed today that the League is “really, really protective of its intellectual property…” and let’s dig right in to this juicy little contradiction.

The quote comes from a new story about an incident that happened last year during the Jaws event. You certainly read it elsewhere then but, as a refresher…

An “unauthorized drone” was buzzing around the Jaws, maybe snagging some video etc. The League had its lifeguards try to throw swim fins at it before knocking it out of the sky with a proper helicopter. Doesn’t that seem a little on the dangerous side? Like, what if the the thing got stuck in the helicopter’s intake and made it crash at Jaws, taking out Albee Layer?

I would have made sure that #WhoAreYouBlowingInTheJudgesBooth trended all year long, in honor of.

But the helicopter didn’t crash, Albee didn’t die and the drone was sent to a watery grave. All fine and good but why the trouble? In a story on drone fan site PetaPixel the reasoning is explained.

According to a tipster that wrote in to PetaPixel, the WSL is really, really protective of their events and of the intellectual property that might be derived from them; hence, the strong arm approach to what the tipster says was a DJI Mavic drone that decided to drop in on the event.

Tipster Andrew Grose told the publication, “Like most sporting organizations the World Surf League (WSL) has been known to be quite protective in terms of its intellectual property rights…This is especially with regard to its copyright laws, making professional filming or photographing within contest areas almost impossible unless directly contracted by the WSL.”

Am I the only one that finds the World Surf League’s intellectual property hilarious?

Yeah?

Ok. I’ll be at the bar ordering another.

Watch and Listen: A new hype track featuring an all-star surf cast sweeps Oahu’s North Shore!

Chas Smith

By

"Pyzel surfboard the swell peakin' at noon!"

Music has been inextricably tied to upping the passions since the beginning of recorded time. The ancient Greeks marched into battle to the deafening beat of drums. The ancient Americans sent fife players out front of militiamen to both inspire and strike fear in British hearts. Napoleon had his favorite composer, Paisiello, write melodies and perform them during decisive campaigns and the modern basketball player will refuse to enter a gymnasium without noise-cancelling, full-ear headphones playing the very latest 6ix9ine track.

And so it only makes sense that Oahu’s North Shore, seven-miles awash in upped passions, has its own.

Kahleo’s There That Boy Go is a modern masterpiece featuring crackling, surf-inspired lyrics, an all-star North Shore cast (the Rothmans, a Florence, Billy Kemper etc.) and enough Pipeline to send shivers up this grown man’s spine.

A sample:

There that boy go, looking back I know there’s much to see.
Aloha vibes, aloha vibes is how I prefer to speak.
Hey haole boy, yeah haole boy, would you like to try some beef?
I just got my lei chilling out on the beach, tryin to eat.
There that boy go, Reef boardshorts, no shirt, no shoes.
There that boy go Pyzel surfboard the swell peaking at noon.

If this is not the best surf song on the planet you tell me which one is and then I will call you a fool.

And I only have one quick question. Is John John’s younger brother Ivan Florence the haole boy that possibly wants to try some beef?

Breaking: Monster Energy changes Dusty Payne’s orientation!

Chas Smith

By

Does drinking The Claw make you goofy?

Identity politics are still the rage and how much do you identify with your stance? Like, are you a capital ‘R’ regular foot, a capital ‘G’ goofy foot or are you a little more fluid? I ain’t talking fluid like Jamie O’Brien, going both ways. Mere mortals like us aren’t bi but are you bi-curious and/or relatively unattached to how you stand on a surfboard?

I am a regular foot but don’t feel any great pride. My little one, when she first started kicking a skateboard, tested out both regular and goofy for a few weeks before settling on goofy, like her mother. It made me happy, to be honest, because I think of screwfoots like I think of left-handed relief pitchers in baseball. I imagine them exotic, much sought after and extremely valuable even though I know that stance has nothing to do with dominant hand.

I envy goofy footers, I suppose, but I know a man who forced his little one into a regular stance at first sign of goof, possibly stunting years of progression but maybe not. Maybe he saved her from years of lackluster style.

In the case of Dusty Payne, Monster Energy, his drink sponsor, flipped him from a regular to a goofy and plastered him all over town. Like a real sassy thing.

Do you think he cares?

Would you?

Identity politics are, after all, still the rage.

From the teenaged-girl Dept: The World Surf League releases a Snapchat-esque photo filter!

Chas Smith

By

Wanna look like Johnny Ringo?

It was only a matter of time before the World Surf League rolled out a Snapchat-esque filter and you know what I’m talking about. The Snapchat-esque filter. A filter for your phone where you can take a picture of yourself  and then look like you are a reindeer or a woodland fairy and I’m not talking about “you” but your teenaged daughter.

Or Jared Leto.

Or Jared Leto.

They are very popular, anyhow, and the fact that it took the World Surf League feat. Oprah this long to shoot out their very own Snapchat-esque filter in an honest to goodness miracle.

But miracle no longer! Let’s meet the new WSL PURE Facebook (not Snapchat) Camera Effect!

Try the new WSL PURE Facebook Camera Effect!

We are on a mission to inspire, educate, and empower our global surf community to protect our oceans so we collaborated with Facebook on a camera effect to help raise awareness and make it easier to talk about the biggest challenges facing our oceans. Like the WSL Facebook page to use the effect and rally friends to protect, understand, and respect the ocean.

Submit your video to the WSL’s Fan Facebook Group for your chance to be featured on the LIVE broadcast.

You wanna look like Kaipo (above)?

You should. I know it was probably for shitty Movember but Kaipo looks exactly like Johnny Ringo in Tombstone and I don’t know why you’d want to look like anyone else.

Wait. Is that what the World Surf League feat. Oprah’s own Snapchat-esque filter makes you look like?

Sold

Buy here!

Photo: Steve Sherman/@tsherms
EAT BEACHGRIT SPAM!
It's Daily!