Welcome to Marton, England.
Captain Cook, as you well know from the historically significant book Welcome to Paradise, Now Go to Hell (buy here), was likely the first European to witness surfing and let us honor the work by reading a passage together.
The history of surfing itself is as shrouded in fog as any ancient art and it certainly was an art as practiced in Hawaii. It involved praying, carving boards from giant koa trees, and showing off for topless babes on the beach. Tongans, Samoans, and Tahitians all take credit for being the first “wave sliders.” It was the Tahitians who were first observed, by a European, riding waves in 1767. Captain Cook and his men witnessed surfing in 1769, also in Tahiti, on their first journey and in Hawaii on this their third.
Well, it turns out that Captain Cook was a beach living man himself, hailing from the small town of Marton which has since been swallowed by the larger Middlesbrough there on jolly England’s north east side. Our J.P. Currie might know of a worse place to surf but I can’t seem to find one. The waves, freezing and toe-high, are unable to push an anorexic VAL on a 12-foot softboard. The sky, perpetually grey but these facts don’t even begin to dent the locals’ passion for the “Pastime of Kings.”
They love it!
And I love the sorts of little BBC interstitial programming that gets shown on long haul flights to London Heathrow.
Let’s watch together and pretend that’s what we’re doing. Flying to London Heathrow together on some fun adventure like… I don’t know to Piccadilly Circus.
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Sounds like Kelly couldn’t stand it and put his foot down, um the good one I reckon.
They really are making something out of nothing there with that slop.
Skinny Gwynn !!!!
Some cunt once pretended to be me on Twitter. Got hold of a pic of me, started an account and began posting crap to all kinds of people. It was fucked up. Twitter responded with a lethargy you’d associate more with some kind of barely known tropical variety of slug. I was only saved by none other than Kelly, who posted something to the effect that no, it’s not Nick. Eventually the account was scrubbed. That was ages ago but I tell you what, whoever did it best not identify himself to me personally.
That’s not Tony Clifton!
What’s that outrageous get-up he’s got on?
What’s with his hand? Did he get surgery for that?
Looks like some sorta elephant man shit going on there.
This guy? https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
You can still re-enact his ending down the road at Milolii Beach Park. Just show up with enough cold beer for everyone, then stick around long enough for it to run out.
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They both have their aesthetic attractions for different reasons.
I’m taking a dump and reading BG comments.
Appropriate use of space. Up ^
You see, do this at the beach and regain our image and line ups.
That’s so funny cause I just sat down and that’s the first thing I’ve read.
I’m sure it’s a good article but.
Yeah I dunno who he is. Seems like he knows the industry.
Padre Fan81
There’s a left hander
Not too far from there that is
Raglan’s little bro
Perhaps where the surfing expression to describe perfection , IT IS COOKING , is derived from ?
Locals Only No Outsiders?
This place looks a lot like the last place I surfed in the Baltic Sea with the exception that Marton looks almost sub tropical , the waves much smaller and unbelievably uncrowded ? I enjoyed the Video but thought the BBC let themselves , and the former famous English sense of humor down by not expanding on Cook’s discovery tale and that after being taken for a god by the local surfers, they thought , somewhat like Christians eating the body of Christ , that it would be a Good Idea to invite him to a post surf BBQ and EAT HIM !
It ain’t a real luau until the Captain is Cooked.
More and more i am appreciating the double meaning of the Australian term ‘cooked’.
Mahalo Opu . Possibly not the best way to Brexit a party ….. ?
You lot in the colonies can do one. It takes proper commitment to paddle out in these places to have an astonishingly mediocre experience. Expecting things like clear water, not having a year round eye infection or actually surfable waves is for the weak. #NoPalmTrees
Fuck your shit cunt country. Damp shithole with no waves.
who you calling “smoggie”!? bloody southerners
oh, right. 😉
You’d have to source the fuck out of a story like that. I certainly ain’t touching it in a comments section. On the whole, though, the surf media is not set up to report out this kind of thing.
I also agree re sourcing, but I disagree about the role of any media niche, bar striaght-up advertising rags. People have failed before. Remember? Only coming along later to roll around in the aftermath like a dog in shit at the park.
Yeah well I didn’t get to read this accusation, but I’ve followed up quite a few others on various comment sections, and not once has the person been able to offer any evidence for his accusation (it’s always “his” btw).
I reckon some people just want to sound like they know some dirt, then when someone says “OK tell me where the dirt came from”, they get scared and run away.
Still there. I’m glad you’ve chased these before.
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OK first stop Sean.
You go girl!
Love it on the hole.
Chas, does it twist your nipples that Ashton is in no contest? it fucken twists mine. it used to be good.
I haven’t seen any of them yet! Is it his star turn? Does he glow?
like a lighthouse with a brown nose and a beanie.
He’s destined for greatness!
If by ” greatness” you mean waist size 44.
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oh does he glow as he talks to the camera, then realizes Carissa and Leo are leaving with out him… ha!
Upvote x10
Oh man.. I seen this goodbye to “Riss and Leo” and couldn’t help but wait to post it here when appropriate. Good work triple m!