Or should every jet ski should be thrown off a high cliff and the b-grade pros who use them right on top of them, just like that beautiful scene in Hemingway's For Whom the Bell Tolls when they push the fascists off the cliff?
Australian writer Don Watson found, in the solitude of the bush, relief from the “din of predictable opinion, particularly one’s own opinion.”
You could easily make a similar argument for surf but it’d be hard to imagine a world where that applied to Laird Hamilton.
Before the superfood creamers and the celebrity workouts Laird found the sail, then the impeller and the throttle and found a world in thrall to his vision of motorised assist to ride the world’s biggest waves. Absolutely gaga over it. He scoffed at paddlers at Mavericks – the wipeouts! (he said) It looks like they are practising for wipeouts – or words to that effect. Paddling Jaws was just an unimagined realm, not even fantasy.
Within a lifetime, history pirouetted and marched back from whence it came.
It seemed our Laird and saviour was not just wrong to embrace the engine and eschew the human body as a device to paddle in to giant surf he was “howlingly, flat-earth, couldn’t-be-more-wrong wrong.”
The ski-assisted tow-in became a sideshow, openly derided. Christian Fletcher intro’d German windsurfer turned tow surfer Sebastien Steudtner for the biggest wave category at the 2010 Big Wave Awards as the “German who doesn’t paddle.”
And now look where we are. Paddling at Jaws, Nazare, Mullaghmore.
Did you hop on the sled? Tow-ats maybe? Step-offs at Kirra? I didn’t.
Fought it tooth and nail at my local break. And we won.
Tow-ins became popular every time Lennox Point got over four foot, just like the Goldy.
Madness. Infuriating. The fumes. Some cunt instantly a hundred metres deeper than the spot you’d just spent 40 minutes paddling too. A small crew of us, led by Greenough, got together and decided it had to stop.
It wasn’t that hard.
As an anarcho-primitivist who generally hates the suffocating rules of the modern nanny state I’m ashamed to say we simply used the power of NSW waterways (water cops) to shut them down. It’s called community organising in the States and if my reading of history is correct, how Barack Obama got his start.
Within weeks, no more jet skis at Lennox Point.
To this day, if you want to spend hours paddling against a river like current to paddle into a medium sized wave you will do it without the irritation of a B-grade pro being whipped in further up the Point. It’s magnificent. And yet an hour up the motorway the motorised chaos continues… for now.
How do you feel about the ski? Little bitch like me, or a bit more open-hearted?
I have to admit , something in me has shifted, slightly, but ever so surely. Maybe it has in you too.
Jaws on Nov 26 thrilled me like a round of electro-shock therapy. The gals, even if you thought it was a kook slam, made adrenalised entertainment.
Looked like a little kid – Kai Lenny – on a tiny black board, skittering down giant faces. Cartoonish. Took a while to realise it was happening live. Getting towed in. Because I was hate-watching so hard it took some time to take refuge from the force of my own opinion and open up to reality. Amazing, right? More amazing than anything ever. Wave after wave. He was playing with it. Playing all over it.
Then Billy Kemper coughing up blood, Twiggy Baker somehow making it to the bottom then getting inside it that… that thing. Hard to believe it was happening live. Even harder to believe they pulled the pin on it for “safety” reasons. It’s fucking big-wave surfing, it’s supposed to be unsafe. Thats why people watch it.
While the disappointment sunk in, something else happened. Looked like a little kid – Kai Lenny – on a tiny black board, skittering down giant faces. Cartoonish. Took a while to realise it was happening live. Getting towed in. Because I was hate-watching so hard it took some time to take refuge from the force of my own opinion and open up to reality. Amazing, right? More amazing than anything ever. Wave after wave. He was playing with it. Playing all over it.
Could Laird have been right, after all? Could this be a second coming of Tow?
Some time in the next 24 hours a giant swell is expected to infill on Hawaii’s north and west shores. A small cadre of tow surfers will surf an expression session. Not just Kai Lenny, but Doz (hasn’t held the rope for a decade), Billy Kemper (has called tow lame), Nathan Florence, Makua Rothman.
Is Tow cool again?
I hope not. But I’m biased.
I think every jet ski should be thrown off a high cliff and the b-grade pros who use them right on top of them, just like that beautiful scene in Hemingway’s For Whom the Bell Tolls when they push the fascists off the cliff.
Of course, I’ll watch.
I’m not insane.
New World Tow-in League has 4 event destinations off Australia’s Southern Coast penned in to be sponsored by Equinor
so which one are you pretending to be, a byron local or a lennox local? you can’t be both….but in reality you are neither.
I wish I could come twice. What pills is Tow-In Surfing taking? Or is it an ointment?
Laird Superfood Supplements! Ingest or use topically.
Technically, in For Whom The Bell Tolls the Fascists walked themselves off that cliff to avoid being thrown off by the howling masses. A message in itself.
Kai…your a legend already… fucking amazing. You have a seat at my fire anytime.
Fight the blight?
A tinny and a fucken long rope and your golden at every beach
You gotta oar like a muthafucka to get up to ramming speed.
Cheap drugs and women fill the gap.
Two stroke fumes in the water near me when surfing gives me a sore throat.
Also delighted recently when two fun boys on a JetSki blaring out Venga Boys-esque happy hardcore techno broke down and had to be rescued by local lifeguards.
Fuck ’em right ooff.
Deep throating Greenough will give you a sore throat also, maybe you cunts should give the old Seppo a rest.
Sounds like somebody hasn’t got their ticket! http://www.ontheedgeofadream.org
Looks fun.
Tell you wot: steal a cop car and a uniform. Pull up with lights flashing to my gaff and haul me out “for questioning down the station”.
Then we’ll go down and see this surfy-dude film together. ( you can hold my hand if there’s scary bits)
Then take me back home and throw me out of the car, outside my front door, whist shouting “he’s not the guy we wanted!” Then drive off to return the cop car.
The wife will NEVER SUSPECT A THING!
See you at about 5:30pm!!!
Sounds great CB but ironically I’m not actually going, had a pre existing family trip locked in this week.
HUMPH!!! (crossing arms and putting out lower lip whilst stomping foot)
I can’t believe locs weren’t waiting at Ballina boat ramp to smash those things to bits
Horses for courses.
No excuse for using them round even sparsely populated spots unless you’re just being an asshole.
I mean I hate them on general principles even (or especially ?) when not associated with surf.
But further out than I want / can paddle on properly big waves? Fine. Off you go sunshine.
Horse tow ins
FucKen genius and planet friendly Exept for the muck.
But why do you hate Mr Ed?
Because he was a False God!!!
Mr. Ed wasn’t the Lord O’Horseseses! He was a fuckin painted ZEBRA!!!
FACT!!!
#falseflagoperations #shoutingmyselfhoarse
#Deadhorseinthelineup
of course of course
https://www.snopes.com/fact…
On the one hand: ski lifts; surely those snow sliders should walk? Contrariness aside, I fucking hate jet skis, particularly as they are no way now as cool as they were when the rider stood up and they duck dived. Nowadays they are just a small boat for uncos.
But how will the lifties get a Ronny coote?
I remember, it seemed so cool. And then, they showed up when I was out. The noise, and the fumes. I mean, I’m out in Nature, for crying out loud, I’m surfing. And these fuckers are upping their aquatic poncing game in exchange for that racket and those fumes? No no no no – fuck you and don’t you even think about if I’m out, I will go to the mat.
You can’t beat this clip, keep watching past the paddle.kai looks like he’s windsurfing with no sail. Best perspective.
https://youtu.be/Gr36R_m4maA
ahhhh LT , the joys of pioneering , the adrenaline rush of being where no man has been before…limits in board design pushed to levels never seen before , a new frontier in surfing, now that’s the big wave side ….then there’s the tow guys who just want more waves than anybody else , ride normal boards and work over the paddlers……
To tow surf in big waves is a new frontier , how fast , how big , how deep , how many carves/turns , how do you survive ???
Kai Lenny’s performance at Peahi , when the paddlers could no more , the Tow boys gave us a look at the next realm!
Ross Clarke-Jones has been doing what Kai Lenny is doing for years now, hey mate?
watched it for more than a decade , RCJ has a lot better style , but same attack to rip the shit out a waves too big to paddle , fuck was that you hiding behind that bush on the cliff in the bright pink G String?
Yeah definitely mate but it wasn’t a g-string it was just a g-string tan line. You were looking right at my cock and arsehole.
Tanning salon?
I’m glad the valium has worn off, you were scaring me.
Mothers little helper is diazepam these days, bexy.
C’mon, do try and keep up.
if I didn’t take it on the plane the passengers would be in deep shit.
Oh well, I guess that freebie’s a no-go, Wiggs.
He doesn’t sound too keen.
Free what…?
Board. You were buttering him up a month or so ago ….
Anyways, looks like he’s gone septic on ya.
But I am interested in what Brutus has to say about waves that are able to be paddled yet are being towed/step off.
Like Kirra, the whole of the Bukit (jeez, thanks Kelly) or anywhere else in the world.
My version of it is, it’s utter bullshit. The motorised version is no different to the advantage a little paddle and extra litres gives to the fucken stately and majestic sup. The whole thing is just a cuntard act at the end of the day when applied to most breaks.
What say you, Brutus ?
Haha just checking who knows Brutus. Yes cunt was never interested in giving me a free board anyway. We will smoke a cone together though and it will be glorious.
Onya mate ! There’s hope yet !
I just remembered I had a dream I met you last night. You were actually Wiggolly Dantas. I asked you about writing and why you didn’t try to write more than comments. You told me you had an inbuilt algorithm like Twitter that limited your characters.
Whatever happens from here on out will ultimately be a disappointment.
And that’ll teach me to read a book about AI interspersed with BG before bedtime.
I was wondering how anyone could cum up with Wiggs thought patterns….like a day of diarrhea!
Sometimes I pray to AI before bed.
That reminds me, you need to polish our 9′ high bronze statue of AI.
It’s getting kinda grubby. Not a good look for our cleaning business.
Video?
Imagine the laughs we’ll share reflecting on foils in a few years. That said, seems that every cunt used to employ a ski, Laird being the lizard king of course.
First question.
Can the author afford a jet ski?
No?
Article annulled.
its interesting that as guys get older on the N coast , they end up on surf mats , hate their brother sharks , beat up women……
Where I’m living you need a ski to get to some of the best waves, a boat and or driving is pointless. You’d think this place is a joke unless you hopped on a ski & ride a few hours. Side note, crocodiles are everywhere, so I mean be all natural, and dead.
there is one wave within an hour from me……nautical miles out to sea…..that would tempt me.
be careful , there’s no going back , the joy of knowing you can ride the smallest narrowest , more thinnest board you have ever ridden….a do the fastest carves of your life…and you you learn about hydrodynamics….and the down side is…??
Falling off
That would be sick. Id love it every wave I got was towed. But the logistics and the lawsuits.. .
Ring ya mate Parko.
Then push him off and leave him there.
probably take me 15 minutes searching on facebook to go around and pick up a used jetski for free just to get that damn thing off some long suffering wife’s hands and clear out the garage.
Well then do it.
Give us a go of yours. Any good for fishing?
Better than fishing from shore, that’s for sure.
don’t need the hassle/expense of owning one in my life.
Haven’t you got a tinny?
They’re better cause you can have a break and mull up
That’s like saying only paedophiles should be allowed to critique those who sexually molest children.