Dirk Ziff delivers stern message to “hater” surf journalists!

Congratulations Ras Chas, perhaps the most apt ‘description’ of our sub culture ive read in recent memory,,, thankyou; it gave an ex surfing addict an internal euphoria and perhaps the words needed to get me back into (unfortunately into the most havoc wrecked, sharkie bite capital 500m of coast in the world in recent years) the ocean;
Its our womb, our special secret (mmm nothing is more special than a secret – something maybe only two people know – but somthing our surfing culture knows as we walk among the ‘un-awakened’),,, We know something they don’t

Hi Dirk Ziff how are you? Glad to hear you read a bit of Chas (yes I know hes a modern day Bukowski – you can pick a hole in anyone but good to see you must have some respect or Chas),,, Hope all is good and I hope you find something of personal value in Chas’ piece),,, Basically us surfers, we have a naughty secret that you perhaps don’t know – but feel free to contact me and if you want to be in on it and if you are ready and want to be among the ‘secret people’ i’ll let you in (if you can gain my respect and trust that is – its not drugs, sex or money, or dick size – but at least you wont have 13 year old grommets feeling richer than you, and to use a metaphor – shaming you to pee in the closed door ceramic urinal instead of standing next to the bigger man pissing against the wall next to you,,, because no matter how much money you have, they are above you in a way whether you care or not (have you ever seen a rock star go for a surf?? Talk about being stripped of their comfort zone,,, the stage is now the ocean and suddenly youre thrown unceremoniously to the bottom rung as those same 13 year old grommet paddle around you as you catch the inside leftovers, having waves stolen off you, sitting on the inside and even the ones who can surf little look like a participant in a learn to surf group,,, come join us – contact me if you need ([email protected]) and I will always extend a helping hand in any aspect or facet of your life

Surfing is not a sport, its an internal need for release and relief (Freud would have loved it) – no different to a heroin addict seeking relief from their pain,,, nothing can compare to the warm embrace of that heroin like blanket (yes, the tube) wrapping us up, giving us relief from our universal existentional pain relating to that traumaticl moment of birth, as we are so chaotically expelled or removed from our mothers womb (our oxytocin filled warm bath body wrap – our home, our warm blanket for 9 months) unceremoniously ripped away from us – all we can do is cry,,, until by some miracle we feel relief as we are pressed against the warmth of our mothers breast and our body gets its first external release of oxytocin, that releif; wrapped up again in our warm blanket; a beautiful moment as we feel the warmth and relief of a cuddle and the suckling of a breast – at last relief!!

Only the ocean, the mammalonian reflex as our head dips beneath the water on that first duckdive or plunging of the head under the salt water can bring that feeling back,,, Its only then the subconscious pain of birth; the crying as we are ripped from our placenta embodied liquid home – that the subconscious or externally conscious pain we feel is relieved,,, Nothing compares

Oh that Green Room >>> That special place,,, that feeling as we watch the lip in the top corner of vision outrunning us, spiralling like a moving vortex, as we at the same time are moving on a surface that is moving itself (our brain cannot make sense – like skating on a moving treadmill as big as a city street),,, as the wave continues its journey that began a thousand miles away grips the shallowing contour of the dropping water level,,, as the bottom of the wall gets stuck, sucked, grabbed and gripped by the bottom of the sea but to our benefit the top of the wave continues moving forward until it finally outruns the bottom (hopefully gripping a well contoured sandbank or reef) and finally the lip outruns the bottom and spills forward creating the tube we all crave,,, as we set a line and wait until the top corner of that spiral outruns us and suddenly feel the relief and the amazement that hits, the rush, the adrenalin, the lsd curtain, our mothers warm blanket, and that heavenly oxytocin rush that only us and an addict can feel, as it encloses us and suddenly we are are in a liquid tube, and my personal favourite pulling into a closeout as we are totally encompassed within a liquid room about to collapse around us!!! We are home again

Ah the warmth of the barrel, – and as Kelly Slater in the mid 1990s said about a G-Land wave sent from heaven “That safe space in the barrel”

As relieving and embracing as a warm blanket, a shot of heroin, 120-400mg of oxycontin, perhaps a speedball, or simply a cuddle from a loved one

Chas your description was indeed apt,,, but still – with no malice intended at all – flounders behind the simplest corny ,almost goofy description phased a long time ago; the one used for commercial purposes by a big name company at a point in time, a description that cannot be said in any less words, any less succinctly; ‘Only a surfer knows the feeling’

(and this is to Dirk Ziff I guess) As Bobby Martinez said – “its not tennis”

Dirk Ziff sounds like a real DBag.

Luckily we didn’t go Douglas Jardine ( Bodyline ) style as those smelly Poms did to take down the REAL G.O.A.T DONALD BRADMAN in the 30s ?

Dear Chas, I must take exception to your comment regarding Dirk Ziff “unpacking” his vision. Dirk’s vision is nothing other more than a brain fart!. So, in this instance the term “let loose” would be much more appropriate for describing Dirk’s “Vision” for surfing. On the other hand, maybe I’m missing something in the translation and the deeper meaning is more profound. You could be implying that yes, Dirk’s brain farts are actually “unpacked” due to the constant hammering in the ass that Dirk takes every night from Natasha’s strap-on!

There are so many things wrong with these revelations. Firstly. How fucking pretentious is it to name the guy and his wife “watermen of the year”. By all means give them some sort of recognition for keeping the thing afloat, but watermen is not the word. If I was a billionaire and decided to fund I dunno, Archery, I would be so damn embarrassed if they awarded me the William Tell medal because let’s face it, I am not a bloody archer. By all means appreciate that they want to honor you, but accept the award? No fucking way. Which kook decided to kiss ass by nominating them? Way to go you sychophant.

Secondly, no one is stealing Kelly Slater’s dreams or Griffin Colapinto’s either. No one wrung their hands for Martin Potter and Tom Curren when they won world titles in the 80s on way less money. And fuck, going back to Archery, they don’t make any money either but I still see people following their dream and competing for Archery gold in the Olympics. So fuck the false analogy. All you need is enough money to pay for airfares and accommodation and any extra you make is a bonus. Surfing is more a pastime than a sport. Need evidence of this Dirk? When you play a game of tennis there is always a winner. When you go for a morning surf (before you start stirring milk into your coffee), do you come out of the water as the winner or loser?

As for the comment about the “all events count the same” being a bad thing, well despite this being normal all over the world, you don’t have to go too far back to remember when the events did have different points on offer, like the famous Billabong AAAAA event which was a complete bust because it was won by Cheyne Horan and Nick Wood. Yes. The ASP tried that 25 years ago and it was a dud. Clearly he’s alluding to the finals series concept which works for team sports (champion team beats a team of champions) but will not work for surfing because some guy ranked 8 in the world could pull it out of his ass and walk away world champ. That kind of thing will take all legitimacy away from the lead up events.

And since he wants to be called out:

Rebrand the thing. WSL is a stupid name because there is no “league” unless it’s ala justice league of america, not national football league.

Get a PR company and get it now. No more dialogue with the haters, no more guilt-ridden facebook fail press releases. All that does is give ammunition to those who think you are doing a shit job. And even if you are doing a shit job and making bad decisions, you don’t admit it.

Replace your marketing team. The bill and ted ‘dudes’ are an embarrassment. Stick to professional surfing. No more stupid facebook updates with surfing dogs and ‘secret’ spots either. The core product is the contests and the surfers. So bombard social media with competition when an event is on, and between events focus on rippling abs and sexy bodies. It’s not very hard is it?

Someone needs to interview the guy and ask him if it’s altruism or dollars that sees him propping things up. If it’s the former, then why make all these stupid changes (world title in Indonesia in September? why push the wave pool and who benefits?) and if it’s purely $ and c what’s his end game? Where does he see pro surfing in 5 years and what is he doing to stop a rebel tour springing up?