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Here, Eithan, winning the Netanya Pro in Iz. | Photo: WSL

Oy vey: Ventura air-boy Eithan Osborne rediscovers Jewish lineage! Will surf for Israel at Olympics!

Team Jew just got hot!

What I’d give for a mammy who played for Team Jew.

Israel, as you might’ve worked out, here, here and here, is a joint real close to your ol pal DR’s heart.

Gimme a two-bedder in Tel Aviv, a handful of shekels, a top-heavy Jewess fresh out of the paratroopers but who still carries a loaded pistol which bulges out of fitted army pants and I’d be a happy man.

Ventura surfer, Eithan Osborne, who is nineteen and who already carries passports from France and from the USA, has a Jew mammy and, therefore, has decided he’s going to swing for the great, brave, beautiful nation of Israel at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics.

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Eithan, a Hebrew name which you pronounce A-ton, was courted by the head of the Israeli ISA when he won a WQS event there.

And, according to the Israeli Surfing Association website, Eithan just inked the deal.

Kanoa, Japan.

Tatiana, Brazil,

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Eithan, Israel.

Who’s next to turn their back on their country, do you think?

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39 Comments
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shootsthen

What are the requirements to compete for a country in the olympics? Seems like any connection is ok. I really, really like Gyros from Budapest; maybe I could be on the Hungarian surf team?

Munga's Berries

Funny how differently people interpret things. Based on Hippy’s grammatical choices (is instead of are, nazi instead of Nazis) I read it as the Israeli PA was nazi, like the Soup Nazi or a grammar nazi, strict and exacting, in a popular culture sense.

Ed

One thing I think about and no ones mentioned is the Olympics will not be like wsl.

There will be drug testing and a positive result will see you kicked out of the event publicly.

Everyone has time to get clean if they started a year ago ?

Hippy

Not me amigo. I distrust all religion equally and their port authority is fucking nazi…. funny how they became what they escaped.

Hippy

Not so fond of the country amgio, but the women are solid. Military service toughens them up a bit.

I was glad to leave.

Hippy

A word to our single brethren that love aggressive women. The waves in Tel Aviv suck shit, it is so crowded and no one exhibits any courtesy in the water, NONE, but the women are off the hook.

slaters foot

I wonder how he feels being Palestine’s least favorite surfer

Owen's Outgoing Tide

does this mean he’ll have to do military service? i’m not sure a medal will make a good shield, but i guess we’ll find out.

Hippy

great call… He’s of military service age

bruddah

What’s the general sentiment in Cali towards Kanoa now repping Japan? Good riddance? Fuck him? Didn’t see any “California’s 1st CT win in years” articles after Balo, so i’m thinking he’s been jettisoned.

Black Rubber

I think it’s more are you from Orange County or not? If you’re not, Fuck him. Nothing to do with Japan. Wouldn’t be in a position to speak for those who live in OC. Also, fuck them.

Hippy

Fuck the OC.

Dick Simmons

Nobody cares. He also moved to Portugal years ago.

James Bickerton

A bloke from Elouera in Sydney just won the Open Men’s Division at the Canadian National Surfing Titles in Tofino ,British Colombia. Well done Shambles ! Much prefer him surfing for Canada than digging holes for Australia …

Munga's Berries

Was up that way on holiday and caught the finals, Campbell surfed well.

Fun fact: 2/3rds of the men and women’s Canadian national team, and an alternate, are from somewhere that isn’t Canada (HB, Maui x2, Sydney, CR).

Student8888

Brisa Hennessey switched from Hawaii to Costa Rica. Bourez switched from Tahiti to France. I know tahiti is a republic of France.. but i got to believe the switch had to do with the Olympics.

James Bickerton

France and French Polynesia is a complicated one . Surfers from Guadeloupe and Réunion Island are actually living in French Departments / Regions away from the mainland while French Polynesia is a country attached to France with its own Currency etc . Made even more complicated since they surf , in the same WSL region as Hawaii whose Surfers will surf for the US ?

Student8888

The Hawaii/Tahiti region is based upon geography and no nationality affiliation is attached in any organization – WSL, ISA etc.. Hawaii surfers are competing under the USA flag for Olympics. That is why Tati and Brisa switched as they would have to outrank Carissa, Malia, coco, Lakey or Courtney and now Marks. As far as Bourez, I just googled List of Summer Olympic Countries and Tahiti is NOT one of them. So that explains his nationality switch.

James Bickerton

His dad is French and in Surf Session ,the French Surf Magazine , Michel has always been for as long as I can remember treated as one of them , ie French !
https://www.surfsession.com…

Student8888

Oh I get that. I have many Tahitian friends who look like pacific islanders but have french surnames, are fluent in french but have always considered themselves “Tahitian” and not French. So after his entire surfing career both amateur and pro, the only logical reason for Bourez switching his nationality on paper is for the Olympics.

James Bickerton

I understand your Tahitian Friends identifying themselves as Tahitian and not French like those who live on the hexagon a 1/2 a world away. I identify as being from Elouera and not Cronulla even though it’s only 300 metres from the Dunnies to the Alley ? UP THE DUNNYHANGERS !

channelbottom

But on a not-so-funny note:
https://www.theguardian.com…

channelbottom

That photo clearly illustrates his massive cock.

So massive, he has a special wetsuits made to let have its own comfort zone. Like those weird socks with individual toes.

Pity he only has one arm. I guess he’s like Bethany. I’d love to hear the story of how it happened.

Actually, no, I wouldn’t.

James Bickerton

I’m Jake the Peg, diddle-iddle-iddle-um
With my extra leg, diddle-iddle-iddle-um …..

ST

Semi surprised on of the Aussies boys or girls hasn’t cashed in on a kiwi parent.

Mild mannered civil servant

Dingo Morrison wearing the silver fern in 2020…

ST

Or Rasta haha

Low wide stinkbug stance

I’ll give you the tip, anyone high up in qs rankings from aus/us/Brasil will cough up the $ to get a Dominican republic passport.
Kelly’s rich, he can probably do it.

Chief Hot stuff

Can i be on the italian team cause im catholic
So if yore a jew youre Israeli too?
That shits all fucked up

The Bitchy Crab

It’s complicated!

Chief Hot stuff

I think i might be jewish
I feel superior
How can i be sure?

The Bitchy Crab

Are you the smartest guy in the room? Can you ward off seven marauding armies with a captured uzi from your ditch in the little kibbutz? Were you cleaned of excess skin at birth?

Chief Hot stuff

Definitely , probly, totally
But i live for barbecued pigs and prawns so …
No tora tora tora for me

Munga's Berries

Don’t abandon hope, that shit is only a problem for Orthodox Jews. Be an unOrthodox Jew.

Source: two of my closest mates are Jewish, they dine on more swine and shellfish than anyone I know.

James Bickerton

Ask your mum . If her name is Sarah Cohen or Eismann , Kaufmann etc you are in with a huge chance ? Shalom .

Chief Hot stuff

So basically there is no way of knowing or proving
Thought so.

James Bickerton

Do you have a Roman Nose ? Roaming all over your face ….?
Or are you in denial like this bloke ?
https://m.youtube.com/watch…

Wilbur

I’m 2 generations removed from Russia, can anyone get Vladimir on the phone to see if they have any slots on their surf team https://uploads.disquscdn.c… ?

Dick Simmons

I just emailed the President of Armenia my sponsor me tape.


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