Listen: “Chas, you are a complete and total fuckwit whose opinion is based on other fuckwits’ stories!”

Legendary shaper Maurice Cole spits the truth!

I don’t get star-struck, especially around surfers or surf folk. Oh not because I’m cool or unaffected but just because… I don’t know. Mick Fanning? Kelly Slater? Great icons, wonderful examples of human potential but… I don’t know. Mick Fanning and Kelly Slater? They’re like us with better bottom turns. And more complex theories re. chem trails.

Maybe I’m just too dumb to truly recognize greatness or maybe I was just waiting on Maurice Cole.

I learned his name the same exact time I learned “Tom Curren” and you know why. Because this…

I don’t get star-struck but meeting Maurice Cole had me absolutely tongue-tied.

He is a legend and the best sort. The sort with stories and opinions and heartbreak and triumphs. The sort that ain’t afraid to tell the truth and speaking with him today was an absolute honor and an absolute privilege. Would you care to listen?

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Norm de Ploom
Norm de Ploom
7 years ago

Thought the comments on how-to-make-pro-surfing-more-viewable were spot on.
Old(ish) farts may remember Surfabout? Packed into half hour slots on prime time TV sort thing. Has us frothing as groms for every show.

Shitt I said frothing.

Ricoimmo
Ricoimmo
7 years ago

best Grit podcast yet, by miles.

Maurice Cole is a tremendous storyteller and a guy who seems to wear his heart on his sleeve. keep him on speed-dial, chas,

Dooma
Dooma
7 years ago

Hey, I just finished listening to this on a 2hr drive home after work. Just wanted to say epic best one yet. My only negative is that it ended.

IkeaMonkeySurfsBetterthanYou
IkeaMonkeySurfsBetterthanYou
7 years ago

How do we submit Love Questions?

Phat-wan kerr
Phat-wan kerr
7 years ago

world smack league.

dickie toledo
dickie toledo
7 years ago

who’s maurice cole?

Brutus
Brutus
7 years ago
Reply to  dickie toledo

Mrs Cole son!

Teacher
Teacher
7 years ago

Grasshopper and student!

ricmatic
ricmatic
7 years ago

I’m still gonna Oder an MC custom. I want a board that’s half know how/half mystic.

mundus
mundus
7 years ago

An absolute legend, seems like a good guy. Would have hated to be on his wrong side in his younger years though.

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago

just listened.
loved it. cheered me up.

Krill
Krill
7 years ago

THAT was your best one yet.

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago

I can’t believe he really founded that Australian supermarket chain.
Incredible.

Dogsnuts
Dogsnuts
7 years ago

I could listen to Maurice all day, he has the great soothing tone of all the elder fullas from around here and he cuts the through bullshit just as quick, something about this area.

Waxyfeet
Waxyfeet
7 years ago

I met Maurice Cole about a month ago.

I got roped into watching my 3 month old niece while my brother went for a surf (his wife was away on business, and he was frothing to get out)

So there I am, sitting on the beach close to the car park under an umbrella with my niece, and who gets out in the carpark to check the surf, but fucking Maurice Cole himself!

I was nervous as shit, and just kept looking at him as he was standing there, assessing the conditions trying to figure out if it’s worth paddling out or not. I was too scared to say anything to him. Pretty soon my niece started crying, presumably because it was pretty hot. I tried to quiet the poor thing down, and the other beachgoers started looking at me as if I was mistreating her…it was really embarrassing situation. Pretty soon he gets up and walks over. He started running his hands through her hair and asked what’s wrong. I replied that she was probably hungry or something. So Maurice puts his board down, picked up my niece and lifted his rash vest and breast fed her, right there in the middle of the beach!

Such a chill guy, really nice about it. Would let him breast feed my niece again.

(details of the beach left out, as I don’t want to divulge what his local break is)

astro
astro
7 years ago
Reply to  Waxyfeet

Hahahahar – good one, mate !
Hopefully she doesn’t grow a shitty goatee.

matt johnson
matt johnson
7 years ago
Reply to  Waxyfeet

Dude, (waxyfeet), you have a twisted mind….

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  Waxyfeet

MCdonna and child …… life imitating art ? More Godfather than Fairy Godmother though !

Wilbur
Wilbur
7 years ago
Reply to  Waxyfeet

I’ve head his nipples are as smooth and soft as a baby elephants foreskin.

Waxyfeet
Waxyfeet
7 years ago
Reply to  Wilbur

Maurice,I know you’re reading this. Please post a pic of the nips for us, they were resplendent!

Brutus
Brutus
7 years ago
Reply to  Waxyfeet

if I knew how I would , but helas fossil tek rules the day….just so you know had Pyzel and Timmy P , read your story we think it’s best ever, especially when you read it to someone , and they can’t see it coming , fucken brilliant!

Waxyfeet
Waxyfeet
7 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

LOL, glad I could be of service.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
7 years ago
Reply to  Waxyfeet

Not gonna lie. You had me in the first half.

Bubba Zanetti
Bubba Zanetti
7 years ago
Reply to  Waxyfeet

Recycling that old chestnut are we? I think the version I heard took place in a doctor’s waiting room and Keanu Reeves was doing the breastfeeding.

Waxyfeet
Waxyfeet
7 years ago
Reply to  Bubba Zanetti

This is my personal truth. Do you want to hear about the time I met Kanye in a barbershop?

Brutus
Brutus
7 years ago
Reply to  Waxyfeet

just applied for a job at Hooters , can I use you as a character reference…..??

Byron The Kid
Byron The Kid
7 years ago
Reply to  Waxyfeet

I hate the word “frothing”….like “legend” or “yew”…..too fucking over used and the meaning is lost. I was frothing to post this.

Toin coss
Toin coss
7 years ago

From the Super Appreciated it Dept: Cole calls Chas a Fuckwit a minute and change in!

astro
astro
7 years ago

I listened to the whole fucken thing.
But not all at once. It was a blessed relief to go and peel potatoes about halfway through. At least I didn’t fall asleep this time.

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago
Reply to  astro

Is “peeling potatoes” a metaphor? What were you really doing you saucy dog?

Oops, wrong website. So sorry!

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago

Worst show ever!
Disgraceful effort
Nonsensefest.

John Wayne
John Wayne
7 years ago

I would have to disagree.

For the first time in a long time DLS actually decided to contribute (in a foreign way by his normal standards) by saying less and giving Maurice the opportunity for an uninterrupted spiel. Often DLS will cut his interview subject off / short just as they are about to say something of interest and offer his opinion or move the conversation on. He actually let Maurice take centre stage on this one and hardly interrupted. It enabled the discussion to move in all sorts of interesting ways. I think in fairness it was one of his finest performances yet. I am happy to give his performance a barrel not a cover up. I hope he can do this more often going forward. Its not 4 Corners.

Chas was clearly star struck. Not only did he not take centre stag but he was also super well behaved and even seemed prepared for a change (except the marriage breakup comment). Actually they were both way more prepared than normal.

Maybe this once a week segment will work. I hope so. Especially with the new love based advice that is about to hit the airwaves. I can only imagine that Chas has spent the last 5 years listening to the anti-slut shamming podcast “Guys we fucked” without letting on. If so we could be in for a real treat.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago
Reply to  John Wayne

Well now you put it like that..
Bravo chaps.

astro
astro
7 years ago
Reply to  John Wayne

The only one on BG who is qualified to give love advice is Kinky Tits and he’s as queer as you get em.
A convicted cuntard, so you have to view anything he says within his own bent context.

John Wayne
John Wayne
7 years ago
Reply to  astro

Maybe its time for Jen See to step up and offer some audio related advice. Maybe she could be the yin to their yang?

astro
astro
7 years ago
Reply to  John Wayne

I love Jen.
Don’t think she got the chops in this area.
I’m sure she would refuse to get involved.
No offence intended, Jen.

Jen See
Jen See
7 years ago
Reply to  astro

None taken! I rarely do podcast things. Not averse to them, just don’t do them all that often. In this case, I live not at all close to San Clemente where the bros do their thing, so it’s not super practical!

Party Pete
Party Pete
7 years ago
Reply to  John Wayne

I bet she has a pleasant voice to listen to.

Phat-wan kerr
Phat-wan kerr
7 years ago
Reply to  John Wayne

Jen see and wiggs could team up and do a segment.

Strider's Gobble Neck
Strider's Gobble Neck
7 years ago

Cole looks he just found out about a smartphone this year.

Party Pete
Party Pete
7 years ago

Yeh looks like. I had to unfollow him on insta a few years ago because he posted too much.

Strider's Gobble Neck
Strider's Gobble Neck
7 years ago
Reply to  Party Pete

For the name Party Pete, you sure shit on the obvious.

Party Pete
Party Pete
7 years ago

You type pretty well for a piece of loose skin too.

Party Pete
Party Pete
7 years ago

I’ll listen to it later.

Nick Carroll
Nick Carroll
7 years ago

ha ha he’s having you cunts for breakfast lunch and dinner.

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
7 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

Damn it! Foiled again!

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

Oh no! Not you too!
I SUPpose you do that other thing that shall remain nameless!!!???

That blow Ashton landed to your neck must have affected your moral compass!!

Next you’ll be on a mid-length egg!

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
7 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

You just gave me a fantastic idea….

Krill
Krill
7 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

Is it a surf self defence class ala Master Ken?

Otto
Otto
7 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

You’re gonna get a hand print neck tattoo aren’t you? People will be like “Gosh! Your kid had, well not man hands, but pretty big mitts, coming right out of the womb?!”. Then you’ll have to be like ” Well, I’ll be honest…I adopted the baby this hand print belongs to.” And then, then they’ll be like “you adopted a child?” And then you’ll have to confess, “It’s a Beanie-Baby!”

Party Pete
Party Pete
7 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

Is it a yellow beanie?

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

For the love of huey
Just tell her why the crowd be cheering

Party Pete
Party Pete
7 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

Chas should have tough guyed with him…

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago
Reply to  Party Pete

MC would’ve inserted the reclaimed wood & brushed nickel table, deep into Chas.

Party Pete
Party Pete
7 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

We’ll never know for sure but

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
7 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

I reckon you and I should start a podcast together.

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago

How fucking good would that be?
You’d invent something much better than “Carn Joycey”

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Could be a way to launder some of the cash from the Ironing Business and give it a plug at same time ? You could call it “Sweet Carroll Irons and Wiggs lines never felt so Good”?

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
7 years ago

Bah, bah, bahhh!

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago

Diamond ! They’d be like a bunch of Jonathan Livingston Seagulls together fighting over a chip .

Krill
Krill
7 years ago

Late Arvo Glass(bbq)Off
Feat. Wiggs and The Shit Carrol

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
7 years ago
Reply to  Krill

I wonder what his sponsors will say about the glass bbq. Oh wait doesn’t matter.

Krill
Krill
7 years ago

Trannys are pretty forgiving creatures

Nick Carroll
Nick Carroll
7 years ago

ha ha what would we discuss, vomiting in each other’s mouths

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

Yuk yuk yuk

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

MC could do a regular phone-in and ladle out 15 mins of abuse to keep youse both right.

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
7 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Maurice is an old pussy boy. Will fuck that cunt up

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
7 years ago

I’m coming over later in the year… I’ll be disappointed if you pussy out on a surf with me.

Don’t worry, I’m only a internet Superman around here, real life I’m Clark Kent.

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
7 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Na mate that sounds good. You guys have my email.

ricmatic
ricmatic
7 years ago

This must be live streamed or you’re all a bunch of cuntz.

Brutus
Brutus
7 years ago

suck my tit and I’ll feed your alter ego till the pussy’s come home!

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
7 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Don’t make it too obvious mate


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