And a miracle! Kelly Slater back in favour with judges.
One of the chief characteristics of our post modern age is a kind of wilful denial of reality. Or the creation of your own wholly separate one.
Once you are in the bubble, getting pissed on by your own people in your own tent as Derek Hynd put it to me, all that matters is the judgement of fellow travellers.
Example from the booth on a crazy today in Keramas perfection was Luke Egan telling us how there was no difference between freesurf Jack Freestone and contest Jack Freestone.
You kidding me, Luke?
Jack served up more soft turns and safety surfing and even a tried to sell judges a cold fish in a wet sock as a winning score against a rampaging Jeremy Flores. That was one heat that judges, thank Allah, got right.
Judges doubled down on crazy. Top seeds choked, one after the other.
It was like LBJ’s nightmare domino effect except instead of South-East Asian countries falling to communism it was world title contenders failing to execute.
The first to fall was Gabriel Medina.
One giant huck, a big athletic man sent into space ended in a fall out the back. He tried to claw back against Leonardo Fioravanti with chunky power hacks which left judges unmoved. A pair of fives in perfect Keramas had Joey and Pottz flummoxed in the booth. Set waves went unridden or unmade by poor positioning. It came to one set wave which Leo attacked. Gabe hucked again and fell and out.
The next heats were painful to watch. It turned your mind, as Strider astutely noticed, to “scrambled eggs.” Tubes not made by Mikey Wright. Two wobbly backhand hits from Ace given a 6.93. About the only fiction that wasn’t repeated was the one Luke Egan had been cherishing. That the standard of performance this year was a big improvement on last year.
Highlights shown from last year and 2013 made a mockery of that call.
Over the years I’ve been a huge critic of Jordy Smith, on the grounds of safety surfing and choking, now a huge fan. As much for the homespun wisdom and very cleverly disguised pass-agg jibes at the WSL as the power and repertoire.
Jordy looked magisterial. It had to be a Jordy/Filipe final. The perfect face-off between speed and power. The best turn of the day came from Jordan’s hand, or feet. Judges barely moved. It was judged less than a five.
Surely the big man would put this lineup into his loving arms and squeeze the life out of it. Like a first time Australian adventurer does when he discovers the world of gender fluidity down a Kuta back alley. If you get my drift.
And no, it was never proven.
Jordy looked magisterial. It had to be a Jordy/Filipe final. The perfect face-off between speed and power. The best turn of the day came from Jordan’s hand, or feet. Judges barely moved. It was judged less than a five.
Luke was shocked.
Then Jesse neatly threaded a “backpacker” barrel to take the lead. It was weird. It was wrong. Speed, power and flow. Innovation. Committment. Combination of major manoeuvres. Sensing a riot Strider told the booth to get back in their wheelhouse. Still doesn’t make it right.
Jordy was cooked.
You a fan of folk electronic glitch dude James Blake? If you cut Julian Wilson’s heat to his glitch classic Wilhelm Scream the lyric would transpose perfectly.
I don’t know about my dreams
I don’t know about my dreamin’ anymore.
All that I know is
I’m falling, falling, falling, falling.
Might as well fall in.
He fell and fell.
And that was it.
Game over, year over, for Jules.
Heat two in the Round of 16, the sixth heat of the day. Three hours into perfect waves before two pro surfers finally came to grips with it. I haven’t been able to develop any fond feelings for Wade Carmichael but it’s time to call him for what he is: the premier power surfer on tour.
Judges undercooked his opener, which was as good or better than his second scoring wave. Power and edge work with turns of differing length. A long arc back into the bowl and a short sharp punch to the lip. Johnny Duru., can we claim him for Australia?, would have won many other heats but not against the Avoca Jesus today.
“I’ve seen a lot of people struggle,” said Luke Egan.
I like Luke. There are two versions of him. A sort of artificially revved up version which appears to be the result of some kind of media coaching and then the monotone drone guy where he forgets he in the booth and just wanders all over the place.
I prefer the latter and find it intensely relaxing. I would have called the performances gobsmackingly inept.
But that was all forgotten when Filipe Toledo paddled out against Ryan Callinan.
My theory about the judging panel is based on the biological science of Predation. Predators develop a search image and when they see prey that matches the image they attack. Judges develop a mental image of good surfing and scale according to how closely it matches.
Filipe was cruelled by Rhino at France last year in softly lit beachbreaks. That was a comp where he could have sewn up a title winning lead before Pipe. Little cats paws danced across the water at Keramas as the faintest zephyr of onshore wind blew across the lineup and FT started with a little soft shoe shuffle disco floater. An unmade air followed. Ryan looked solid, but unspectacular next to FT.
More Ace than Gabe, as Derek Rielly pointed out.
My theory about the judging panel is based on the biological science of Predation. Predators develop a search image and when they see prey that matches the image they attack. Judges develop a mental image of good surfing and scale according to how closely it matches.
Historically, the greats bend the scale to their will. The last to do so being Dane Reynolds. Filipe was accorded the template of good surfing for Keramas. Thus, according to the theory, he would receive the heretofore unawarded excellent scores.
So it came to pass.
A deep speed slice into the wave, so fast and rotated that the breaking lip covered him as he changed rails followed by aerials and lip punches smashed through the excellent ceiling.
Can he be beat? Not in this mood, not with this repertoire.
Kelly, kelly kelly. Halfway through the heat he looked like a bug smashed against the windscreen of a B-double rumbling across the Nullabor Plain.
That B-double was Michel Bourez’s power attack. And it was relentless. He was smashing Kelly.
Kelly rode a set wave like it was 1998. A weird opening turn, half lip hit, half floater before a smooth roundhouse cutback. Judges were not amused. No way judges will pay weird turns in 2019, Kelly, I said to the screen.
Am I the only one that talks to the screen? I only started after reading those essays from Norman Mailer where he said he spoke to the TV, and believed it made a difference.
Six minutes to go. If you lined up every heat end to end where Kelly has taken a heat in the last six minutes you could fly to the moon on it. Kelly needs a 7.23.
No chance I thought. Not a chance in hell. Not on this scale. Kelly hasn’t got over a seven since they juiced him at Surf Ranch last year. He stole under Michel with priority and threaded a neat little tube and then threw that weird flat layback snap right into the pocket. A move the judges rejected at D-Bah.
The mood amongst the commentariat was grim. Not enough, they cried. A surge of adrenalin thickened in my throat. My god, they are going to give it to him! 7.53. More than enough.
A miracle! Kelly is back in favour.
Did you comment live here today?
Did it feel somehow, like we had taken something back. Something that by osmosis, by weight of history had been taken from us by sharks and carpet-baggers and, let us be honest, very likeable people.
I did.
And now we have Kelly vs Filipe to look forwards too.
Oh God, what if Kelly wins.
Corona Bali Protected Remaining Men’s Round 3 (Round of 32) Results:
Heat 13: Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) 12.73 DEF. Gabriel Medina (BRA) 11.00
Heat 14: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 8.73 DEF. Mikey Wright (AUS) 6.50
Heat 15: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 13.90 DEF. Peterson Crisanto (BRA) 7.60
Heat 16: Jesse Mendes (BRA) 11.20 DEF. Jordy Smith (ZAF) 10.33
Corona Bali Protected Men’s Round 4 (Round of 16) Results:
Heat 1: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) 13.67 DEF. Julian Wilson (AUS) 6.77
Heat 2: Wade Carmichael (AUS) 15.50 DEF. Joan Duru (FRA) 13.87
Heat 3: Jeremy Flores (FRA) 14.17 DEF. Jack Freestone (AUS) 13.00
Heat 4: Kolohe Andino (USA) 11.16 DEF. Conner Coffin (USA) 9.67
Heat 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 15.93 DEF. Ryan Callinan (AUS) 13.47
Heat 6: Kelly Slater (USA) 14.46 DEF. Michel Bourez (FRA) 14.27
Heat 7: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 11.23 DEF. Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) 10.80
Heat 8: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 15.66 DEF. Jesse Mendes (BRA) 5.86
Corona Bali Protected Men’s Quarterfinal Matchups:
Heat 1: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) vs. Wade Carmichael (AUS)
Heat 2: Jeremy Flores (FRA) vs. Kolohe Andino (USA)
Heat 3: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Kelly Slater (USA)
Heat 4: Adrian Buchan (AUS) vs. Kanoa Igarashi (JPN)
Someone below brought up the judges scoring as ‘questionable’. Well, good point, it seems the judges are ‘secluded’ and ‘hidden’ behind curtains where no one can see them so they don’t have to be accountable. I think in every other sport on the planet the judges are in ‘full view’ of everyone–TV cameras included. Olympics also.
Doesn’t this seem a little odd? I dare anyone to tell us a sport where you can’t see the judges. Also, following up on another comment someone made earlier–he suggested that certain higher ups may want to control the outcome to keep viewers interested and tuned in to the Wsl…Well, just thought I’d throw that out there…….
Pottz told me they had good wine. But what we should really be asking is where’s the good ice at?
On the plus side it’s better than Trestles.
“One of the chief characteristics of our post modern age is a kind of wilful denial of reality. Or the creation of your own wholly separate one.”
More ruminations on the Australian federal election??
The reality is that people who live in socialist regimes don’t go on boat trips,
Unless they are related to the power structure that creates their own separate reality from the masses
Relevance to Australia?
We learn from the socialist example of hell
Meaning? Are you saying that a Labor government would be socialist?
Australia’s not dopey like longtom
Well, we can quickly see that you know nothing about Labor’s policies, and you don’t know what socialism is.
Maybe start with a dictionary?
Do you know what a social democracy is?
And no, I don’t vote Labor.
One nation ay?
Fair nuff.
You’d be disappointed- no more Fraser Anning for you 😉
I just think they’d run the country about as well as they run campaigns.
Yes I’m staunchly anti any form of socialism,
It goes against the grain of humanity.
Take a trip to Scandinavia, young bex. Might learn something.
That’s great for them
But here the trade union thugs would have spent that money on hookers, piss and backyard swimming pools before the free bus passes were printed
Germany has union representation on the boards of all large companies. Highest productivity in the EU, and people work far fewer hours than in the Anglo world.
Ive never been employed by someone except myself
I work on incentive, otherwise I’d feel like a robot.
No cunts telling me what to do except me.
That’s why Sweden, Finland and Norway are such poor countries.
Of course ,they all give their money to the govt.
It feels like post Chas and Dave’s meeting with et cetera the whole Wozzle package is wobbling. I’m guessing that the greater majority of staff are surfers, they produce a surf package, they know surf. Along comes Oprah boy with not the first idea about it other than what he read in the intro to EOS and he’s the fucking boss. The whole staff, visibly the talking heads, don’t seem to quite know what’s now expected. The buckle on Turps’ muzzle is so rusted on he has no idea how to remove it while Pottz quite obviously chewed through his (those poor teeth) leaving Joey in a passive apoplectic mess. Ronnie keeps throwing Swellian lead-ins at Luke only to see them fumbled by Rosie in the distance because Luke’s been rendered somnolent trying to read his contract. Perhaps we may have underestimated anorexic Popeye and the unwashed’s meeting. They’re subverting the syestem with platitudes having realised the senior VAL is the wozzle’s own worst enemy?
Do you think Luke is conflicted with his Komune association ? Or maybe he got the gig on the back of his Komune association?
I think he’s still shell-shocked from Depactus
Deepackedanus
Tuned into the Wsl website just out of curiosity. Turpell, Potz, rapping trying to make surfing sound as if its some kind of serious, legitimate sport up there with the NFL. Pretty funny stuff……
pro surfing has always been lame.
nothing new here
Well put.
Surfing is awesome
So is getting paid
contests have always been lame, getting payed to go on surrf trips would be great
Surfing ‘is’ awesome. Corporations exploiting surfing to the masses to stuff their own pockets is not awesome.
Buy shares and enjoy
Its a money go round
Not complicated
Try telling that to Quicksilver, its shareholders and a few others after Quicksilver had to file for Bankruptcy……
Jeez
You need tucking in at nite too?
Your new avatar is pretty hot. I might have to go wake up the missus.
She’s so fine
The aussie Queen of Hollywood.
I have a couple of guesses, but I’m not certain who it is. I’m not real current on my celebrities, unfortunately. But whatever, she doesn’t need a name, just looking at her is enough.
Leo’s wife in wolf of wallstreet.
Wow. Just looked her up. Wow again! And she’s Australian, with that heart melting accent your women have. Guys not so much. Well there’s one Hollywood celebrity that I will keep an eye out for.
Two things to take away from the above Longtom summary.. the standard of surfing, in Mens CT this year, except for the odd few standout performances, has gone backwards.
The standard of judging this year, is stuck in reverse gear, with a deep ditch behind them.
Agree with cup ‘o tea.. the ‘commentators’, (read paid propaganda enablers), are abysmal, woeful, jarring, cringeworthy and generally unlistenable to.
Pottz starting to sound neurotic, Turpel the terrible along with his diametric opposite, monotone Louey, ‘pretty vacant’ Rosie, Kaipo redefining manafactured hype and freneticism, Strider, ‘out there’, with his Balinese beach fishermans woven hat, Ron dog doing the barking blue heeler, and the septic tank they wheeled out as representing Bali surfers, (where is Rizal Tanjung?)
All said, a much better viewing experience with the sound muted..
Hey, hey, hey… I quite like watching Rosie. Just stare at her and think deviant thoughts. Way better than staring at the guy commentators and listening to them bloviate.
Personally prefer to view the contests with the sound muted…
Don’t have to hear any of them.. they add nothing to the viewing experience.
Re Rosie moniker.. Was a take from ‘Pretty Vacant’ by the Sex Pistols
Oh we’re so pretty
Oh so pretty
We’re vacant
Oh we’re so pretty
Oh so pretty
A-vacant
Don’t ask us to attend
Cause we’re not all there
Oh don’t pretend ’cause I don’t care
I don’t believe illusions ’cause too much is real
So stop your cheap comment
Cause we know what we feel
Oh we’re so pretty
Oh so pretty
We’re vacant
Oh we’re so pretty
Oh so pretty
A-vacant
Scripted!
You can’t …
Can’t sleep, so I’ve caught up a bit now but to be fair, I now don’t know why I bothered. I get the feeling the judges are feeling similar. Probably half-asleep at the wheel.
Thin lipped, close to shore, warm almost South American in vibe and temp. Safe. Arrr Keramas. Bring on Margaret River where the coast is now dotted with speakers that regularly make very loud siren noises and say “do not enter the water!” when sharks are spotted. Where once very popular surf breaks are closed for months at a time due to multiple rotting whale carcasses. Where tagged sharks of 5 metres or more circle recreational boats next to North Point. Where the states tourism body finances the contest that may end up in Bali again. This situation is going to be more interesting than a contest. Multiple games of russian roulette in the ocean.
WC is not the premier power surfer on tour. Solid surfer who would rather do a fun safety snap/carve because his air game is not there. THAT is the truth. I thought the scoring criteria was innovation progression degree of difficulty? Plenty guys can rail through a pro snap on a perfect wall.
Well they certainly couldn’t do it today could they ?
Tenet nosce.You may consider yourself a goddess, the daughter of Saturn and the mother of virtue ? Falsum , faciltus ,mendacium ! One may luck into a tube . Eli H is not yet a man but can match the best guys in the air . But Only Wade Does Wade Turns ! Have you seen what he did at small Haliewa in 2015 , Solid Sunset finals day 2017 and his performance yesterday at Keramas ? Power and Flow , power and flow .
Ok. Wade does good turns. Agreed. Wade does Wade turns. Agreed. The WSL says they want a variety of maneuvers that are critical, innovative, progressive and all that. Pull off a massive air then do a serious gouge. Two gouges shouldn’t be rewarded as highly on a small wave. That’s how guys like Ace make it through heats. I honestly prefer the old school smooth stylish power snaps of WC but the criteria is moving more towards gymnastics. Crap I’m going on a tangent…
Variety is nice and no one , certainly not me , complained when Felipe dropped a 10 for throwing exactly the same air ,two Alley Oops 50 m apart on one wave at JBay in 2017 ? Excellent surfing is excellent surfing in all its forms ? Now I did airs for about 20 years but slowly stopped to protect my body and my ego ( fragile ) and could definitely have done two long floaters and a lay back snap in a heat , but not as 2019ish as Kanoa’s 8 , but I just don’t have Wade’s body shape so I really appreciate what he does and I could never do ?
I agree. I’m just saying that if they are saying combination of major maneuvers then they should stick with what they say. Or not. Whatever. Case in point is the KI 2 floaters and a snap for an 8. In my book I don’t give a damn about combination of moves. Ripping is ripping. I’m just calling out the WSL.
Mick Fanning was the king of doing combinations that the judges loved. They were obliged to give him high scores.
Italo is probably the goofy that’s doing it now.
I actually preferred the late 80s early 90s when guys would do the same turn 5 times, each one more vertical.
That’s good insight about Mick and Italo. It feels like there is a new crew of judges and they are trying to figure it out. They may have just figured that giving everybody 5’s doesn’t work out because they get screwed when there’s not much waves and the guy who should be winning the heat didn’t win. They really need to just reward the better surfer with the better score and not worry about hurting the guys feelings. I’m 49 now so I here you about the good old days. My top 5 in the late 80’s were Curren, Carroll, Occy, Potts, and the up and coming Sunny G. Clean style go fast and slam it hard. And I’m not saying the new crew is not doing that and then some. Just giving respect to the guys who came before.
Just remember, the Wsl is ‘not’ your friend, they want more mainstream exposure, more people in the water, more crowded -line ups-.You can live without pro surfing–leave it for the surf star groupies…..
Have you ever cupped the balls of a “Surf Star” Freerider? its heady stuff, very intoxicating.
I think, judging by his painfully repetitive vendetta against them, that he must surely have been buggered by one?
Listening to the Dan Patrick Show at the moment on an AM sports radio station.
One of their sponsors, a beer brewer not named Michelob Ultra is giving away a free trip to Surf Ranch.
I bring this up cause Dan is well known sports radio show host, commentator for the Olympics and he thinks he’s watched “some surfing Championship in Bora Bora”.
FFS Wozzle, would it hurt to educate some of the staple sports commentating, radio show personalities on Pro surfing. Does you no good when they’re announcing on nationally syndicated radio show that your championships are in Bora Bora.
Naw, let’em stew in ignorance.
I agree. It’s important to give the WSL good advice here on BeachGrit. For the sake of never-follow-grumpy-locals’ advice principle, the WSL wouldn’t dare follow such given here, even if it would benefit them. Imagine the repercussions. All the more important for us to give it then.
I bow to your superior surf-related logic.
Depending on the results , I sometimes appear to be suffering from Tourette syndrome ……Dis fucking able , bleep , bleep ….
“Intensely relaxing”….
Theory of Predation.
The great Norman Mailer?
And a warning about back alleys in Kuta.
Only LongTom can deliver the goods that escape the common sports writer. Fucking awesome.
IS wade c hacksaw jim duggin reincarnated? Wade “Hacksaw Jim” Carmichael. That shite was mental. Also, that KS/MB heat could’ve gone either way be we would all much rather see KS vs FT. Also Kanoa was ripping
If you go to the WSL site , don’t use their new video watching system but click on events , find event , scroll through to the round 3 heat 12 it is still available .It is true though some videos of heats get lost . Try to find Wilko’s win over Slater at 2014 in round 3 at J Bay ?
mate had jesse and leo and missed 25mill on Rio waida and one above that I dare not think about!!!
Bugger !
Keramas is the worst for me. Heats kick off at midnight, finish at get-to-work time.
I wake up in the middle of the night, cold, clammy. Disturbed, somehow.
Did the baby cry? Was the dog trying to alert me?
Check phone, casually. Not worried about these heats. No chance Medina is losing to Leo.
Medina out.
Nearly all bets off. All that cash…gone.
Insomnia begins. Cold, hot, who knows. Like some invisible bulk has shifted inside.
Baby cries. Dog makes low, guttural growls.
I join them.
Heavy. Almost makes we want to stop gambling.
Nah, it’s fucking amazing!
Haha you’re a sicko! Love it.
If things play out like I hope on the women’s side I’ll have a hell of story!
tell us more.
Nicely written, but I can’t upvote this. Christ fella, take up knitting or stamp collecting or some shit.
I’m just playing with y’all.
I’m fine!
Honest.
Just like Matt Hoy’s Old Surfboard said the “ Bon Scott Lives “ !
Bells, Krui, and now Keramas. It seems he doesn’t care (about winning) anymore the way he used to.
I have asked LT to investigate, but I think he’s still hung over.
Nah, he’s been unlucky. He’ll still have another title by year end.
I wouldn’t ‘bet’ on it.
It’s hard to argue against this knowing how dominant he can be in the second half of the season.
All I’m saying is that he appears to be less concerned with winning heats and more concerned with landing massive backside rotations or crazy upside down projection floaters. To me it seems He’s surfing better than ever before, but he loses heats that he used to win because he’s taking unnecessary risks or because he let’s his opponent catch set waves under his priority.
I think you let Jesse Mendes off very lightly from this overview of the days scoring. That was the most severe beating I have seen in a long while at this level. We all knew it was going to happen. He is a good QS surfer and he got lucky at Sunset. Yes it was unlucky that he was on the low side of the draw and had to face the outgoing tide with a bit of wind starting to hit it……..but that’s his job. And he got slaughtered. Plan and simple.
Bring back the biff LT.
re jules: yeah but did you see the recent cute vid with his kid ; ) ?? +also jackstone with his wee one : )
mitebeamessagehere.
“carpetbaggers” ha.. apropos.
The 80s ARE BACK ! First I saw that Quik was bringing back Echo beach , Stars , Diamonds and Polka dots . Vissla is on the same program . Then I saw a wave with two floaters go excellent from “I think I‘m turning Japanese “ in a heat just after the Goat got a nice little tube to midface Larry Layback , which went mid 7 and might have got a 10 at the local boardriders comp when Kelly was 15 mid 80s ? I’m thinking of dusting down the fluoro green SKY , breaking out the Piping Hot white smooth skin spring suit and partying like it 1989 ……If only Joe Turpel could just remind me who won that year …..?
Ps How beautiful was Wade’s Flow ? Haven’t seen him surf at that level since Sunset 2017 !
I thought the same thing.
backside snaps and floaters.
Its like the irons brothers never happened
On the money Ck T !
He Did !
In the preamble before the first heat of the day.
89 World Champ, Martin Potter.
Rolled clean off the tongue like it never left.
Yea, I agree Wade could win this if he doesn’t get kneecapped by the judges ….
Him or Felipe.