VAL Matt Damon joins the toxic stew at Australia's most dangerous wave!
Surfing the Pass, that kooky sand-bottom right in Byron Bay, is hard work. Like, really hard.
Imagine every surf craft that has ever existed. Then imagine fifty of each of them crammed into a lineup a couple of hundred yards long, piloted by a lottery-ball selection of humans who have never stepped foot in the ocean before.
Here’s Susan, 45, Iowa, waiting patiently to be collected by the next wall of foam on her 8’6″ soft board. There’s Akumi, 33, Tokyo, flying down the line on a 7’ aliia, screaming for the gods as she locks into a decapitation death spiral.
Here’s Levi, 23, Melbourne-slash-Byron, awkwardly soul arching through the entire mess, leashless on his 14″ double ender.
The Pass easily surpasses Bondi, and is close to three-foot Snapper Rocks, as the most dangerous surf spot on the east coast of Australia – if you rank danger by chance of collision occasioning actual board and bodily harm.
For the everyday surfer it is a write off. A world-class wave buried under a blanket of narcissistic greed. A sad indictment of the human race’s propensity to make too much out of a good thing.
And to that toxic mix you can now add Vulnerable Adult Learner Jason Bourne, safety crouching a two-footer, ready to put you into a sleeper hold if you dare drop in.
As reported by The Daily Telegraph,
Matt Damon and his wife takes (sic) to the waves in Byron Bay family holiday
Hollywood superstar Matt Damon can’t get enough of the land Down Under.
Back holidaying in the northern NSW beach town of Byron Bay, Damon, was snapped hitting the waves for a surf on Thursday afternoon.
The Damon’s (sic) also met up with their good mates, the Hemsworth’s (sic), who often host their fellow A-listers in Byron Bay.
(Read the story here if you can get past the dang paywall.)
It begs the question.
Would you burn Jason Bourne? Keeping in mind he may even have Thor as backup water patrol?
I think I’d pass.
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Hi Ben.
#gobacktohollywoodhemsworths #Takeyadickheadmateswithyou #farnorthbondi
Looks like someone didn’t get an invite to the pool
Don’t forget Stuart, with his long, curly hair and delicately groomed goatee on his 10 foot mal. Or his mate Simon, with cultivated dreads, nose and lip rings hopping oh so hard on his new fish. Plus Nigel, with a crew cut and beard so perfectly coiffed you could plaster cast it on his lumber-sexual single fin……
Sound dangerous? Let me tell you about the snakes, the spiders, the sharks, and the emus!!! Bloody filthy dangerous mate!!!!
Fuck off back to Boorrston Matt Damon you fucking clown.
Hypothetically I would drop in on Bourne , the killer who no longer wants to kill . Thor, a god and a local ,is a completely different case …..Bad things happen to those that fuck with the Gods and Locals , so I won’t be stealing his fire and end up as Prometheus or Sisyphus or steal his wave and end up like a Rabbit mid 70s ? That’s one big Hammer !
I only surfed it once , while in Byron for the Easter Classic mid 80s (which was held around the corner at shark park Tallows ) , and it was fun as fuck and I was wondering why the remaining dinosaurs of that period out in the line up , were still riding longboards ? To top it off ,the girlfriend won the Miss Easter Classic Beach Bikini Girl sponsored by none other than Hot Tuna … and I got to take her home ……
The pass is snapper, just fatter with more trees. Actually, byron is the gold coast with trees. Got in a 15 minute traffic snarl at one of the roundabouts in january. Traffic lights will have to come soon. On the brighter side saw some beautiful women. Play things for the wealthy wategos crew?
Only 15 minutes? You got off lightly.
Heads up Phillip Island, they’re at the UFC in Melbourne.
Oh shit
This sounds like a great place to take my metal detector
That parking lot is full of stories
No. Don’t.
It won’t be and never will be. Don’t even look.
They’re already here at the UFC.
Well I don’t know if Matt it’s a VAL…
But I would respect, and share the line up, with a guy that throws a jab in the chin in assholes like that!
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Same here! In fact, I will give VAL Matt a set wave at my spot for that! I think the aussies say “Good on ya Matt”!
Of the Hollywood stars who among them actually surf’s the best? this Is my question for you all.
Hemsworth
Daniel Tosh
Obama
Scott Caan
Matthew McConaughey
Got anybody else that might actually be at some sort of intermediate level?
That pro-am golf guy someone Slater goes alright.
who is this sssslllater you speak of???
Ex Baywatch star and golf homo
Simon Baker can actually surf.
I just started watching Breath! Heard about it here. (Netflix)
Damn keep your women away from him for sure.
TISM came to mind
I’m interested in wog ball and I really like Acca Dacca;
And I’m better than him ‘cos I’m a store man as well being a Packer.
Do you like James Hird or James Joyce? 🙂
Whatareya ? I’d like to think that I have rather eclectic tastes in music , literature and sport so am guilty of being a yob and a wanker .
I actually had to look up all three of those things cuz I have no idea what half of you Aussies are talking about.
Also gave TISM a listen and ill keep them in my playlist they’re pretty good.
Enjoy .
He used to stack the shelves at Ballina Coles, respect
Lost a bit o credit when he changed his name from Denehey to Baker.
Geoffrey Wright shows up for glass off at Malibu, drives a Tacoma, rides nice (long) boards from good shapers, keeps it low key, and surfs well enough that no one notices him.
There’s also an 80’s sitcom guy (plays the captain/chief on Brooklyn 99) that I can’t name right now who’s also good. Surfs with his kids, travels to good spots, and is a good hang in the water if you share a lineup with him.
And in his day I hear Jan Fucking Michael Vincent ripped. Cocaine and surfing, indeed.
I think the Hemsworth boys can actually surf.
the knock-kneed chicks thinking that they look stylish. the 50 yr old sea change kook huddled over with his old back the whole ride. the white knight smiley douche with his harem of knock-kneed kooks, working on his poses as he makes looking effortless anything but. the ibis of the sea, sweeping up the water so he can stand awkwardly with a pole on a 1ft wave. on land they all drink coffee with 4 sugars and grimace through a pale ale pretending they like it cos everyone else does…
I can’t have the local beer traduced on a public forum
“local”
not sure what they are brewing at that stone and wood brewery but it sure smells and tastes like beer
Stoned and wood just like rooting in a canoe just fucking close to water with some hipster fuckwit from bondi
Guys are calling Matt out as a VAL without giving him a any invite to your thread…drop him a twit!
Yeh he looks super comfy piloting his minimal in that 1ft slop
Bryon v Okole not even close.
Burnt him and his kook pal Hemsworth numerous times this summer.
Craft into a story?
trying to get a print article over the line.
but it does remind of the denouement of Houllebecq’s Submission….you know, where the protagonist/narrator makes his peace with the new Order of things.
Or Thesigers prologue.
\
Know what I’m talking about?
Oh, I do. And, as per Submission, the protagonist finds the new order delightful, with reference, mostly, to the subjugation of women. What’s not to love?
hahah, you bad man. In this case, it’s a kind of emancipation : both of the woman, and the VAL.
My peace is more a kind of acceptance than an embrace.
God, Damon has terrible skin and that little pug nose. When I see it and his little short arms swinging away like a retarded penguin I can’t help but turn and go.
please write this please!!
Damon did well with Good Will Hinting. Life is so much about numbers. Waves are finite, as is our time to enjoy them. When you snake him does he even notice? I’m not getting the sense he makes it down the line much?
Ahhhhhhahaha you’re going to hell so bad.
at least he is not using a paddle. or a foil.
Foils are too tricky. And imagine a T-Rex trying to paddle.
I was in Waikiki for a wedding so i went for a longboard surf in front of the New Otoni hotel.. I paddle out and who was sitting there was Justin Timderlake and Cameron Diaz.. Very nice couple but the whole time i was tripping on how bad Cam Diaz skin was, acne scarred and pock marked..
Thesiger knew about submission to the elements. Great man.
I think we got the gist… respectable guy who is not super handsome but can write good and surf awesome burns a few kooks who are famous and good looking but not up to the same Calibre in the waves.
You burned Matt Damon? Well how ’bout them apples!!!
On ya 5’8 emery LT?
Some of you may be thinking that surf ads might be embellishing his description of the Pass. Well, he’s fucken not ! What a shitshow.
A glimpse of the future of YOUR third-string-forever-onshore local.
I have to say, in the interests of balance, that the sheer number of achingly cool, scantily clad goddesses in the water does somewhat tip the scales.
I’ve been having a ball surfing there all summer.
Yea – there is that angle.
Maybe I’m just too old now. If I don’t see a few going through unridden I just go, fuck it. Can’t be bothered. Young astro goes into gladiator mode and does battle. I’ll hang and lech on the beach.
Serious question: what do you ride out there?
just about anything: beat up longboards, foamies, finless, single fins, 2+1 mid lengths, Bonzer Octafish, twinzer.
Anything but a standard shortboard.
Yeah right. The lack of hierarchy even when it’s good just does my head in. It’s basically biggest and best paddler is best, skill level be damned.
kind of……it’s a chaos, but within the chaos it’s ridiculously easy to catch waves.
If you let go of any kind of concept that you’ll be riding alone then its fun.
Look. I didn’t surf it for 15 years then went back to it. I’ve hated it with a white hot molten passion.
I feel differently now.
Would have agreed five years ago but I surfed it last Good Friday on a solid 4-5 foot day and it was just mayhem. VALs on minimals safety crouching across perfect 4 foot runners while the Brown brothers cleaned up everything else on their futuristic finless asyms.
Sounds like Doheny in Orange County
so shortly after you blew into byron you decided there were too many blow-ins at the pass….
You forgot the foil cunts who proceed to walk up as deep as possible – wank their arms around and take off as deep as possible to claim every fucking wave when I was there last
Safety in numbers
Man can not live by bread alone .
14 Inch double enders are often used in conjunction with leashes
Chicks with dicks are looking for a good time.
“I think I’d pass.”
I see wot you done there.