I triple-dog dare you.

Brain eating amoeba, once allegedly featured in the Waco, Texas BSR wave pool, is a very scary name. Amoeba is bad enough. Once, I contracted amoebic dysentery in either Egypt or Jordan, likely from trying to develop a cast iron stomach by drinking tap water. Anyhow, there I was in Aqaba on the Red Sea feeling fabulous, going to sleep then waking up a few hours later with diarrhea.

“Classic.” I thought, went to the bathroom then went back to bed. An hour later I was back. Then 30 minutes. 15 minutes after that I was both diarrhea-ing and puking and that continued until my two great friends rolled me into a hospital. I was so delirious that I don’t remember much. The doctor told me that the amoebas has started eating through my intestinal walls and I stayed in that hospital, hooked to an IV, for seven days.

Maybe they got to my brain too. We’ll never know but I digress. Guess what just popped up on the Big Island?

Rat Lungworm disease.

Have you ever read anything so terrifyingly disgusting? And let’s learn all about it. Let’s head straight to the respected medical journal The New York Post for the most up to date information.

Health officials have now confirmed a total of three cases of rat lungworm disease in travelers who spent time in Hawaii. A report from the Hawaii Department of Health confirms the cases, which are believed to be unrelated to one another.

The disease, which is officially known as angiostrongyliasis but is also called “rat lungworm disease,” is caused by a parasitic infection. The parasite is known to target rats, hence the name, but its life cycle can bring it into contact with humans as well. The severity of the infection can vary from person to person, but the disease can be deadly in some cases.

The parasite in question, a rat lungworm, has a habit of infecting rodents which can spread the parasite through feces. The parasite is known for hitching a ride on slugs and, when a rat finds one of the slimy critters to feast on, the rodent becomes infected and the life cycle begins anew.

In humans, the parasite can wreak havoc on the nervous system. Late last year a man died after eating a slug on a dare resulted in a rat lungworm infection that left him paralyzed. He remained in a compromised state for eight full years before he died. One of the three infections confirmed by Hawaii health officials appears to have happened in a similar way.

“One of the individuals visited East Hawai‘i in December 2018 and became infected by purposely eating a slug on a dare,” the state Department of Health explains in a statement. “The individual became ill in late December and was not hospitalized for their symptoms.”

Would you eat a slug on a dare?

I don’t think I would.

What is your favorite archetype?

The waiting period for the fourth stop on tour opens today and how thrilled are you that Margaret River is still on tour? How over the moon? It is a perfect place for the world’s best surfers to come ply their trade as it has everything from scenic backdrops, hearty locals, multiple waves ranging from scary good to scarier better and terror below.

Margaret River is as close as the World Surf League has to a blockbuster film, like Avengers: Endgame, and it’s difficult to imagine it getting pulled out of multiplexes but it almost was and just last year.

Who could forget the multiple shark sightings and attacks that led to the cancellation of the event, its moving to Uluwatu and possibly never screening in Western Australia again?

Well, magic was made behind the scenes to keep the show going on until 2021 and this year’s cast is the best ever. Reluctant leading man John John Florence is back and sitting atop the Jeep Yellow Jersey Sand Dune Aerial Leaderboard. “Ingénue” Kanoa Igarashi nipping at his heels. “Bad boy with a heart of gold” Jeremy Flores is in the top ten and “hard-luck heartthrob” Julian Wilson needs a result just to keep from being let go.

And two great stars have been recast in wonderful new roles. Gabriel Medina as the “damsel in distress” and Kelly Slater as the “hardboiled cop.” Let’s turn to the Australian Broadcasting Corporation to listen as they get into character.

The Margaret River Pro, held in the south-west of Western Australia, was abandoned mid competition last year after two non-fatal shark attacks occurred on the same day.

The two recreational surfers had taken to the waves in Gracetown, 15 kilometres north from where the competition was being held, when they were bitten.

It prompted Brazilian’s Gabriel Medina and Italo Ferreira to take to social media with claims they did not feel safe surfing in the area.
Despite his safety concerns last year, Medina has returned to Margaret River.

The reigning world champion said the extra safety measures announced for this year’s competition helped to lure him back.

“Last year was a tough one, everywhere we were surfing, we were seeing sharks,” he said.

“This year, they’ve put in place more security — jet skis, drones and planes.

“I feel much more confident.”

Justin Majeks from Surfing WA, which has helped to organise the competition, said this year a drone would take to the skies to protect surfers.

“It’s a dedicated drone that will essentially fly all competition day, pretty much from first light,” he said.

He said there would also be a fleet of jet skis and trained water patrol staff on duty.

Surfing legend Kelly Slater is on his final year of the pro circuit and said he felt comfortable in the Margaret River water.

“I’ve never really had much of a fear of sharks,” he said.

Oh I just love it. I absolutely just love it and will be on the edge of my seat, munching popcorn and cheering on the bad boy. Always my favorite archetype but what’s yours?

Who are you hoping will steal the show?

#surfranchwedding

Are you a fan of weddings? Cute ringbearing boys and cuter flower girls? Matching bridesmaids’ dresses, matching groomsmen cummerbunds? The blazing 2:00 pm sun shining overhead, mother-in-law tears dripping on new Michael Kors dresses, father-in-laws toesies hurting in new Cole Haan shoes? Korbel Brut raised high while best men and maids of honor regale attendees with lightly embarrassing stories?

I’m going to be honest with you here, like I always am. I don’t like weddings (besides my second and final), especially since they are usually at 2:00 pm thereby gutting the day/weekend and somewhere annoyingly difficult to find, headache inducing, filled with shallow conversation, not fun and generally not funny.

Then again, I was never invited to a wedding at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch and it’s true. Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch is now open for the wedding business and could you imagine anything more wonderful, more glorious?

If you’re thinking about getting married but haven’t yet please convince your significant other that a Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch wedding is the only way to go. I know from experience the food is good, the staff is impeccable and no beach on earth can conjure this on demand.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bx7uAVYHclW/

If you need more convincing then you love Korbel Brut.

Here’s to the happy couple!