Ugly American: I just shouted at the kind and thoughtful Pete Devries live on Canadian radio!

Olympic surf talking!

There I was, sleeping the tortured sleep of the mentally unwell, when I heard my phone buzz furiously on the nightstand. I grabbed it and smashed its top button in order to silence then peered through bleary eyes at the screen. Who on earth would be calling at the ungodly hour of… 4:50 am?

It was the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, or CBC, live from Toronto.

Hell.

I had forgotten, days earlier, that I had agreed to come on the air and talk about surfing in the Olympics, taking, of course, the “surfing in the Olympics is a stupid idea and doesn’t belong” side. I hopped out of bed, ran downstairs and called back. A kindly producer answered first ring and walked me through the order. There would be two segments before they got to the issue of Olympic surfing, the host would introduce me and then we’d chat.

It all made sense I told him, listening to a discussion of soybean production  in western Canada in the background.

Ten, or so, minutes later I heard the host broach the Olympic surfing topic and then toss to “a surf journalist based near San Diego, California.”

I came out of the gate as hot as I could, though still morning addled, trying to tie thoughts together in a semi-coherent fashion, laughing heartily when the host told me that surfing would bring in a youthful audience, barking back that surfing is an old person’s game now ruled by grumpy locals.

She lost her train of thought in the middle, which made me sad because it was certainly my barrage of nonsense that threw her so, but she found her footing and said, “We have someone on the other side who thinks surfing will be wonderful in the Olympics, professional surfer from Tofino Pete Devries.”

“Pete Devries?” I thought. “Damn it. Pete Devries is the nicest man in the world.”

I don’t recall ever meeting Pete but have heard only very good things. He’s kind, thoughtful and extremely talented and now, here he was talking about how fun it is for Canadian kids to have this Olympic opportunity, how his nine-year-old son enjoys competitive surfing etc. And there I was guffawing, muttering about how surfing is a form of rebellion and picking a winner in Japan’s tiny waves will be embarrassing.

Surfing was last a form of rebellion in 1983.

Red Bull’s Cape Fear just picked a winner in Shipstern’s tiny waves.

I kept up, hammering that surfing fitting itself into the Olympic criteria is a capitulation against its very core while Pete said kind and thoughtful things about more people getting to experience what we all love so much and then it was over.

And I’m very sorry, Canada. I’m sorry for saying “heck” and “dang” (I was told not to curse) and for flopping around semi-lucid in front of your national treasure.

While I still think surfing in the Olympics is a stupid idea and that it doesn’t belong, I will be cheering the red maple leaf for all the sports that do, like racewalking and dressage.